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phantasmagoria phantasmagoria shards reflecting my prismatic thoughts thursday november 07 2013 dancing my pain away i have this immense urge to dance till the point where my legs can go on no more and yet i corse them to carry the weight in my heart and push them further perhaps it s the same dance of the whirling dervishes but for them it is to reach a higher level of nirvana through their whirling me i need to whirl myself out of the swamp i need double the effort and the energy perhaps that moment of physical exhaustion takes the whole awareness of pain into a tangible more manageable one a controlled environment for the senses what baffles me is how tangible it is in the pit of the abdomen a tightness that actually can relatively be relaxed by pain killers as that in itself numbs other senses that trigger the mind and subsequently tight intangible knot i gravitate here and there when i feel this way what i have experienced and felt is wonderful as it means i can still feel as well it is a blessing to have such a little issue bring me so much pain it means that there are no other major pains and concerns i am safe and well as are my loved ones family and friends so then what i don t know i have revived doubts which are absolutely inconvenient the other day in between tears and pasted smiles i wished there was a direct phone to call god i then kicked myself and reminded myself that this direct line is called prayer but i still want to ask him so many questions the biggest ones are what shall i do and how should i be and get a simple direct mortal answer so many times i reach a point where i am mentally too tired i just don t want to think anymore it is at those times where i guiltily and retract it soon enough envy stupid or dumb people not in a degrading manner but that they just know within a limited capacity and perhaps with the false perception that they have less aches due to that posted by al mulhama the inspired at 15 38 no comments مجبور مجبور أنا بطاعتك وعصيانك مجبور انا بغيبتك ونسيانك من قلت قلبي لهفتي لوعتي حسرتي تحيا بك مجبور أنا أعشق أيامك وين بسمتك تنشر في ليالي ضي وين همستك قلبي بعدها حي وين لمستك طالت ولا مرت على كفي دفا عييت ولا جت من برد الشتا غابت عن الجفن رفة وفا مسافر ولا دل الطريق وين كلمتك باكر بيجمعنا بريق شمس اللقا لا تنتظر باكر دهر واليوم ما غاب القمر لا تنتظر ما عاد يكفيني عمر أنا نهايتي لك لهفتي واوراق الخريف باكر دهر والليل احلامه بريق أو لحظة أمل لا تنتظر انا فيك انهيت حكايتي وما لها بقايا قصتي غير اني من يومها مجبور فيك ولا شفت غيرك قدر posted by al mulhama the inspired at 15 11 no comments tuesday october 16 2012 loud and clear i hear ya loud and clear can t take the heat yeah i hear ya loud and clear jumped from the frying pan to land in the fire you didn t know that there lays a dark desire loud and clear a fevered pitch of a bird like screech loud and clear tbc posted by al mulhama the inspired at 05 49 no comments tuesday february 16 2010 cherry red aches and chocolate smudged fingers for valentines i sat by my espresso poured the pain on your cream couch my tears stung your eyes you controlled your sighs and let me breath my discoveries did i stain your heart with cherry red aches of love lost and family breaks or smudge chocolate fingers with the bitter sweetness of life did i tie the strings of the tassels too tight or cut fingers that stubbed my heart with each breath of grey to say i ll be there my friend as we listened to the king with his soul sing the few regrets or false imaginings and watch the doe skip across a flickering screen of a mute tv let us then stay as we may comrades of pain with a cherry red stain of a heartache and let us smudge chocolate on cream couches our way my brother my friend when will this end and we ll live the tale that was in letters sent from memories of yore and dreams of good intent my brother my bother my friend my end post it and let the memories spend its moments of glory in gardens where the sun shines happiness of grandfathers stories where one day i may hold the water in the sky as i spray the roses and strawberries that my uncle had drawn for me with his violin strings hidden lest it brings tears of what may never be the peace we never knew through history let us sleep perhaps one day if i may invite you for tea where the four roads meet or at the riverside where the fish can t hide and palm trees sway to the breeze of yesterday as whispers breath and baghdad sings in heavens wings peace posted by al mulhama the inspired at 04 04 no comments labels poetry sunday january 17 2010 how to cut a pomegranate by imtiaz dharker never said my father never cut a pomegranate through the heart it will weep blood treat it delicately with respect just slit the upper skin across four quarters this is a magic fruit so when you split it open be prepared for the jewels of the world to tumble out more precious than garnets more lustrous than rubies lit as if from inside each jewel contains a living seed separate one crystal hold it up to catch the light inside is a whole universe no common jewel can give you this afterwards i tried to make necklaces of pomegranate seeds the juice spurted out bright crimson and stained my fingers then my mouth i didn t mind the juice tasted of gardens i had never seen voluptuous with myrtle lemon jasmine and alive with parrot s wings the pomegranate reminded me that somewhere i had another home posted by al mulhama the inspired at 05 49 1 comment labels poetry saturday december 05 2009 حين تفكر في قتلي حين تفكر في قتلي ترفق وإطعني بلطف حتى ارى اللذة ترتسم على وجهك لحظة مماتي ولتصلي علي لحظة سكون أنفاسي حين ترتشفها وتنكسر بين راحتيك أهدابي فراشات مثل روحي تحتضر ولتنتظر برود أناملي تلك التي لطالما راقصتها في غياهب السمر قف للدهر كما مرت علي سنون وعمر ورياح تتطاير من وراءها حصاد القمر ألم تعلم حينما قررت لمس الآله بأن قلبها لإمرأة بهمسة ينفطر وحين وضعت كفك على خدها لتسرق الإبتسامة من وجهها كم دمعة ستنهمر قف وانتظر من أجلك أرخيت لثامي وأسدلت على النهار ستاري وخضبت بعد موتي أقدامي احتفالإً بالنصر والآن قررت بأنك نبوخذ نظر وغزواتك بدوني لن تكتمل حين تنتهي من نحرالدجى قف وصلي على آلهة بين يديك تحتضر posted by al mulhama the inspired at 11 53 1 comment wednesday december 02 2009 here s my letter to you today the ones before i d never written or typed on a sheet i have though drilled the words through my head in memories of dreams every night i dread coming home and going to bed the vortex that envelopes my being is dreadful truly when i m out i occupy myself to the fullest not a moment passes when my mind is not busy could be twitter or friends or a book or a café i hate being alone in my room and bed because inadvertently there s no more energy to be spent and exhausted at five in the morning i pray that i drop off into a dreamless continuous sleep that hasn t happened what does happen is that the moment my head hits the pillow all the thoughts that are dormant amongst the feathers and fibers seep through my hair follicles and squirm into my mind they creep slowly at first and soon they gain momentum until i lose consciousness into that pause that s called sleep i wake and it s only been an hour or two i sleep and wake again i read the latest news on twitter and sleep restless they sense my consciousness and burst into life i close my eyes against their invasion but they come through every other orifice that affects my being they won t leave me alone you appear from nowhere in a restaurant a café your car you appear by my side facing me smiling your side grin your eyebrows lift in emphasis the words of an old iraqi song smiles through your lips and that s about when the tears start to well and by some miracle even then i m not allowed the pleasure of weeping you distract me and everyone else distracts me oo they won t leave me alone these thoughts of you i need to go now to shower and get dressed the shower is another alone region the water droplets drum their way as other thoughts of you become them you are now touching my hair and your hand on my face and your smile as if to say that we will always be together in the same place and the water pours not washing anything except my hair and body rivulets form and i remember your hand in mine and your lips kissing them kissing my hand your face in my palm it s not that you re attractive but oh my heart grew active when you came into view i ve got a crush on you sweety pie ella sing my woes sing my smiles sing my soul embrace me my sweet embraceable you frankie you re friends do something no not domani it is your way and his way it is no longer my way but perhaps eventually it is the way that i have known all along i want a little sugar in bowl i want a little sweetness down in my soul you wrote me a letter and another one too i haven t received the second one the thing is i want that letter it was written for me by me through you but for me therefore it s rightfully mine please give me my letter even if all that in it is lies how naked can i be more naked than under the shower more naked than in the darkness of my soul more naked than when one is dead perhaps this is not a letter after all i would never write you as i write this this what is this except a form of conversation with my mind sure you won t read it you won t remember the address this a schizophrenia of thoughts jumbled to form in coherent emotions in word format this how sad it s not that you re attractive but oh my heart grew active yes i know but that exactly what got me the regular joe gotta go juss joe remember remember joe remember what you said fifteen years ago in montreal posted by al mulhama the inspired at 18 08 no comments labels letter older posts home subscribe to posts atom translate followers twitter updates twitter updates follow me on twitter about me al mulhama the inspired view my complete profile links darvish i will walk a thousand leagues in falsehood that one step of the journey may be true junayd shalash al iraqi his writings craig kilford artist at large uae community blog bujassem a k a buj al arab emirati community blog shammasy secret dubai diary auto blog top 100 sites the quotations page stream time iraq culture coolsig google news trip to iraq where is raed blog archive 2013 2 november 2 dancing my pain away مجبور 2012 1 october 1 2010 2 february 1 january 1 2009 25 december 3 november 1 may 15 april 5 january 1 2008 12 november 4 october 2 september 1 june 1 may 1 april 1 february 2 2007 59 december 2 november 2 october 6 september 1 august 7 july 5 june 5 may 2 april 3 march 4 february 6 january 16 2006 56 december 1 november 4 october 7 september 6 august 11 july 2 june 1 may 5 april 8 march 4 february 4 january 3 2005 83 december 2 november 21 october 6 september 9 august 8 july 5 june 6 may 12 april 1 march 4 february 3 january 6 2004 71 december 4 november 3 october 3 september 6 august 4 july 19 june 16 may 7 april 6 march 1 february 2 2003 3 december 3 picture window theme powered by blogger