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if god created the world in seven days it was at this point that i started laughing uncontrollably then why didn t he just write the bible himself instead of spreading the world through other people he could have just invented paper wrote it out and people wouldn t have misinterpreted everything brother i have my own theory about the bible who was jesus mother dad mary brother who was jesus dad dad god brother and how did he get a virgin pregnant dad the immaculate conception brother nope i think that jesus was some kind of alien think about it he had to come from some planet where all the things jesus did that were so magical like walking on water are normal yeah chew on that one i am nearly in tears from laughing so hard my father is shaking his head as he normally does after everything my brother says my mother is still trying to get everyone to agree with her view and my brother s girlfriend is probably wondering what the hell kind of family she s gotten involved with posted by dame james at 10 25 pm no comments labels friends and family say the darndest things tuesday november 30 2010 i am liz lemon 1 a new semi regular series in which i point out moments from liz lemon s life that have either happened to me in the past or are currently happening to me in my own life this will be the ultimate proof that once and for all i am liz lemon how would you feel if i called you glasses i d be fine with that good because that s what i ve been calling you which was no help when i was trying to find your extension why were you trying to find my extension i have a friend who s opening up a new restaurant in soho and i was hoping that you d go with me what do you wanna go out with me tonight why because it would be fun and you seem cool what i don t go out on dates with guys like grey it feels wrong he s the hair and i m a head plus at best do you wanna go somewhere just the two of us okay what s your game friend game there s no game what are you talking about i don t have any money if that s what you re after and i m not one of those girls who does weird stuff in the bedroom because they think they have to if you re a gay guy looking for a beard i don t do that anymore and if you re trying to harvest my organs and sell them i have an uncle who s a cop so don t even try that posted by dame james at 12 05 am no comments labels 30 rock i am liz lemon tina fey tuesday november 23 2010 who should make my imaginary boyfriends of 2010 list at the end of the past two years i ve come up with a list of my imaginary boyfriends for the past year basically the post is meant to commemorate the hottest and most memorable men who have touched some special place in me over the preceding year it s almost that time of the year again so i thought i would ask for your input in my list this year i ve already got some ideas of who i m going to include but i m hoping that some of my readers will remind me of some man that has slipped my mind in case you re wondering here s the general criteria i use when selecting my imaginary boyfriends the man in question must have sparked my interest in some way shape or form in the year this means that they actually had to do something and can t coast on love from a previous year i used to limit the list to newbies who caught my eye for the first time but now i ve decided to include those who have made previous lists or have reminded me why i fell for them in the first place obvious all time loves are disqualified i think we all know that i find jake gyllenhaal and zac efron sexy all year every year so now it s your turn who are you thinking should make my list also if you re feeling bored who do you think will make list posted by dame james at 10 00 pm 3 comments labels boys boys boys monday november 15 2010 jakey annie whip their hair back and forth whip their hair back and forth in what is quite possible the most adorable thing i ve seen a celebrity do since andy garfield serenaded peter travers carey mulligan with the bed intruder song here are jakey gyllenhaal and annie hathaway breaking into an impromptu version of willow smith s breakout hit whip my hair the two co stars of the upcoming movie full of sexy times it appears love other drugs prove that the chemistry they displayed in brokeback mountain wasn t a fluke their dynamic together and the way they feed off each other is fascinating to watch just watch how jakey gives a ridiculous answer and annie is there immediately to back him up in his rendition of the song i love these two so ridiculously much it s ridiculous i will not be a whole person again until i can watch these two be cute and have sex together on screen posted by dame james at 11 45 pm no comments labels anne hathaway jake gyllenhaal pop music friday november 12 2010 welcome back glee well it s not exactly back since the writing is still shit the acting is nearly unstomachable and the whole gay angle is handled only slightly better than one of the episodes on an alan ball tv show where the gay character s deliver the most awful holier than thou sermon this side of a papal mass considering the hot mess the show was when i gave up on it last season and how much anger i had towards it for wasting both its potential and my time week after week i never thought i would be able to take anything it did seriously ever again and judging by the reaction this season from even the most hardcore gleetards the show s novelty was beginning to wear off quickly but out of nowhere the show went back to its roots with this performance from a new cast member wow that was surprisingly refreshing my biggest complaint with glee towards the end of the run of episodes i watched was that they weren t even bothering to do anything to make the songs their own in the beginning especially in the pilot episode with rehab and don t stop believin glee wasn t afraid to interpret the songs in new and original ways by the end of the first run however the show was falling prey to its own hype and started cranking out those songs to suck as much money out of buyers as they could some of the songs were so terrible they sounded like someone bought a karaoke tape pressed play let lea michelle sing shriek over everyone and then called it a day bad romance i m looking at you apparently this has only gotten worse this season especially with the jukebox musical theme episodes but this rendition of teenage dream is absolutely stunning what i love most about the arrangement is that it s stripped down to an acapella core yet the song s emotion which katy perry emotes so vividly over the electropop ness of the original loses none of its power or urgency and the person who i think should be credited mostly for the success of this rendition is glee newcomer darren criss as you can see i m clearly in love with him and will stop at nothing until he s mine apparently the university of michigan graduate two hours away from me is famous for something called a very potter musical which made it s way online earlier this year i tried watching it but it made very little sense to me as i haven t read a harry potter book since bill clinton was president anyways on the show darren plays blaine kurt s new gay buddy who is there solely to provide support and tell kurt to stand up for himself in other words the character s a total snoozefest and didn t give darren much to play with in his first appearance but that hardly matters when your debut musical performance is something as amazing as his version of teenage dream his husky voice is in definite contrast to katy s light and airy vocals on the original but he manages to keep the song sexy in his own way just by emphasizing the wrong word the lyric i ma get your heart racing in my skin tight jeans i ll be your teenage dream tonight could have become an epic disaster but he actually turns it into a sly subtle invitation that makes it even hotter speaking of hotness i also love the way that like kurt chris colfer darren isn t one of those generic plastic looking gays that seem to populate shows of this nature and unlike kurt chris colfer he has his own brand of sexiness that can t be reproduced it appears that many others out there agree with me as he has instantly become the most buzzed about new cast member since i don t know ever and there are even talks about making him a series regular seems like a good idea at this point since his song is currently at 1 on the itunes chart sodomizing the other songs from the episode and is on track to be the highest charting single from glee since don t stop believin i m sure once glee gets their hands on darren they will ruin him like they have every other aspect of the show but let s just enjoy him in all his glory for the moment posted by dame james at 12 15 pm no comments labels darren criss glee katy perry pop music teenage dream television tuesday november 9 2010 oh uh don t worry tawni you ll find someone posted by dame james at 11 15 am no comments labels disney sonny with a chance tiffany thornton sunday november 7 2010 two hot aryans this post is about exactly what the title says let s get started first off is ed drewett brits may recall him from the professor green song i need you tonight which hit the uk top 10 earlier this year or if you re a mega the wanted fan you may recognize him as the songwriter of their 1 hit all time low ed is now ready to take the electropop world by storm with his infectious amazingly addictive debut single champagne lemonade out now in the uk it s not often you find a good looking male who can do electropop and do it well so we must treasure ed and champagne lemonade like the gifts they are plus ed is very active with his twitter account eddrewett and corresponds regularly with fans when i casually mentioned about a month ago that he was a hot aryan he not only retweeted me but also replied to say that he thought it was funny that i called him an aryan great musician hot and and an amazing sense of humor ed s almost too good to be true secondly we have trevor donovan my new plaid pants did an amazing post about him a few weeks back and i ve been a um fan ever since he s currently starring on the ever lovely 90 210 right now and has been receiving a fair amount of attention for playing the strappin ladies man doubting his sexuality being the shallow individual i am i watched clips of the show involving his storyline only and yeah it s probably as bad as you would expect there were a couple moments that worked namely the way the straight guys reacted or did n t react depending on your viewpoint when trevor s character called the gay kid a faggot but mostly it s a hot mess of clichés and lousy acting but trevor is never less than smoldering and has a sexy deep voice that i wouldn t mind hearing first thing in the morning in all honesty though i m just waiting around until he makes out with a boy isn t that what life is all about posted by dame james at 12 45 am no comments labels 90210 boys boys boys ed drewett god save the british pop music television trevor donovan friday november 5 2010 joe s ambitions or in the slightly altered words of a wise man let s face it this blog is becoming a bit of the cheryl joe show the joe mcelderry of present is not the same joe mcelderry we met last year back then he was the fresh faced winner of the uk s x factor a graduate of the david archuleta school of impeccable if ultimately safe balladeering when the climb was chosen as his winning single it seemed like a foregone conclusion the path joe s music career was going to take but then something happened former constraints in his personal life were lifted and suddenly joe wasn t the same person anymore he couldn t go on doing the same music he was doing before it would almost be like he was cheating himself welcome to wide awake joe s debut album and launching pad for his brand new sound right away the album feels like a compromise between joe and executive producer simon cowell as i ve said before simon isn t a stranger to experimentation as alexandra s cd and leona s outta my head proved but you know he wanted some insurance tracks in case the new material didn t work out hence we have the climb making an appearance on here as well as a cover of the five for fighting hit superman it s not easy and the tender title track these tracks are fine in their own way but unsurprisingly it s on the experimental tracks where joe truly shines with influences as varied as abba the excessively distorted bridge of someone wake me up sounds similar to their under attack alphabeat feel the fire is blatantly reminiscent of fascination and the scissor sisters he seems to be taking cues from jake shears thankfully with none of his tiresome shtick on fahrenheit joe is trying out different styles to see what suits him best side note curiously enough all the groups i mentioned as joe s influences are male female groups two of which contain a male and a female who share the vocal work equally is joe making a comment on gender and sexuality by mining these artists probably not but it s an interesting observation two of the biggest complaints i ve heard about wide awake is that there are too many covers and that there is too much auto tune vocal distortion covering joe s voice i agree that five covers on an album of 11 tracks is perhaps a tad excessive but i think joe is smart about the songs he chooses to cover sure the climb and superman are hardly the most exciting choices but they are a good deal more interesting and contemporary than some of the snoozers simon usually likes how tiresome would covers of you are so beautiful to me and unchained melody have been in comparison and if these two songs deserve any praise joe s the climb works better than miley s because he s a much a stronger vocalist and you need good pipes to make that song digestible and superman makes for an interesting commentary on joe s sexuality in the public eye i m only a man in a silly red sheet smile is a cover of an uncle kracker song and i m impressed that you would never guess in a million years that joe s version was once sung by the same guy who did follow me as for ambitions and real late starter these recent songs have their ardent fans but i like that joe went for little known songs instead of something as obvious as lady gaga and in the case of ambitions the song is actually quite different than the original if you listen carefully you may not like the direction he took but you can t say it s a copycat version as for the auto tune criticisms i m a little less understanding one of my biggest pet peeves is when people criticize auto tune for covering up untalented singers with weak voices or drowning a talented singer s great voice i ve said it before and i ll say it again auto tune is not the enemy it is nothing but a stylistic choice many weaker singers got by before it hello early madonna and many others have after riri britney uses it all the time these days but she didn...