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ntry per week because i miss writing and am still terrible at journaling inbox zero every friday for a month in an attempt to control my wildly out of control work email i currently have 4000 emails so this will be intense create and practice budget i half finish this one all the time time to seal the deal 100 visiting teaching because i m the worst at this temple habit 2x month my life was so much better when i had this habit take a last minute trip just for funsies complete mr downs other reading list i haven t settled on which list yet but i want to get back to the classics finish listening to all episodes of this american life i do this when i exercise so i ll have to exercise a lot two birds one podcast start a quote of the day week probably an instagram project my kind of craft start a book club for how much i love reading this shouldn t be as hard as it seems look into contract work another way to pay off loans faster cancel subscriptions i spend a little money in a lot of places unnecessarily facebook free february i really liked doing this last february cwp mine s expired finish quilt from christmas 2012 learn to drive stick seriously how is this still a goal the next 6 months are going to be busy lightning struck meagan at 1 48 pm 2 comments thursday july 17 2014 strike that reverse ever since my birthday i ve been kicking around the idea of doing a thirty by 30 project over the next year i like the idea of having some middle term goals to work towards and lists and even numbers are appealing to me but having a what do i hope to accomplish in life conversation with myself is distinctly unappealing for probably obvious reasons the odds of my getting married before 30 are pretty slim and the chances of my having a kid before 30 are days away from being a biological impossibility it s very depressing to think about so i tend to try not to and this idea stayed just an idea but last sunday i went to a fireside where i had the epiphany was prompted by the spirit to stop focusing so much on things i cannot control and spend some time improving areas that i do side note the church is true guys i started making a list that night but it turns out that thirty things is a lot of things so i started googling some other lists for ideas and as i looked i was struck by how many goals other people made that i ve already accomplished and how many dreams other people had that i ve already fulfilled and i felt a little bit of the worry about the future dissipate in the wake of a strong feeling of gratitude for the life i ve already lived so far so instead of a thirty by 30 list i started working in reverse and made a list called twenty nine by 29 twenty nine popular accomplishments that i ve already achieved some i was already proud of and some i had never thought of before as noteworthy 1 fly on a plane 2 buy a car 3 move away from home 4 go to college 5 go to grad school 6 get a passport 7 travel to a foreign country 8 live in a foreign country 9 pay off credit card debt 10 run a half marathon 11 fall in love 12 survive a heartbreak and come out stronger 13 go skinny dipping 14 get a real job 15 quit a real job 16 touch a snake voluntarily 17 sing karaoke in public while sober 18 win a championship 19 live alone 20 climb to the top of a mountain 21 sleep on the beach 22 hold a spider voluntarily 23 win a contest 24 get something published 25 volunteer 26 learn a foreign language 27 go on an epic road trip 28 present at a conference 29 hold a guinness world record i am actually working on my thirty by 30 list now to help me progress into the uncertain future but i keep this list to remind me of the past that gifted me my present and at the end of the day i wouldn t return it for anything in the world lightning struck meagan at 5 28 pm 4 comments saturday march 01 2014 facebook free february it s march 1st and my sister lauren just texted me the password to get back on facebook one of my resolutions this year was to go a month without it and i picked february because it s the shortest plus hey alliteration before jumping back on the bandwagon i decided to take a few minutes to distill this experience on paper at least in broad strokes mostly for my own benefit but maybe for others as well pros i had a lot more time on my hands i rarely parked on facebook for long periods of time but i would check it in spurts of 30 seconds to 5 or so minutes many many times a day so at first i had just these small windows of time on my hands i used them to read other things links on twitter blogs and articles in my feedly actual physical magazines and books later i would use the breaks to take short walks around my building at work and in my neighborhood at home later still when i stopped unconsciously navigating to facebook com only to come to awareness when confronted with the login screen this happened with depressing regularity for a lot of days i would plow through those windows instead grouping those small breaks into bigger and bigger sections of time i took long lunches longer walks bigger book breaks earlier bed times it was awesome i spent a lot of time alone while this was also the biggest con see below it was also very good for me i learned just how much i depend on the validation of others and then learned how to depend on it less i m under no illusion that this is a complete or even permanent state of being four weeks is only four weeks after all but i used to be a lot more comfortable and complete with only my own company and approval and having lost my way from that for the past year or two it feels good to be making my way back in that direction i was also able to do more of the things i loved to do i read a lot of books i went to bed earlier and had better sleep i went to museums and art galleries and lectures and lest you think i ve become completely insufferable i also binge watched the entire second season of house of cards in a day and a half then i watched more of the olympics than i ever have before as well as every single youtube clip of the tonight show starring jimmy fallon and the bulk of brooklyn nine nine love i remembered dunbar s number the basic principle is that there is a limit to the number of people with whom you can develop deep meaningful ongoing relationships the research indicates a range of between 100 and 230 people with 150 being the most common conclusion the recent rise of social media has opened a lot of questions about this idea and in fact i was first introduced to dunbar s number in 2010 by a boy who didn t have facebook precisely because he believed that being friends with hundreds or thousands of people would be detrimental to his relationships with those who fell within the limits of his dunbar s number at the time i thought his idea had some merit but believed and still do that there are benefits to facebook that outweigh those risks and we moved on to other things during february however i thought a lot about this idea i think most people if asked could easily list the 100 200 people who are most important to them there would probably be a lot of family friends from various phases of life maybe mentors teachers heroes but how recently or frequently do we actually interact with these people in any meaningful way has social media been quietly eroding these relationships for me the answer was yes deep meaningful ongoing relationships require action you must seek out ways to connect with those you love they need not be time intensive but they need to be genuine sincere and fairly frequent i found that i knew which of my closest family and friends were getting married having babies losing loved ones getting new jobs getting laid off going on vacation proud of their kids worried about life having a hard time or celebrating a good one but for the most part my sharing of these moments extended only so far as a like or maybe a short comment or worse just a brief act of voyeurism as i scrolled through the newsfeed i wasn t really talking to very many of the most important people in my life at all it was an epiphany cons i spent a lot of time alone for the first several days this was excruciating i was desperately lonely and felt completely cut off from everyone and everything reading this i realize i may have been a little overly hysterical i realized that while i have a lot of friends i don t really have a lot of friends at least not the kind that you can call up at a moment s notice because you re bored or don t have plans a better person than me would of course have taken the initiative to seek people out and as the month progressed i did get a little better at that but part of the problem was my discovery that i m not actually as good a friend as i could be see below another aspect of this excess of time by myself was that i foolishly wasted a lot of it for example at the beginning of the month i put together an admittedly overly ambitious schedule of exercise ask me how that went pro tip don t it will only end in tears and guilt chocolate while i did spend a lot of time doing good things i m pretty disappointed in myself for neglecting some of the better and best i m less than impressed with the quality of my friendship to other people one of the books i read during the month was the color code i don t know how i d never taken the test before but i hadn t it turns out i m very blue with nearly equal amounts of white and red and next to no yellow i found the description of that color type to be eerily accurate and was fascinated to read about it and all the other types in detail i understand a lot more about myself and others one unpleasant discovery however was in how it revealed flaws in my character in regards to friendship blues are motivated by altruism and this true for me i like to do things for other people i like to be useful and helpful i worry about my friends a lot more than they probably even think about me but blues also need to be remembered and appreciated and i ve discovered that my altruistic nature may not be that altruistic after all because i wasn t on facebook i wasn t as aware of the needs of my family and friends that i could help with and that was very hard for me but i also didn t hear from very many family or friends at all during the month and that was very hard as well and in the end i didn t do much reaching out to others there was a hodgepodge of reasons i m an introvert and initiation is hard for me i easily feel rejected another blue trait and think that if you re not talking to me you don t want to hear from me i m not at my emotional best in january and february and didn t have a lot to offer others i was eventually enjoying being disconnected but at the end of the day if i m really honest it boils down to the need to be remembered validation if you don t remember me i won t remember you very law of moses no and very stupid because i am still remembering you because i care about you and worry about you and love you because you re important to me i m just selfishly choosing not to do anything about it so i just get bitter and miserable which doesn t help you and really hurts me definitely something to change so that s basically it more pros than cons means it was a good thing right i think so i feel refreshed i feel like i ve straightened out my priorities and have clear actionable areas of self improvement am i getting back on facebook of course will my activity rise to its earlier levels probably but i hope to continue to use those windows of down time for other things as well i hope to maximize the time i spend by myself doing as many of the best things i love to do and need to do and minimize my waste of time i m committed to actively working on my relationships with those who fall within my dunbar s number i will stop being so selfish start being more giving and try to be better at initiating no promises but i will also work to be a part of the lives of those not so close to me because that is the beauty of social media we can relate to many people in many ways and if i can engage enlighten or encourage anybody even if it is briefly sporadically or superficially i want to do that heaven knows many many people have done the same for me i get by with a little help from my friends and my friends too lightning struck meagan at 11 52 am 1 comment wednesday october 30 2013 recalculating a story of my life on sunday morning i plugged an address into my gps for a church building in spanish fork where a friend was giving his missionary homecoming talk it was an estimated 20 minutes away and at about minute 18 i saw the telltale white steeple come into view and turned a corner to see what i thought was my destination on the left side of the road according to my gps however this was not the place and rather than turning into the parking lot i was directed to keep driving i looked from my phone out my windshield in surprise the road i was on did not continue very much farther in fact it ended rather abruptly at a dead end in a field pretty much in the middle of nowhere perplexed i pulled to the side of the road and reentered the address sure that the church i was seeing was where i was supposed to be but the gps returned the same results so i slowly drove down the road to my surprise and relief just as i reached what i thought was the dead end a small road a path really branched off to the right as i followed the next set of directions and turned onto it another steeple came almost immediately into view reassured i continued on my way to my final destination in perfect time to hear my friend speak beautifully on the challenges of this life because he loves us god will not leave us sitting where we are he said he will move us to where we need to be or more correctly he will move us to move i was reminded of the experience i had just had getting to the church building and was suddenly struck by the overwhelming relevance it has to my life right now i wanted to go to church that morning i knew it was where heavenly father wanted me to be and i also had a strong desire to make it there i found a church building i thought was the right one it wasn t there was nothing wrong with it i m sure i could have gone inside and learned wonderful things but it wasn t where i was supposed to be i was instead being pointed in what seemed an impossible direction from my perspective the road i was on ended there was no progress to be made no satisfactory end in sight instead of continuing on down the road i pulled over and sat in the car doubting the directions i was receiving not moving in any direction when i finally decided to continue with the directions and see what happened it wasn t very long before i saw that my perspective had been limited and that in fact there was a way to where i was supposed to go where i wanted to go the gps had a bigger more complete picture of my destination that had been sitting just out of my sight all along i just had to trust it to see the destin...