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Text of the page (random words):
ut the extra leeway of maintenance calories meant i didn t have to analyze every meal or worry about ruining my precious deficit everything i looked at told me i was already where i wanted to be i felt great i had let sugar creep back in to my diet for some time but i started to look at it as just another food instead of a bad food that i shouldn t have and that in turn took it off a pedestal i stopped binging and then i got the scale out just to peek just to see how i was going it hadn t moved it had been a week i can see the insanity as i type this i had upped my calorie intake significantly and started weightlifting i was feeling healthy and energised yet the second i stepped on the scale and saw the number had stayed the same for one week i lost it completely lost it i took to instagram and mfp and just let it out was the self hate ever going to end why did the number on the scale have such power over me i felt like the great new path i had started down had suddenly flooded and i was stranded on a rock unable to go forward or turn back i cried i swore i took deep breaths i took that scale outside and smashed it with a brick well i tried to smash it with a brick in reality it smashed the brick but i kept at it and then i left it out in the rain for good measure recovery the last couple of months for me have been the best of the the last twelve better than the rapid weight loss in the beginning better than the praise i got when i hit the thirty kilograms down mark and people decided it was okay to start commenting the etf group has been a game changer for me the people in that group give freely of themselves and every single one of us is there for a reason some of us have diagnosed eating disorders some of us undiagnosed some of us have been healthy and gained or lost weight to unhealthy levels some of us are perfectly healthy looking on the outside with disordered thoughts about food or our bodies there are as many reasons to be a part of that group as there are people in it but it has helped me so so much when i talk about recovery i m not just talking about bulimia i m talking about years and years of self hate body loathing fear of food negative self talk and neglect i am talking about thinking i am making healthy choices for my body when i am actually punishing it by eating too little or exercising too much i am talking about comparing myself to others about comparing myself to different versions of myself i am talking about thinking about other women s bodies with envy or disdain i am talking about judging myself and others by the weight of their bodies not the weight of their deeds i am talking about thinking of foods as bad or evil or like they have some sort of power over me i am talking about letting a number define me and dictate my mood or my actions in the last couple of months it has all come together mind and body health for the first time in my adult life i am not skinny another first is that i don t want to be skinny i want to be strong i want to be fit i want to be happy the bodies i admire now are not in fitspo images with no pain no gain emblazoned on them but the bodies of people who have been through something the bodies like mine with with mummy tummies and stretch marks the bodies with strong lean muscles from putting in the time lifting heavy the bodies that are softer than they used to be because they are allowed to rest and eat the bodies that run marathons the bodies that have survived adversity we only get one body some bodies have different challenges to our own but they are still good bodies my body is a good body today i still count calories and wear my fitbit daily i eat at maintenance for a weight that was ten kilos below what i weighed when i last weighed myself but as that is still a deficit i don t sweat it if i go over sometimes if i am hungry i eat i try to eat enough protein to support muscle repair and i get excited by strength gains instead of weight losses i eat whatever i want in moderation not a limit i put on myself but a limit my body puts on itself when you are restricting something like sugar it s all you can think about and you think you could happily live on ice cream for every meal for the rest of your life but when all food is just food sometimes you feel like ice cream and sometimes you don t i am not the person i was a year ago but i bet you aren t either a year as fast as it seems to go by is a long time and the things that we go through every day change us it is up to us to guide the shape of that change and to have it help or hinder us we are always growing lose 20 kilos in 20 weeks i know there are at least a couple of people reading this who are disappointed this is not what they were expecting believe me i understand it was not what i was expecting to write either they wanted less story and more tips less talk more weight loss action plan there i cannot help you i can tell you what i did i can tell you the path i traveled to get where i am now but i cannot tell you how to get here too the twists and turns and roadblocks in my journey have shaped and reshaped the destination i can t tell you what to eat or what exercises to do there is enough of that crap out there as it is and the best i can do is to tell you to ignore the majority of it i can tell you what i would tell you if were speaking face to face and you told me you were feeling as desperate and hopeless as i was feeling twelve months ago be kind to yourself be kind to your body accept it as it is respect what it has been through and what it has done and continues to do for you it is your one and only body do not compare do not look at other people and wish you were them wish you had their thighs their toned arms their flat stomach you are not that person you don t know their struggles or the things about themselves they are wishing were different at the very same time you are wishing you were different if you and a friend are doing the same things and eating the same foods and she loses a kilo in a week and you stay the same you have not failed you have a different body really try to look at that as a positive turtleneck jumpers are going to come back in one day and they are really hard to find with two neck holes ignore the hype this is one of the hardest things to do and i should know because i have often been there done that and drunk the sugar free koolaid when you are feeling desperate you will try anything want to believe anything and attribute results to things that do not deserve the credit paleo quitting sugar low carbing all ways of restricting calories and foods that are more socially acceptable than a traditional eating disorder don t put food into categories of good or bad it is all just food i would like to apologise now to anyone that i have sent down the garden path in the past while praising the benefits of some restrictive regime or other i was so so wrong i have a particular place in my collection of loathsome things for a twelve week progam you have heard about and that you may even be a part of it seems i know more people who have done it than have not but it s a fad folks and fads aren t forever it is a low calorie program that by it s very name is not going to serve you well through a lifetime save your money and buy me something nice move more walking is exercise do whatever you want to do that you can fit into your life for good month long squat challenges or grueling boot camps are fine if you enjoy them but they are not necessary incidental exercise just moving more in your day to day life will make an enormous difference to your health and well being and will go a long way to changing the way you live your life fuel your body 1200 calorie diets are for nobody no body should be starved of the nutrients and energy it needs to function and serve you well i want to say that diets of any kind are not for you we have been conditioned to seek out quick results in weight loss but quick does not equal healthy or sustainable i know i would prefer to lose excess weight slowly and keep it off for good than lose it quickly and then continue having to lose it over and over again for the rest of my life your body needs calories to function and it needs more calories than you think it works harder for you than you think and restricting it leads to a whole new set of problems resistance training start it in some form right now i didn t and it is a big regret not one i am going to dwell on but i wish i had listened when i was told early on to lift to preserve muscle mass while losing weight plus it makes you feel totally badass i am all for anything that makes you feel badass while making you strong or just for anything that makes you feel badass full stop i think i also like saying badass badass badass yo try it you ll like it know yourself if you can t have a scale in the house without jumping on it every day and letting what it says dictate your mood or choices for the day throw it out weigh at the gym once a week if you feel you need to or try not weighing at all take progress pictures take measurements notice the fit and feel of your clothing if you feel good i promise you are doing good if you are eating well and moving more and challenging your body nothing and no one should make you feel differently get support when i started i started alone scared of failure and embarrassment i did not want to be vulnerable and share my struggles but if i hadn t reached out i wouldn t have made it we need to know we are not alone we need to know we are not the only ones we need a personal cheer squad we need to be lifted up when we are falling down wherever you are comfortable finding that support find it and utilise it read on you crazy diamond if you have made it this far you are probably over reading for at least the next week so bookmark these pages and come back to them when your eyes can focus again knowledge is power and the internet has been an incredible tool for me throughout this process below are sites groups and products that i think could teach you a lot of things worth knowing and help you just as much or more than they have helped me fitbit myfitnesspal eat more 2 weigh less in place of a road map fat 2 fit radio evil sugar radio gokaleo eating the food 180 degree health body image movement and finally finally finally if you are struggling with an ed you do not have to do it alone and you can get better it takes a lot of work but you can do it and you owe it to yourself and your body you are enough are you still here okay bravo now that i have said all the important stuff i did want to share some of my progress pictures not because i am done not because this is after but because i am proud of how far i have come in the last year mentally and physically i can walk to waterfalls and not get puffed and have to sit down halfway back up i can run if i want to as a general rule i don t want to i can and do lift heavy things i have energy i sleep well but probably not enough i have a new workout clothes habit that i am trying to curb but seriously they make me happy these progress photos helped me to see what my eyes and my mind would deny and i cannot encourage you enough to take your own if you are starting down a similar but hopefully better signposted path i also wanted to share because the pictures of me today would undoubtedly look similar to the pictures that someone is taking right now as their own before pictures and although they have their own reasons for that i wanted to say that you can love your body in it s imperfection and admire it for it s strength it s resilience and it s general good work in keeping you alive in the day to day x still here don t you have things to do posted by vic at thursday april 03 2014 26 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest 1 6 12 oh hai it seems i have forgotten how to put a post together blogger is all different i am confused but anywho i just remembered that i may have said i d let y all know when i got around to making a facebook page for geek amour i did i will be giving away some cards when it gets to 100 likes come on over say hi i bet you didn t think this no bloggy business would last did you hope everyone i don t see around instagram facebook etsy very occasionally now twitter is well miss you guys but not the blogging posted by vic at friday june 01 2012 1 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest 25 2 12 my place yours new home deb from works in progress has taken on mpay kids so head on over join in for her first go round this week she wants to see your favourite cup like this beauty of her own and now for reals this time over and out xx posted by vic at saturday february 25 2012 4 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels my place and yours 15 2 12 ripping off the band aid i just want to get this over done with quickly so here it goes punky me is fini thank you so much for reading for however long you have this blog grew into something i never expected it to grow into brought some wonderful people into my life who i am proud to call friends but i m just not feeling it anymore the blog love the love for my blog or your blog or anybody s blog i am rarely on the pc commenting on blogs on my ipod is a frikkin nightmare there are just so many things i feel like i d rather be doing with my time now than blogging or thinking about blogging i guess i was selfish i started this blog when i was in a new place far away from my friends family nobody i knew thought opshopping could be a fun hobby or that a tablecloth could legitimately be turned into a skirt i was alone reaching out into the internet now i know reams of vintage addicts crafty vixens generally clever peeps i know who will most appreciate seeing my latest oppy treasures who to ask a sewing question of who lifts me up when i m feeling down i know all these people will still be available to me post blog because they re ace they re my mates so thank you again guys for indulging me for encouraging me for sharing things with me birthdays christmases getting my licence having spency it s been a blast if you miss me i m at instagram like all the damn time occasionally on the twitter geek amour will be getting more designs probably a facebook page at some point i can t think about that right now as my head hurts if you re interested in taking on the my place yours meme shoot me an email see you around promise love vic posted by vic at wednesday february 15 2012 60 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels blog 13 2 12 flea market finds my finds for this week i stopped in at the oppy while picking up a few groceries this morning i started going downhill in the feeling well stakes but it was totally worth it to score these lovely doilies a piece of johnson crockery a nice little doll quilt the pile of goodies below cost a 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