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trange race obliterate them but oh don t forget to try to exploit the aliens for profit i guess some things never change whatever you think of those ideologies aliens is still a kick ass film it s one of the few action films i can think of that has the ability to scare you shitless without becoming a full blown horror film aliens also has a great sense of environment namely the ability to draw you into its abandoned space station so that you feel like you re with ripley and the gang every terrifying step of the way michael biehn is surprisingly sexy while glamazon sigourney weaver steals the whole damn movie as lt badass ripley she s quite possibly the smartest and ballsiest female action hero the genre has ever seen and puts many of our lame action heroes today to shame if only ryan reynolds was half the man signourey weaver is in aliens a posted by dame james at 10 40 pm 1 comment labels crazy 80 s project james cameron le cinema sigourney weaver saturday july 23 2011 short rants on last year at marienbad last year at marienbad was exactly the sort of pretentious high intellect art film i expected alain resnais earlier hiroshima mon amour to be but was not the film has some gorgeous photography a bombastic organ score that almost makes inception s look puny in comparison and at least one thrilling sequence that makes its 90 minute runtime much easier to sit through all that aside marienbad is basically a film about nothing even moreso than seinfeld was a show about nothing a man meets a woman at a hotel tells her they met last year in marienbad or frederiksbad although it doesn t really matter and that they had made plans to run off together a year later the woman spends the next 90 minutes deciding whether or not she had in fact met this man as he tells her about scattered memories of the two of them from their time together by the end of the film it doesn t even matter whether or not they had met as the woman must now decide whether or not she will leave her husband and run off with this man this renders the entire film before it pointless although many high and mighty critics may argue that it was never really the point of the film a good point as there are a high number of excellent films that reveal much more than a threadbare plot suggests but as critic pauline kael suggests in her amazing essay the come dressed as the sick soul of europe parties it is one thing to cut out the unnecessary mechanical transitions of film as godard did in breathless but resnais cuts away something that is basic to drama our caring about the characters and what they do who ultimately cares if these people had met in marienbad or frederiksbad or wherever else and who ultimately cares if they do run off together the man and the woman are meant to be universal characters but that doesn t mean they have to be so universally one note and dull this is the fate resnais worked so diligently to escape with hiroshima simply because you cared what happened to emmanuelle riva s character over the course of the film in the end marienbad with its haunting score and searing camera movements ultimately becomes an experiment in film technique or a failed attempt at representing free flowing memories in film form perhaps either way it doesn t really matter c posted by dame james at 5 28 pm no comments labels film rants le cinema vive la france friday july 22 2011 cappy s sidekick we here at rants of a diva and by we i do mean me and only me love sebastian stan we loved him when he was on gossip girl we loved him in his bit part at the beginning of rachel getting married we loved him on kings most of all we loved him when he was dating leighton meester forming the world s most perfect celebrity couple meestan he s been on the verge of becoming a big star for a few years now but with his gig as chris evans sidekick in captain america the first aveneger this weekend it may be closer to happening than ever before which is a relief because if anyone deserves to be more famous it s sebastian he s the deadly combination of talented and sexy in a non pretty boyish way let s show off that sexiness by posting some pictures of him shall we posted by dame james at 1 20 pm 1 comment labels boys boys boys sebastian stan tuesday july 19 2011 crazy 80 s project raiders of the lost ark steven spielberg s filmography can more or less be siphoned off into one of three types of films intense emotional historical drama sugary sweet schmaltz and eager to please blockbuster the first type gave us schindler s list and the color purple so i can t complain too much the second gave us e t and yeah enough said about that shitty film the third has the most variance as jaws and jurassic park are lumped in with war of the worlds and minority report raiders of the lost ark the first entry in his indiana jones series thankfully avoids landing in the schmaltz category unfortunately it s neither as thrilling or jubilant as the best of spielberg s blockbusters for the most part raiders of the lost ark just kinda sits there like a dried out lump of clay moving from point a to point b with great efficiency but little passion there s nothing outlandishly bad about the film i just can t find anything to get excited about in the exotic locals nice if a bit too on the nose action sequences cartoonish bad guys and hilariously awkward attempts at making karen allen s character a woman who can defend herself raiders may be supreme popcorn entertainment for some but i ll stick with jaws thank you very much c posted by dame james at 10 40 pm no comments labels crazy 80 s project le cinema steven spielberg monday july 18 2011 like father like smokin hot son everyone loves a good hollywood dynasty from the fondas to the barrymores to the hustons talent has been passed down in these families for multiple generations in some cases and yes i refuse to call the roberts an acting dynasty because emma roberts is a grotty little harpy desperately clinging to her aunt s fame to land roles in films that should go to young actresses with actual talent the tradition continues to this day emma roberts excluded with a special little niche emerging the hot son of a male acting legend let s investigate this further with some examples ethan peck grandson of gregory peck i discovered ethan peck a couple of summers ago while he was on the abc family show 10 things i hate about you to this day i ve never seen an episode but i still find ethan to be hella attractive just like his grandfather back in the day henry hopper son of dennis hopper i never thought dennis hopper was attractive until i saw giant a couple years ago and discovered that the shaggy haired guy from easy rider was once a very good looking fellow his son henry soon to be seen in gus van sant s answer to the quirky indie comedy restless certainly cleans up nicely bonus points he plays an emotionally damaged boy in restless we all know how i love those max irons son of jeremy irons while i was obsessing about brideshead revisited and vis á vis jeremy irons i discovered that he had a son who was smoking hot max doesn t quite have the infamous jeremy irons voice but it s more than pleasant in it s own right and i would certainly go weak in the knees if he talked to me he was recently in that red riding hood movie that looked exactly twilight but not i ll certainly be checking it out sometime soon because i m superficial like that scott eastwood son of clint eastwood i wasn t even aware clint eastwood had a song until glenn pointed him out the other night immediately alerting me to his hotness that s what friends are for people scott looks exactly like his father back in the early part of his career if a tad bit stockier does this mean he ll become a director soon and we ll be getting a strange mixture of westerns and oscar prestige pictures from him for the next fifty years patrick schwarzenegger son of arnold schwarzenegger okay so he s not technically an actor i e at all but he s hot so i had to include him the best thing about the schwarzenegger divorce is the fact that we get to see so many pics of patrick never a bad thing when he looks like this posted by dame james at 12 37 am 5 comments labels boys boys boys clint eastwood dennis hopper ethan peck gregory peck henry hopper jeremy irons max irons patrick schwarzenegger scott eastwood the governator saturday july 16 2011 i am liz lemon 5 a new semi regular series in which i point out moments from liz lemon s life that have either happened to me in the past or are currently happening to me in my own life this will be the ultimate proof that once and for all i am liz lemon so when did this happen getting back with dennis well last week was my birthday and everyone forgot except dennis he called we went out and it wasn t too weird thanks to jd who recently pointed this moment out to me have i become liz lemon so much that i can t even recognize the similarities anymore posted by dame james at 11 44 pm 1 comment labels 30 rock i am liz lemon tina fey thursday july 14 2011 dorothy s new dress dorothy ma if you didn t like the dress you should have just told me sophia hey i was trying to be helpful dorothy asking if it came with a sign that said wide load is not being helpful posted by dame james at 10 16 am no comments labels golden girls sunday july 10 2011 crazy 80 s project hollywood shuffle my crazy 80 s project click the link for more details gets started with a film that wasn t on my original list it wasn t until stinkylulu mentioned hollywood shuffle a film i had seen clips from years ago on some race in film documentary but had forgotten about since that i realized i had to make room for it the film through various comedic sketches discusses the state of roles for black actors in hollywood and the effect of seeing all black men portrayed as jive talking hustling fools has on the race star director and co writer robert townsend makes some wonderful observations most of which sadly have not changed much since 1987 and skewers them head on most notably in the black acting school sketch a commercial for a fake school which teaches african americans how to act more black for the movies students are taught how to jive talk and walk like a black by white people of course while townsend and company make some great points it often feels like the material could have been pushed in far more uncomfortable ways the sketches are good on their own but with a runtime of only 75 minutes the film s structure is flimsy at best never really in the moment unless in a sketch this isn t necessarily a criticism as great commentary can come from sketch comedy but hollywood shuffle is merely saturday night live next to the off the wall examination of racial stereotypes in hollywood bamboozled s network b posted by dame james at 11 10 pm 1 comment labels crazy 80 s project le cinema friday july 8 2011 rants on midnight in paris somewhere between the lame jokes about the tea party and the rachel mcadams character s swift change from wrong for the lead character to complete and utter miserable cunt i realized something very important while watching midnight in paris i m just not into woody allen anymore gone are the glory days of a filmmaker who once made great films as diverse as sleeper annie hall interiors bullets over broadway and everyone says i love you it s obvious the woodman is content making the same shitty movie set in a different european city over and over again and it s time i have accepted this the fact that midnight in paris is woody s most inspired script in ages says more about the decline of his work post match point than the script s actual quality the film begins with a generic looking montage of paris complete with images of paris famous sights and the charming old world street corners and cafés that the city is famous for these are the kind of images one expects when thinking about paris but they do nothing to elicit anything new or interesting about the city it s a five minute establishing shot that both runs far too long and adds less to the story than the establishing shot of the house in the golden girls at the beginning of every episode if the generic ness of these establishing shots does anything it clues us into the generic ness of everything that follows gil owen wilson is a would be novelist a hacky screenwriter with a girlfriend who clearly doesn t value him or his interests true to the woody allen type he hates everything about the present and idealizes the past he yearns to live in paris in the 1920 s the so called golden age everything in the first part of the film is stuff we have seen from woody before a bumbling artist who feels soiled by financial success a shrewish girlfriend ignorant republican parents pretentious a holes who are experts in every subject that could ever possibly come up in conversation in the second part however woody begins to raise his game after getting lost in the city strangers in a 1920 s style car pull up next to gil and take him a party with people dressed up in flapper era outfits and someone singing cole porter songs on a piano gil is both bewildered and amused at just how far these people went to have an authentic party but when he meets zelda and f scott fitzgerald and later on ernest hemingway everything begins to click for him the car has somehow taken him back to 1920 s paris he goes back every night meeting gertrude stein picasso dalí and most importantly a beautiful frenchwoman named adriana that he eventually falls in love with on its surface this sequence works because these caricatures of famous people are more alive funny and simply more interesting than anyone in the real life part of the film who honestly would rather watch michael sheen pretend to be a smarmy ass than see adrien brody repeat the word rhinoceros over and over again with a funny accent it s not annie hall that s for sure but it s the closest thing to comedy in this film after the initial charm of this fantasy sequence wares off it is clear that even this so called original sequence isn t particularly original in the oeuvre of woody allen gil s character uses this fantasy world as an escape from the blahs of his everyday life that he can t stand but eventually he realizes that living in another world the past will always appear ideal precisely because it is an escape from real life switching 30 s escapism for 20 s paris isn t this basically the same message of the purple rose of cairo and even though i m not that film s biggest supporter didn t it feel like purple rose carried that message in far more interesting and complicated ways than midnight in paris that whole segment of the film was supposed to be a fantasy so why did it feel as turgid and listless as the real life scenes nothing about the 1920 s scenes pop or set them apart from the modern day scenes other than the fact that they are more fun and energetic which is a moot point since anything this side of the ro...