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0 mph in a 25 mph zone but that s another story you may be at this time starting to think that i m shitting you i m not thank you monte was his name how can i remember that seriously nobody could remember that right don t give up there s a surprise ending to this story i fired her up and headed for the street in 1st gear on the street i tried to shift into 2nd and the damned thing ground the gears like a motherfucker every time i tried to up or down shift the goddamn tranny it would grind it absolutely was not my fault it was the cheap ass tranny that dodge bought from some lithuanian pimp and not from muncie where they got all their 4 speeds both before and after 1968 but that tranny was completely fucked at city driving speeds i had to double clutch the motherfucker on all shifts monte thought that i didn t know how to drive a stick shift i explained to him that it was entirely the fault of the transmission but he didn t believe me monte had told me a bunch of times that we were going to go to a street where i could open it up as he explained it he guaranteed that i could go as fast as i wanted and that there was a zero possibility of the cops being anywhere near there about half way through his telling me about this wonderful place the second time i had figured out that the city of anaheim had built this street for all of the dealerships to use as a test track so as to sell more cars and contribute the sales tax to the city s bank account cops would queer that deal yee hah it was 1 mile long with dead ends at both ends with a signal controlled intersection in the middle in 2nd gear at about 25 mph i drove over some railroad tracks slowed for a right turn down shifted to 1st noiselessly and smoothly by double clutching it and made the turn i had put on my lap belt before that car had moved an inch but monte hadn t put his on i straightened her out and hammered it monte immediately started looking for his seat belt it was tangled up under his bucket seat so he braced his left foot against the transmission tunnel his right foot up against the fire wall his left arm was around the upper back of his seat and his right arm was on the door with his right hand holding the roof of the car with a death grip i glanced down and saw the needle passing 100 mph at the same moment monte released some of his holds and leaned way over so he could see the speedo he said man it sure gets up to a hundred miles an hour fast doesn t it i said it sure does shifted into 4th gear at 105 and shut her down after the needle had pointed to 110 it shifted perfectly at speed but the son of a bitch was squirrelly in traffic it was most definitely a pos tranny i coasted to a fucking stop thank you i down shifted all the way down to second and didn t touch the brake until i was doing only 30 mph over forty years later i was living in a senior living facility in anaheim and my table mate in the dining room was a nice woman named charlene at the table one day i told her this story when i was through she told me she had heard the same story a dozen or more times she explained that she had worked for mcpeak chrysler plymouth which was also on auto row and that the same people owned both dealerships they all went to the same bar b ques and christmas parties so she knew the salesman i had taken on that ride his name was monte something and he told the story to everyone he met he had told it thousands of times charlene told me that every time he told the story he would say at the end of it i have to give him this he knew what he was doing he was a good driver thank you monte view all 2 comments world war 2 truth gets suspended by facebook and twitter march 5 2019 uncategorized tar baby leave a comment the dresden firestorm massacre was a botched allied mission if the official death toll is to be believed the victims are conveniently vaporized from history february 15 2019 uncategorized tar baby leave a comment big names who said jewish power caused ww ii august 5 2018 uncategorized tar baby rickgearon spot on source big names who said jewish power caused ww ii view original post leave a comment big names who said jewish power caused ww ii august 5 2018 uncategorized tar baby spot on source big names who said jewish power caused ww ii one comment so far edwin you miserable motherfucker april 12 2017 uncategorized tar baby we in security at harrah s lake tahoe nevada used to amuse each other by telling edwin stories there were only five or six of them and i was present for three of the best ones edwin swisher his real name was a flaming fag who loved to gross people out he was an assistant cashier supervisor whose room mate was named judy judy liked girls of all colors and black guys roomed with edwin and was his supervisor in the cashier s department judy and i were pretty tight i gave her neck and shoulder massages and she gave me drink tokes it was a very symbiotic relationship the first of my edwin stories happened on a day i was working on my tan and drinking lots of beer it was my day off the temperature was about 75 degrees and it was about october 12 1980 the very next day we got two feet of snow my supervisor roland called me on the phone and asked me if i could come in to work i told him i d be there in one hour exactly one hour later i walked onto the casino floor in my uniform i spotted roland standing in front of the baccarat room and walked over to him i said here i am roland and stepped right over and on his right size 14 wing tip oh shit man i m sorry he immediately knew i was drunk but he didn t care i was the warm body he needed several hours later i was backed up to the main cashier s counter with my elbows on the counter judy walked over on the other side of the counter and said rock she called me rock what s the matter with you oh judy i m so fucked up it s my day off and roland called me in to work i ve been drinking henry weinhard all afternoon and now that the buzz has worn off i m hung over bad what s henry weinhard it s a new beer from oregon it s pretty good it tastes like it s imported edwin was counting about 200 000 dollars on the back counter judy turned and asked him have you ever had henry weinhard edwin in his lisping faggy voice he said let me see now i ve had a lot of henrys but never henry weinhard i was too fucked up to laugh the second story involved a new girl on her first night i believe she was working the chip window where pit bosses and security officers get chips to take out and put on a table she had two buttons under her counter to buzz people in and out of the cashier s cage and through a door to the coin room which the cashiers used as a shortcut to the employee s cafeteria edwin was swishing by behind her as i was getting a chip fill from her he said give me a buzz please he was very polite the new girl said are you going down edwin she was asking him if he was in need of a second buzz on a different door to go down into the coin room he said every chance i get i went to hysterical city laughing my ass off the poor girl quit that night the third and last edwin story i have also took place at the chip fill window one of the senior pit bosses a guy named jerry who was just as queer and almost as outrageous as edwin had bungled writing up a pit fill the security officer should have questioned him about it but he was a new guy and kind of slow edwin should have caught the mistake though because nobody would ever write a pit fill that goofy i was walking by the pit and heard jerry going ballistic about the fill saying that edwin should have known it was a mistake i cruised up and apprised jerry of the new rules regarding returning a bogus pit fill as i was instructing jerry another pit boss walked by and said listen to him jerry he knows what he s talking about jerry now understood what he had to do which involved a long time consuming process to return the bogus chips there were two new pit fills filled out by other pit bosses sitting on the little counter in the middle of the pit i grabbed them handed one to the new guy let him go first and when he got his filled started filling out the paperwork for my fill right beside me was a pit boss from another pit who was stroking and schmoozing two high rollers they were preparing to do some transactions involving thousands of dollars edwin had just given me the trays full of chips for my fill and i was making sure that there weren t any missing chips when jerry approached the window from about 15 feet away he spotted edwin and said in a very loud voice edwin you miserable motherfucker i do a great imitation of jerry but just imagine gilbert gottfried and you ve got it high whiny and nasal i started going nuts laughing like crazy while the other pit boss and the two high rollers were having cardiac infarctions as he got closer to the window he said edwin i m out in that pit just working my tits off and you make me go through this bullshit you know that i would never write a stupid fill like that at working my tits off i slid down to the floor my knees were both on the floor while my hands were still above me on the counter protecting my chips that was the most fun job that i ve ever had one comment so far man bites dog january 1 2017 uncategorized tar baby i ve mentioned that i parked cars off and on for ten years at a nice prime rib restaurant in long beach california that financed my way through my last two years of college and four years of law school i took care of about three dozen dogs on a regular basis their owners would come in leave the dog with me in the parking lot and go inside for dinner the dogs loved me to death because i would go in the kitchen and get them prime rib bones with lots of meat on them one dog that came in every friday night for several years was a stocky black poodle named jinx jinx liked to show his dick to cute pubescent girls but that s a different story one night i was taking care of jinx and a long haired hippie meth freak asshole with his piece of shit scraggly assed german shepherd walked by my lot on the way to a market on the corner they walked by about once a month when i was in the lot the dog always had a leash attached to his collar but the hippie never held the other end of the leash the dog just dragged it down the sidewalk jinx was on my lap when costa george a prominent attorney in long beach and his long suffering girl friend they dated for ten years before he married the poor girl came outside i put jinx down and ran to get their car as i was driving it up to where they were standing i saw the hippie with a bag of groceries and his dog walking back towards where they lived i had no idea that something had happened when i got out of the car costa told me what had gone down the shepherd had viciously attacked jinx for no reason and costa had kicked the mangy cur in the head the hippie who had made absolutely no effort to get his dog off of jinx spoke up hey man don t be kicking my dog man costa told him after i get through kicking your dog you re next asshole the hippie scum then said kissing sounds come on boy let s go come on two or three years later on a beautiful summer day in the late afternoon i was taking care of tag a blond cocker spaniel wienie dog mix tag was on my lap when a young couple who had never been there before and never came back came out to get their car i put tag on the ground he was attached to my chair by a leash as jinx had been and went to get their car just before i got to their car i heard tag screaming because the shepherd who had passed my lot with his owner ten minutes or so before was trying to kill him i couldn t see what was happening but i could see the hippie standing there not trying to prevent his dog from killing tag the young couple had run to the far side of the lot and were holding each other obviously frightened as i was running full tilt boogie i rounded the last car and saw tag on his back with the shepherd trying to rip his throat out at full speed i intended kicking the shepherd as hard as i could in the rib cage i planted my left foot and swung my right leg at the shepherd half way through the kick i let up and only kicked that piece of shit dog at about 50 of what i had originally intended which i instantly regretted however the gsd let go of tag and crouched down only about six feet in front of me with his fur sticking up his ears back his mouth open showing his teeth drool coming out of his mouth and growling at me a classic pre attack posture i could have drawn my gun which i had down the front of my pants and shot that fucking dog and the cops would have given me an attaboy instead i was so pissed off that i was prepared to kill that dog with my bare hands i pointed my right index finger at the dog and said you d better back down you asshole or i will fucking kill you hippie scum hey man don t be kicking my dog man at kill you the dog had instantly slammed its tail so far between it s legs that the full length of his tail was touching his belly and started slinking away from me towards his owner to whom i addressed this message listen up asshole you d better get you and your dog out of my parking lot or i will kill your dog and stomp your fucking ass emphasis in the original hippie scum kissing sounds come on boy let s go come on dog behaviorists will tell you to never look a vicious dog in the eyes because that is an aggressive move which will cause the dog to attack you what they don t tell you is that if you can convince the dog that it will get it s ass kicked then it will back down that dog slunk all the way home and i never saw them again leave a comment megalomaniac p o s october 19 2016 uncategorized tar baby one comment so far i really hate jaywalkers october 10 2016 uncategorized tar baby the very first person to read my autobiography sex with chickens said to me you sure do hate jaywalkers don t you me declaring war on jaywalkers was perhaps 01 of the book but it impressed her a lot there are several reasons why i hate the bastards the 1 being that jaywalkers never stop for pedestrians who are in the street legally never unless forced to by the likes of me one time on a beautiful late afternoon in lake tahoe i was cruising eastbound and down on highway 50 towards nevada in my taxi cab when what to my wondering eyes should appear standing in the absolute middle of the two lanes in both directions with a 2 way left turn lane in the middle major transportation corridor during what passed for rush hour in south lake tahoe was a visibly pregnant about 7 1 2 months nice looking young woman pushing a baby stroller which one could presume contained a baby standing in a clearly marked crosswalk and nobody was stopping i glanced over my right shoulder to see if i could change lanes cut the wheel hard and slammed on the brakes i straddled both lanes of traffic stopping traffic back to the y nobody honked at me they knew better than to fuck with an enraged mf like ...