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Text of the page (random words):
ice that is but if there are no body parts flying or lying around i m happy just a few questions how hot how sandy did you soak your neck keep cool thingy yet have you played pool yet how far is the nearest house of ill repute and do they wear purdah shikis there how many guys have converted to islam how does the non alcoholic beer taste surely the american military is respecting the mores of the locals were you all issued camo 1 prayer rugs how far to mecca did you see limos with flags in kuwait not at all the way i have always imagined mecca do you guys get to ride the jeeps jumping over the dunes like in the opening of rat patrol that would be so cool see the 45 second mark about halfway you wouldn t recognize our house it was being prepared for sale the open house visitors were really happy seeing my bunny who loved having all the attention she was so excited she ate one of the agapanthus entirely out of the ground leaving an attractive gaping hole bless her furry heart do you guys invent games with sand i would and would definitely organize a snipe hunt for the new guys thinking of some weird tracks to leave maybe like a sidewinder but with feet ya know how i told you once that in biology lab chuck and i used to play hot pencils like hot wheels only with pencils and chalk well in iraq i would think of some racing game with objects sliding down sandy inclines maybe something kinda like this fun sandgame companion let s see would also definitely do a latrine near palm trees like an oasis maybe a visit to that appealing spot could be the prize for the snipe hunt or you could do ice cube melting races focusing magnifying glasses on them ooh ooh how about camel contests to see who can spit the farthest of course you have to tie pillows on your backs or does your mouth fail to garner enough moisture out there or maybe the spit evaporates before it hits arabia the land of figs does iraq have figs if so find out what the heck figgy pudding is 2 it always sounded disgusting did you know that the only way figs mature is because a disgusting little wasp climbs inside you won t catch me eating a fig do they give you popsicles maybe i can mail you one what can be said about this popsicle that wouldnt have to be censored well that s enough rambling my favorite part of your first email was the ttfn at the end t hat s t he fi ggy n ews love mom p s good night except i guess it s tomorrow morning just another beautiful day in the land of death footnotes references 1 camouflaged 2 if you really have a hankering for waspy desserts a lovely figgy pudding description photo and recipe can be found here 3 this post did have a fantastic bunny at keyboard photo lifted from the analog blog a k a the daily lagomorph the absolutely adorable bunny filled blog found at david mack s official site however after noticing that the site clearly forbids such lifting without prior permission whoops stop over there and see the cute bunnies and captions though the very cute bunny at keyboard photo used instead is from david dust s blog whom i also didn t ask for permission but his blog doesn t expressly forbid it and if i d asked him he might have said no and he still may but i hope he doesn t david are you reading this next letter please leave a comment filed under funny tagged as humor humor in uniform letters from mom marines military humor rat patrol january 7 2012 5 34 pm moms love their marines letter 2 the moon the stars and craigslist crimes in case you re not following along this is another letter that was sent to my marine son when he was stationed in iraq slightly edited so that he won t hunt me down and kill me if you like order in all things you can get to the first letter here dear justin stings fig fertizing wasps are very teeny like an ant and stingless so bites and stings are not a problem and they leave the figs prior to their ripening if all goes well nonetheless one must assume that at least a few figs come complete with crispy waspy wings and that all figs come complete with wispy waspy waste for more fun figgy facts see below instead of the fact flood i sent justin here s the one that counts when a wasp dies inside a fig an enzyme digests the dead insect making it a part of the resulting ripened fruit the crunchy bits in figs are seeds not parts of a wasp 1 and if you believe that just close your eyes and have another crunchy bite trees line the freeways here in l a oh maybe you mean eucalyptus the tall skinny white ish ones with narrow pointy leaves they only look skinny in nearby orange county over 100 eucalyptus trees lining the road are being removed after a ten ton one fell and killed a driver the house showings have gone ok a very sweet elderly couple is considering buying it for their also elderly housekeeper in gratitude for all she s done for them in response to your other question still have no idea what i m going to do after the divorce but am now strongly considering becoming a housekeeper the starlight there sounds wonderful i miss seeing stars all the time like when i was growing up and am glad you have gotten to see them camping and now the golden moon you described with such delight is called a harvest moon and i ve seen it a few times myself harvest moon oct 2009 by patrick w at celestronimages com don t know what causes it but it is different and beautiful there s even an old song about it that my mom used to sing all the time and i probably sang to you boys when you were little and i could still sing called shine on harvest moon you can google it to hear it 2 for you readers here is the famous singing cowboy roy rogers with his convenient traveling posse of backup singers careful now don t confuse that shiny harvest moon song with this matte finish harvest moon song you say it s getting hotter there how warm does that mean and it s only february well i m off to find something to eat how s the food there same as what you had here oh do you have a roomie is he nice but if you two spoon to the harvest moon don t tell me love mom p s terrible craigslist tragedy someone on craigslist is advertising a peter rabbit covered box so sad i wonder if they glued his little blue coat inside actually a filmbox for the film fish soup by kathleen fox craigs strikes again really too much flagged this one as prohibited since it involves human trafficking small chinese planters for sale footnotes 1 a less condensed version of fig wasp facts is available from the north carolina state department of entymology via howstuffworks 2 free sheet music for shine on harvest moon can be found here 1 2 3 4 and a very different shiny version can be harvested here next letter please thank you leave a comment filed under music tagged as craigslist harvest moon humor humor in uniform letters from mom marines military humor shine on harvest moon january 6 2012 5 40 pm moms love their marines letter 3 vans with plumes ice creams with perfumes two sheep leap over ripe asparagus tips under the harvest moon three sheep leap over ripe asparagus tips another letter sent to my marine son when he was stationed in iraq slightly edited so that he won t hunt me down and kill me when i reveal what style boxers he wears if you like order in all things you can get to the first letter here dear justin listened to all my voicemails today sorry i missed your calls again again good grief was i never going to get to speak to this boy what to do in the middle of the night when you can t sleep i sent this to craigslist under the signature grammar goddess here i had a jokey poem that has already appeared as the first part of another post apostrophe catastrophe almost immediately someone emailed this back dear goddess thank you so much for making a statement about the correct use of apostrophes when i first saw this error on craigslist awhile back i thought it was kind of funny but then i started seeing more more people use it until it began to seem normal yikes now i see it everywhere and people seem to think it s a new rule of punctuation they somehow missed in 3rd grade we must stop this before the ubiquitous apostrophe kills again punctually yours john love oh must ve nodded off there for a minute i m back but am hittin the sack after a snack then lights out a k a black rats now too tired for a snack don t you hate when that happens love again mom p p p p p p s pitifully pathetically perfidiously painfully perilously permanently stupid van stupid van still not fixed stupid van stupid van now tell me what you ve been up to how often do you patrol how is it done how many in a truck are you mostly in the back and can t see out what is guard duty like etc etc is it like this i had no idea what to envision when justin talked about patrols was he in danger how much he was i was one of the luckiest in that he was stationed on an air base instead of doing hand to hand in a town for the most part all he i had to worry about were air strikes on the base or this oh i now eat ice cream which i never liked very much but winnie and i and i go to a persian restaurant and i order rosewater ice cream with embedded crushed pistachios it is like a cross between sherbet and a gelato and tastes and feels like eating frozen perfume i love it it makes me happy just thinking about it she gets something coconut and mango y which is yucky to me but it makes her as happy as i am we just sit quietly and smile at each other while eating tiny bites to make the bliss last ah saffron and rosewater ice cream on that happy dreamy note ahma gonna lay down for a little while and try not to fall asleep before tackling the next job i love you love mom p s for showing the house needed to sew curtains for the laundry porch window didn t have time or energy to get the years old lightly oversprayed paint off lexan is such a pain to clean if you get paint on it that s why the painters were told to use only brushes on that part of the house the lexan would have looked like frosted glass kinda but some little boy had drawn a happy face on it long ago which i happen to love but which clearly demonstrates that it is not frosted glass i ll miss that happy little face in the laundry room when the house is sold looking back at a happy face okay this post officially ends here but the letter actually had a postscript which you can find after the references it s just a creaky old joke references the rear view mirror happy face is from clarity s story that mom loved it because it made her think of looking back at the past with fondness which is exactly why i liked it for my memory s image her site features some of the best family photos you will see close and intimate and focused on joyfulness the photo of the heavenly ice cream comes from my persian kitchen which among other tasty recipes offers one for a yummy sounding persian rose mixed drink the lovely restaurant i used to enjoy my ice cream at was javan on santa monica blvd however if you don t have a persian restaurant in your area but do have access to a whole foods store they now carry a line of perfumed ice creams i didn t check to see if they re available at all stores mashti malone s line of perfumed ice creams available at whole foods the photo in the postscript below is from grateful living and the same joke is on that site but i hadn t known that until i went there to lift the photo really okay here s that postscript s p still p s ing lifelong atheist and proud of it walking on a mountainside spots a big angry bear headed his way god please please please he repeats over and over frantically god answers let me get this straight all your life you ve boasted about how you don t believe in me and anyone who does is a fool and now all of the sudden when you need me you want some proof i exist the atheist ashamed admits it very well then says the lord suddenly the bear stops dead in its tracks and falls to its knees god it says thank you for this wonderful meal you ve set before me next letter please thank you leave a comment filed under life tagged as letters from mom marines persian ice cream pistachios january 5 2012 5 46 pm moms love their marines letter 4 fluff and nonsense ferdinand and the fluffador another letter sent to my marine son when he was stationed in iraq slightly edited so that he won t hunt me down and kill me when i reveal how many stuffed toys he used to sleep with or still does if you like order in all things you can get to the first letter here dear justin hello love mom p s true story bad guy holds up good guy using shotgun good guy manages to wrest shotgun away from bad guy then instead of using it on him as designed good guy proceeds to beat bad guy with gun while holding it by barrel bye bye good guy p p s i bought a mousepad with little cartoon dinosaurs on it not the pad i had but still a bad pad dad p p p s the old lady is very very sick she wound up in the hospital p p p p s naw still got nothing just wanted to say p p p p i ll never grow up yes i laugh at every one of these every time but just think how much happier those of us with simple minds are and now for my midnight popsicle hope i pulled a grape one this time i didn t cheat and peek first i did get grape p etc s i love you i m even advertisin my major love for you and jonah on my new fixin up the house arm references the cool dinosaur mousepad can be gotten here at amazon you can also find tons o cute cartoon looking ones at this link at zazzle next letter please thank you leave a comment filed under funny tagged as humor humor in uniform letters from mom marines military humor january 4 2012 6 32 pm moms love their marines letter 5 god and b f skinner phone you re breakin this mother s heart another letter sent to my marine son when he was stationed in iraq slightly edited so that he won t hunt me down and kill me when i reveal what his favorite barney song was if you like order in all things you can get to the first letter here dear justin thank you for the cd i enjoyed the picture of you the most loved the photo but maybe it s just me being a mom don t these boys look too young to be soldiers was happy that you remembered mother s day over there but of course disappointed to miss your call that day yet again jonah had taken me to the movies for half of his gift and we had our phones turned off this was the third missed call in a row not to put to grim a point on it but any call could be our last military moms out there you know how i felt your living quarters in the tents and now are actually better than what i d imagined looks like if you go on to college you can skip the whole dorm and fraternity thing cause you will have been living it all but the panty raids i hope scots guards in iraq not u s marines but similar quarters to justin s shipping container daily mail regarding what we spoke of when we finally spoke whether people can change their behaviors in the same trigger situations yes i guess justin had been feeling the same doubts we all feel that we are ...