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Text of the page (random words):
tunate event drive perfectly functioning vehicle to the local carwash for a deluxe wash and wax request type of car wash and hand keys over to semi literate car wash attendant go inside shop to pay and then wait outside for 30 glorious minutes in the sunshine start to wonder what in the heck is taking daft car washers so long to wash such a teeny tiny vehicle see vehicle pop out the end of the car wash area and sigh a bit of relief temporarily notice large sumo wrestler is driving vehicle with two other car wash attendants laughing and pushing vehicle like it is a clown car car wash attendants commence with drying and polishing vehicle so not too concerned but make note to self that tip should reflect their somewhat inappropriate conduct head over to vehicle when car wash attendants signal vehicle is ready inquire as to why car wash attendants were joking around and using vehicle like a toy stupid attendant replies car no go to which the empress responds what do you mean car no go car no go car broken they reply by this point the empress is not amused and asks to speak with the manager partially literate manager turns up and says that the car is dead and suggests that the empress contact a mobile mechanic what do you mean the car is dead it was running perfectly fine when i drove it up here and handed you my car keys thirty minutes ago i do not recall delivering the vehicle to you on a flatbed truck so what exactly did you do to my car the empress demanded smart ass but obviously incredibly dumb manager fails to take any responsibility despite the crowd of customers that are all starting to wonder what in the frick is going on and hoping they aren t next on the verge of going kung fu on their moronic asses the empress tells them that they had better fix whatever the hell they did to jack up the vehicle and do it pronto semi intelligent car wash attendant shows up with a portable battery charger box and actually manages to get the vehicle running in a matter of seconds prompting the empress to wonder why they didn t bother doing this before turning the vehicle back over to her or before she found out in the first place the empress takes possession of the vehicle and tells the stupid pack of jackasses that she will never use their shitty car wash again and drives off giving them a well deserved one finger salute moral of the story 1 never knowingly turn your beloved vehicle over to a half witted sumo wrestler and his two imbecile sidekicks and expect said vehicle to be returned to you in its original condition 2 and steer clear of beacon bay car wash es they suck big sweaty hairy smelly donkey balls happy monday my lovelies xo the empress posted by the empress at 6 28 pm 11 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels becon bay car wash sucks car no go clown car shitty customer service sumo wrestler the ranter s box friday august 19 2011 i vant to suck yor blood it s obvious that someone has had one too many bowls of count chocula or watched far too many episodes of those blood sucking vampire dramas on tv this week police officials in galveston texas reported that an obviously mentally disturbed 19 year old drakul wanna be named lyle monroe bensley broke into a woman s apartment and proceeded to hiss and growl whilst biting and hitting her in her bed thankfully the woman escaped unharmed from her vampy assailant police later found bensley all but naked in parking lot sporting only his tattoos body piercings and a pair of boxer shorts galveston police captain jeff heyse reported that upon apprehension nosferatu boy claimed that he was a 500 year old vampire that needed to feed currently bensley is reportedly being held in the galveston county jail on a charge of home burglary with intent to commit a felony hopefully his next stop will be a nice padded room in the local psychiatric hospital happy friday my lovelies xo the empress posted by the empress at 12 51 pm 15 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels count chocula drakul nosferatu the ranter s box vampire attack vampires monday august 15 2011 they said what it can be a rather interesting exercise to read employees often bizarre and or entertaining responses to questionnaires describing their jobs the following comments were made in writing by real life public sector workers when asked about their job duties and position requirements at times i am asked to move mountains and raise the dead the criminal justice system would come to a screeching halt if my position didn t exist must be able to fight and wrestle individuals oversee the installation of school flashers transport prisoner dogs when officers make arrests for drunk driving subjected to terroristic threats from citizens exposure to fly infestations and huge dead rats note office job must be able to handle extreme hot and cold attitudes generated by coworkers and the public subjected to name calling and chair slinging physical requirements fingerprinting and unlocking the bean hole assume responsibility for the department s petty cash and coke funds note police clerk extraordinary working conditions loss of appendages job duties reporting to work sober and on time sometimes there are just words with no details and i have no clue what to do bonus questionnaire word of the day annishitive the questionnaires were all reviewed and signed off by each of the workers direct superiors further highlighting why exactly so many governmental agencies are jacked up ineffective and a huge waste of taxpayer revenue happy monday my lovelies and watch out for those school flashers and huge rats in the work place xo the empress posted by the empress at 1 44 am 14 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels funny job descriptions idiots in charge the ranter s box they said what wednesday august 10 2011 strange addictions diaper edition just when you think you ve seen and heard it all along comes another fascinating human being that makes you pause and say wtf case in point check out this video clip featuring riley who is addicted to being an adult baby for you impatient souls like me who want to just skip ahead to the juicy part literally then fast forward to around 2 25 where riley tells the world just how much she loves the comforting feeling of having a warm wet diaper it s probably a safe bet to say that there isn t any hanky panky happening up in that crib happy hump day my lovelies and thanks for being patient while i have been away tending to life outside of the blogosphere xo the empress posted by the empress at 4 27 pm 15 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday july 25 2011 busy bee that s me hello my lovelies apologies for neglecting you all please know that i miss each and every one of you right now personal and professional responsibilities are requiring my immediate attention i m very much looking forward to being able to catch up on reading all of your wonderful blogs and hope to be able to do so in the near future when i resurface i also promise to bestow you all with the usual snarkiness to which you have grown accustomed until then i hope you have an amazing week xo the empress posted by the empress at 6 23 pm 14 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels busy bee stopping by to say hello thanks for hanging in there the ranter s box wednesday july 20 2011 empress etiquette underwear edition this summary is not available please click here to view the post posted by the empress at 5 01 pm 26 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels bouncing balls empress etiquette fashion faux pas hairy butt cracks the ranter s box wearing see thru underwear at the beach is gross monday july 18 2011 things that suck car alarm edition after a gawd awful week and a half of having to listen to this shit i can t think of anything more annoying than the sound of a psychotic car alarm with a very bad case of tourette s currently myself and some of the other sleep deprived neighbors are seriously thinking of taking a grenade launcher to the offending vehicle in question doing so may be our only hope towards restoring some much needed peace and quiet to the neighborhood apparently the management over at the ghetto property where the vehicle is parked don t give a rat s ass that a screeching car alarm is going off day and night for hours at a time and clearly neither does the barney fife wanna be security guard over at the property or the inconsiderate jackwagon who owns the vehicle that sounds something like this happy monday my lovelies and may you enjoy a serene and blissful week xo the empress posted by the empress at 8 10 pm 16 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels annoying sounds car alarms grenade launcher the ranter s box things that chap my arse things that suck wednesday july 13 2011 it s happy dance time yesterday i was as giddy as a school girl when i discovered the follower count here at the ranter s box hit the 300 mark a big shout out goes to byakuya over at hilarious images for officially becoming the 300th reader if you aren t familiar then head on over have a gander show some blog love and make a new friend or two in the meantime check out this wee video that encompasses the spirit of just how happy i am to know that after a year you guys keep coming back for more snarkiness and that our little bloggy family continues to grow but hopefully grow in a way that is different than the trouser snake in this dude s undies and for all you loyal man readers out there just pretend this is me dancing in some sexy lingerie or a bikini also i have absolutely no idea what the heck this video is meant to be advertising but it seems like a good example of a happy dance all the same happy hump day my lovelies xo the empress posted by the empress at 6 18 pm 29 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels 300 followers blog love happy dance the ranter s box sunday july 10 2011 say goodbye to pillow humping having no real intention to play blogosphere sexologist today i was rather surprised to have come across this rather questionable canine product now after watching that video i couldn t help but wonder what kind of twisted individual thinks to invent a device like this what sort of sick and raunchy stuff did they get up to in the hot doll research development lab when they were developing this product who is responsible for cleaning off fido s love doll after he engages in a nice little hump fest have a great week my lovelies xo the empress posted by the empress at 3 27 pm 30 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels canine sex toys hot doll ridiculous products for dogs stupid inventions inventions the ranter s box tuesday july 5 2011 veggies and shit storms it s rather interesting to discover which types of blog posts illicit the most comments and even outright fury by some readers back in the early days of my blogging one of my favorite bloggers the bitchy waiter posted something about vegetarians that particular post made me realize that something as mundane and innocuous as vegetables could spark a blogging shit storm of major proportions yes you read that correctly vegetables category 5 shit storm readers were leaving quite lengthy and fascinating comments supporting their case for or against being a vegetarian now i like a spirited debate as much as the next person but the situation quickly veered off track and started to get ugly the mud slinging and casting of sticks and stones was beyond epic and to be truthful somewhat entertaining some anonymous douche canoe crossed over the line and wrote a derogatory racial comment that had positively no relevance to the topic at hand another person alluded to some nonsense about vegetarians not being cable of having orgasms and as to be expected there were guilt inducing comments that had incredibly heavy political or moral undertones being a vegetarian i of course had to share my two cents as well i totally get that there are some wacky and sanctimonious vegans and vegetarians out there who constantly climb up on their rickety ass soap boxes and chastise anyone who dares to consume meat those types of annoying and holier than thou crack pots get on my nerves too but not all vegetarians are like that i for one am most certainly not basically i was born a vegetarian i eat normal food just minus any sort of meat this is because i do not enjoy the taste texture or even smell of meat eating meat does not agree with my body and therefore i do not eat anything that has a face it is as simple as that however not eating meat is where i draw the line i am not a vegan and have zero desire to venture over into that territory if other people choose a lifestyle of veganism then good on them i happen to love the yummy deliciousness that is otherwise known as cheese yogurt and ice cream far too much to ever imagine my life without them with that being said i admit that when it comes to going out to eat the process is generally a major pain in the ass for a vegetarian this because there are usually very few desirable choices on the menu for a vegetarian but then why should a restaurant have to cater to me and my individual food preferences they shouldn t and as for those gross little eating establishments that cater to vegans and vegetarians i absolutely 100 avoid them like the plague for some strange reason their menu selections tend to consist of creepy sounding ingredients and abnormally high concentrations of garlic to which i am highly allergic but big deal i go out to eat and share meals with others because i enjoy the company of those involved i can always order a salad minus the meat or even better have dessert instead if my dinner companions want to eat ginormous bloody raw steaks then more power to them this perspective comes from understanding and appreciating that there are many people who unlike me just so happen to salivate over big honking slabs of juicy roasted meat i on the other hand just so happen to drool over chocolate cupcakes and designer handbags and yes many of those lovely purses just so happen to be made out of leather but in the grand scheme of things who really cares maybe if more people focused on finding common ground with others instead of looking for the things that could potentially divide them then perhaps the world would be a happier place i m just saying happy monday my lovelies xo the empress this particular post was also how i became acquainted with my dear bloggy friend mrs hyde over at a bitch called mom go check her out if you aren t already familiar she is incredibly fun to read posted by the empress at 2 16 pm 25 comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook 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