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w i would not fit in because i was too dark she would further explain that i would not have access to certain jobs and classes of people irrespective of qualifications and skills the irony of this was one day she experienced racism from a group of white male youths on her way home from school they followed and called her nigger continuously there were other incidents she likened to physical punches which left her emotionally wounded so traumatized by this she began to shed handfuls of hair from her scalp she started to wear wigs something unheard of for black girls in the late 70s and applied medicated creams to the bald parts of her scalp others and i looked on but it was never discussed in her presence as we felt bad for her i lost contact with this person until some years ago when i met up with her for someone who also held a negative attitude towards education maggie why do you need to go to college she now had a master s degree was married with two kids and worked for the local government she was widely read and held opinions on all things black whether it was about a newly elected president of an african state to the increasing number of black males in uk prisons and of course she was always up to date on the issues concerning the african american community in the aftermath of george floyd s murder she attended the blm demonstration held in london before floyd s funeral took place she sent me the details so that i could watch it live on youtube along with thousands of other people from around the world i was happy the wig was gone and even though she had a few strands of hair she was proud of being bald and natural in an off moment she would pluck a stray hair leaving me to think recovery was still an ongoing process not just for her but also for the rest of us i understood my friend grew up in a society where it had a system making her feel privileged even though her family were not well endowed educationally or economically what was key was being stationed above the dark skinned and believing it gave her a sense of importance but arriving in england and suddenly finding herself demoted by a people whose colour she felt was not far from her own was traumatic i realised she could not be held responsible for her treatment of me and others who looked like me however with meghan firstly i want to say just because of my own experiences does not mean she goes around looking down on dark skinned people i am sure she is just as gracious and kind to them as she is to everyone else but i am curious about her expectations on entering the firm did she think by straightening her hair and resorting to chopping off bits and pieces of her features would do the trick i find it difficult to believe that she did not know the royal family it s history princess diana s relationship with her in laws and so forth so her surprise at the family s so called concerns over skin tone and whether or not royal titles can be given to the children is a bit of a surprise for me even if meghan was naïve harry must know that his ancestors queen elizabeth i was key in establishing slavery even though it was illegal or charles ii sanctioned and legalized the beginnings of the transatlantic slave trade so it stands to reason throughout the history of the monarchy each successive and future monarch had to be white even if they are not next in line to the throne harry should have forewarned his wife of what she was letting herself in for before their marriage but most importantly whether they were ready for their children to be burdened with the knowledge they are not as entitled to security and titles in the same way as their cousins when you are ambitious it is easy to be scornful of the present and to honour the future meghan should have taken her time to understand the implications of marrying into the royal family being hurt due to the family as she believes failing to see her as white she should have seen that one coming she should have known it was coming 31 03 2021 plaintain1 black britons black lives matter black women blm britain charles ii colorism depression george floyd jamaica light skinned supremacy meghan and harry mental illness piers morgan queen elizabeth i race racism the british royal family the monarchy leave a comment after all all we really have is today the quote was taken from the character jean slater gillian wright eastenders who leaves a devastating message for her family about her decision against having treatment for cancer yesterday evening my husband along with my son and daughter were eating our meal while the soap drama eastenders was playing on tv in the background as i ate and momentarily glimpsed at the program i said how strange it was that when the first episode came out in 1985 i was intrigued by the character dirty den to the point i could never miss an episode but after some months i lost interest in the program we went on to talk generally about the other soaps coronation street was one i recalled when we used to live in manchester in the late 80s seeing one of the actors enter the department store kendals in deansgate i remembered the staff and the way they greeted the actress with excitement as i continued talking i noticed the character patrick trueman played by the actor rudolph walker appeared in a scene where he is hospital looking quite ill i wondered what was going on then in the next scene was another character jean slater doing a video call the volume was not too low as i was able to listen to the family and the tv i was very moved to the point i was no longer listening to my talkative family as jean in a restrained and yet powerful monologue expressed her concerns about her cancer returning and how she could not bear to go through treatment again but what really locked my attention was her conclusion all we really have is today last week on disney plus we watched the newly released animated movie called soul without spoiling for those of you who have not seen the film i would just say it was entertaining and heartwarming but again the take away message which remained in my mind that life is meant to be lived as opposed to waiting for it to begin again you only have today it seemed to be saying this morning i got up late 9 30 am late for what my daughter promptly came into my room and said her father was upset upset why i said what s wrong she took a deep breath and looked away from me as if suddenly there was something interesting happening in the garden you know daddy s friend she mentioned his name he s passed away noooo that cannot be true he spoke to him just a few days ago why didn t he wake me up i was about to put on my dressing gown when my husband walked in we stared at each other in silence my daughter and i sat on the bed whilst my husband sat in the chair opposite his head was gripped by his hands he talked and kept talking about his surprise and could not believe how covid had destroyed his friend i was also speechless i was aware that our friend was ill but as he refused to name the illness when asked we decided that he must have contracted the virus the last time my husband spoke to him two days ago he sounded as though it was an effort for him to talk my husband wanted to ask more questions about his illness but left it telling himself he would call him again which would have been today as we spoke of this friend and his connection to us as a family jean slater s shattering video message in eastenders came rushing in my mind as did the walt disney movie soul it is something i must be mindful for the rest of this new year there is a difference between having a life and living your life i am aware of having this fantastic opportunity of being alive yet i have been living it as though i still expect it to start i need to really know that all i have is today as my life reveals itself in the present i must not allow it to disappear by allowing time to past right by screwing away precious seconds of my life worrying about the future life must be lived right now 16 01 2021 plaintain1 actors america britain christianity coronation street covid 19 death eastenders entertainment inspiration manchester mindfulness movies racism soap drama soul spirituality walt disney leave a comment 2020 such a weird year they named it twice yesterday was the first day of the new year i can write all about my hopes and dreams for 2021 but instead i want to focus on what a year 2020 was we had and still have covid the build up to brexit where we have now officially left europe the live murder of george floyd where we have talked dissected and tried to reassemble without satisfaction but not all has been bad the key things for me during this year has been settling into a new home doing various courses online via zoom and blue jeans having an essay accepted and included in an online anthology although i m entering a later phase in my life i cannot help but think that this is just the beginning it s a bit of dilemma because how can things begin to happen when we re told constantly of how life will never be the same again how will the new normal will appear i ve decided not to dwell on this as each time i think about it i get into a loop where i cannot remove myself from so it s best to leave it but i do however want to focus on making sure that 2021 will be the year of completion and forgiveness to finish writing my memoir which has been going on ever since to repair certain relationships especially within the family i was not speaking to one of my siblings for an entire year it is only just last month that we decided to speak to one another i believe this was due to people we knew within the community who have died it had effect on me knowing and growing up with these people arguing with them ignoring them and then eventually embracing them years later but i was shocked and moved on receiving whatsapp photographs of these people which carried no comment name or caption but i automatically knew what it meant just before the lockdown i was able to to travel to london to attend the funeral of one of these people the simple lesson from this is life is too short to be holding on to tantrums and grudges but there have also been people who i thought were friends and for whatever reason no longer see me or want me as a friend i dug deep within to figure what i had done wrong years ago i would have been disheartened at this but now i don t feel any offence and look at the experience as a form of shedding i e removing those who no longer serve any purpose perhaps but what is interesting these friends have been replaced with people who have come into my life who are interested who care school mates who i have not seen for years suddenly turning up the same applies to a friend i met years ago but unfortunately lost her contact details just last week after christmas day she called telling me that she hunted me down and was determined to make contact with me i was so pleased this also means on my own part to respect and nurture these friendships and not take them for granted i really hope and want 2021 to be positive not just for myself but for all to be able to realise our dreams to achieve our goals and to be okay with ourselves and realise we can only do what we can do without beating ourselves up when we re disappointed i raise my glass to you all and pray that all will be well happy new year to you all 02 01 2021 plaintain1 2020 2021 covid 19 george floyd leave a comment welcome 2020 again i m late as always i m late with my greetings but before anything i wish to wish you all a belated happy new year and hope that 2020 will be just as fulfilling and even more so than the previous year i don t know where to begin with 2019 the year moved quickly but it was eventful busy enlightening and for once my usual ongoing negativity turned its head and decided to be positive if there was a downside it was leaving the family home which was in our possession for 38 years a grand home in north london my late parents bought just as i was leaving for university it welcomed me in between term times it accommodated me here and there when my own family lived in numerous cities and countries it took us in again just before we moved into our home in south london and this was repeated again when we rented out our home and stayed at this house before emigrating to south africa it s also uncanny that i spent just a year living in this home before starting university and then i spent a final year 2019 in it before putting the property up for sale it housed all the items whether they belonged to my parents or us we had from year dot until present and most of the items i felt were so sentimental i could not throw them away so instead they were either donated to charity shops or items concerning our parents which i felt had historical value were gifted or loaned to the local museum such as receipts belonging to my father for payment of rent when he rented a room in 1955 my mother s certificate received from the home office in 1958 granting her legal right of stay in the uk this would show that not all those from the windrush generation misplaced their documents and also a 1957 diary belonging to my father showing the entry date my mother went to hospital to deliver me i discovered my primary and secondary school exercise books a program of when my parents went to see the broadway musical hit sweet charity a black and white photo taken during the 70s of myself and a classmate on a school trip to amsterdam the weird thing is prior to finding this photo l learned from another classmate just a week ago that the other girl in the photo had passed away i found other similar belongings to my siblings as well my own children there was a time where we used to live in south london when my son s nursery had abruptly closed for some months so my son was sent to his grandparent s home and they took him to a local nursery until i was able to find another nursery for him it is by going through my parent s wardrobes and drawers the last time i did this i had to be about ten years old they never changed their bedroom suite where i got a good hiding that besides keeping their own things they also kept items belonging to their children and grandchildren my father had a number of books to do with his profession carpentry there were no first editions but there were other editions dated from the turn of the 20 th century which he had in his possession i got in touch with an apprentice trades college who agreed to adopt the books and put them in their library but also they want me to write a short biography of my father focusing on his connection to carpentry i told them i d be happy to do this the last three months of remaining in the house were spent removing delivering transporting visiting neighbours and friends in the street to collect email addresses when i finally closed the front door for the last time i went to spend a few nights with a friend who lived...