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is testing her potions on handsome men in a quest to find true love i don t think i ve seen a more accurate and loving homage to retro cinema the saturated colours audio fidelity camera techniques soundtrack editing clothes lighting stilted dialogue and general b movie tackiness it s all there and it s all immaculate to the point where it s difficult to accurately date there s also no other way to describe the fantastical surreal dreamlike kitschy aesthetic than a luscious eyegasm it is however disappointing that the actual content of the film is wafer thin there s a lot of super shallow and tedious but what is love type chatting and more generally it sticks far too rigidly to the 60s b movie structure without adding or updating a single point picking up a 15 rating it s also a touch on the timid side for what could and should have been a great gore fest or sexploitation romp the final complaint is that although it s absolutely gorgeous the film is 30 minutes too long the entire final act renaissance fair musical numbers really tries the viewers patience i m not 100 sure it s the feminist piece it s being championed as it s a mental woman on a killing spree but i will say that this is pure catnip for goth burlesque alternative people the love witch is a film that puts everything in to its style and vision leaving the rest of the film feeling slight although blimey charlie it doesn t half look beautiful score 4 10 aftermath july 14 2017 film reviews leave a comment aftermath mild spoilers follows two men after a fatal airplane collision that changes their lives forever the film starts with a relentlessly grim and drawn out opening act in which both leads deal with the shock of their situation frequently tipping over into forced melodrama it s all very burdensome and somber where the film really fails to deliver is after a 70 minute gloomy setup the climactic payoff is far too brief and then we get a post script years later scene that you could see coming a mile off stylistically the film is equally austere with a grayed out colour palate it starts at christmas for no real reason than to crank up the sorrow o meter and contains some rather clunky imagery parallels between the leads lives strangely the movie takes a powerful real life story and changes core elements that ultimately lessens the story s impact in the fictionalized movie version i m a huge arnie fan and think he s a better actor than he s generally given credit for however this film asks a little too much of him there are moments where you can see him struggle with the emotions scoot mcnairy is rather good but doesn t get a lot of gears to change through from the director of bltiz a solid police action drama the lack of action and tunneled focus on tragedy feels like a huge but just missed leap aftermath is by no means a bad film but it is a very heavy film about a very heavy subject that you d need to be in a particular mood to watch score 3 10 the autopsy of jane doe june 30 2017 film reviews leave a comment the autopsy of jane doe two small town coroners investigate a fresh jane doe whose cause of death becomes increasingly difficult to pin down as they learn about the body this film is the embodiment of tight and efficient a brief 15 minute setup 30 mins of live real time autopsy and the last half the film shifts gears into a full on supernatural horror thriller not for the faint hearted parts of this are horrifying to watch the autopsy is shown in all of it s snapping sawing scalping glory and is coloured with buckets of crimson this will definitely root out the weak and the woozy although there are a couple of big and cheap modern jump scares the majority of the film s tension comes through the satisfyingly old school method of very slowly building a sustained and overbearing sense of dread the film lets your imagination run wild and shows some incredible restraint a couple of moments even stray into pure terror as mentioned above it s a very tight movie tight script tons of subtle clues that tie in together nicely tight setting claustrophobic well established and inherently creepy morgue tight cast hirsch and cox are a great safe pair of hands with fantastic chemistry in fact the only thing that minorly lets the film down is the ending which is good but doesn t do justice to the slow cooker setup a completely unrelated follow up to the fantastic trollhunter norwegian director andré øvredal is proving himself as a very strong and competent film maker once again his direction is meticulous without being the slightest bit auteurial or flashy few things excite me less than modern horror yet because of its throwback sensibilities autopsy feels more a john carpenter picture than the paranormal conjuring 27 films modern audiences are being served up score 7 5 10 every body has a secret de palma may 5 2017 film reviews 3 comments de palma two directors plonk a camera in front of legendary director brian de palma and he discusses his turbulent career warts n all this kicks off with a brief history of his journey into cinema starting as an indie director through to his studio system break alongside lucas spielberg scorsese and coppola the rest of the documentary feels like de palma defending his stinkers and bigging up the films that initially underperformed but have been subsequently lauded my main issue with this documentary is that i don t know who it s supposed to be aimed at the 2 5 minute recap of every single film is too high level for de palma nerds like me even with the odd anecdote yet it pretty much spoils the best parts of every film that de palma n00bs won t have seen yet as it s just de palma talking it feels a touch self indulgent massaging his own ego and coming over as a tad weird bitter unhinged by the end this is capped off with a final few minutes that turn into the biggest self congratulatory handjob where de palma states that he is the only director keeping hitchcock s notions of pure cinema alive this is the only time i ve ever though that what i was watching could have benefited from more talking heads lending different perspectives and additional context don t get me wrong de palma is one of the most under rated directors out there and although he s had some stinkers he s also made some of the greatest movies of their times but this isn t the tribute that i was expecting or that a masterful director like brian de palma deserves score 3 10 if you really want to explore de palma scrap this and go watch blow out femme fatale scarface or the untouchables to see the damage this guy can do with a camera witchtrap april 18 2017 film reviews leave a comment witchtrap aka the presence the haunted before leasing out his family home a warlock s son calls in some parapsychologists to rid the house of evil spirits for a low budget late 80s b movie the video and audio transfer are better than some of the bigger studio pictures from this period the audio track which was botched on the movie set is particularly clear as every line and effect had to be re recorded in post the film itself is of a fantastically cheesy vintage it went from inception to ready to shoot in under a week so the plot is mechanical seven people enter a house fewer leave and the dialogue is massively overripe but in a fun corny way and it s not helped by the detached adr performances characters are all fairly stock and are championed by a john mclean style wisecracking hardboiled detective who is in all honesty way too cool for this type of movie but his constant jabbering helps the film remain on your good side for the first few deaths it feels like the movie is wimping out of showing maximum gore but the final act throws in a lot of blood and over the top kills including an unusually long and graphic shooting and a monster melting sequence it s also surprisingly well directed with slow and ominous camerawork paired with an equally doom laden soundtrack plenty jumpscares and some technical dolly shots that you don t usually get in this type of film the new blu ray release is the first uncut unrated version it also boasts a heap of extras including an honest interesting interview with the director nothing about witchtrap is exceptional or original but it s better made more entertaining and as nostalgic as any other film in this genre linnea quigley also gets her waps out score 5 10 b movie score 7 10 ghost in the shell march 31 2017 film reviews leave a comment ghost in the shell in a future where people are more cyborgs than human a criminal virus entity known as the puppet master is trying to find the perfect humanoid host to hijack watching this now after experiencing 20 years of sci fi it s amazing to see how much influence this movie has had on the genre s modern landscape you re continually reminded of things like the matrix pretty much just one big homage metal gear solid inception a i lucy ex machina the storyline is complex and feels way ahead of its time talking about computing a i and robotics in ways that we re not even doing yet over twenty years on technically the film is visually astounding the way it captures light reflections textures and blends 3d rendering with cell animation is truly mesmerizing there are however a lot of filler or stretched out scenes in order to hit the feature length mark very long credits pointless and long montages and even irrelevant scenes the root of the film is the question what makes us human unfortunately this leads to a lot of waffle between the characters about the ghosts souls self and brain body connections overlong and over wordy scene after scene brings this up in a philosophy 101 manner but ultimately the question is never really answered peppered with brief and intense action set pieces but primarily pop philosophy ghost in the shell is a film that looks fantastic and is easy to admire or respect but it s not particularly entertaining and feels intellectually inferior compared to the ideas it s struggling to wrestling with score 7 10 deathgasm march 21 2017 film reviews 4 comments deathgasm after playing a very old piece of music newly formed metal band accidentally unleash evil spirits on their hometown if you even remotely like any kind of rock or metal music this film is an absolute must see as it s 90 mins of lovingly poking fun at metalheads metal bands and most of the sub genres there s jokes about everything from glam hair metal and dubstep through to rick astley and the ridiculousness of extreme metal band names deathgasm spitball through other potential band names like murder boner maggot sperm and cannibal unicorn there are so many throwaway jokes that you lose track and when the film s not poking fun at music it s throwing some seriously good old school over the top gore onto the screen with a body splitting blood drenched aesthetic that lands somewhere between evil dead and braindead direction wise the blend of horror and comedy is absolutely perfect and there s a lot of horror and wider cinema nods through classic camera shots and visual references the only two negatives i can mention are that scenes like demons being beaten to death in slow motion with dildos and anal beads may not be for everyone and i m not sure if the gore alone would be enough to win over non metal fans there s not a lot of new horror ground covered deathgasm is a crimson covered gem of a film that is a blast to watch entertains for the full 90 minutes brutal score 8 10 b movie score 9 10 catfight march 10 2017 film reviews leave a comment catfight after losing touch in college former friends a struggling artist and a trophy wife become bitter rivals and find their lives changing dramatically at the hands of each other this is an interesting film in that it s the type of movie that doesn t really get made anymore it feels like something from the early 2000s quirky and eccentric woody allen style new york caricatures coming together in a semi absurd plot that could have come from someone like todd solondz or larry david it s also refreshing in that you don t often get to see female actors in this age bracket lead a movie both sandra oh and anne heche get to chance to showcase their fine acting chops playing irritating characters but making the most of the comedy in the script through their respective stereotypes the film s performances complement tukel s unique directorial voice and style although his ability to craft and capture so many deadpan scenes wry cameos and absurd lines is what shines the brightest this absolutely smashed through the six laugh test where the movie fell down for me was that it took a lot of swipes in the background at american culture the u s government foreign wars inequality topical television shows etc this felt like easy even lazy targets for a film with this much promise and talent and distracted from the central rivalry the three prolonged slobber knocker fights also push the film momentarily from comedy satire into a cartoonish farce the hits are too big with wooshing crunching sound effects that become ridiculous and the sequences feel much longer than they needed to be although the film is called catfight catfight feels genuinely refreshing coming through in an time where the majority of movies feel more like safe investments designed by committee that actively avoid taking any risks this feels unique original fresh and although it doesn t land every punch it s is more than funny enough to remain entertaining for the duration score 7 10 marshland february 17 2017 film reviews 1 comment marshland la isla minima two out of favour madrid detectives are sent out to the middle of nowhere to investigate the disappearance of two girls they soon uncover a serial killer and potential police involvement the main drama of the film comes from lots of complex and conflicting relationships the detectives and the villagers the villagers with each other the detectives and their new boss and even the mismatched investigators themselves with their old school and new school approaches aesthetically and tonally this is very similar to hbo s true detective although they came out at the same time the palette is dominated by earthy natural and rustic colors locations which help the odd top down drone shots of ethereal landscapes really stand out the film also holds an interesting spanish angle too being set at the start of the 80s in a new spain but calling back to the franco dictatorship and exploring how large and looming the shadow of that time still is marshland is a very well made excellently acted picture with a sufficiently eerie suspenseful score however there s nothing particularly fresh or exciting in the story itself it s just been tarted up and presented in a more unique setting than normal score 7 5 10 the girl on the train february 15 2017 film reviews leave a comment the girl on the train follows a homo sapien with two x chromosomes on a track based transport vehicle seriously though 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