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description=Grab a drink, sit in my parlor & discuss infertility, Ethiopian Adoption, and the idiosyncrasies of life.;

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Text of the page (random words):
t we were younger then and now we are busy tired men tired of playing a foolish game tired of trying to make a name tomorrow i say i will call on jim just to show that i m thinking of him but tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes and distance between us grows and grows around the corner yet miles away here s a telegram sir jim died today and that s what we get and deserve in the end around the corner a vanished friend remember to always say what you mean if you love someone tell them don t be afraid to express yourself reach out and tell someone what they mean to you because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late seize the day never have regrets and most importantly stay close to your friends and family for they have helped make you the person that you are today you must send this on in 3 hours after reading the letter to 10 other people if you do this you will receive unbelievably good luck note the more people that you send this to the better luck you will have smile even through your tears october 24 2007 the little things posted by enat under the mista 3 comments i am sitting in a hotel room in milwaukee trying to draft a post for our adoption blog but i cannot seem to draw any connections between written language and emotion i have been in a weird place lately and instead of writing for therapy i spend my days in paralysis it is a strange and unexplainable place hence my lack of discussion about it limbo seems inadequate yet appropriate see my problem to distract myself from my writing or better put as lack there of i decided to read the book i brought along the invigorating communist manifesto this great distraction strongly indicates the writing predicament i am feeling since i voluntarily chose marxist philopshy over addressing emotion i lost interest when i started thinking what marx would blog about when i accidently dropped the book in transition from the chair to couch a piece of paper floated to the coffee table it was clearly old and discolored and appeared to lack any writing until i turned it over and noticed that mr jitters purchaced this book on october 23 1994 i hold in my hands a dated reciept that corresponds directly with the date he must have printed inside the cover immediately after purchase he is funny that way always dating things and saving reciepts all our family banking can be backdated in an excel file for years with corresponding reciepts i tend to lack any sense of organization but he loves me regardless what is it that attracts you to your spouse partner significant other or friend do you love the things you lack the things you desire or the things that drive you absolutely mad at the same time october 17 2007 1 1 3 posted by enat under uncategorized 3 comments disclaimer this has a point and is not just dog talk we are dog sitting a co workers pug rat terrier mix she is a pampered little dog but so is our matisse the difference is that a small papered dog moves much faster than a 75 pound pampered dog two seems pretty easy to handle until i got a frantic call last night from mr jitter s that our good friend is in the er at the hospital where i work with malaria she just got back from haiti i sat with her until she got moved up to the icu she is sick really sick i hate seeing people i care about like that after she moved upstairs where she will reside for at least 3 days i went to meet her husband at home who was at that time returning from his grad school exam he didn t know what was going on other than that she was really sick when he left that morning and i felt for him since he will now have more on his hands i decided to take his standard poodle for a while his was relieved and now the dogs outnumber the humans at our household two was manageable but three is a lot again i ask myself how does sami do it she has more dogs than i currently am caring for she has a newborn yikes the long awaited point and drawn out connection how do people have more children than adults or hands for that matter i cannot handle our current dog to human ratio so how could i ever manage children initially we wanted 2 children we learned the bastard lesson of life through infertility that lesson being that you do not have ultimate control over the things you desire to control most that being said we came to a conclusion that we would take the children that came our way whether it be through adoption yes you can get multiples or some biological fluke mr jitters and i joked about how much really will change in our lives when we have achieved our numerical family member goals last night before bed as we were fighting for space on our queen mattress between two standard poodles and listening to the faint whimpers of a kenneled pug terrier who is now sitting on my lap hindering my typing while my boy rests his head on my feet and his poodle friend is squeaking a stuffed carrot don t worry this will not turn into a dog blog nor a mommy blog for that matter but i needed this experience to remind me that we are really not prepared to best parent a sibling set of different ages i cannot explain how i came to this conclusion with a dog comparison to our social worker or anyone for that matter but i am relieved that mr jitters and i agree that we will be at our best as parents when we can still have a little of ourselves as individuals and as a couple i feel a bit selfish inadequate admitting that basically i am limiting the number of children i want so i can maintain a lifestyle i enjoy two means no minivan vacations are easier and more affordable zero populations growth one parent can attend to one child at time please tell me your rational for number of children desired or achieved has it changed with your experiences i don t think i will change my mind but i am curious how others come to conclusions about similar issues october 13 2007 please help me pick up my jaw posted by enat under what the 6 comments i know it is saturday and nobody reads posts over the weekend but i did not have time to post this on friday and you all have to hear read it if you really want to hear it i can transpose my voice like a monkey or transformer or many other things sorry i have found some funny sites and i need an excuse to send a monkey mail to someone who is not sick of them yet warning it is addicting so as i was flying around on friday morning trying to get some work prepared for a presentation i was due for in less than an hour someone at work pulled me aside and said when you bring your baby home from ethiopia you are going to give them a good name right not one of these hard to spell and pronounce foreign names ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh i have never been a good come back girl i could compare myself to george and the jerk store comment in well timed snarky response to stupid comments i can think of stuff after the fact but never on the spot that is why i had many comments mastered for infertility and could snap off some good ones for example yes i did use these seriously 1 oh you need to lie still and prop with a pillow after or other stupid assvice for something we all know how to do oh i did handstands for a while but after my wrist surgery they got kind of dangerous and i was afraid that i would hurt myself and poor mr jitter s would be left trying to defend why i broke my neck during 2 oh you are so young it will happen you just need to wait well actually i age in dog years and since we have been trying for 4 years your time so i have been technically trying for 28 years and that is a heck of a long time longer than any of your friends who just waited right 3 have you tried prayer i will be sure to pray for you thanks but why ask god he couldn t even get mary pregnant and had to use immaculate conception i was really getting good with my delivery of this wit and then we switched to adoption now i need to come up with another stupid list of stupid things stupid people stupidly say so i can respond to them and strut away to give myself a high five for being so awesome so here are some responses i am working on but they all lack the sharp sarcastic wit of above and most are really just mean stupid please help me develop a response i am begging for some snark to the question when you bring your baby home from ethiopia you are going to give them a good name right not one of these hard to spell and pronounce foreign names my proposed responses 1 well your name is i find that kind of boring and hard to pronounce so it just depends on your perspective 2 actually my husband and i are planning on changing our names also to better fit with our child s ethiopian name the problem is that i cannot decide if i want to be ang eli na jo lie or ma donna he is obviously br ad pitt but i kind of prefer ma donna see our problem 3 the jerk store called they are out of you help please help note to figure out how we do feel about name changing in adoption please check our adoption site this should motivate me to actually get the post proof read october 7 2007 how to make a grown man cry posted by enat under uncategorized 7 comments today i ran my first marathon it was one of my goals by the time i turn 30 the other two were to complete my master s and have a baby i tried so hard on one that i totally missed the other oh well life is a crap chute and sometimes you are standing in the wrong place i am content with 1 for 3 i trained for a 4 15 finish i finished in 4 45 off by 30 minutes but it was 82 degrees with 70 percent humidity i am happy i enjoyed every moment it is truly a high one of the best moments was about 5 miles in when i see mr jitter s standing next to a very familiar face not ever see by me without a bowtie and a smile dr bowtie still had a smile from ear to ear but ditched the bowtie for a sunday wear t shirt i jokingly told him to look for me at twin cities at our exit appointment knowing he lived relatively close to the marathon route he did look for me and he made my day this man is amazing as soon as i spotted him i ran into his arms he can now add sweat to the list of other body fluids of mine that he has handled and yelled that i loved him i meant it i adore him he could retire he could make more money he easily could have looked at our test results and turned us away but he didn t not only is he an amazing and award winning fertility specialist but he is human mr jitters waited until the end of the race to tell me that as i ran away he wiped tears from his eyes i know he wanted so badly to help us get pregnant and he feels our frustrated as much as us his wife was with him and i know i told her thank you for sharing him with us all he is amazing i want her to know how much i do really appreciate it he works almost 7 days a week long hours and he took part of his day off to support a patient in another less traditional way after 4 years of trying to get pregnant i didn t reach my goal but i didn t stand still either believe me dr bowtie will be getting an invite to our champagne toast when we return from ethiopia with our baby not only was he part of our process he is family now october 1 2007 writer s block posted by enat under uncategorized 8 comments i want to scream i am in the process of composing my adoption self study and i caught a pretty bad case of writer s block it is nothing you all can help with since it involves my life and i should be able to answer questions about my life yet i am at a loss for words i guess i will be pulling an all nighter since mr jitter s and i made an agreement that this paperwork will be dropped off at our agency tomorrow morning since i am so spent and i can hardly compose this post i need to switch directions about a pressing fashion debate that is unfolding at our house now that it is fall i want to break out my jean jacket it is cropped and shows off my shrinking marathon training 5 days away is the big run bottom i bought the acid black denim so i could wear it with many things from work to weekend the one thing i refuse to wear it with is denim now mr jitter s who is usually a fashionable man in his pocket squares layers event the occasional ascot insists that i can mix the denims i disagree strongly disagree very very strongly disagree in fact i have a one item per outfit denim limit with the exception of a denim jacket the denim item must be on my lower quadrant in other words no denim button up shirts no denim vests and absolutely no denim scrunchies so please tell me would you mix or double up on the denims september 26 2007 check out my new header posted by enat under random 6 comments it is artistic talent from the canvas of dd that is her photo of me my poodle at my house when she was visiting can you recognize me from my thighs i am also wearing one of those maternity style shirts that i swore i would never but even have a post drafted about but since she caught it on film i will admit i do love them quite cool huh who would have know that i would find one of my best friends on the internet here s something even better she is even cooler irl i just got back from recruiting in ia and i have a whopper post drafted so check back soon the internet was out so i could not post it but i did not want to loose the moment so i drafted it in word i am grateful to be home and back in 2007 september 25 2007 celebrate the little things in life posted by enat under uncategorized 6 comments just got a call from mr jitter s fil had his 18 month cancer scan today and it came back clear i am so happy i am shaking please join me in a celebratory hoot n holla september 22 2007 thanks prometheus posted by enat under infertility leave a comment there are few things in life that evoke such varying emotions as fire as i sat in my backyard and stared into the urban fire blazing in our brick fire pit i felt a soothing desire while my mind was reminiscing of cooking hot dogs on a camping trip and falling asleep near a crackling warmth on christmas eve i realized how far removed infertility took me from enjoying life i was finally able to decompress as i burned off the pain of dealing with infertility and stoked a new adoption dream with each added log and and kindling i halfheartedly joked to mr jitter s as he grabbed a paper grocery bag to help the fire burn quicker that we could just burn the contents of our ivf file perhaps we will tomorrow night i am not certain why i am drawn to fire perhaps it s allure comes from historical to present reference fire was a cultivator of society and in some form or another is still a common trait of mankind today when we are in control fire cooks our food and keeps us warm yet when fire is in control we risk losing everything we are dependent on fire or the concept of combustion to survive but this very thing that sustains us can so quickly take us all our humanly possessions and often our spirit while dealing with infertility i precariously played with fire and towards the end i found my ability to maintain control slipping away perhaps it is t...