Meta tags:
description=A different sort of expecting.;

Headings (most frequently used words):

the, and, paper, pregnancy, crazies, are, out, there, part, about, in, day, on, so, how, does, it, end, revisiting, visits, duck, coverage, getting, keeping, your, new, baby, insured, other, funny, thing, my, last, post, good, bad, horrifying, depicting, adoption, mass, media, conversations, mommies, stop, give, us, this, our, court, some, thoughts, term, natural, email, subscription, twitter, way, back, machine,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
and (388), the (371), that (158), for (126), #adoption (98), our (86), with (85), this (83), have (81), are (79), but (69), not (67), who (62), you (61), they (57), all (54), there (54), was (54), family (53), can (53), about (51), when (47), their (45), will (44), adoptive (42), from (40), what (37), she (37), parents (37), your (36), his (34), one (33), child (31), has (31), even (30), which (28), out (28), more (28), two (27), know (25), would (23), time (23), those (23), them (23), her (23), other (22), families (22), just (22), than (21), some (21), baby (21), how (21), like (20), mother (20), any (20), were (20), because (20), get (19), now (19), each (19), people (19), don (19), every (19), kevin (19), year (19), way (18), back (18), into (18), own (18), been (18), feel (18), then (18), better (18), should (18), these (17), old (17), down (17), questions (17), could (17), part (16), say (16), also (16), few (16), only (16), son (16), being (16), 2010 (15), children (15), many (15), after (15), another (15), good (15), over (15), others (15), last (14), mom (14), care (14), years (14), parent (14), home (14), first (14), never (14), love (13), maybe (13), before (13), through (13), process (13), days (13), born (13), insurance (13), sons (12), very (12), under (12), things (12), well (12), visits (12), right (12), 2011 (11), paperpregnancy (11), week (11), him (11), make (11), far (11), point (11), day (11), why (11), posted (11), did (11), contact (11), mommy (11), most (11), here (11), respect (11), husband (10), life (10), while (10), little (10), story (10), older (10), past (10), again (10), general (10), issues (10), book (10), really (10), experience (10), open (10), always (10), birth (10), both (10), email (9), blog (9), court (9), someone (9), doesn (9), school (9), its (9), biological (9), find (9), think (9), asked (9), work (9), internet (9), four (9), need (9), same (9), off (9), name (8), comments (8), waiting (8), woman (8), since (8), seems (8), different (8), babies (8), among (8), sense (8), second (8), myself (8), want (8), thought (8), books (8), lives (8), where (8), had (8), mommies (8), cards (8), might (8), birthmother (8), coverage (8), paper (7), may (7), new (7), couple (7), world (7), too (7), much (7), conversations (7), means (7), often (7), yet (7), comes (7), actually (7), come (7), didn (7), several (7), along (7), made (7), went (7), knows (7), exactly (7), understand (7), give (7), anything (7), away (7), still (7), set (7), night (7), let (7), knew (7), said (7), okay (7), hope (7), months (7), line (7), issue (7), ourselves (7), speak (7), com (6), comment (6), pregnancy (6), next (6), women (6), natural (6), concept (6), calls (6), long (6), mothers (6), three (6), word (6), use (6), ever (6), extended (6), case (6), girl (6), sure (6), kind (6), going (6), social (6), stop (6), read (6), least (6), during (6), take (6), teacher (6), worse (6), see (6), between (6), ago (6), idea (6), around (6), already (6), tell (6), recently (6), needs (6), kids (6), completely (6), adopt (6), leave (6), raising (6), self (6), crazies (6), raise (6), medical (6), adoptions (6), pain (6), started (5), everything (5), yes (5), aspects (5), side (5), anti (5), include (5), birthmom (5), lot (5), number (5), call (5), foster (5), morning (5), situation (5), absolutely (5), thing (5), given (5), adopting (5), best (5), anyone (5), happen (5), busy (5), stuff (5), such (5), believe (5), house (5), friends (5), weekend (5), saw (5), weeks (5), enough (5), health (5), told (5), something (5), mean (5), sort (5), comfortable (5), certain (5), try (5), end (5), further (5), choose (5), based (5), fish (5), run (5), adopted (5), expectant (5), potential (5), post (5), crazy (5), until (5), alone (5), doing (5), trust (5), information (5), experiences (5), adoptees (5), money (5), help (5), does (5), company (5), wordpress (4), january (4), address (4), room (4), ways (4), got (4), loved (4), fairly (4), term (4), universe (4), toward (4), rather (4), learning (4), whole (4), either (4), simple (4), bit (4), makes (4), play (4), domestic (4), young (4), seemed (4), definitely (4), beautiful (4), wasn (4), small (4), essentially (4), building (4), city (4), above (4), reality (4), possible (4), hand (4), great (4), teaching (4), taking (4), bring (4), admit (4), coming (4), road (4), half (4), forth (4), upon (4), six (4), put (4), whose (4), kid (4), happened (4), hard (4), job (4), less (4), isn (4), else (4), seeing (4), knowing (4), across (4), within (4), similarly (4), identity (4), choices (4), asking (4), real (4), online (4), expecting (4), dog (4), hear (4), truths (4), five (4), phone (4), uncategorized (4), brand (4), pay (4), agreements (4), couples (4), interest (4), answers (4), adoptee (4), opinions (4), thanks (4), fight (4), stories (4), covered (4), site (3), subscribe (3), february (3), march (3), april (3), june (3), september (3), motherhood (3), matter (3), limited (3), hours (3), brought (3), average (3), circle (3), eventually (3), special (3), friend (3), dad (3), living (3), scope (3), truly (3), against (3), discuss (3), none (3), series (3), moms (3), artificial (3), involve (3), role (3), altogether (3), single (3), looked (3), wear (3), important (3), keep (3), together (3), worked (3), became (3), aunt (3), finalization (3), judge (3), couldn (3), favorite (3), thoughts (3), ground (3), slow (3), spent (3), system (3), parenting (3), full (3), teachers (3), age (3), guests (3), hospital (3), brother (3), close (3), lake (3), left (3), without (3), yesterday (3), barely (3), tags (3), begin (3), once (3), nine (3), head (3), gonna (3), forever (3), figure (3), circumstances (3), harder (3), ask (3), conversation (3), pretty (3), found (3), somebody (3), ready (3), asks (3), needed (3), thinking (3), start (3), worries (3), explanation (3), hasn (3), pictures (3), complex (3), getting (3), greeting (3), seem (3), words (3), space (3), felt (3), treatment (3), birthparents (3), awesome (3), community (3), trying (3), choosing (3), option (3), babycenter (3), ridiculous (3), acknowledge (3), track (3), haven (3), loss (3), rule (3), lucky (3), firefighter (3), thus (3), logistical (3), writing (3), hell (3), fear (3), ignorance (3), jerk (3), cash (3), unless (3), sleep (3), promised (3), cases (3), chosen (3), neither (3), nor (3), paid (3), hands (3), minds (3), fire (3), done (3), followed (3), duck (3), personal (3), individual (3), financial (3), whom (3), institution (3), truth (3), wants (3), country (3), considered (3), endured (3), able (3), argument (3), board (3), choice (3), search (3), question (3), compelled (3), level (3), led (3), employee (3), benefits (3), answer (3), union (3), policy (3), expenses (3), inexplicably (3), bills (3), quite (3), visit (3), awful (3), status (3), feeling (3), death (3), required (2), collapse (2), report (2), log (2), sign (2), join (2), subscribers (2), december (2), october (2), november (2), receive (2), posts (2), biology (2), shared (2), exist (2), ideally (2), someday (2), possibly (2), abandoned (2), nothing (2), upbringing (2), mercifully (2), enjoy (2), using (2), place (2), animosity (2), ideas (2), deal (2), language (2), usage (2), denotation (2), connotation (2), according (2), necessarily (2), occasionally (2), referring (2), placed (2), weren (2), previously (2), aware (2), fact (2), effort (2), relinquished (2), firstmom (2), straightforward (2), relatively (2), become (2), county (2), initial (2), guess (2), matt (2), picture (2), called (2), girls (2), sheriff (2), clear (2), likely (2), involving (2), immigration (2), uncle (2), certainly (2), quest (2), business (2), sat (2), hour (2), covering (2), tattoos (2), front (2), check (2), ins (2), worker (2), final (2), running (2), yourself (2), beyond (2), couch (2), shameful (2), entire (2), stay (2), sick (2), headache (2), eyed (2), times (2), approach (2), minute (2), dozen (2), wacky (2), infertility (2), efforts (2), idiot (2), total (2), physically (2), future (2), bug (2), healthy (2), caught (2), daughter (2), awesomeness (2), middle (2), spend (2), state (2), dividing (2), mark (2), packed (2), headed (2), party (2), nearly (2), backyard (2), welcome (2), recap (2), hiding (2), imagine (2), fathom (2), mildly (2), afraid (2), somehow (2), awkward (2), doc (2), file (2), doctor (2), centric (2), evolved (2), uncomfortable (2), shut (2), easy (2), recognize (2), repeated (2), nice (2), moved (2), tree (2), keys (2), simplicity (2), simplest (2), form (2), fit (2), street (2), picked (2), explained (2), tummy (2), scared (2), grandma (2), talks (2), sharing (2), informed (2), remember (2), dinner (2), add (2), please (2), birthfamilies (2), heartsong (2), movie (2), preparing (2), character (2), stupid (2), sole (2), inclusive (2), wrote (2), compared (2), tone (2), note (2), horrified (2), white (2), rich (2), fabulous (2), category (2), users (2), conceive (2), adspace (2), fertility (2), products (2), processes (2), pet (2), characters (2), live (2), fellow (2), says (2), jokes (2), speed (2), fast (2), feels (2), publisher (2), capitalize (2), noble (2), kidding (2), follow (2), media (2), thumbs (2), seen (2), everyone (2), bad (2), horrifying (2), written (2), everybody (2), paperpregnancymom (2), gmail (2), progress (2), similar (2), sleeping (2), jobs (2), genuinely (2), reflective (2), knowledge (2), babysitter (2), added (2), boys (2), sometimes (2), steps (2), having (2), feet (2), generally (2), looking (2), perhaps (2), staggeringly (2), high (2), application (2), almost (2), letter (2), essay (2), feasible (2), funny (2), multiple (2), ridden (2), badly (2), seek (2), history (2), wrong (2), fare (2), disagree (2), difficult (2), moment (2), volvo (2), aforementioned (2), jason (2), bourne (2), thinks (2), lack (2), jesus (2), otherwise (2), profile (2), shame (2), states (2), legally (2), enforceable (2), justification (2), realize (2), path (2), heart (2), guts (2), unique (2), example (2), narrate (2), price (2), chose (2), lost (2), conditions (2), cancer (2), look (2), situations (2), soon (2), virtually (2), making (2), order (2), insanity (2), build (2), intense (2), throes (2), lose (2), english (2), factor (2), keyboard (2), practice (2), coping (2), mine (2), involved (2), variety (2), members (2), religious (2), lifelong (2), happens (2), bullies (2), themselves (2), pregnant (2), lay (2), readers (2), agree (2), exists (2), willing (2), behind (2), facets (2), agencies (2), however (2), matters (2), war (2), rights (2), countless (2), though (2), cared (2), apparently (2), providing (2), provide (2), received (2), balance (2), strongly (2), clearly (2), indication (2), favorites (2), analogy (2), reunite (2), drive (2), share (2), regard (2), encountered (2), hate (2), mail (2), reconsidered (2), brave (2), frankly (2), changes (2), policies (2), records (2), stance (2), subsequent (2), posting (2), doubt (2), wish (2), direction (2), dialogue (2), sympathy (2), inclined (2), basic (2), longer (2), took (2), rape (2), supporting (2), large (2), bill (2), showed (2), panic (2), reached (2), medicaid (2), concrete (2), twice (2), handled (2), fought (2), cut (2), employer (2), aren (2), opened (2), learned (2), chicago (2), suddenly (2), date (2), meant (2), insured (2), placement (2), department (2), ninjas (2), finalized (2), government (2), including (2), conspiratorial (2), crooked (2), dying (2), public (2), younger (2), benefit (2), collective (2), vital (2), wonder (2), arrange (2), suggest (2), birthmothers (2), increasingly (2), present (2), parties (2), access (2), harry (2), potter (2), reading (2), sake (2), points (2), bigger (2), monumental (2), grief (2), identifier (2), kindergarten (2), episodic (2), design, website, write, loading, bar, content, manage, subscriptions, view, reader, privacy, account, subscribed, 2009, july, august, machine, tweets, twitter, enter, notifications, subscription, page, cemented, circuit, cease, gavel, falls, larger, solve, semantics, glitches, meantime, naturally, comprehensively, abused, neglected, brothers, portions, spectacular, result, broader, aunts, stepped, spoken, girlfriends, journeys, highs, lows, throws, bridal, showers, accused, hypersensitivity, insecurity, progressive, reform, counts, require, meager, expertise, grasp, dictionary, varied, purposeful, fashionable, passive, aggressive, reformers, folk, vehemently, nother, column, worth, common, terms, irritate, mouthful, clinical, imply, potentially, thereafter, obvious, implication, conversely, unnatural, fake, implant, wholly, overlaps, semantic, annoyances, yep, clerk, stamp, approval, represent, fraction, existence, inability, big, diverse, newborn, appearing, created, divergent, infant, excitedly, arms, diaper, bag, carrier, tow, ten, seeking, permanent, flowered, dress, church, sunday, proceedings, clip, documents, junior, deputy, badge, office, stops, forties, teenage, attorney, interpreter, nieces, absence, paperwork, dressed, tattoo, model, citizen, garb, ended, twelve, god, cognitively, played, safe, wardrobing, appearance, gives, fine, celebratory, brunch, diners, volunteering, socializing, combination, flop, watch, marathon, sittings, pajamas, squirreling, blindsided, crippling, cleaning, french, fries, teary, toddler, queen, overdoing, rough, push, heard, telling, bizarre, immune, steel, refuse, obviously, smart, ran, trooper, superwoman, leadership, nonprofit, project, addition, slowing, downright, terrible, stopping, lectured, undergrad, training, soberly, warned, pick, beloved, germ, factories, ahem, exponentially, rested, eating, dismissed, proverbial, wave, indestructible, dove, student, strep, throat, students, chronicled, tornado, activity, wishes, enjoyed, affectionately, outbreak, monkey, officially, clinically, exhausted, hereby, declare, break, hit, hotel, rooms, trekked, halfway, replete, intentioned, labor, holiday, cottage, fishing, cookouts, spare, hosting, hundred, fantastic, gathering, excited, began, stretch, town, stomach, leaving, threw, awakening, flat, blinding, parenthood, exhaustion, awkwardness, uncertainty, fumbling, complexity, silence, tries, edited, version, thereof, discomfort, optimistically, dread, answering, sidestep, impossible, poop, yeah, wow, surf, interrupted, phrase, incredulous, drawer, relief, staff, dance, heredity, creepy, nightmare, joking, gotten, month, pediatrician, appointment, talk, ordeals, departure, simplify, subject, icky, escape, hatch, kept, key, cousins, grow, pointed, handle, sweetie, someplace, kev, person, discussing, occasion, mentally, assembling, realized, missing, repetition, boiling, sesame, mentioned, abusive, alcoholic, pops, usually, dies, daddy, additional, layers, waited, grew, kicked, rub, accurate, intricate, sounded, tucking, sounds, dizzying, instinct, grasps, venture, shape, vanished, sees, regular, basis, details, inquiry, enlightened, answered, sensibly, trip, laws, grandmother, exchange, reference, replied, talking, selling, expanded, customizable, multiracial, designs, stand, announcements, various, kinds, ton, related, card, sex, sarah, jessica, parker, perpetually, foot, mouth, girlfriend, stereotypically, table, looks, impending, thread, liked, nontraditional, portrayed, positively, stone, geared, overplay, wanted, section, focus, examples, saturated, overkill, journey, todd, parr, prolific, writer, brightly, colored, simply, illustrated, seamlessly, positive, plan, ordering, topic, attest, quality, belong, brighter, catgory, refreshing, sensationalist, portrayal, poor, trash, babysnatchers, winning, awards, stupidities, gah, rent, orphan, dandelion, dust, trailer, massive, ranges, inundated, breastfeeding, crap, fills, sorts, steer, ethical, services, disney, channel, cartoon, tanks, store, main, tank, inherent, silliness, scares, lines, steal, bike, father, route, supposed, goofy, plot, watching, weird, insensitive, hooks, emphasize, dodging, obstacles, freedom, successful, forefront, tacky, assumptions, description, author, title, exacerbate, fixation, shelf, barnes, cringed, effing, linked, recent, portrayals, instances, cataloged, wager, impacted, winced, warm, fuzzied, presented, populace, attention, noticed, article, magazine, depicting, mass, plenty, boy, recommended, interested, alignment, described, deck, drop, anybody, motherless, bringing, exception, invested, gets, exhausting, parts, coffee, bucketload, arsenal, tricks, teen, raining, stronger, empathetic, 200, rings, true, greater, depth, door, repertoire, fifteen, minutes, wherever, reads, typhoon, mornings, easier, walk, fifty, porch, struck, childcare, gold, burnout, rate, seven, thirteen, turns, exhaust, overwhelmingly, hated, face, prospect, works, roughly, shifts, heightened, rest, planning, meals, freaking, hurt, used, slept, eight, complain, sleepless, nights, wake, pile, pity, embarrassing, stems, teach, rigorous, apex, college, season, courseload, seniors, instantly, swamped, recommendation, requests, crises, frantic, emails, locate, class, east, coast, sample, maternity, infinitely, economically, multifaceted, span, anxiety, act, myriad, fuel, sources, loud, warriors, forgetting, succeeded, pretending, lumped, advice, embedded, soul, searching, worst, paying, waitresses, tip, prevent, stealing, foremost, imbalance, disagreed, faces, copied, vin, incidental, lunch, meeting, sometime, borrowing, renting, car, switching, license, plates, driving, meet, false, advertising, mislead, suck, bullet, modest, overt, trusting, lying, starters, entry, refusing, send, quick, update, earth, treat, honor, promptly, relocate, change, cutting, documented, safety, fading, unconscionable, breaking, financing, struggle, flipping, script, costs, deserve, loving, private, expensive, brush, rug, foreground, listened, reasoning, international, ugly, type, context, vague, budget, reasonably, borrow, effectively, haggling, bargain, shopping, agency, questionnaire, specify, accept, anywhere, disease, asthma, allergies, near, universal, seize, omnipotence, pseudo, eugenic, box, checking, unreal, disclosure, clean, hiv, goodbye, reasoned, listed, biologically, jackasses, tried, edit, meticulously, stipulations, specifications, misguided, attempt, catalog, perfect, installment, parter, course, snippets, indicate, extremes, sink, ironically, losing, sight, strength, invariably, considering, placing, places, shy, saying, probably, happy, extrapolate, folks, damn, south, additionally, implications, discourse, anonymity, breeds, testicular, fortitude, flawed, importance, moral, flexibility, contortionist, absolute, claimed, involvement, actions, particularly, impacts, intensely, terrifying, fields, culture, beliefs, respectively, accordingly, evoke, visceral, emotions, varying, extents, angle, legal, stripes, ongoing, incident, virtual, strangers, literal, figurative, voice, piece, paranoia, angry, craziness, dizzy, wrap, seemingly, cause, unleash, shit, fix, beat, beauty, infallible, entitlement, singular, righteousness, hopeful, intervene, deeply, damaged, writhe, wrongs, selecting, adoring, heartedly, doe, glow, screens, shedding, light, vantage, comprehend, count, participants, grain, challenging, venomous, opposition, highly, human, flaws, bloggers, consequences, minimized, owe, trickier, asserted, earlier, nope, entitled, direct, bank, opinion, gay, directly, impact, educate, coagulate, stances, topics, malleable, evolve, increases, herein, lies, abuse, acts, conversational, killswitch, disagrees, brilliant, function, defensive, posture, catch, applicability, rhetorical, sludge, trumps, irony, communities, limitless, resources, bankroll, decided, takes, categorically, ancient, ball, squabbling, flames, guilt, corner, instead, message, revolved, portion, exert, presence, cardinal, purpose, demeaning, encourage, donate, gear, clothes, diapers, funds, local, shelter, organization, assist, needy, charitable, society, karma, spending, stability, joke, prepared, desperately, object, drawing, anonymous, poster, appreciate, humor, alert, unfit, parking, spaces, gratuitous, literary, allusion, core, suggests, enslaved, possess, slave, mentality, drives, unquestioning, loyalty, subservience, hence, must, defy, applicable, criticize, divisive, disrespectful, tom, cabin, connect, toms, contrast, unresolved, anger, overdeveloped, precedence, congruity, coexistent, lunacy, delve, amateur, psychology, smattering, researching, 2005, venom, semi, organized, deluge, accompanies, racist, activist, letting, determine, patterns, educating, caliber, blogs, articles, commonly, categorize, opposing, men, proactively, practices, oblivious, examined, lens, initially, unwelcome, emphatic, supporter, altered, delivery, deny, incontestably, eviscerating, tender, elements, repercussions, unequivocal, shady, happening, sneak, study, wishing, signed, papers, disgrace, armies, lawyers, workers, victim, racial, gender, sexuality, discrimination, anymore, whip, survived, survival, impervious, barrier, meaningful, wanes, ceases, rarely, armchair, psychologist, professional, evident, shutting, defense, mechanism, aligning, suffered, insulating, survivors, period, preservation, relative, isolation, heal

Text of the page (random words):
loss and grief as its central analogy but i m about to do exactly that in my own way i recently spoke to members of a family who lost a young adult suddenly and tragically just as both my family and my husband s family each did over the past several years they asked when it would get better when they would stop feeling so paralyzed with grief and i explained that as we have experienced with our losses it doesn t end it doesn t stop it changes and it becomes a part of your life and your family and your individual and collective stories but it never actually ends there s no conclusion to the grieving process for a loved one and i don t think there should be i want to always feel the gaping hole left by my brother s death because it shares a space with how much i loved him some birthdays holidays or anniversaries of his death pass by virtually unnoticed and others find me completely debilitated we take the process as it comes and we deal with it as honestly and steadily as we can good days are good days and bad days are awful and we have to experience each of them as they happen similarly the scope of the birth of each of our sons the stories of the women who chose us to be their parents each evolution of each open adoption and every conversation about how our family became our family these will sometimes feel more monumental than others no adoption is not death but it is a lifelong gamechanger and an identity maker and something i would never erase from our story even if i could it s also an element of each of our son s lives that they might never feel finished processing and so neither will we but from here for the purposes of this blog i never could stop hating that word there is less and less to discuss the finer points of developing functional relationships with our sons birthmothers are not for public discussion i do not foresee an unplanned adoption so there will be no subsequent process to narrate for the most part we will be busy raising our children and living our lives maybe a bit down the road when kevin wants bigger talks about bigger things i will return to writing about being an adoptive family for the same reasons i started to help others navigate some barely charted waters to collect and assess my own thoughts and to help my family and friends understand our unique family and perhaps adoption in general a little better for now as another school year draws to a close a backyard kiddie pool is calling and those harry potter books aren t going to read themselves if you re waiting to welcome a child into your family i wish you all the best and i hope you will keep reading and listening and learning about adoption from every possibly productive direction if you re one of the internet crazies of any variety i hope for your sake and for the sake of others that you find a better use for your time get off the computer and out into the world in a way that makes it better if you re a friend or family member who has followed along this past year and a half we have a camp chair and a cold drink waiting for you thanks for being a part of this process looking back over even just a few of my posts here that process has been enormous and completely stunning in multiple senses of the word your love and support has meant a lot to us signing off for now sort of nora and matt and kevin and j d april 11 2011 revisiting visits posted by paperpregnancy under general adoption issues 1 comment i will never rescind my emphatically argued stance that open adoption is generally in the best interest of a child medical records are the simplest most concrete supporting reason but they are by far not the end of the argument both anecdotal and statistical research indicates that children fare better when given access to information about and contact with their biological families unless biological relatives present a discernible danger to the child in which case all bets are off and contact should be handled cautiously and in small steps i would never condone denying or even limiting contact but i now find myself wondering where do we place the line between providing access to information and visits and as adoptive parents facilitating or even forcing such contact in both cases our adoption agreements involve letters and pictures but at our initiative and consent the adoptions are far more open in practice email text calls facebook and visits both of our sons have now spent a weekend with their respective biological mothers at around 6 8 months old we suggested and arranged both visits feeling very strongly that all parties concerned would benefit we provided for extensive time alone between each pair but past infancy should we involuntarily arrange visits or should we wait until each child expresses a desire to spend more time with his birthmother in either case we are in an open adoption in which information is freely exchanged and available but i m beginning to wonder if a dose of open adoption kool aid led me to believe that more contact is always better for everyone if every adoption is different why would i believe that part of my duty as an adoptive parent is to suggest re suggest arrange and provide visits from several states away especially if one or both birthmothers have gone on to lead increasingly complex and not always healthy or stable lives at what point is it more my responsibility to reserve visits for a time when my sons can expressly request them when they will also be more able to process the nature of their families knowing myself and knowing that the information and contact and moreover the respect and open dialogue will always always be present would i be acting with cautious protection or doing a disservice to my sons by holding off on further visits one vital idea i always keep close someday i will answer to my sons for everything i have ever said or done regarding their adoptions and i have no regrets even standing up to internet adoption bullies i m actually quite comfortable about that i have often assumed that this will mean accounting for every opportunity for contact did i do enough but now after a very thought provoking weekend with my younger son s birthmom which led to much thought about both situations will i also wonder if i did too much if open adoption is intended for the benefit of the child not to address the coping status of the birthmother or the collective conscience of the adoptive parents how do we know when visits are actually benefiting the child is there even a we in any of this aside from basic values respect honesty and love for the child is there anything even approaching a rule that can be applied equally to more than one adoption i have let myself feel awful that a visit with my older son s birthmom hasn t worked out since he was a baby and then i remember that she hasn t asked for one let alone put forth any effort she never even asks how he is doing if he likes school how tall he is we don t hear anything no relationship functions as a one way street why do i still feel like the obligation for contact and the potential for visits is mine alone similarly i feel awful that our weekend with our younger son s birthmom was problematic to say the least for the well being of my children i know that better understandings need to be reached before she can visit again why does that feel like failure my husband and i don t have the answers to any of these questions we don t feel compelled to have answers at this point asking the questions is the important part right now we re okay with figuring things out as we go maybe even with asking a few of these questions to the people who might be able to answer them because we can t and shouldn t try to figure this out on our own and on that note i would really like to hear thoughts from any of my readers on this what has worked what have you needed to rethink and why has your child s adoption opened up more over the years what set that pace has it closed or has contact faded out why feel free to reply as a comment or email me if you re more comfortable doing that than posting in public paperpregnancymom gmail com march 27 2011 duck and coverage getting and keeping your new baby insured posted by paperpregnancy under uncategorized leave a comment i think i consider myself a medium sized conspiracy theorist i e i m on board that our government does things that the writing team for the jason bourne franchise would toss in the circular file as being too far fetched but i don t quite buy that there are secret laboratories in the new mexico desert that s about my level of conspiratorial conscription and asserting that health care and health insurance in this country are a crooked crooked business i don t feel like that s even a conspiratorial or even controversial statement to make those who devote their lives to healing the sick and comforting the dying will have my respect until my own final days those who make a living wrongfully wrenching money from those who are dying and those they leave behind or those whose paychecks get padded by finding ways not to pay for a kid s cancer treatment they get a special circle in hell with all that said i will go on record as stating that there seems to be an added level of aversion to covering adopted children on employee health plans after two adoptions my husband and i are among the many who have watched our employers and or our insurance companies actively seek to avoid including an adopted child on a health insurance policy occasionally to an extent that friends and family have refused to believe they can t really do that can they well they have certainly seemed to think so our first son we were told could not be included on our policy until his adoption was finalized in his case about four months after he was born babies can ring up quite a set of well baby visit bills in a few short months let alone should anything go wrong it took union intervention and a court order to get him covered retroactively to the moment of birth as is specified by law at this time i d like to invite anyone who thinks government employees don t need union representation to kindly say so within arm s reach of me thanks during the process of my husband s paternity leave for our older son my husband was also inexplicably cut from the fire department personnel roster altogether including from all benefits so that was another fight to get coverage this time for all of us so this time with the birth and placement of our second son we knew the system we knew what documentation to have on hand we knew not to panic when giant bills started showing up at the house and we knew which offices to call both within the fire department benefits division and at our insurance company we did inexplicably lose all coverage for the family again but we knew our way around getting ourselves reinstated and we slalomed the initial refusals of coverage like olympic skiers we felt like ninjas downhill skiing ninjas bills got paid insurance cards showed up we were even so bold as to switch from ppo one of the last remnants of our fertility treatment days since that was the only way to see a great specialist to hmo with only the predictable lapse in coverage and handful of phone calls to set everything straight and then about a week ago i opened an envelope from the hospital in which j d was born to find a bill for nearly 30 000 we were being re charged for all of his birth expenses even though these expenses were paid months ago after a few calls dialing as fast as i could at 4 40 on a friday afternoon i learned that our employer the city of chicago had suddenly and inexplicably changed j d s date of coverage eligibility from his date of birth to the day after he was born conveniently enough this meant that our insurance administered by the city itself chicago is what is referred to as self insured was no longer responsible for his birth expenses and the insurance company had subsequently revoked all payment no explanation no indication at any point that this might happen what frightens me most is that somewhere downtown someone collects a paycheck to do this to review employee policies and billing to find out where they can scrape back a few bucks adoptive families are apparently easy pickings because i m not the only one who has had to fight an employer about this adoptive parents go in circles over social security numbers which aren t given until weeks or months after finalization medicaid declares the baby ineligible since she is allegedly covered by her adoptive parents insurance except that she s not and neither side wants to be the one to give in and pay for her care care and coverage hinge on court dates when the insurance company knows they have to cover the child they just want to see if the adoptive parents will fold first and adoptive families are by no means the only or even easiest target in my own extended family an aunt fought tooth and nail for nursing facility care explicitly covered by a policy designed for exactly those circumstances another aunt volleyed from her son s hospital bed while he fought leukemia twice to phone fights with an insurance company who thought they d found a way to cut off his care and so on and so on and so on before i rivet you any further with horror stories and insurance lingo our situation has been settled j d was still covered by medicaid under his birth mother but it led me to address this here because in all the burp cloth buying and the name debates and the nesting this is a concrete matter that every waiting couple would be very wise to investigate get your hands on a copy of your employee benefits handbook call your insurance company when you re matched and run the hypothetical scenario past at least two customer service representatives make sure you get the same answer twice with regard to how and when your new baby will receive coverage call again when the baby is placed in your care and follow up within a day or two when in doubt ask again a notch or two up the chain of command involve your union if you have one it s what they re there for and they ve handled this before email your lawyer if a question arises do not trust that anything happens automatically the only automatic response in our case was from me when a staggeringly large medical bill showed up in the mail i didn t panic i rolled my eyes and reached for the phone thinking here we go again february 5 2011 the other crazies are out there part 2 posted by paperpregnancy under general adoption issues 65 comments we can never ever truly know a pain we haven t lived through we can sympathize and we can wring our hands but we can t say we genuinely understand unless we ve been there and that is truth undeniable sympathy is not wasted and authentic efforts to better understand the struggles of others are not mere patronization but there will always remain a clear divide between those who have endured a particular brand of life altering obstacle a...