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Text of the page (random words):
precious and priceless the world is pretty in pink plus sometimes it even sparkles precious and priceless about me bucket list of sorts the world is pretty in pink plus sometimes it even sparkles one year later july 27 2014 it s been one year since i visited this space so much has changed but hasn t i ve gotten over jaques and the crazy girl friendships have evolved and my lovelife has been quite busy with great encounters and rendezvous but not one who stuck still on the job hunt for something better and more fulfilling sailing but not as much due to injury playing beach volleyball but not as much due to the same injury owning my life and my actions and the thought that i met a person whom i thought would change my life for the better i felt a way i d never felt the details are irrelevant really what sucks is that i feel played he said things to me about me made me feel special and amazing just like i know i am i was able to be me apparently though i m too sassy for him i m too outgoing for him i m too much for him all the things he said he liked about me are now making him second guess everything about me i have so many unanswered questions he has other stuff going on that trumps him and i his life is not simple and in turn i ve wasted time i have no idea how he feels about me i m being a girl he s being a guy and this has all made me very upset and distracted from other things going on in my life that i need to address but haven t i promised myself i wouldn t let a guy do this to me but i have i feel foolish sad and disheartened that i opened up and got stomped on glutton for punishment of showing my heart my life is simple i ve worked hard to make it this way he s making me all up in my head he s making me second guess myself and my actions in reality i shouldn t be there is nothing wrong with me in the past three months i ve had five different men including him tell me how amazing and fantastic and wonderful i am and at the end of the day all of these men are unavailable because they are either married my random exes or leading complicated lives live outside this world or are down right not my type i am grateful for where my life is and have immense gratitude for those in it but i am an amazing person i need someone who is able to handle that and who wants to sail because i will own a boat one of these days this is my passion my life and i refuse to give it up category awesome dating exes 1 comment ebb and flow july 26 2013 it all started on tuesday evening with the knowledge of jacques and the girl i had befriended who had been dating ya i threw up a little too what followed was a 24 hour rip tide that ebbed and flowed in any direction at the end of it all i m not sure exactly how i feel about everything nonetheless here s the story so i found out about jacques and the girl at the sailing club with whom he is dating they don t show it at the club but i am smarter than they give me credit for plus she s all i dunno what s what with him and i and i m all why am i sitting here listening to this i can t be that girl but i need to start at the beginning of this 24 hour shit show tuesday night is racing night i couldn t find someone to race with so i hunkered down on the patio best patio in vancouver and by chance my friend ssc from sudbury ended up being in town for tuesday night only and she came to the club to join me for dinner by the time she joined me it was 8pm and the racers were coming off the water this included the new girl and the rescue crew inc jacques and a myriad of others ssc met the new girl she didn t like the new girl later returning to my car i saw new girl and jacques talking in the parking lot she basically raced out after he had left the patio and as i saw them chatting i got angry angry at myself that i was letting this get to me things that i cannot control mad at myself for letting myself open up to him and her at different times when obviously that was a mistake pissed that i still don t know how to pick decent friends sometimes thank god i was with ssc she and i had a fantastic gab session until 1am at my place not just about me and my lil world but about life and love and work and all those things hate that she lives so far away but on the flip side our time together is much more meaningful when we do get it continuing with the flow after less than 5 hours sleep go to work where i did some google searching about tooth pain and came to the conclusion i needed to see a dentist as i suspected i have a bottom wisdom tooth coming in and it was becoming infected so i took off work at noon and departed for the dentist since i had time i figured i would run an errand during the running of the errand guess who i ran in to just effing guess filmguy yes filmguy which was civil it was fine he s now directing he s now making 3500 a week he now can afford things he seems calmer and more at ease with life i still feel he blamed me for holding him back which is absurd he s still with his new girl i m glad that was the longest 20 mins of my day 3 5 hours later it was determined that sometime during the late 80s early 90s that a dentist removed my adult 3rd molar to make room for new teeth coming in after the full mouth x ray the new teeth turned out to be my wisdom teeth apparently this practice was the thing to do by dentists out of california and a lot of bc dentists apparently adopted the now defunct idea of removing molars for wisdom teeth i now need to find a new dentist who can remove the bottom teeth preferably without the need for surgery by the time i got home i was beat exhausted mentally i had a nap couldn t even bring myself to open emails or attempt to do some work an hour later i zoned out playing beach volleyball and just played didn t think about anything else just hit the ball passed the ball set the ball on repeat then went home to bed where the new girl was texting me and i don t reveal me i just respond to her this is a fine line i don t want to throw wrenches into the works because i see her almost every weekend but i can t remain close with her just not sitting right detour required major detour required i finally rested at midnight where i stared at the ceiling until i fell asleep thinking about the ebb and flow of the last 24 hours somehow there s drama because i care i care about people i care how i m treated and how i treat others it irritates me to no end when that consideration is not reciprocated however with the full knowledge that i can t do anything about it and possibly that is what frustrates me the most i can only control how i behave or how i process things that is logical thinking that s how i am trying to be finding my zen if you will but the gemini side of me wants to light jacques boat on fire and write bad reviews for every film tv show filmguy gets to direct ebb and flow category awesome exes family happiness comments off on ebb and flow i m from the milkyway july 24 2013 this summer has been fantastic for the most part i m sailing mostly and playing beach volleyball and have met new people and have been able to to hang out with old it s been fabulous for the most part then i figured it out the past four weeks i ve watched it unfold basically since a week before i was a glutton for punishment jacques started to date this girl at the club and i watched it happen in front of me he goes after what he wants then when he doesn t want it he moves along she s starting to wonder about what his intentions are why am i the one who gets to hear it why and why do i get to watch it because i m trying to take the high road he s a jack ass and i deserve better but do i deserve to actually see whatever this is unfold in front of me i watched it last night i was angry they don t care about me that part is obvious they deserve each other both liars both suck as people both don t care so why do i care because apparently i m just a glutton for punishment all of us are on different paths i m in the bloody milky way compared to the road they are on ignorant road i think it s called it just sucks because we all have this similar interest sailing i was thinking of joining the rescue team hells bells no jacques already on it and she is thinking of joining next year but why do i have to refrain from doing what i want i love this sailing thing finally found a hobby i enjoy and i love being on the water it is the best thing i have done for myself category exes friends happiness 1 comment the receding anxiety july 9 2013 the anxiety is settling mainly because jacques actually said something nice about my sailing capabilities 7 days later i found out in fact he was saying it to others and one person actually said have you told jewels this crickets he finally told me sunday evening in a convo that included his regular sailing partner and it was all good just conversation between him and i feels so weird we don t have much in common i think i do catch him checking me out though which is flattering thankfully nothing comes of it why make things more awkward than they are all in all the anxiety is receding except the question about what to do with my dad situation i am good at squelching that and currently i think that s what i want to do category dating exes happiness health comments off on the receding anxiety high anxiety july 3 2013 since sunday so many things have caused my anxiety to soar first is one of my own making since i decided to be a glutton for punishment and sail on race day with jacques wtf was i thinking i haven t been able to get his annoying scolding voice out of my head after we had just finished racing i just wanted to leave i just wanted to cry he treated me like a child from the get go all because he wanted to go faster he wanted to compete it was not ideal i just didn t want to listen to him anymore i made a stupid decision a stupid mistake a lesson in humility and ego bashing but also it s cost me some level of respect or opportunity in the future to possibly go on one of these boats again with someone else possibly time will tell it s four days later wish i could shake his voice out of my head i woke up to his voice yelling inside my ears and it s still going all of which make me want to hurl i still feel sick to my stomach racing not for me i should know me better i do know that about me second work bleh not going to talk about it really except it s boring and repetitive and it pays the bills thirdly school i had a final yesterday which i really didn t study for at all because i was working and playing instead who takes a course in summer fourthly and this is possibly the real catalyst for my anxiety the decision to take the opportunity to reconnect with my father it s been a 16 years since he and i last spoke unfortunately the love of his life passed away and common decency and good upbringing dictates that i least send a sympathy card now the big question do i open the door for contact with placing my return address on said card do i even want to have the hope that he will contact me do i want to be contacted do i just want to send the note and leave it at that or do i want to not do anything there is no timeline on this it will never be too late to send the sympathy card it s already been over three months since her passing my half sister told me in april and gave me our father s address at my request but the question what do i want keeps rolling through my head right along side jacques the asshat screaming gybe and fuck and you know what your problem is all of this makes anxiety very high anxiety category awesome family friends grateful jacques comments off on high anxiety just a tidbit jewels this is i about me bucket list of sorts twittered tweets by jewels_1 blogroll adventures in englandia american bridget jones confessions of a monkey dooce he loves me not lynne mommy wants a timeout never take my advice onward and upward ready and fading so many birds just one stone tri thinking pink vancity allie past thoughts and ramblings past thoughts and ramblings select month july 2014 1 july 2013 5 june 2013 4 may 2013 1 april 2013 3 march 2013 1 january 2013 2 december 2012 2 november 2012 6 october 2012 7 september 2012 5 march 2012 2 november 2011 2 october 2011 3 september 2011 3 august 2011 9 july 2011 5 june 2011 11 may 2011 6 april 2011 7 march 2011 2 february 2011 3 december 2010 2 september 2010 1 august 2010 4 july 2010 2 june 2010 3 may 2010 5 february 2010 3 december 2009 2 november 2009 1 october 2009 3 september 2009 4 august 2009 5 july 2009 6 june 2009 15 may 2009 8 april 2009 6 march 2009 7 february 2009 9 january 2009 14 december 2008 16 november 2008 9 october 2008 6 september 2008 16 august 2008 18 july 2008 3 june 2008 2 may 2008 5 april 2008 5 march 2008 4 february 2008 2 january 2008 2 december 2007 2 november 2007 2 october 2007 5 september 2007 5 august 2007 4 july 2007 7 june 2007 2 may 2007 7 april 2007 7 march 2007 8 february 2007 4 january 2007 7 december 2006 11 areas of interest areas of interest select category awesome 33 birthday 5 bucket list 4 cancer 1 christmas 1 dating 17 employment 11 ethics 1 exes 39 family 9 fitness 4 frenchman 2 friends 18 grateful 3 grateful 3 happiness 39 health 4 holidays 2 home improvements 3 housing 8 injury 1 jacques 5 men 4 newman 27 restaurants 1 san diego 1 sarcasm 4 stupid people 6 uncategorized 238 vancouver police 1 west end 2 yukon 20 older posts create a free website or blog at wordpress com precious and priceless create a free website or blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed precious and priceless sign me up already have a wordpress com account log in now privacy precious and priceless subscribe subscribed sign up log in report this content view site in reader manage subscriptions collapse this bar loading comments write a comment email required name required website design a site like this with wordpress com get started