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Text of the page (random words):
reliable informant reliable informant my life through my eyes monday march 9 2020 how far we ve come this is my blog a mere attempt at organizing the chaos in my brain into something coherent and rational or at least aesthetically composed i will write of what i know and what i feel there will probably be moments of brutal honesty and honest feeling i will withstand the urge to write about my job except in the broadest of terms and my families unless someone really pisses me off then they re fair game but i don t feel i should have to apologize for how this could make you feel life does not come equipped with subtitles sometimes you just have to guess at what the person is saying way back in august of 2008 this was my first blog post if you can t read between the lines a bit i was angry always angry i thought a blog would be a great place for me to compose my thoughts and feelings into something coherent something i could conserve on paper for posterity instead for the first few years at least what poured out was anger oh it might have been disguised as humor or self deprecation but that wasn t what it boiled down to i was angry at life at the world at random people and it all stemmed from my bipolar disorder though i didn t know it until 3 years later once i received help and medications for my bipolar disease because it is a disease my posts changed i was able to express through words that happiness that had been hidden inside for so long under all the anger at the beginning i thought i would become famous because of the blog and that i d find some self worth through it all i longed for recognition for my writing and craved an online community i could interact with because i was lonely and horribly angry i thought looking outside myself would solve both those problems as you can guess neither of those things happened my blog is still only read by family and close friends i m not famous but my words are still my own i m not lonely anymore nor am i angry medications went a long way to helping that but so did real friends and a closeness with family all this to say if you re new here welcome i m glad you stopped by and hope you ll stick around if i m not your cup of tea that s fine too maybe down the road we can meet again no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels angry bipolar blog family famous self worth saturday february 22 2020 back in the saddle since the last time i blogged much has happened i say that every time i take a hiatus from writing but it s true life continues and things progress whether i write about it or not but this time we added a whole new family member to the group calvin scott hunter was born a month early on february 21 2019 he came out after 3 pushes with the cord wrapped around his neck twice luckily it was only loosely wrapped and the bigger concerns were that he couldn t regulate his body temperature and his blood sugar was dangerously low however he s not one to stay down and after only 2 5 days in the nicu he came home looking like a baby doll in his big car seat weighing in at only 5lbs 13 oz yesterday we celebrated his 1st birthday and he is thriving he s on the cusp of walking pulling himself around furniture and climbing on things he is a joy of a baby but he will definitely let his opinions be known when he wants something this year has been filled with other things too we went on a family reunion trip with jason s family to colorado in june i had a hysterectomy in november a thanksmas trip to dallas in december and then i had carpal tunnel surgery last week busy fun and necessary describes this last year and through it all i ve had very few mental health ups and downs my medications have kept me incredibly steady except for an incident with a breast feeding medication that i ll talk about later i ve had the normal hormonal issues that come from having a baby and a hysterectomy but i ve stayed stable 2019 was an incredible year and a great blessing to our family so many wonderful and needed things happened i know 2020 has already begun but i m excited to see what the rest of the year will bring no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels anxiety bipolar calvin children family member jason kids mental health optimistic parenting monday june 4 2018 bad connection over the past few months i ve read numerous blog posts about trying to connect with a child who is different than you but what if your child is exactly like you what do you do when their behavior mirrors your own how do you cope when your weaknesses are theirs how do you parent when you are so alike that you easily get under each other s skin i ve written on here before about how penny and i butt heads we even went to therapy for 8 months trying to figure out why we fight for power in any given situation the grapple for control between us just makes me crazy the problem is i in her the things i struggled with at that age talking too much and getting in trouble at school having a hard time making and keeping friends feeling things so deeply that each set back feels like the end of the world i understand how deeply she can hurt but i have no control over it i can only tell her i understand and see the disbelief in her face being so much alike can be easier on some levels because i can almost anticipate her reaction to things but it s also as frustrating as hell because she handles things the way i do forcing me to see how i react to the world maybe that s what makes the situation so difficult i see in her things i want to change in myself and maybe that s the solution i need to rethink how i react so that she can see my behavior and maybe follow my example it s worth a try because if i don t start trying something different we will forever be two immovable objects caught in a never ending fight for control no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels connecting control daughter differences fighting for control penny power struggle similar similarities sunday may 27 2018 guest post i have been asked to guest post on an amazing blog called see the happy my post is entitled surviving bipolar and is located here i d love it if you hopped over there and gave it a look no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels bipolar see the happy surviving friday may 11 2018 why so serious mommy listen to this tells joke they just made up and isn t remotely funny light chuckle mom that was funny why didn t you laugh wasn t i funny ouch kids can really cut right to it why hadn t i laughed and why don t i laugh more the thing is i love to laugh some of my fondest memories with friends and family are ones filled with laughter great deep belly laughs that cause tears to stream down my cheeks moments that cause inside jokes that last for decades i love those kinds of laughs so why don t i laugh more with my kids i ve become too serious and stern for no good reason other than the fact that i became a mom motherhood has changed me some for the better and some definitely for the worse my bipolar issues also certainly don t help the matter since my diagnosis i ve found myself the quietest that i ve ever been in my high school years i was seriously obnoxiously loud and silly laughing all the time now silence and polite laughs have become my forte and i know it s all me when my kids want to be silly all i can think is please stop interrupting what i m doing i m busy too busy to laugh with them how awful is that i could blame it on the stressfulness of being a parent but that s crap everyone knows laughter can relieve stress so it comes down to me how do i want my home to sound silent as my perfect children of the corn while away hours playing by themselves or do i want to be part of their sweet laughter as i ve mentioned before jason plays the silly games and laughs at the thousandth joke he makes them laugh i crack a smile or half that makes my heart hurt that i find it hard to join in i want my home to be a welcoming place where the kids can feel relaxed and as happy as possible and i know that includes mommy laughing more so that s my goal this week this month this year and all the years to come i want their memories full of laughter mine included no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels bipolar children kids laughter serious older posts home subscribe to posts atom about me jamie south jordan utah united states i used to think i was a people person turns out i m not view my complete profile blog archive 2020 2 march 1 how far we ve come february 1 2018 11 june 1 may 2 february 2 january 6 2017 4 december 4 2016 1 june 1 2015 9 november 2 march 1 february 4 january 2 2013 22 april 2 march 6 february 9 january 5 2012 20 september 1 may 1 march 3 february 9 january 6 2011 18 december 2 november 2 october 1 september 1 august 2 july 2 may 2 april 1 march 2 february 2 january 1 2010 37 december 1 november 2 october 3 august 3 july 5 june 2 may 5 april 7 march 3 february 3 january 3 2009 47 december 2 november 2 october 2 september 1 august 3 june 4 may 4 april 8 march 3 february 8 january 10 2008 66 december 11 november 21 october 18 september 12 august 4 featured post in the meantime i realize it s been quite a while since i ve written and i only have pharmacology to blame in the two months since i ve been ou awesome inc theme powered by blogger