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Text of the page (random words):
the bon mots of phineas matova the bon mots of phineas matova the journaling and very deep thoughts of phineas matova recent arrival to caledon man about town and unicorn owner tuesday august 10 homecoming conclusion once we reached uncle theo s home i was immediately dragged off by uncle theo s driver and forced to endure having several buckets of hot water dumped on me and being scrubbed with lye after being given a rather unfashionable set of garments appearing to belong to a much larger man the clothes that i was wearing were burned in a barrel despite my protests i was quite fond of that vest and i was deemed appropriate for entering the house where mrs uncle theo i didn t catch her name and an seemingly endless parade of simon s siblings made my somewhat unwilling acquaintance mrs uncle theo mumbled something about supper being almost ready my stomach grumbled in appreciation and i followed her and her numerous and belligerent brood into the dining room with the exception of pass the salt please and mummy joseph is kicking me supper was a blessedly silent affair as we masticated our food until the dishes were cleared away i delicately patted my lips with my napkin and murmured my appreciation of the food as i was starting to ask where the nearest pub was uncle theo abruptly and rather rudely interrupted me phineas you re a drunken dissolute man with no real purpose do you know what you need a wealthy lady with a castle a well stocked wine cellar a unicorn don t be daft you need a job a purpose phineas i m offering you a chance to come and work for me what do you say everything went black at that moment i awoke with a start as the maid waved some smelling salts under my nose a job a job are you mad i shrieked dear reader i am not ashamed to say that i shrieked i am a poet a man about town a bon vivant bon vivants do not have jobs what is difficult to understand about that apparently this outburst caused mrs uncle theo to faint colliding to the floor in a heap the maid yanked the smelling salts away and rushed to aid her mistress while uncle theo turned several shades of red and purple swore loudly and called me many names none of which i cannot repeat here while mrs uncle theo was hauled off to her bed needless to say supper was ruined afterwards i was politely offered a ticket on the first ship back to caledon the following morning i was marched by two rather gruff gentlemen up the gangplank to the ship berthed in the harbor who both waited on the dock until they were certain the boat had left and i was on it my journey back to caledon was considerably less eventful unless you count the time i was confined to my cabin for frightening a group of maiden aunts with my interpretive dancing but that s a story for another time dear readers posted by phineas matova at 3 39 00 pm 2 comments labels caledon i didn t do it poet at large travels uncle theo is generally unpleasant part 5 in rather short time i found myself bundled into a car with uncle theo the insufferable brat simon and uncle theo s rather large and imposing driver feeling very much as if being arrested by new york s finest might actually have been a preferable outcome to this i stared bleakly out the window as we made our way down broadway uncle theo s eyes bored into me like two tiny grey coloured marbles capable of boring into things i was greatly rattled and in need of some sort of refreshment but i feared that wasn t going to be a possibility i heard a sound like a elephant with indigestion uncle theo was clearing his throat in prepartion for my continued inquisition phineas you ve not answered me how on earth did you come to be in new york this was accompanied by a pinch from the appalling young simon ouch stop that simon don t pinch your cousin it s not polite besides we don t know where he s been and we all know how much you hate having to get a shot sorry daddy i sighed heavily and dramatically attempting to look as wounded and unthreatening as possible phineas you really are an impossible creature uncle theo muttered to no one in particular fine uncle theo if you must know this was all some sort of dreadful accident a rather loud and unpleasant noise emitted from uncle theo apparently his version of a guffaw accident how in the hell do you accidentally travel across the atlantic uncle theo began shaking with laughter at my tragedy the driver smirked and simon stared at me as if i were quite mad indeed it was most certainly not funny at all it was all quite traumatic i simply fell asleep in a crate and awoke in this strange and barbaric land i swooned a bit just to demonstrate the sheer horridness of it all and was met with even more laughter i crossed my arms across my chest and glared at them as stonily and imposingly as i could manage given that i had spent the night in central park and random twigs and leaves were sticking out from my hair at jaunty angles to be continued posted by phineas matova at 2 32 00 pm no comments labels certain doom travels wednesday february 24 part 4 uncle theo appears when last we left i was being poked with a stick by a horrid little urchin http phineasmatova blogspot com 2009 11 it continuespart 3 html i stared up up the long coat the thick cigar clutching fingers the bristly beard that seemed to radiate displeasure and into the cold gimlet eyes of my uncle theo i coughed and blinked uncle theo i said just to be on the safe side it could have very well been an hallucination from the plants i was forced to subsist on while i was hiding from the police yes you ass i am your uncle theodore now get up or i ll let simon have at you again simon he affectionately patted the mangy head of the stick wielding urchin who beamed up at him yes simon i m sad to say this wretch is your cousin this unleashed another assault from the little devil who now began to thrash me with his stick get up daddy says you haf to yes i will just stop bloody hell that hurts don t swear in front of the moppet grumbling darkly i managed to stand and dust myself off under the combined glares of uncle theo and his progeny so phineas i believe the question is how on earth did you get here posted by phineas matova at 12 20 00 am no comments friday january 22 another poem tree oh mighty tree you are not a member of the bourgeoisie though you appear to be inhabited by a bee but thankfully not a banshee i like afternoon tea posted by phineas matova at 12 08 00 am no comments labels poet at large thursday january 21 happy new year yes i realize that it is a few days into the new year i ve been busy visiting pubs hic and i started a new poem barrel brown and stout there you sit not full of trout or mince pie still working on the ending i shall continue my narrative of my new york adventure but the details are rather fuzzy at the moment i think there were pickles posted by phineas matova at 11 57 00 pm no comments labels poet at large poetry tuesday december 8 an important announcement yes i phineas matova man about town poet at large and general bon vivant now shall deliver my thoughts to you in 140 character increments http twitter com phineasmatova posted by phineas matova at 3 57 00 pm 2 comments tuesday november 10 it continues part 3 i awoke with a start a grubby shock headed youngster of about four or five was standing nearby armed with a stick the ankle biter was poking me in the side with the infernal thing are you dead mister i am most certainly not stop poking at me are you sick no are you sleeping i was until you decided to ow i said stop that immediately i am getting very cross are you a hobo i most certainly am not a hobo i am phineas matova man about town poet at large and apparently a refugee through no fault of my own in your fair city the brat blinked a couple of times what s a poet at large mister i sighed heavily and rolled over onto my side you re too young to understand urchin let me sleep i closed my eyes with the full intention of meeting morpheus but again felt an unwanted object being thrust into my side what is it now urchin i blearily opened my eyes and was met with the rather disapproving gaze of a policeman to be continued posted by phineas matova at 10 42 00 pm 1 comment labels hiding i didn t do it impending doom poet at large the great outdoors older posts home subscribe to posts atom the velveteen touch of a dandy fop phineas matova the journal of the devastatingly handsome phineas matova bon vivant man about town and erstwhile unicorn owner view my complete profile subscribe to posts atom posts all comments atom all comments popular posts cupid for hire as valentines day is fast approaching i phineas matova man about town and poet at large would like to offer my services to the ladies of homecoming conclusion once we reached uncle theo s home i was immediately dragged off by uncle theo s driver and forced to endure having several buckets it continues part 3 i awoke with a start a grubby shock headed youngster of about four or five was standing nearby armed with a stick the ankle biter was p an important announcement yes i phineas matova man about town poet at large and general bon vivant now shall deliver my thoughts to you in 140 character increments part 4 uncle theo appears when last we left i was being poked with a stick by a horrid little urchin http phineasmatova blogspot com 2009 11 it continuespart 3 h the fugitive i apologize if my last post seemed a bit incoherent it was due to a combination of shock and smoke inhalation it is day three of my f status i know that you all have been terribly concerned about the whereabouts of phineas matova man about town please let me put your fears to re in which i am a fugitive again seeing the constables advancing and picturing myself in a tiny cramped manhattan jail i took the liberty of the ensuing confusion to flee exile still in hiding it seems for days now in the forest i ve made a lovely shelter of twigs and leaves it doesn t fall on m a poem by phineas matova since there is little to do here at my aunt s boarding house all attempts at escape a failure no pubs nearby no vistors coughs and followers subscribe to posts atom posts all comments atom all comments my illustrious past 2010 5 august 2 homecoming conclusion uncle theo is generally unpleasant part 5 february 1 january 2 2009 10 december 1 november 1 september 1 august 1 may 2 january 4 2008 24 december 1 november 3 october 1 september 1 august 2 july 4 june 2 may 2 april 2 march 2 february 4 2007 7 december 2 november 4 october 1 fever for the flavor of a what not aliens 1 aunt juniper 8 aunt of doom 6 bathtime 1 blame the unicorn 5 boredom 2 caledon 2 certain doom 3 cigars 1 clever sanitorium employees 1 cupid 1 dirgibles 2 drinking 1 ennui 2 excursions 1 exile 6 fire 4 flying bunnies 1 help 1 hiding 4 homicidal things 1 i didn t do it 6 impeding dinner 2 impending doom 5 jaksoi pak 1 kidnapped 1 ladies with castles 1 lapin 1 memes 1 merlot 1 merriment 1 mondserrat 1 moving 1 mutant turkeys 2 my life and times 9 new flat 1 new trousers 1 new year 2 oxbridge 1 packages 1 poet at large 8 poetry 3 portraits 3 pub crawls 2 pubs 1 regency 1 scary snowman 1 scary things 2 self protraiture 1 taverns 1 the great outdoors 4 the muse 2 things 2 things about me 3 tragedy 5 travails 5 travels 3 unicorn 2 valentines day 2 violet 5 volcanos 1 what a charming devil i am 4 what a handsome devil i am 6 where are my pants 4 winter 2 awesome inc theme powered by blogger