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al tips 6 ways we save money on groceries my favorite little ways to save money being a one car family part 1 being a one car family part 2 all posts about frugality saving money green living cloth diapering 9 ways i m going to be greener at home how to eat less meat green living what i use to clean airing my clean laundry still shampoo free all posts about green living sustainability motherhood miscarriage pregnancy loss pregnancy updates gabe s birth story theo s birth story everything you need to know about babywearing sleep training success without many tears on careers and ladders and motherhood answering questions pregnancy childbirth and motherhood anxiety committment and childbirth oh my all posts about motherhood parenting career business tools i love for administrative tasks how i use them how i organize tasks to do lists my freelance aversary some thoughts on making your life what you want how i make money online why i use the genesis framework why i love redbooth for project task management working from home tips time management strategies how does she do it all she doesn t working mama figuring out child care reader question discerning a career path travel our workcation at the outer banks traveling with a babe costa rica and puerto rico visit part 1 lazing about at a resort puerto rico part 2 eating our way through old san juan where to stay what to eat in puerto rico part one what to do see in puerto rico part two anatomy of a mini getaway western massachusetts toronto canada search how i finally broke my phone addiction february 27 2019 1 comment or phone rules for fellow people who lack self control and balance my post it note via how to break up with your phone i have struggled with a love hate relationship with my phone for soooo long i love that i can text my friends and family and keep in touch i hate how i can lose hours of time staring at a little screen and come away feeling icky and annoyed with myself i love how i can listen to podcasts and audiobooks i hate how i feel pulled away from the present moment by the ability to be entertained 24 7 i used to get frustrated at my phone because my calls would get cut unexpectedly while i was talking so i would use my phone even more to try and figure out why it was happening i don t want to jinx anything but i think i finally finally have it figured out my screentime is down 40 and i feel less sucked in by my phone here is what has worked for me my phone guidelines set my downtime from 7 pm till 9 am so i start and end my day without losing time on my phone screen time on iphone turned off all notifications except text and phone call s yes even email also turned off all my badges so the numbers don t make me feel behind got an app that sounds a gong every hour to remind me to be present deleted instagram it was my last social media app now i have to access it through my browser on my phone which is more annoying so i do it less the big downside is i can t message people on ig anymore and i do really miss that turn off my phone and don t use my computer for 3 hours every morning after i put eleanor down for her morning nap i turn off my phone and don t touch it till 3 hours have gone by it s amazing what that does for our mornings i put my phone on airplane mode if we need it for a book or plug it in in another room with the ringer on if i m expecting a call set up limits in screen time iphone setting 0 minutes for social media and 2 hours for other apps useful apps like google maps podcasts texts my library app and phone are always allowed the 0 minutes means i have to consciously choose to say yes every time i want to check facebook or instagram and after 15 minutes it ll make me approve again no screens around eleanor my time with her as a baby is fleeting she s going to be 1 in just 6 weeks i want to make myself be present and slow down when she s around tools that have helped the book how to break up with your phone by catherine price screen time settings on iphone moment is also great bluetooth headphones so i can listen to an audiobook or podcast two ways my phone totally adds value to my life without needing my phone next to me smart speaker we have a google home mini so i can ask about the weather news store hours traffic whatever without ending up in a phone vortex for 45 minutes i m not the only one right i have no idea if this will help anyone else out but i have struggled with wanting to be less connected to my phone for years if it s not something you personally struggle with you might be rolling your eyes geez ash just put down the phone it s not that hard apparently it is that hard for me anyway did you see all those rules i m sure i ll need resets going forward and i have a completely screen free 24 hours coming up this weekend no tv no tablets no phones what will we do tbd but for the first time in forever i feel hopeful that this tiny little screen isn t what i m paying the most attention to in my life and that feels good the story of eleanor april 19 2018 39 comments warning this post will contain mentions of bodily fluid how eleanor came to be i want to write this all down while i still have child care grandparents ftw and it s still fresh in my mind after experiencing a second stillbirth in november 2016 we were done we couldn t imagine trying again and ending with such a devastating traumatic loss i started going to my support group again and found an incredible trauma therapist i went to weekly for 6 months we spent the summer traveling i wanted to know i could be happy again have a good life without another baby it s not so much i was fixated on the idea of third child as much as i wanted to not end my fertility with the trauma of giving birth to babies who had died twice it was just unfathomably heartbreaking and awful to go through i also spent the spring and summer of 2017 getting second opinions i went to four high risk obs mfms around new england to get opinions testing and thoughts i mostly heard there might be a genetic issue with the babies that is undetectable by genetic testing it was maddening to think that even though the autopsies revealed no chromosomal abnormalities there could still be an issue come on science in august the day before our 10th anniversary we saw a doctor in boston who told me i might have a clotting disorder that is undiagnosed and she would prescribe an injectable blood thinner that was my hunch based on the nature of my losses one healthy child two early losses one healthy child while taking baby aspirin one fetal demise with growth restriction one fetal demise with normal growth while taking baby aspirin we decided we d try one last time while doing the blood thinner two weeks later i got pregnant the first day of my pregnancy was our 10th anniversary very auspicious my mfm told me i said i hope so my pregnancy with eleanor i was an anxious mess the end okay well i had gestational diabetes i gave myself the nightly shots in my stomach starting at 4 weeks i found a wonderful ob and mfm at a new practice i had weekly ultrasounds and ob appointments for much of pregnancy my ob was incredibly helpful and validating and compassionate she even texted me when i was having eleanor at a different hospital i m still your person i m still here for you my mfm emailed me back when i had questions i got very lucky with fantastic medical professionals i didn t tell many people i was pregnant i told my parents and siblings halfway through pregnancy when we went home for christmas but didn t tell gabe till 24 weeks i didn t tell acquaintances till well into my third trimester when i could no longer hide under a big hoodie or coat i didn t want to make small talk about pregnancy too hard i saw a therapist for ptsd because pregnancy is a form of trauma for me after my losses i didn t start to believe it could end in a live baby until about two weeks before she was born i figured even if couldn t enjoy pregnancy i would enjoy a live baby if i got one so i just tried to make through although my obstetrical history was poor my pregnancy with her was unremarkable aside from diet controlled gestational diabetes until april 10th how eleanor was born i was 34 weeks 3 days pregnant and went to bed i woke up at midnight on april 10th and went to the bathroom my pantyliner felt wetter than usual but i ve had watery discharge before so no big deal it was a little pink so i was slightly concerned and decided i d call my ob s office when it opened had a little more discharge and called the on call ob at 6 30 am he told me to come in to l d and get checked this happened in a previous pregnancy at 24 weeks and turned out to be a harmless infection plus i had tons of anxiety the whole pregnancy always thinking something was wrong it was going to be nothing but i wanted to be sure gabe and theo were born at 40 and 41 2 and i had to have my water broken by midwives in labor so a preemie wasn t on my radar at all but better safe than sorry my ob and mfm constantly told me to come in if i felt worried never made me feel like the anxious wreck i was very validating fantastic doctor women the on call ob checked me she told me that although was the same ph as amniotic fluid it didn t crystallize and they didn t see any fluid when they did a cervical check i could go home and see if i leaked anymore or just stay there i decided to stay mostly because i knew if i went home it d be a bigger ordeal to return the ob told me there was a 90 chance this isn t amniotic fluid my own ob came and i told her i felt stupid and like i was taking up the room for someone who needed it she told me i could skip my appointment tomorrow but i said i d keep it because i had an ultrasound beforehand i pictured myself going home and being pregnant for 5 more weeks remembering that silly time i thought i was leaking amniotic fluid i took a nap then started walking laps around the l d room they had put me in little gushes it felt abnormal but also i am a worrier especially about pregnancy i ve learned to not trust my instinct because my instinct is always alarm bells something is wrong the on call ob came to check me again at noon and things flew from there they quickly confirmed it was amniotic fluid and called an ambulance to take me to the bigger hospital with a nicu they don t deliver before 35 weeks at my hospital then they did an ultrasound and found out the baby was breech after weeks of being vertex head down i called my parents to come from ohio called mike to come pick up our car from the hospital i got a big steroid shot in my bum and a ride in my first ambulance it was all very dramatic i asked about doing a version to turn her but the mfm told me such a small baby with so little fluid risked a cord prolapse so she was born via c section at 7 15 pm about 12 hours after i first arrived at the first hospital no signs of labor and i would have just dismissed it all if i hadn t remembered my friend saying amniotic fluid is often pink the c section was weird all these people in an or getting sliced open and a bit terrifying right before they started surgery the nurse was looking for her heartbeat but couldn t find one i was a bit in shock from it all so life felt like it was in slow motion until i could hear her cry then i couldn t stop saying oh my gosh she s alive over and over recovery hasn t been too bad they whisked her off to the special care nursery and mike went with her she was 4 lbs 13 2 oz 17 75 inches long and scored 8 and 9s on her apgars i m so glad she s here and safe the doctors told me after 34 weeks the risk of cord prolapse or getting an infection from a torn sac is greater than the risks of babies being born early she was in the special care nursery for a week to learn how to eat and keep her temps up but she had no breathing problems and is already up to her birth weight she s an incredible nurser better than my boys were as newborns and she s so much younger we got very very lucky with such a healthy preterm baby i shudder to think what would have happened if i didn t go in to the hospital even though i felt stupid i didn t enjoy my pregnancy at all with her because i was so uncertain i d get a live baby so now i get a bonus 5 or 6 weeks with her on the outside i went from a natural waterbirth on my due date to an induction with an epidural 9 days overdue plus two more inductions with epidurals for my stillborn babies to a preemie c section to say that priorities and perspective have changed in the past eight years is an understatement i feel absolutely no sadness or regret over having a pregnancy with tons of medical intervention and a surgical birth i did have to deprogram myself a bit from the ways i was brainwashed to think less intervention was better but i m so thankful for all the interventions eleanor might not be here otherwise i m grateful to have had all the experiences though i wish i didn t have to experience babies dying to gain this perspective i think i m a less insufferable person for it now back to enjoying my live baby yay ashley web designer vegetarian coffee addict goal setting imperfect mother wife to an academic wannabe minimalist recurrent pregnancy loss survivor i blog about these things and our attempts to live a simpler greener life in a pittsburgh more my instagram follow on instagram more recent blog posts november update december goals filed under personal life updates november update health walk 6 000 steps a day most days i missed once a week so i achieved my somewhat pathetic don t judge me goal 80 of the month to be exact i use an app to keep track of habits some months other months i use a habit tracker in my bullet journal thing my fitness tracker stopped working read the whole post wake me up when november ends filed under personal life updates hello and welcome to my debbie downer corner of the internet want to know why i hate this time of year pull up a chair let me share or click x and escape the sadness november 15 the due date for my first miscarriage a tiny small part of me still thinks i d have a read the whole post a new leaf little leaf filed under career business yes i am a dork your website should be like an extra employee who works non stop 24 7 i recently overhauled my site after i realized it wasn t totally representing what i do well and that there was the potential to add more helpful information to potential clients since i am a referral based business not read the whole post where to live angst filed under personal life updates yesterday i talked about the big where to live we are here in massachusetts but deciding where to live once we landed here was difficult we spent a year living on the edge of a rich suburb a few miles from mike s school we had nothing to walk to and it was fairly dull we read the whole post moving is hard filed under personal life updates it s been two years since we moved from ohio to massachusetts i have found a few incredible friends supportiv...