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turned to all the other birds i know who produce music with their feathers instead of their voices the first to come to mind was the mourning dove whose whistling wingbeats i have often welcomed as the first notes of an early morning as they shoot like a volley of arrows over the empty street the choppy whistling of a startled dove seems to act as a predator warning alarm to other doves as well as any other birds in the immediate area cardinals and chickadees that hear recordings of dove wing whistles are much slower to return to a feeding ground than if surprised in any other way tattletale the second birds i thought of were the hummingbirds back in my california days i would watch anna s hummingbirds performing mating displays over the san francisco heath their flared tail feathers vibrating stiffly to produce a distinctive chirp as they divebombed the ground like young show off stunt pilots continue reading leave a comment tags birds posted in birds may 29 2011 snipe hunt by quantumbiologist as a young cub scout going away to camp my father and grandparents warned me against a prank the older scouts might play on me never go on a snipe hunt i was warned as far as i could gather it was a fool s errand of sorts older boy scouts would suggest to us rookies that we chase the snipe a bird that was nearly impossible to find never mind catch great glory would go to the boy who caught the elusive snipe we d be told but we should resist this seemingly honorable quest for the snipe as the bullies would describe it could never be captured because it did not exist the snipe hunt would inevitably end with us webelos lost in some swamp while the smug tenderfoots raided our candy stash i never was sent on a snipe hunt but the warning left me with the impression that the snipe was in fact mythological i believed the same about gypsies until a trip to europe at age 16 this was no doubt reinforced by my poor recollection of lewis carroll s jabberwockese poem the hunting of the snark a short farce about a beast that is hunted by diverse characters but found by none at some point i misremembered the hunting of the snark as the hunting of the snipe which seemed like an equally nonsensical title i don t exist i was never here got it but there is a genuine animal behind the never seen cryptid snipe and it is almost as elusive snipes are wading shorebirds most of which are part of the scolopacidae family with the woodcocks which they also resemble in so many ways the cryptic coloration that gives them excellent camouflage against the rushes and pebbles of their home the high set eyes the long bill for probing for worms and crustaceans below the muck snipes are animals that are built to disappear if camouflage fails the snipe will escape danger with a flight pattern so erratic and zigzagging that hunters find them almost impossible to take down only a supremely skilled sharpshooter would be able to both find and finish a crafty snipe with mere bullets hence the origin of the sniper continue reading 14 comments tags birds posted in birds april 26 2011 four eyes by quantumbiologist in a recent visit to the mystic aquarium in connecticut i saw beluga whales i saw steller s sea lions i saw stingrays and sharks and electric eels but nothing captivated my imagination like the school of homely mudskippers staring out at me from the water s surface from both above and below and i m not impressed with either half the four eyed fish anableps anableps of central and south america does not actually have four eyes but does indeed have four pupils each eye s two pupils are divided by a span of iris four eyed fish prefer to sit at the surface of a still pool in a brackish mangrove swamp watching for insects to eat both above and below the water surface and so their eyes are only half submerged the two pupils of each eye therefore not only watch the surface from both above and below it but are calibrated to view both air and water differently the lenses in the eyes change in thickness from top to bottom to account for the different refractive indices of air and water as anyone who s tried stealing quarters from a mall fountain knows water tends to warp and slow down light when viewed from above making objects underwater seem out of place the optical illusion persists viewing the airy world from underwater the four eyed fish can view both sides without a bent image at all so two eyes four different fields of vision all blended into one seamless image in the four eyed fish s brain essentially it has its own bifocals or better yet you know that look a teacher gives you over her glasses when you re really in trouble the four eyed fish is that teacher does myopia persist in our species due to sexual selection consider for a moment the genius of this adaptation the four eyed fish is literally looking into two different worlds at once perched at the water s surface its eyes half in and half out it simply splits its vision like a medium with half her mind in some spirit realm it can foresee both fortune and doom predators and prey from either world with uncanny accuracy you will kill your father and marry your mother also you need to tie your shoes continue reading 2 comments posted in bony fish deep sea life april 20 2011 je ne sais quoi by quantumbiologist pity the poor peacock he can truss himself up in iridescent blues and greens built of billions of intricate light catching nanostructures in the feather barbules he can fan his train of tail feathers that open their hundred eyes to a peahen like an adoring audience he can coo bob his head and shiver so that he positively glimmers like blue bonfire in the forest and still the female who isn t even that hot can sniff and walk away he is the product of millions of years of sexual selection for extravagance and possesses the most spectacular show stopping plumage in the world but he is far from irresistible having seen plenty of peacocks in my life nowadays i m more intrigued by the peahens and their discerning gaze so frustratingly fickle so charmingly coy it s that pickiness that has undoubtedly driven the male to such desperate majesty who hasn t felt a little like a peacock at times trying their best to be noticed by the object of their affection and falling short no matter what what am i doing wrong i ve asked myself what am i missing what could she possibly be looking for i find myself sympathizing with the peacock and his unrequited attempts at winning love on the zoo lawn coldly rebuffed time after time until he ll display for any toddler in a pair of brown overalls because peacocks look more or less equally fantastic to us we can t imagine why a female chooses one and not another some guys just don t have it the biologists tell us after a peahen takes a pass on a shimmering fountain of male grandeur not wanting to guess the mind of a peahen they throw up their hands and decline to say what it is that certain something that captures the peahen s heart that je ne sais quoi ice cold well to hell with that je veux savoir quoi if the peacock can look like that and still get shot down in flames unless it possesses that je ne sais quoi i think i speak for males of all species when i say i sure as hell want to know what the quoi is instead of a peacock let s talk about its simpler arachnid analogue the peacock spider i recently discovered this charming little guy via the famous and fabulous myrmecos blog the hot place to be for gorgeous insect photos and bug scuttlebutt like its namesake the australian peacock spider females are dun and its males garish with an amazing technicolor dream abdomen that fans out like a peacock s tail like the bird the peacock spider male does a display dance for the cautious and picky female though his involves waving his third pair of legs in the air as if to say hey baby hey over here continue reading 1 comment posted in arachnids birds april 18 2011 rosie the riveter by quantumbiologist chick flick or no you cannot deny the greatness of the 1992 film a league of their own it s a comedy a history and one of the best baseball films of all time it s got memorable lines there s no crying in baseball memorable characters an all star cast and is singularly responsible for starting my lifelong crushes on both the statuesque red headed amazon genius geena davis and the totally underrated tomboy hottie lori petty more importantly it s the only movie i know that tells the story of american women fulfilling traditionally male roles during world war ii a fairly significant turning point in the feminist movement also madonna did not sing i bring it up because i was recently discussing both the movie and the movement around the campfire with a co worker later in the evening another co worker and i were discussing birds and he told me an incredible story about chickadees i knew that chickadee flocks work a little like wolf packs with a few mated pairs in an alpha beta hierarchy plus the occasional floating loner usually the death of an alpha male or female means that the beta male or female moves up the ladder to take his or her place in the alpha marriage but according to my friend this is not always so simple he watched a flock of banded chickadees for a year and noticed something peculiar the alpha female lost her mate over the winter and in the spring the alpha female was singing male songs what s more she passed over the beta male in favor of a socially less desirable floater for a mate and whenever the new husband would try to sing the alpha female would fly over and knock him off his perch clearly once she had gotten a taste of the male chickadee lifestyle and the power that confers she was reluctant to part with it and he was reluctant to admit he kind of liked it between the discussion of the wwii female factory workforce a league of their own and the chickadee story i got to wondering what other bird species are there in which the female wears the proverbial pants i know that in some species male birds take on traditionally female roles such as the egg incubating male ostrich and in others the females are showier than the males when belted kingfishers go to prom it s the ladies who wear the cummerbund but to see a true display of gender bending you need to travel to the arctic circle to see the breeding grounds of the phalaropes don t worry i ve also never heard of me continue reading 1 comment tags birds posted in birds april 12 2011 long distance relationship by quantumbiologist when you are a child you imagine animals pairing off neatly like noah s menagerie coupling and marching up the gangplank to the chapel of bestial matrimony lovebirds are joined at the hip like a tween romance and two swans form a perfect heart shape with the teacup handle arcs of their necks then you grow up take a few biology courses and discover that everything you thought was wrong to your dismay you realize that animals even the kind that seem to exist in a monogamous marriage of sorts cheat on one another constantly lovebirds get a little action on the sly cuckoos can be cuckolded monkeys can be real swingers owls can get a little extra loving after midnight house sparrows can be homewreckers even swans those regal symbols of romantic love swimming atop a wedding cake are less backyard birds than backdoor men in the avian world it s estimated that 90 of bird couples are socially monogamous as opposed to 7 in mammals but of those 90 are sexually non monogamous long under the spell of prudish human social norms and presuming fidelity among animals scientists now seem to revel in revealing the promiscuity of the animal kingdom but if polyamory is the true norm that makes the monogamous animals the true weirdos and therefore worth a closer look see what is the biological root of monogamy dads with shotguns without cracking open the scientific ark of the covenant that question implies or the world s largest can of worms that is human sexuality let s just talk about the birds and this time not the bees can anything be said of that thin sliver of avifauna that is both sexually and socially monogamous yes it seems most of the few birds that are both socially and sexually monogamous do it for the same reason many married couples do for the kids these are birds that live in such a hostile habitat that it takes every ounce of parental care to nourish their chicks in other words the parents would cheat on each other they just don t have the time or energy not tonight honey i ve got a zzzzzzzz seabirds in rocky windy or icy climes like emperor penguins make up the majority of sexually monogamous pairs but one type of bird creates a hostile habitat for itself specifically so it cannot engage in extra marital canoodling that s because in this species the female is literally imprisoned behind a wall it s the monteiro s hornbill of namibia and it is a master mason on the level of an edgar allen poe antagonist a mated pair of hornbills will scope out a suitable neighborhood to nest preferably a stand of old growth forest with large cavities in the trees the holes may have been made by a fallen branch or may have been carved out by a woodpecker but however it s made it should be large enough for the female to enter and sit comfortably she chooses carefully because she s going to be inside for a very long time also how are the schools continue reading 11 comments tags birds sexuality posted in birds older entries outrageous animals absurd ideas updated monday wednesday friday if nothing goes wrong the author the quantum biologist is a naturalist and poet who has lived in new england new mexico california and washington dc he has worked at planetariums and aquariums mountain wildernesses and urban forests when not birdwatching or looking under rocks for weird bugs he enjoys rockabilly music gourmet cooking and dirty haiku contact him at quantum biologist gmail com find a creature find a creature select 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