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still by the amazing spectacle of la princess the grotesque hairy legged creature that stalked the city streets yes princess anne opening the liverpool one shopping area now some people were disappointed that london had the other thing with the big ears but i can tell you when we got up close and the princess stuck her head through our car window it was a moment that my young niece will never forget and we will never forget our year as european capital of custard as we hand over the laurel and hardy wreath to our guests the new holders of the prestigious title pictured left from the transylvanian city of suk and the bavarian city of byte lets hope they are free from the kind of bloodsuckers that almost wrecked it for us so ladies and gentlemen as the year is concluded so is my own little contribution to this capital of custard unless anything amazing happens like the standards board for england publishing the findings on the wally bradlow investigation or there is any scandalous behaviour or cover ups from our local leadership or the disgraced jackastorey becomes mayor in 2009 or liverpool direct continues to bleed the city coffers dry after march or the lib dems remain in power so you never know in which case i ll probably be back next week then somebody will have to change the title though how about professor chucklebutty s official guide to liverpool capital of custard 2008 and beyond or the legacy years before i go i wish to congratulate all those of you who worked to make the year a success and also say thank you to those who gave me so much material you owe it all to yourselves and nobody else and a special thank you to a couple of people in particular on the local parish council and so i end with some pictures of just a few of the stars of 2008 i haven t mentioned this time sobs into pair of missus chucklebutty s bloomers realises what they are and runs to the kitchen for some swarfega be nice to each other the good and the great of 2008 bryan grain of the nwdaft donald duckinson of the first train out when there was trouble draculahinney of liverpool direct debit conductor sir simon throttle arriving at the phil mr la de da gunner stilton chief of executive of undercover operations the next mayor of grotty cash muck storeyteller and once more to play us out sir simon throttle conducting the royal liverpool philredmondic orchestra in the anthem for 2008 all the money s gone this is also the closure of the blog to celebrate capital of custard 2008 but fear not you can still keep up to date with professor chucklebutty s liverpool political cultural chronic calls new for 2009 the legacy years start now follow the link below http profchucklebuttychronic blogspot com tatty bye everybody tatty bye and hello chronic calls posted by professor y chucklebutty at 21 43 no comments labels brian grey colin hilton cbe councillor warren bradley gordon brown lloyd grossman mike storey obe phil redmond reggie mcgough simon rattle sir david henshaw wednesday 17 december 2008 blog standard pantomime dickie mint found guilty harshest sentence ever imposed on the city he is still set to be lord muck for 2009 by jove missus following the publication by the ironing board for england of the result of their investigation into my former friend and colleague dickie mint i come to you eating a large portion of humble pie with a good helping of custard of course i may have inadvertently contributed to suggestions that dickie mint may have discussed with the press the ticky dodger of mr jasper harbottle erstwhile executive custard creamer of the custard company but only because i read it on some vile blog site oh and in the newspapers and heard about it on the radio all i can say in my defence is that it was another error of judgement on my part to have ever mentioned it and i have written a letter of apology to somebody else in the hope that they may pass it on the whole episode has caused deep distress to mrs chucklebutty my good friend mr clack from the key cutting shop and heel bar mind you i wouldn t risk taking a pair of shoes into him he ll throw them back at you refusing to handle something off of your stinking feet i don t know why he has the heel bar it s just an excuse to abuse customers even our tortoise bernstein has retreated into his shell during this sad and sorry episode as you can see she is still overfeeding him now i now just want to put it all behind somebody yes missus despite the work of dark shadows i told hank marvin to lay off the sun beds and the scurrilous blogs ites running a smear campaign against a decent honest and upstanding usually in front of the standards board man i am delighted to see that dickie mint oaf the current deputy lord muck of grotty cash has as far as he is concerned been completely exonerated apart from on the technicality of his guilt and that he consistently denied everything including his name at the first hearing he has quite rightly made reference to the smear campaign against him by the evil blog sites that sprung up during his other appearances before the ironing board when he was again found guilty of bringing his office into disrepute and forced to resign as leader the evil cobble blogs initially gave an account of his battle with the evil sir diddy who allegedly with the assistance of some stool pigeons tried to launch a coo against him and blackmail him from office mind you dickie seemed to quite like the evil blog sites then in fact so did current leader wally bradlow who demanded an enquiry into who ordered them to be banned from council and public library computers since those heady days of course the vile suggestions of cock ups waste pay offs dodgy contracts financial mismanagement and cover ups or even the accusations that he discussed personal and private matters with a member of the press from the oldham chronic have continued to appear so i trust that tonight a certain mr toby porridge47 or however old he is of the so called liverpool bus shelter blog spot amongst others will all hang their heads in shame given that almost all of their accusations and stories have been comprehensively proved to be accurate so disgracefully accurate have their personal attacks and exclusives been in recent months that dickie has now decided that they will certainly get no stories from him and for my part ladies and gentlemen i shall certainly not be making any further jocular comments on this disgraceful site this city is not at home to mr truth these people have had the audacity to drag through the mud the good names of honest individuals such as dickie and fellow executive bumbler steve herpes with the most foul accusations such as lraking personal information to the press and then organising a cover up of the actual course of events raiding the budget for the meryll streep festival for a pet project and then setting up a fall guy to get nailed for the resulting international headline fiasco they even accused mr herpes of breaking the law around the representation of the people act by posting vindictive cowardly and anonymous leaflets being through letterboxes whilst wearing a riduculous disguise even the leader was accused of demanding free tickets to a las vegas show at the expense of the council taxpayer for him and his missus outrageous smears just because these appalling and wicked allegations have all been proven to be correct this does not excuse such underhand tactics as telling the truth these so called bloggers have had every opportunity to present their concerns openly through the proper channels where a team of experts are on hand to professionally cover them up or completely ignore them this would have been the proper course of action for the city and avoided any embarrassment if only they could follow the fine example of our voice of murkeyside the oldham echo and have just kept quiet about it all what a terrible way to treat people who after all are only trying to look after themselves is that a crime now it is not enough to just put this down to in the words of the bard the stringy marrows of outrageous fortune my harp really goes out to the likes of dickie wally and mr herpes why do they do they put up with it they only want to serve the interests of the people of this fine city in selfish public service why suffer the indignities and personal attacks heaped upon them constantly being made to look like incompetent idiots i really don t know but i can assure you forget what the cynics say it is nothing to do with ego power or self importance or even receiving their full time salaries along with the additional expenses of over 9 000 per year as a councillor plus another 13 000 as an executive bumbler or another 6 000 if a mate and pretending to be a deputy executive bumbler or that if you happen to be leader an additional 9 000 plus 20 000 on top of your normal salary it is not even all the free tickets for sports events and shows for themselves and their families and friends or all of the trips abroad such as visits to shanghai our twin city to see if they know where we are or trips to new york for a week to see how they managed with the public smoking ban or a week in cannes on a yacht to promote grotty cash no no no good heavens you d be exhausted after all that and then to come back home to criticism or people constantly moaning no they do it because they care they do it for us well they must do it s us that are paying for them well i hope now that this will bring to an end the recent sad state of affairs and that we can get on with running this city properly and creating the kind of wealth and opportunity needed for dr rottlweiller and liverpool direct to completely bleed us dry i sincerely hope that our leader wally bradlow can now get on with running the city into the ground that has been the foundation for our rebirth yes i know there is still a little matter facing him in relation to that mr harbottle again and the meetings that he never had with mr lee fallguy and the texts he never sent the emails he never sent the comments he never made and the peroni he didn t drink oh and the denial he made and then the denial of having never made a denial or something like that and of course as we now know courtesy of the report by mr gullible from the standards board dickie mint was only there at the meeting that never happened that he d never attended that never took place oh sorry that one just doing some part time work as a waiter and sessional support worker for stressed council employees that had been publicly scapegoated in a stitched up report to deflect any criticism from him but once that is all sorted and i am confident that wally will also be cleared of any right doing we can get on with establishing the legacy for 2009 under his perspirational and passion fruit leadership i hear the national press can t wait for the finale and intend to give us some in depth coverage and publicity moving on now to a happier announcement no not the knightshirt for professor rednose i am talking about the new head of custard for the city to take us into the 2009 legacy i wondered how i could best convey my joy at this appointment and thought what better than to pick a phrase or one from her very own dictionary of superlatives the brilliantly brilliant appointment of the brilliantly successful and brilliant organiser for the brilliant custard opening ceremony that got this brilliant year off to such a brilliant start with the brilliant night at the brilliant st georges hall with the shite ringo star and his shite song hang on a minute oh no that s right yes none other than the former left foot to jasper harbottle ms clara mecogloose has been named as our new custard queen actually mecogloose is not her proper name it is just a silly nickname given to her due to the crazy half baked schemes that cost a fortune before being abandoned and attempts made to cover up the waste of your cash events like dredging sefton park lake for an aborted sonia concert the sound of ooohh livvepule and freezing the mersey for an evening with patricia routledge on ice until they found out she was from birkenhead and then thought fouquet yes clara s proper name is actually mccogloose so it is time this juvenile silliness was stopped and we gave the woman some support bring jasper harbottle back that should do it but who knows with most of the freeloading canapé and chardonnay guzzlers clearing off now that the gravy train has crashed and there is nothing left for them to siphon off she may even be able to make a go of it i really hope so take my advice if anybody tries to throw a spanner in the works grab it and use it to tighten that cog you have to have some sympathy for her just think of having to sit and listen to professor phool rednose and keep a straight face pretending to be interested in his rambling cliche ridden claptrap and agreeing with how he is without doubt the saviour of 2008 and culture supremo for grotty frodsham it must be hard to listen to him knowing that he did nothing for five years he is now taking and being given all the credit i think he must have bribed them all with signed photos of harry cross and ralph well alright i will give him some credit he did capture the imagination of the city with the design a bench competition what a shame all the entries were all left on display on bonfire night well clara the boot is on your left foot now you should apply all your force and energy into putting that boot as hard as you can into the custard supremo s scouse wedding tackle good luck missus and finally three cheers for cilla and our own les dennis for ending the year with what is generally agreed to be a genuinely brilliantly brilliant show at the empire thanks for that line clara should i decide not to run for elected mayor although it depends if foghorn leggarty ever comes out from hiding to kick start my campaign i ve decided to forget about supporting herbert there is only one person suitable in my book to run the city i am now switching my allegiance to the warm and lovable les dennis a true son of the city and a talented and versatile performer yes les would get my vote as mayor and what a splendid ambassador he would be for liverpool a man who is held in great affection or so our survey said but unlike the current lot i am sure that les is a man who when asked a difficult question that he could not answer would not resort to lies or just say the first stupid thing to come into his head but that he would have the honesty and integrity to say i dooon t really knooooow and that would be a major step forward for the city we love hmmmmm nice better les than the whoopsie on the carpet we are going to get come on foghorn what better opportunity could you ask for to promote the campaign for an elected mayor tatty bye everybody tatty bye be nice to each other posted by professor y chucklebutty at 22 16 no comments labels cilla black councillor warren bradley dr david mcelhinney...