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Text of the page (random words):
se my hands arms exercises i could try from bed or a seated position i was speaking more clearly i was biting myself less when i ate i was getting better then i lost my confidence again if you ve never used a walker before it is easy to assume it is just a funny looking wider cane it s a fair assumption to make however canes are meant to have you put your weight on them walkers are not made for that they just help you stay balanced when you re up they often have wheels which means if you try to push off on them they roll unfortunately the bedside commode also had wheels which hadn t been locked into place when the nurse tried to help me to it when i lost my balance i remember the brief ache in my arm when she tried to grab me but one of me was at least twice her in weight i remember her scream and the commode turning over next to me i was on the floor before i knew what was happening on my right side so feeling none of the pain but aware that whatever i had gotten up to use the commode for was done i had little confidence in them getting me off the floor it took four of them that was a feat even before i had the stroke but cleaned up and sporting a litany of new cruises from where i had been grabbed i did not attempt to stand without a physical therapist and a belt for the rest of the time i was in the hospital a friend brought me my tablet i thought briefly of drawing on it until i realized how easily i could drop and lose the stylus but its larger buttons made it easier to use than my phone and slowly but surely my fingers were obeying a little better still off in aim but improving i told myself once i had a keyboard in front of me that would be different for the time being i used audio in chats easier to make easier to listen to than read the move up to physical therapy meant good changes first i felt confident with a belt on to getting to the bathroom to sit on a real toilet i had a private room nobody got me up without the belt i could operate the television my bed everything i could do by myself was a treat soon i had things from home fresh clothes a plush even flowers sent by an employer that i slowly grew to resent they let me go days later and i realized they d sent lilies to a sick person in the hospital there are pictures of me flipping off the vase on my phone somewhere two weeks and i would be done there they said i had that long to improve enough to take care of myself at home i was counting on it but let me go home let me use my own toilet sleep in my own bed access to a keyboard again i dove into every lesson made myself walk further and further each day did all the exercises look at how much progress you re making they caught me to climb steps again to safely sit and stand you ll be able to get around in your apartment in no time you didn t need me to help you at all that time i could see the finish line the first time i realized i wouldn t be that well in two weeks that i hadn t improved enough was when they sat me in front of a computer to exercise my fingers and practice writing the one thing i was looking forward to going back to the thing i was sure would be easier the sentence was i am getting stronger every day six words it took me almost five minutes to write it correctly and that was when it hit me when it all finally caught up with me i wasn t back to normal yet nowhere near and everything else i hadn t managed came into sharp focus typing too slow too many mistakes can t chew on my right side without biting myself can t lift my leg enough to get into a tub i still needed help in the bathroom i couldn t even sign my name i wasn t going to be home before my birthday to be continued march 6 2021 march 6 2021 by j larson some imbolc musings journal prompts from here https www theseasonalsoul com meaning of imbolc 1 while you ve been cooped up over the winter what has been growing stirring within you my winter began with loss in mid november i had a stroke and lost the use of most of my right side while this situation can cause many to give up it awakened a desire to get better and i have been building my strength with determination but with it has come a desire to improve on parts of my day to day life that were lacking 2 what tiny buds of new life are beginning to appear from those winter dreams what new beginning are you experiencing my new beginning is a new life altogether my friends overhauled my home while i was in the hospital and now that all is no longer overwhelming i feel like i have a fighting chance to live a normal healthy life 3 what are the projects plans you d like to bring to life over the next few months i would like to recover my computer and resume a couple of the books i ve been working on also continue to update regularly on my movie blog 4 are there changes currently taking place in your life or transitions you are experiencing that are making you feel out of balance or uncomfortable everything is new but the places where i m having most trouble is sleeping which i haven t been able to do uninterrupted yet and cleaning which is hard to do because my strength hasn t fully returned january 29 2021 by j larson an introductory chapter tv and movies don t really do much to tell kids how much growing up they may have to do if just one catastrophic thing happens it s so rare that it s ever even just one thing though continue reading an introductory chapter january 21 2020 january 21 2020 by j larson 50 word horror stories a selection of the submissions i made to the every writer s resource 50 word horror story contest from this last halloween i waited for the results to go live before republishing all stories had to be exactly 50 words excluding the titles here are the entries i dropped in buyer s remorse such a foolish mistake the vampire who loves a mortal and keeps her if only either of them were aware she was with child when he fed her immortality when they quarrel now he cannot know which of the two bitter souls trapped inside her body is spitting at him an apprenticeship the monster under your bed spares you for the names of your bullies a fair trade after years of peaceful school days and nights lulled into slumber by the sound of familiar deserving whimpers you think the night must be so lovely living under a roof thick as a mattress a death in the family he sped two hours into one racing to his mourning sister s home her message it s samhain mother s coming to visit and i m going with her a bowl of candy on the stoop lay drained by the night s visitors no answer no one inside only the familiar lingering stench of chemo november 20 2019 october 14 2020 by j larson middle school is serious guys i remember i dated this guy in middle school for maybe a week at that age you don t really go on dates you just hold hands in the hallway and sit together at lunch if you have the same period together and then go to dances together when they occasionally have them it wasn t bad i thought he was funny and cool a bit obnoxious but what eighth graders aren t which is why i told him i liked him and we did spend more time together and it was fun but really just n ot much more than you d get from just going hey let s be friends and hang out neither of us really proposed more and i thought this was how you do the thing look at me i am tweening correctly continue reading middle school is serious guys october 5 2019 october 5 2019 by j larson a new ish retro religion a preview the following is an excerpt from my book in progress the house of wicca an all inclusive guide for beginners working title i know you might have cringed at my use of the word retro to refer to wicca but hear me out by comparison wicca is a young religion in terms of years if it were a person living in the us it would be old enough to apply for social security continue reading a new ish retro religion a preview july 11 2019 august 26 2019 by j larson is it even really a coming out story i remember sitting alone in a car with dad outside my mom s apartment he lived out of state and hadn t been present in my life since i graduated high school he came down when i walked the line in college and this was really the only time we got to spend alone since seeing each other again with this opportunity to speak i told him about a relationship with a woman that had already happened and come to an end partly because of distance but also partly because it hadn t felt like i thought it should asexual was not a word i knew yet i didn t know it could be an option i just knew that every relationship i had up til then regardless of the gender of my partner did not comfortably transition into an intimate one things had gone well family felt like family dad was just the only one that didn t know because distance and the odd political argument while i was in school left me thinking it wasn t worth the headache in that moment i felt comfortable enough to tell him i felt like we were understanding each other his reaction was not negative but for a negative reason it s all right because now you re repenting continue reading is it even really a coming out story june 6 2019 june 23 2019 by j larson unprompted and more than vaguely stephen king inspired in the nighttime with its night sounds wendy strode with the moon ahead of her just as she would walk with the sun at her back during the day she thought little of directions beyond left or right ahead or back the way she came with only some vague memory that in some world with paved asphalt roads like the ancient crumbled ones beneath her feet must have once been that east and west were the names of places where the sun would wake then go to ground this was neither her country nor her world the names of both only coming to her in moments of stillness or spontaneous convenience when it suited her to recall sparse faded vegetation strung its thin feathery fingers out of the cracks in the ancient road now a jigsaw puzzle of manmade bald spots in the natural world s ever continuing thirst for rain and light continue reading unprompted and more than vaguely stephen king inspired may 17 2019 may 17 2019 by j larson a well of no character from a first line generator generator can be found here there was a legend about the well in the garden people used to say that fairies came to bathe in it and if an unwary child leaned too close to try to see them in the shadow its deep maw cast on its insides they would grab him and carry him to the bottom but if you made a wish and dropped something shiny for them they might be obliged to help it along if they like your gift if they hated it well the stories always stopped there people were either too creative or uncreative perhaps what was imagined was too unpleasant to tell polite company or nothing imagined at all to hear it jude expected something a little more grand and mysterious when she looked for it its ancient stone walls were mossy and green but without that splash of color she might have called it utterly disappointingly nondescript it lacked the gable or the bucket on a rope you so often saw in cold cartoons the clearer indicators that put you in mind of what an ancient wishing well ought to look like if it was going to have a legend about it there wasn t even really any menace the abandoned house on the rigsby property at least had that by virtue of its silent threat to collapse if a curious traveler put a toe inside it d been mostly reclaimed by nature in the thirty years it sat there unoccupied and unmanaged the roof bowed like a couch cushion that d seen far too many butts its windows beaten out the paint on the wooden slats long since faded and chipped and washed away in five thousand rainstorms and of course only blackness inside photos in the archives suggested that but for new leaves on new vines every spring for much of its independence it had existed thus it could have been that virtually nothing short of a well aimed twister might cause it to finally fully fall but jude trusted no such thing a passable portal in a mountain formed by her natural years could stay this way forever unless acted upon by unnatural force but speak to any prospector and he ll tell you why the appalachians are pockmarked with abandoned mines and solid places that were once open and men once walked and worked sometimes in an instant the earth just closes what she didn t put there herself the house was much the same and even though jude ventured close to a window to peer inside and try to imagine what it must have been like when it was lived in she did not sense welcome it was not the adventure she hoped to document even with its story the well did not have the same character as the house much less any character at all in fact she nearly missed it the garden was overrun any semblance of the old paths its mothers cut long forgotten any rhyme or reason or separation of its flowers and wild strawberries and other also lost it was enough that a simple well with no gable no bucket and nary a fae to be seen might fail to pop for a curious onlooker she told herself that it probably dried up you heard about that sort of thing out on old homesteads like this even so she still leaned forward to peer down inside the flashlight on her smartphone lacked the precision or depth to reach all the way to the bottom in a way she could see but she thought she detected a shimmer below pursing the device she felt around in the pocket for a little loose change and her fingers came up with a single shining quarter when in rome she muttered it would kill two birds she told herself if she wanted to see if it was dry she could also take part in the old ritual make a wish so with thoughts of a job offer down the coin tumbled and she braced her hands on the well and listened the wet plunk of an object hitting water hit her after a few seconds longer than expected present with herself mindful of the moment she thought of how the stone under her hands felt cool the moss her thumb brushed over soft and plush it was only then that the smell of algae wafted up perhaps they ll like the gift a first in a long time collect four of those and you can ride the bus she said with a small skeptical laugh maybe the fairies moved to another locale along with the rigsbys it was such a simple well and they probably preferred more fashionable places when they went to bathe she cut some flowers to carry in her satchel even found a few ripe berries that she could lay on her altar when she finished the thirty minute drive back to her apartment and civilization sophie would be proud of her when she told her she d gone exploring today worth the gas money just to take the pictures just to say she did something unusual may 7 2019 by j larson describe your first kiss prompt courtesy the book 300 writing prompts from picadilly i didn t enjoy my first real kiss continue reading describe your first kiss may 3 2019 may 3 2019 by j larson posts navigation older posts copyright 2019 jacqueline larson all rights reserved f...