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Text of the page (random words):
haps make it in some way a better place for those inhabiting it but so what all those others are going to die too at some point what s the point and what about feelings those feelings you don t want to contaminate by trying to put into words like you did before all those moments that make life worth living even if it just ends in death what about that heart that s beating inside of your chest even as you read this right now that lump of odd shaped flesh that s pumping blood in there like your life depends on it that chunk of flesh you rarely think about in that way nor think about at all no one s special we think we re different but really we just look different no one wants to be hated no one thinks trust is not important basically all of us are in a constant where we try to match ourselves up to the stereotype of the perfect man or the perfect woman and we all think we are pretty much there and what we think we are which brings it down to the fact that no one is special we all are i read a nice article today about how to not give a fuck what others think i think you should read it too if you have some time to spare http thenextweb com lifehacks 2014 01 27 stop giving f people think uavi5 and we don t always do do we have time to spare and most times it s a good thing coz when you do you stop look around and wonder what all this is all about anyway mom dad i m green posted june 25 2013 in uncategorized tags acceptance bags emerald gay green lesbian opinion shopping unfair 5 i didn t know i was and now that i know and have accepted it i m not sure how others will take it there is a thrill in it it makes me happy sort of a forbidden pleasure but i don t know if i will be accepted out there i don t know if they will judge me i m wondering if it should matter never accompany your friends when they go shopping if you don t intend to buy anything mine wanted to buy a handbag bought two and didn t stop me when i went and bought myself a bright green one which is really not the black sensible but nice can wear with everything bag that i would have wanted to buy had i actually wanted to buy a bag which of course i didn t i am now the vaguely happy owner of a bright emerald greenish handbag which i will be carrying to office as well as other public places and i m not sure how i feel about it and i know it s not because of what i actually think about it but because of what i think the world in general will think about it this then is what it must feel like to be gay i know i don t know why it took me so long to make the connection i know that what i should have actually bought is a black bag if i make the right choice no one s going to give it a second eyebrows raised glance and i could fit right into the crowd merge weave in not upset anybody no one s going to put their lives on hold for a few minutes to stop and point fingers at me there would not even be a question of being accepted i also know that if i could have gone one step ahead and bought a beige or grayish bag without a bat of an eyelash and just a sling of the bag i would have been elevated to an envied echelon of taste and when people did turn to give a second eyebrows raised look it would be one of unspoken respect in their heads they would be bowing down to pay homage to my beige bag i know it no one s going to question me the bag commands authority and even if it was an ugly eyesore the bag commands respect but what will become of my bright green bag the thing is i m not exactly that arty type of person that can wear coloured headbands or a bright beaded waistcoat or a mix and match of bright swatches of colour and get away with it thus the concern so what if it looks different from the rest and stands out from the crowd i like it why should it matter to anyone that it s bright and that it s loud and that i can t match it with all my clothes nor my shoes or my belts why should anyone have the right to an opinion about it in the first place if it s not going to impair their eyesight or give them a sexually transmitted disease in any way why should it matter to them to each their own business surely i m standing up for my green bag even before carrying it because i know that it s going to have a hard time out there and it s not fair people are going to ask me why i bought a green bag i like green for an answer will not satisfy them it will not compute but you can t carry it with everything they will say watch me do it as an answer is going to come off as rude i don t like it it s ugly they will say then it s a good thing you won t be the one carrying it so it really shouldn t bother you as an answer will probably come off as rude as well i like green and if i don t have a problem with it it shouldn t be anyone else s problem i think i ve always liked green even through my blue phase orange phase and turquoise phase and this is not the first time i ve gone all out with green remembers being inside a chunky jewellery story and reaching out to touch an emerald green huge plastic beaded necklace with some emerald green crotchet work on some of the beads and falling in love instantly the necklace was not accepted too well by society as well except by a few discerning eyes why am i getting defensive about my new green bag even before it crosses the cruel judgy eye of the public because it s not fair the bag deserves a chance a chance at finding out who it is everyone does the bag deserves a chance at maybe discovering that it likes itself the way it is if i really wanted a black or beige bag maybe i would have bought a black or beige bag i bought a green i m proud and green remind me again how that s anyone else s business note the bag s going public tomorrow woe be to anyone who feels it their business to tender un sought after disapproval no i am not a lesbian i just bought a bright green bag and think that it s nobody s business if someone is gay one purchase one thought two things carry on the one two three posted june 23 2013 in uncategorized tags horror inspiration last kiss 2006 life love sober the one 7 you know how when you re small you have certain things in mind for yourself and how when you grow up things don t happen the way you imagined they would i can t remember most of what i wanted but one thing i do and that is that i wanted to fall in love with that one person and marry that one person and live happily ever after with that one person the one so that didn t happen it s fine i m good i m glad it didn t happen that way but while washing the dishes at the kitchen sink awhile ago i had a sudden thought what if there was no one person out there destined for you how many times have you thought you were in love and when it was over didn t life go on how do you know that someone won t walk into your life when you don t expect anyone to and make you realize that the world we live in is infinite that there s no such thing as a stop that you don t fall in love with one person and love that person for the rest of your life what if you keep on falling in love with people with things with thoughts with words and with possibilities what if what you fall in love with was not the person itself but life the life within that person i watched a horror movie sometime after a breakup and it wasn t a horror movie at all it was called the last kiss 2006 and it falls under the romantic comedy genre for some reason which i think is wrong because the movie scared the crap out of me don t watch it what troubles me is the thought that if there really was no one what that would mean would that mean that you can never get comfortable never settle down how can you commit to someone for the rest of your life if you don t know what it would bring you in future sure it s a decision to commit to someone for the rest of your life but how can you do it knowing that life is going to continue to happen to you the scary part is that you don t see any of this when you re in a relationship i never did one two give them the boot buckle my shoe three four your hearts been broken shut the door five six pick up the pieces of your life sticks seven eight try to lay them straight nine ten a big fat hen followed by a beautiful wedding and happily every after sometimes i wish i wasn t so sober purple persists pervades posted march 3 2013 in uncategorized tags desire eternity life love passion purple 1 today i set myself free for the first time let myself be swept away off my keyboard and into nothingness another place where my being hovers facing eternal infinity the colours that sweep on before me are those of sunset and passion purple lurks the air i breathe is uncontaminated by the life of the world it s a quiet here but far in the distance there is consciousness always present hovering i am here what if in this endless void there grew a flower just one suddenly there is presence in this place where i am all of eternity focuses on this one lone flower that i thought to be what if there was a tree an apple tree growing in the middle of eternity life a woman walks towards the tree naked her hair long she reaches for an apple man walks to her and touches her softly she shivers a snake coils along a branch of the tree watching wherever there is purity evil manifests there can be no peace evil perceives and persists pervades there is but one law the choice of resistance but temptation is seductive oh so seductive it caresses you to a heightened state touches you so deep and fully as you let it in and everything else becomes nothing and you are governed by desire alone a maddening pleasure pain that writhes for fulfillment you go on you forget you want just one thing fulfillment and you arch your body closer and let the pleasure hit you wash over you blinding you fulfilling you you peak and lie satiated but the memory of bittersweet want remains pervades reminding you a tickling memory of the pleasure of yearning purple it persists pervades looking down at the sky posted february 23 2013 in uncategorized tags child cloud dreams fly life sky wish 6 i remember noticing back when i was about seven years old the evening sky beautiful unbelievable shades of blue and orange perhaps it still is but i ve stopped noticing i ve stopped having the time to go out into the garden walk up to the gate and look up at the heavens my house is by the main road of a dusty and busy town if i walk out of my house into the garden and look up i d only see a square of sky i had to go near the gate to see a wider stretch of it only a little taller than a couple of feet then i remember standing there by the gate looking above the road past the buildings and dust over the roofs and antennas in the distance at the kingdom of clouds that reigned up high in all its majesty untouched by the noise and dust below i remember gazing at the well fed fluffy clouds and wishing i could be amongst them i remember picking out in my head exactly which cloud i d want to be on surrounded by ethereal orange and blue and while on a flight for a conference recently peeking out of my window seat and looking out at the skies i suddenly remembered like in a movie swatches of memory flashed before my eyes and i saw myself at the gate in the garden of our house looking up at me up hear amongst the clouds never did i think while looking up those many years ago that my innocent wish would many years later become a reality now i realize that it didn t even take many years i think it was possibly the very next year that i had my first flight to india with my parents but i didn t realize at that time that i d gotten my wish just like that it took a long time for me to notice and remember but finally i did never did i think for once that i d one day be able to be amongst the clouds the thought of getting there by way of an aero plane didn t even cross my mind sometimes you get what you want and you re too busy to even realize and appreciate life granting your wishes now looking down at the world below from up here in the clouds i m humbled and awed by the fact that there really is no limit to possibilities whether you look up at it or look down at it the sky is blue why me posted january 25 2013 in uncategorized tags blessings fate life prayer 3 you know the age old question you hear it being asked all around you all the time sometimes morphed in a grunt of misery sometimes amplified in a wail of pain sometimes whispered in a prayer for answers recently i had a why me moment myself it raised as opposed to reduced me to tears sometimes all you need to do is open your mind to everything around you and if it s open enough you see things the way someone else might why me what did i do to deserve everything that happens to me and unfolds before me why me what did i do surely it s not fair showers of blessings overwhelming everytime colourblind posted january 20 2013 in uncategorized tags black brown colours life white 3 i am brown recently and randomly my eyes dark brown with speckled whites were opened to the colours out there always there but somehow unnoticed i was reminded of the colour black and i noticed the colour white and i saw colours coming together and i realized something something i knew and know but realized at the time i saw the colours combined life is what s beautiful not the colours life is what attracts you what pulls you what you fall in love with i could be purple and be pulled by the passion of red or the sunshine of yellow and it could be alright because life is what creates the sparks when colours collide and what is a life without sparks hmm posted october 10 2012 in uncategorized tags bible choice good and bad life psalm the secret 3 so i m not too impressed with people flaunting their religious beliefs in public but ya having said that i m about to do it myself i came across this bible quote which got me thinking hmm unless the lord builds the house the builders labor in vain unless the lord watches over the city the guards stand watch in vain psalm 127 1 and what i thought when i read that was hmm seemed to me that it was like a reminder to remind me of something that i sometimes forget that everything good and bad happens for a reason that everything small or big happens for a reason and that when all these things happen the good the bad the small and the big they happen with purpose we are broken for the purpose of being moulded into who we were meant to be and are bad things happen but good things happen too and whatever happens at the end of the day they are not things that will kill us and if they do being dead it s not going to matter anyway life will go on choices there is always a choice it s as simple as that the power to choose the consequences that craft your life as you see it is in the decisions you choose to make thank you to a certain someone who reminded me that it made me feel good to do this i shall do it more often older entries create a free website or blog at wordpress com 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