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Text of the page (random words):
ea back to the drawing board then we can talk he does not intend on talking but two months later superman is back this time he brings another super powered vigilante named wonder woman she smiles politely approaches him and says superman tells me you want to learn more about our league that is not what he said but he doesn t bite bruce can t decide which they remind him of more college recruiters or cult leaders but because wonder woman genuinely seems to care about seeing this project through and the roster she has of current like minded vigilantes is impressive he lets her talk and to give her credit she definitely thought out the logistics more it almost makes up for the time they re wasting okay fine they re still way behind on concept and it s pitiful he actually feels bad they obviously care they just have no idea how to run a business like he does is it a bit cynical to think of this league of justice as a business yes but that s the only way he can even conceive this happening and working bruce asks about their organization s leadership structure and that s when wonder woman falters a bit we want to work with each other not for bruce bites his tongue on that subject he asks about their scope of work we want to help as many people as we can but that can be ironed out later bruce bites his tongue on that subject he asks who s funding this she answers we have a few members willing to pitch in but the majority will have to come from generous citizens and that s when he just stops asking questions because what if he could cry the grease paint off he would they can t just think every super powered vigilante is going to sing kumbaya and braid each other s hair there needs to be checks and balances within the organization to avoid tyranny and corruption they need a reliable source of donations that doesn t immediately out bruce they need a proper chain of command they need to map out their area of responsibility they need to design a very strict vetting process it s not sunshine and rainbows it s hard work so he says he ll think about it again and complains to alfred about the weird super stalkers but for some reason alfred doesn t see the problem alfred encourages him to join so he can make some friends but how can he trust these people if they can t even make a half decent pitch it s like a bad episode of shark tank and make friends they re all masked but after a week of gentle nudging read very firm lectures bruce agrees only to keep tabs on the rest of the vigilante world and possible threats to gotham and without his help they ll probably butt dial lex luthor the nuclear codes or something and he is damn well going to figure out who these people really are before he helps them make a super organization alfred figures out about half of their secret identities purely as a brain exercise while bruce is out fighting crime and collecting head injuries like pokémon cards they figure out the rest together they also develop contingency plans for every single member just in case and after months of batman being visited by random vigilantes whom he has several choice words for about personal space this is my city go away he accepts on several conditions not all of them are appreciated attempt 1 making friends after several scheduling conflicts a lot of prep work and a really good hype session in front of the mirror bruce heads on over to the first official meeting batman arrives with a long list of things they need to do before going public the first thing on the list write a mission statement what the fuck are they actually trying to do bruce thinks this is a great starting point and you d think you d think this justice league thing would be easier to tolerate than the drawn out exec meetings he has to sit through with boring old businessmen who keep delaying things so they can hash out every little detail to bruce s absolute horror he becomes the boring businessman who s delaying things so they can hash out every little detail he misses the boring old businessmen at least they knew what they were doing every turn he is argued with why do we need a mission statement power structure feels authoritarian can t we just share leadership duties do we really need this much paperwork bruce has the audacity to say we need to develop some sort of protocol that helps us analyze any possible threat but no why can t i just jump in i have eyes jumping in without studying an opponent s behavior could cause more harm than good he insists so what i m going to watch an alien monster go on a rampage through my city instead of fighting it yes you don t know what it s capable of bruce already regrets joining all he hears is the others gossiping is this guy really telling us how to be heroes he s got a major stick up his ass i knew we shouldn t have let him join and if that doesn t dissuade him he doesn t know what will how was the first meeting alfred asks bruce scowls i m not making friends nonetheless bruce sticks it out for weeks until they have some semblance of an organization and to his shock and amazement it kind of works the justice league makes its debut and wayne enterprises generously donates some money out of spite after lex luthor publicly denounces the league honestly bruce would too if he hadn t personally duct taped it together himself but the league starts small just like he told them they respond to natural disasters and public safety threats first as per the outreach initiative and focus on protecting communities in need as per the mission statement yes they still think batman has a stick up his ass because he s a stickler for writing incident reports but no one else reads them so he has the right to be pissed he s almost kind of sort of content with how it s going even his reputation as a vigilante is improving that s when another glaring difference between him and the other members appears despite looking the same age as the rest of the team bruce is actually much younger even excluding the aliens gods etc most of his teammates are in their late 30 s early 40 s meanwhile bruce is at the ripe age of 29 and a half he is the youngest by ten years everyone kind of just assumes he s the same age though so they make references to 80 s kids stuff that he only vaguely understands through alfred and his business partners he just sits there in silence like a child who snuck over to the adult table and is waiting to get caught so on top of the rift he accidentally created when they started the organization it s even harder to connect through similar interests other than punching people together and bruce wayne has a bad case of imposter syndrome when it comes to their superpowers he s always in the corner brooding and everyone s like ummm antisocial much but 50 of the time it s because he s thinking i ll never amount to the incredible heroic feats everyone else has accomplished how can i possibly make a difference to the world if i m already struggling to save gotham like a little emo freak meanwhile you couldn t pay those mf s to step foot in gotham this bat guy s crazy and he s human apparently no way nuh uh the other 50 of his brooding is bruce standing to the side with a mixture of concern and judgment because his teammates competency in certain areas is alarmingly low sometimes one week he finds himself thinking how do these grown ass adults not know their way around a digital map they re 40 not geriatric then like a week later it s these fucking war fossils don t even know morse code i gotta do everything around here one of the final straws is when he says did they just break another fucking keurig who does that alfred it s the fifth one suffice it to say he s not very personable but is it his fault well yeah a little bit like 65 his fault the remaining 35 is their moaning and groaning whenever batman calls a meeting bruce s irritation is totally justified god he just wants to go home why is he doing this again attempt 2 actually making friends the first jl member to break through his cold black exterior is wonder woman she needs help with search and rescue after a sinkhole opens up near an elementary school but no one s available until batman responds to her call he s on the scene in less than an hour and makes quick work in securing the area thankfully she catches him once it s over he always runs off without saying goodbye thanks for helping everyone else was just so busy i m glad you could fly over batman mumbles something that she can t quite hear what was that she asks i was busy too he repeats she gives him a weird look and he freezes up for a second as he realizes that probably wasn t appropriate to say i mean this was more important there were kids in danger so it didn t matter if i was busy wonder woman considers how awkward the batman looks for a moment then smiles so he really is human well thank you the help was very much appreciated since then several small acts of kindness and solidarity earn batman some respect from the rest of the team one day flash complains about how boring their meetings are so batman brings a massive bin of fidget toys after placing them in front of the flash he mumbles these are for adhd they re useful flash almost cries with relief he is very touched another day green arrow is severely injured in battle without a word batman leaves the fight takes him to a safe location stops the bleeding and does it all while repeatedly making sure he s awake and asking permission to remove certain pieces of clothing in another fight plastic man s mask is thrown off and batman sees his face in a second batman tosses a smoke bomb picks up the mask and hands it back before anyone else can look it costs them time and the element of surprise and plastic man knows it but batman did it anyway a jl member s stomach grumbles during one too many meetings suddenly their little break room becomes a fully stocked kitchen with shelf stable meal items and all the basic necessities there s a nut free section a gluten free section everything the only reason they know it s him is because anyone else would have admitted to it he renovated the whole fucking thing in one night by himself and they all see how gentle he is with children countless times the batman is spotted prioritizing young civilians at any given moment he has lollipops in his belt and bluey bandaids too it s the little things that make them feel closer to him and okay maybe his goddamn mission statement lecture wasn t so bad so they stop moaning and groaning okay now it s bonding time woohoo attempt 3 kinda friends one day superman says he isn t too fond of billionaires because of lex obviously and goes on a rant about capitalism bruce doesn t dare contribute because 1 he s the richest man in the world and 2 every other billionaire he s met is insufferable including oliver queen who bruce refuses to look at while green arrow defends his city s billionaire and while we re on the topic of green arrow bruce cannot forget the disappointing almost fling two summers ago he still holds a grudge green arrow you re all fashion nightmares who wears a cape in the 21st century batman at least my facial hair isn t longer than my dick ga what was that batman b what also bruce is very attracted to superman he likes older men yes i am referring to henry cavill s superman sue me but don t get your hopes up he does literally nothing about it coward one of the jl members complains about how sore they are after a few missions so bruce cashes in his monthly attempt to socialize and says try yoga it helps me batman you do yoga yes my son got me into it it s good for you you have a son he is never socializing again they also learn that batman has the smallest frame on the team like yeah he s tall but he s also lanky and everyone else is either an alien or a human dorito one night they need to sneak through the vents of some building so bruce offers to do it someone says it s a tight squeeze are you sure you can fit then he just takes his cape and pauldrons and shoulder pads off and is suddenly like a foot skinnier wait is this why you re so good at hiding in the shadows bruce just glares at the flash for a second before climbing into the vents the answer is yes a betting pool is started over whether or not batman is part bat in fact several betting pools begin because no one knows anything about the guy aquaman and plastic man go to great lengths to figure out what his hair color is they lose their shit once bruce tells them he s vegetarian green lantern every time he opens his mouth we learn something new next he s going to tell me he speaks swahili batman i do gl oh come on superman we need someone on the inside for this international operation to work but that ll take at least three months undercover batman don t worry i have connections s in shanghai b yes the flash adds shanghai to his conspiracy board bruce needs to stop trying to socialize it s better for everyone s cardiovascular health a year or two in they re all introduced to captain marvel bruce is the first and only person to learn his true identity kid billy batson because bruce is the only one with a kid that way he understands the weird gen alpha humor and references millennia old deities don t use the term flop era and of course they play fmk at some point i mean come on there are like two mature adults on this team but martian manhunter doesn t know what s going on until it s too late and wonder woman is busy at her day job during that particular round the celebrities are bruce wayne lex luthor and kylie jenner bruce does in fact want to kill himself but he chooses fuck instead because of this exact conversation green lantern come on bats it s just a game choose already batman no i m against killing gl oh go fuck yourself this situation is completely hypothetical and you know it b fine fuck bruce marry kylie kill lex gl see that wasn t so hard bruce he tried attempt 4 ah shit friend the identity reveal comes about three years after he joins he s 32 has three kids he s been on hundreds of missions with them the team s over twice its original size and there are domestic terrorists overtaking manhattan superman wonder woman the flash green lantern martian manhunter and the batman try to extract as many civilians as possible but now they re being hunted after hiding in a warehouse and considering their options mm finally suggests that they pose as civilians which immediately creates uproar bruce however realizes this is the only way out but it s not dramatic or badass like that one jl episode no instead he thinks about it swallows the regret and just takes off his cowl and the whole room falls dead fucking quiet then oh fuck that was green lantern bruce just shrugs and mumbles martian is right it s the only way and really fucking hopes the grease paint hides his red face because he is not having a good time right now he would rather die actually but they need to get somewhere safe and fast the others look h...