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Text of the page (random words):
s combined mean that i m making him breakfast about 3 times a week today was omelette half an orange and toast with peanut butter he s doing well on with allergens so far all of these elements require some preparation from cupboard to plate it s shaped like an elephant s head and before strapping him in to the high chair there s always some wiping down to do it struck me today that i don t think twice about doing all of this for him but with my own meals i rush make the simplest thing possible outsource lots of the prep and production and occasionally take small calculated risks with hygiene i m not going to stop putting as much care his way i do know that s not going to be practically possible before too long though but it would be interesting to see how it felt to take as much care of myself it probably wouldn t include blogging at the breakfast table like this i m thinking a lot about archives and memory i probably always have been but i m more aware of it right now and making it a focus for some things i m going to be releasing soon sometimes i think it s all vain nonsense but i was encouraged today by seeing an ad for a movie the arc of oblivion the ad got me because it features werner herzog reading shelley s ozymandias aloud and if you can t imagine how that worked on me then maybe we re not as close as i thought that last sentence reminds me of something i saw about there being an old english pronoun wit meaning we two you and i rather than all those here present or whatever i love it i will try to remember to use it at some point today archive food memories words august done september beckons september 2 2026 lloyd davis a recurring theme in september posts round here is whether or not i managed to hit my goal of always taking the whole of august off it s a dream that i ve held dear since 2002 when i experienced it for the first time not altogether intentionally after finishing at the audit commission it s been feeling more important since the happy arrival of the nugmeister but this year it had another twist august 2026 was the month that i had radiotherapy and then about 90 recovered from it like the obstacles in bear hunt i couldn t go round it i couldn t go over it i had to go through it and now it s done in a matter of weeks i ve become a person who s had radiotherapy that s not to say the whole thing is over i will have a review in early november to look at what we think has happened and then i ll be on regular psa tests for 5 years to make sure that it s not sneaking back up but i no longer have a cancer treatment somewhere vaguely in my future as i have had for the last eight years and that feels good too the newsletter i did to track what was happening and how i was feeling worked really well for me the discipline of writing something as i went along kept me in touch with what was actually going on for me and of course it also kept me in touch with some important people if you were there thanks again i won t stop saying thank you thank you so now it s back to work in the traditional back to school season what to do the question is compounded by the fact that i haven t done any paid work at all this year as my already extended paternity leave slipped into sick leave i m very glad for all the money i put into pensions over the years i hadn t expected it to be covering new parenthood but here we are but they re not unlimited pots and apart from anything i d like to replenish them so that i can also have some of the things associated with being in my sixties like having august off again next year but this time without the visits to the space donut i m still doing living culture coffee mornings on fridays the real life version is on the first friday of the month so there s one in a couple of days this week s will be a special one celebrating the centenary of ivan illich which gives us an opportunity to practice conviviality even more consciously than usual on the other fridays each month we have a zoom version which attracts a slightly different crowd although there s some overlap not everyone can get to london on a friday morning and not everyone gets a feeling of social connection over zoom but we re plugging away at the overall question of what it means to regrow a living culture in both places and i m fortunate to be the one who experiences them all i have a one day facilitation gig pencilled in for early november but apart from that we ll have to see they re increasingly hard to justify in terms of the time travel costs and cognitive overhead unless the money s ridiculous really ridiculous the sort of ridiculous that s actually best handled by an agent rather than directly i ve some ideas floating around about releasing more stuff that i ve made and i ve been slowly updating and developing web thingies behind the scenes and i m drawn to having some sort of subscription membership model here on the perfect path with the simple proviso that it can t be you paying me to write you more emails or putting any of my writing here behind a paywall but the radiotherapy diary did show me that with a sufficiently interesting subject matter and a community of people i care about i can write more often in public than i ve become used to then i m also open to having a social art residency somewhere interesting something with a stipend that allows me to experiment with some newer models of making beautiful things out of people yeah ok those are all things to work on i can get on with that words pop up treatment diary july 30 2026 lloyd davis i m going to do an experiment in pop up temporary newslettering i m having radiotherapy treatment for prostate cancer over the next couple of weeks and i m going to be writing about the experience in an email newsletter subscription page i intend to write most days but the main expected side effect of the treatment is fatigue and i m already 7 months sleep deprived from new fatherhood so some days it will be short or just not happen in part it s a way for me to let people know what s happening without having to think too hard about who to add to a whatsapp group or something i still need to write a story so far kind of intro but as usual i m juggling the need to get something set up with the need to have some writing to share i m also working out how intimate and truthful it can be without being a gross fest i expect to be working on that throughout but one of the problems with this kind of cancer is that many people with prostates don t talk about their bodies and feelings the way that many people with breasts and ovaries tend to and that includes me so patience please it s not a substack please don t call it a substack for a start it s free i have no interest in charging you for the privilege of reading more emails especially emails that are all about me and my insides i m also not tracking your engagement or capturing and selling your data and when this is all over i ll be deleting whatever data gets collected public comments won t be enabled but if you want to say hi then a one line email reply would be lovely just because i m not sure yet how much i ll be able to process other than one liners i have doubtless forgotten something vitally important in setting it up i beg your indulgence again subscribe to zap a radiotherapy diary ps the first unexpectedly difficult thing is finding images to use that aren t either tear jerky or just jerky or woah dude tmi so have a path in the woods where you can t quite see what s round the corner health pc my part in its downfall july 9 2026 lloyd davis 1 comment personal health news content warning references to prostate cancer and cancer treatments so another thing you might not know in the late summer of 2018 my gp recommended that i start having prostate specific antigen psa blood tests i was 53 and so obviously this was just a helpful thing to do to keep an eye on my health given that my father had recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer obviously i didn t have prostate cancer i was in my early fifties and not experiencing any dramatic symptoms well sod obviously because after getting a relatively but not scarily high psa reading i had an mri and a biopsy and the diagnosis was confirmed in the october i was fine i m still fine i went on to active surveillance which meant regular psa tests it s moved up and down between 4 and 9 in that time an mri every other year and if there hadn t been an nhs busting pandemic i d have had another biopsy earlier than i did last year i stayed in touch with the local urology department who are amazing of course and we continued to have conversations about the right treatment and the right timing the diagnosis came when we were at a point in our fertility journey where losing my ability to produce the required genetic material would have been annoying and we didn t know then that it would take until 2025 to produce our bundle of joy so i probably stretched the qualification criteria for remaining on active surveillance ie if we hadn t been doing ivf i would have had treatment sooner but all the tests showed no cause for alarm and as the urology nurse said when we told her laura was pregnant the gamble paid off i m not necessarily recommending following my path here but i want you to know that it wasn t a standard path and remind you that its worth exploring all options but that s only possible if you keep talking sensibly to the professionals if we already had nuggy and i got the same diagnosis today that i got in 2018 i would be having treatment as soon as i could i only had one tricky conversation about the timeline when i was allotted an antipodean surgical registrar for one of my catch up appointments he clearly thought i was being overly complacent and delivered the classic line you ve got cancer mate a phrase that i ve adapted for my own use ever since when laura was asking me about anything i wanted to get out of so later today i m having a planning session at the rsch cancer centre to prepare for radiotherapy sabr i ll share details as i feel appropriate here but do get in touch if as they say you were affected by anything in this blogpost the preparation video they sent me is a hoot with helpful diagrams of the human male urogenital system and how to pee in a urinal i ve never self administered an enema before so don t say you can t teach an old dog new tricks oh and please put me in the not a battle category and refrain from military conflict metaphors with me i m grateful for your encouragement and prayers prayers are ok if you want to share and i know it s hard because it s still the mainstream way of thinking about cancer particularly but i haven t found it helpful for me my attitude has always been that i have a disease science knows what to do thank god for science people who have a prostate have a look at the current guidelines from the nhs if you re as old as i was when diagnosed and have a history of this stuff in your family get tested and get help when you need it please words wednesday 8th july 2026 july 8 2026 lloyd davis these heatwaves are hard this one is not quite as bad as the last one at least so far i m very drawn to jay s suggestion that we start naming heatwaves in a similar way to how we name storms it s tempting if possibly counter productive to say that we should restrict the name pool to outspoken climate deniers i leave you to come up with your own suggestions anyway the problem with the previous one was that it woke us up sic to the concept of tropical nights which sounds like a spicy harold robbins paperback but is actually horrible when experienced in the reality of a british house built from heat retaining brick more than 100 years ago a tropical night the scare quotes will continue until morale improves is one where the temperature overnight doesn t go below 20ºc turns out they also use the term equatorial nights to refer to those where the temp remains at 25ºc or above but please don t encourage them the met office who comes up with these things and then along with the childhood reminiscences of 1976 in the horrible bits of the media there s the claim that the cold still kills far more people in the uk than the heat which i m sure is reassuring to people who ve just lost a loved one to heatwave murgatroyd i probably wouldn t have been moaning as much if we didn t have a little one to look after he was born in december and so his whole life we ve been making sure that he s warm enough and then suddenly we had to switch him to just a nappy at all times with a vest on standby for if we re lucky enough to not have a tropical night i got too agitated about it all on bsky one morning after no sleep and too much time spent reading north americans saying let them eat a c well that wasn t a night i want to repeat looks at weather forecast flushes head in toilet lloyd davis lloyddavis eurosky social 2026 06 25t06 27 01 097z it s currently too hot to work out a better way of embedding the whole thread as if anyone s interested i also spent far too much time watching the weather radar on windy com as storm after storm just missed godalming a couple of nights i saw lightning on the horizon but we didn t get any real rain for days and still haven t had a good downpour now that we re into heatwave norman i don t even have that luxury idiocy there s no rain to be seen on the forecast at all we ve settled into our minor adaptations of blackout blinds in the bedroom and a rota of opening and closing windows according to the time of day staying hydrated and getting sleep when we can bigger adaptations are going to be needed i just don t know what when and how anyway i ve been doing a lot of thinking writing about what i want to do next in what i can only call my public life in the light of both getting older and having a new small person it s taking shape one of the insights has been that my theory of change is quite different from many of the people i spend time with and that rather than picking holes in what they believe i need to articulate and refine better what i think so i m doing that but it s not ready to splurge about yet but this morning i updated the invitation to living culture coffee mornings with some of that in mind it now reads i believe that we re called to help build a more equal loving tolerant peaceful society one that can melt away selfishness hate and conflict i also believe that this only really happens when people talk through and work on things together as peers and my experience has been that while there are some amazing and heart burstingly joyous examples of this happening in general people yes i am people too still need lots of practice to talk or work together well these conversations are one contribution to an idea that s gaining favour around here dougald and anna have called it regrowing a living culture and i thought that was peachy so here we are you don t have to come knowing what a living culture is or have any idea how to start regr...