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Text of the page (random words):
there is nothing left to do but go because everyone is waiting for you it s your turn so you go wind your way down streets through unconfusedly green only traffic lights past a street named cumberland and you are glad you could at least talk to her about books posted by brooke on wednesday april 29 2009 no comments april 28 2009 day 28 the comforting voice it s no wonder that when i reach the point of needing to talk myself out of a panic and keep calm that i use no i become that voice one that permeated my childhood in the form of hayley mills or julie andrews mature and british and as i go on it sort of evolves into more of an emma thompson imitation she is so wise my child self rattled with panic and insecurity simply listens rapt if i m alone in the car i can pretty much talk myself out of any worry and it just looks like i m talking on my hands free to someone real posted by brooke on tuesday april 28 2009 no comments april 27 2009 day 27 why when bad things happen to good palm trees take this one transplanted as an adult chosen to landscape the grounds of the church it must have been a good palm tree to be chosen right done something right made good choices its life plan set in front of it and promises being fulfilled by all appearances a good tree perhaps at one point it felt there was dissonance in expectations there when the wind would blow sea breezes and scents that stirred a kind of memory if a tree has a memory and realization set in it didn t want this this prescribed pattern of being it was fixed in and so it could not perform anymore it hit just like a raindrop suddenly but with hardly a notice not enough to make a splash and gradual driving past you could tell it wasn t flourishing anymore had it ever illness had set in weak enough to die every other tree remained green able to focus having retained their ability to photosynthesize posted by brooke on monday april 27 2009 no comments april 26 2009 day 26 harry s poem tell me how long till it s morning my eyes will not stay shut i love you more than a dinosaur now sleep beside me for the whole night i love you more than a dinosaur posted by brooke on sunday april 26 2009 no comments april 25 2009 day 25 japanese bookstore it is the only place to get the pens i love but i got mad at the sales clerk when they didn t accept a return and told her i refused to shop there ever again so i send other people in for me when i need replacements and refills those tempting tiny fine little tips my temper my tiny but sharp retort posted by brooke on saturday april 25 2009 no comments april 24 2009 day 24 sitting position at 32 years i never thought of myself before as round but always sucked in my gut now i don t have the energy or the care to suck it in and don t have the metabolism to keep from growing outward from my center but when i m forced to select my body type from the following shapes triangle circle rectangle or hourglass really i have to say circle to be completely honest because here in my middle both back and front i am round getting thicker feeling rolls i ve never felt before posted by brooke on friday april 24 2009 no comments april 23 2009 day 23 in defense of bad drivers my husband says i should be a spokesperson for all the drivers he calls idiots because i give them the benefit of the doubt really i can see myself doing the same stupid things with little excuse he curses them the annoyance of their existence on the road the hazard they are to people everywhere and i am explaining how they could actually be thinking this or trying to do something or other or be having a brain fart for heaven s sake and we argue the whole way home until our son is asking us please stop like fifteen minutes ago it all boils down to the time i ran a stop sign without realizing it and wrecked the car i never thought i was a bad driver but there it was confirmed i feel passionately for these strangers plight and want to make their case heard shield them from criticism they will never hear if i could be a bad driver then anyone could be a bad driver i am every bad driver our average ness is our excuse our normalcy i will give them the benefit of the doubt every time unless i see them talking on cell phones then they are clearly idiots and i will give my unsympathetic husband the benefit of the doubt for once posted by brooke on thursday april 23 2009 no comments april 22 2009 day 22 circle soap a plain looking thing fat disk of oil and lye forced to sit and cure becoming something permanent it may not have chosen for itself but holding it between my palms feels right subtle thing under warm water bumpy rotation awkward lather it becomes ethereal posted by brooke on wednesday april 22 2009 no comments april 21 2009 day 21 how to un inform your self 3rd attempt here s one get yourself on one of those whale watching trips carefully write down all information that needs complete destruction on rice paper with grease pencil and feed it in tiny pieces to a sea creature small enough to become part of the whale s lunch and you may come home with some relief posted by brooke on tuesday april 21 2009 no comments april 20 2009 day 20 water water there is a flutter in my ear i do not know how it got there in the right ear every 42 seconds something it might be telling me is that i am finished doing somersaults in the pool for today posted by brooke on monday april 20 2009 no comments april 19 2009 day 19 exercise in draining i am training to squeeze information from where it is plenty or scarce sometimes it will build up so that i almost burst and i would for certain if you caught me off guard so i get information i hold it but then learn to drain it properly posted by brooke on sunday april 19 2009 1 comment april 18 2009 day 18 on long term dreaming you once had an aspiration most people would balk at but who knew it would be so painful to create draining your daylight to maintain the roles you created and the steady drag of the daily duties of living let s not even mention the worst ones like eating and sleeping getting in the way heavy eyelids and hunger pangs they interrupt and are difficult pests you are changed but you are not someone else to stop before you thought you would is not damning posted by brooke on saturday april 18 2009 1 comment april 17 2009 day 17 thinking about my core the first time i realized i d lost it was a couple of weeks after my second baby was born i needed to sneeze and anticipated the pain afraid the force of it would rip me in half or else make me implode indiscriminate thoughts of my body failing falling apart to ruin from there on out i made the moment into a laugh but it was heavy with not knowing what would happen to me in weakness a year or so later i had a physical exam as part of a job interview because there would be light lifting they asked me to do a sit up but i couldn t without cheating i have not been working on repair building a center of strength i have neglected all kinds of attention to my core successfully ignored plain needs so last night i flexed as i lay on my back in bed just to see lifted my legs straightened and stiff and my shoulders suspended above my pillow felt it burn this is it it is mine this shallow and slightly curved v posted by brooke on friday april 17 2009 no comments april 16 2009 day 16 cosmetics sometimes i am more interested in poking my lips when they are dry because i like the way it feels when they pop back into shape than in taking care of them like with lip balm and other such cosmetics posted by brooke on thursday april 16 2009 no comments april 15 2009 day 15 wearing it on your sleeve you wear this shirt for its plum color but not for the length of the sleeves and the dress you keep for the complexity of its texture stiff but soft but not for the fit of it the navy one because in it you feel covered and no one will notice any weight you have gained still not one of them ever completely sheds itself of things you will have to confront today you put on black not white because it means something to you not something dead but living not tidy or still but evolving posted by brooke on wednesday april 15 2009 no comments april 14 2009 day 14 poem dictated to me by my husband john note this poem has to be read aloud slowly for the full effect scrimmage scrimmage scrimmage scrimmage scrimmage take it give it all for the scrimmage scrimmage scrimmage you might think or that you might not think but scrimmage scrimmage scrimmage scrimmage that s what it s all about its scrimmage your scrimmage you thought i didn t know apostrophes but i know them like i know the scrimmage scrimmage scrimmage scrimmage posted by brooke on tuesday april 14 2009 no comments april 13 2009 day 13 strangers on a train in the other room my house guests are watching the hitchcock film tennis match to calliope climax i can hear their enjoyment through the wall squeals and roars in unison and i smile posted by brooke on monday april 13 2009 no comments april 12 2009 day 12 notice this panic bar has been intentionally disabled i saw it on a sign on a door at the community college and i didn t know what a panic bar was but went through that door every tuesday thursday to be in class one thing is for sure that i actually feel better knowing where the panic bar is whether or not it is disabled and finally knowing where the original losing it took place posted by brooke on sunday april 12 2009 no comments april 11 2009 day 11 please crack my back as a girl i would twist round and round in the swing until the chains wound too tight to twist any more then let go and repeat until i was sick what is it about making ourselves sick on a day like today i find myself twisting my torso and bobbling my head until i hear crackles to one side now other side let go repeat i sway this kind of dance and wish someone would step in posted by brooke on saturday april 11 2009 no comments april 10 2009 day 10 how to un inform your self final attempt when you have tried to contain it or destroy it with water or air metal earth and stone when you have tried everything else shout it into your pillow and take a sleeping pill posted by brooke on friday april 10 2009 1 comment april 9 2009 day 9 things i tell myself when i eat apples i do not believe in the necessity of breaking teeth to eat an apple only in the necessity of breaking skin there also cannot be one true way to eat the apple or to share it but i ll say it again the skin must break even if the skin itself is not eaten but there is no need to scrape your gums on it or break your jaw and if you are peeling or slicing it be careful with that knife do you hear me you don t have to hurt yourself to eat that apple you don t have to eat the skin or seeds or stem or bruises god you don t even have to eat this apple posted by brooke on thursday april 09 2009 2 comments april 8 2009 day 8 tree fixation i am doing research it involves fidgeting with a camera and sometimes a pencil also it requires strict observance of any and all surroundings but there is required some mind wandering embroidery some imagining where i might push the needle with black thread or gray on linen stitch by stitch the shape of the trees themselves without these paternal leaves posted by brooke on wednesday april 08 2009 no comments april 7 2009 day 7 regarding my possessions take the dresser for instance the one we got from his grandma and when it was delivered it was the wrong one the flimsier one some of drawers barely holding on to their glue at the seams so that soon the middle one finally broke and i used the front piece and some hinges to make it into a secret cupboard that stays closed with a magnet oh my poor craftsmanship which is where i keep the happy birthday music box my hats orange handbag and a green one a box of pretty game pieces a chinese jumprope a tea towel and a picture of me ready for prom this is where i start to give things away posted by brooke on tuesday april 07 2009 no comments april 6 2009 day 6 getting a man i don t remember how long ago i read it probably in a teen magazine that if you have a mole on your left breast you can have any man you want when i discovered mine i tried to cut it off because i thought it was cancer but just ended up pinching it next thing you know i m engaged posted by brooke on monday april 06 2009 2 comments april 5 2009 day 5 losing the self conscious peel leaving it behind in a bowl was intentional tired arms newness but i know about these things how they grow back right now though this is really what i am posted by brooke on sunday april 05 2009 no comments april 4 2009 day 4 how to un inform your self 2nd attempt try this use breath language and blow it into a balloon or several however many you need then you need to tie them to an astronaut suit just as they are packing the shuttle just make sure and get that astronaut to release them at zero gravity posted by brooke on saturday april 04 2009 no comments april 3 2009 day 3 what i will take with me when i move across the country one tree with or without leaves a breakfast with grapefruit a bit of softness in my hips and back a marble collection in a glass jar and the sewing machine posted by brooke on friday april 03 2009 no comments april 2 2009 day 2 how to un inform your self if you know something and aren t supposed to know it or it is very hard to know then there is a trick that you must learn and i don t know what it is called but it is something like canning what you do is you get the something into a can by saying that it s for its own good and promise to get it out when you most need it and then you seal it at the drypack cannery with no label so that it is un visible and no longer accessible for anyone without the right tool but especially you you would think that the best thing to do with the can is mail it away or hide it in the basement with the food storage but really the trick is not to bury it in the garden what you have to do because it will try to be remembered and be heard is you must turn it upside down and force another noise out of the can it needs to ring out something loud and obnoxious but repetitive so there is only the din of its being dented that is what you must do posted by brooke on thursday april 02 2009 1 comment april 1 2009 day 1 concerned about things about the shape my pillow takes when it is not new anymore when i have molded it for good with compulsive structured sleeping habits about the scent my hair leaves on the pillow over and over so i smell it every night before i put my head there about the vulnerability of my armpits and leaving them exposed to the sleep gods or whatever so i keep my arms tight at my sides and about being awake when no one else is awake which means i must take it back by going to sleep when they are all awake posted by brooke on wednesday april 01 2009 no comments march 31 2009 new round of daily poems it s national poetry month starting tomorrow i decided it...