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Text of the page (random words):
share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on x opens in new window x more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit email a link to a friend opens in new window email like loading 11 oct 24 we got married by robtpatrick 3 comments categories daily life friendship my lover and the gay life tags gay gay life love relationships after 42 years together we have finally tied the knot it s official we are now husband and husband michael horvath and i would like to thank everyone for their kind words and well wishes on the occasion of our wedding your love and support is truly appreciated we thank those who came great distances to witness the union of our love and many thanks to our dear family and friends both old and new who also joined us in our nuptials on this perfect day in october love shall conquer all mr mr share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on x opens in new window x more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit email a link to a friend opens in new window email like loading 30 mar 24 the photo box edit update by robtpatrick 2 comments categories fancy nancy writers language memory and the gay life tags creative non fiction edits gay bars gay life in the 70s language little darliings lovers memoir memory romance sic gloria transit the photo box writing i ve been busy with numerous other projects but took a few days to reevaluate some suggested edits from my editor and have decided to delete this chapter and two others from the photo box it s not that i don t like them but they didn t add anything to the memoir i have written thought i d share this one as it s a favorite of mine a little darling if you will sic gloria transit jason will you leave me alone if i write about you stop sending the polaroid s the telegrams stop the movement in the corner of my eye the dreams where you lay next to me stop warm manly fragile jason night there s you standing in the dark corner of touché beer and urine cowboys and bikers black leather jacket shirtless tall and strong aviators shielding your eyes long black hair slicked back from your forehead but for one lock a rape then there are the flies bar acolytes floating around you all hopeful for a look a touch a lick of your sweat to rub against you as they pass by and you so tall above them staring at me then ignoring me an aphrodisiac foreplay a feather against my neck tracing down my scapula touching a nipple and along my side standing in the opposite corner surprised that you re interested so not what anyone in the bar would think you d look at let alone want and later when we were standing so close together talking in one ear or the other what were we saying do you remember cradling my ass in your big hand and pulling me up into a kiss even i had to rise up to meet your dark lips white teeth velvet tongue that kiss sunk me all those men stood back from us sideways glances charting our progress setting the tone for their night while we talked and kissed some more levi s stretched tight across our crotches hands memorizing the terrain the highs and lows of our own landscapes your arms made for holding another man and desire a psychic light of want lifting me off the floor high above you the magician s assistant while the audience applauded your legerdemain we must have fucked did we do you remember jason there s you lying in bed arms flung above your head and me astride your smooth body the bristly hairs of my thighs commingled with the silkiness of yours resting my hands on your chest the heartbeat of a warrior i did not know then how delicate you really were all i knew was that i had capitulated and flung myself all of me at you and you had caught me and worshiped me much as i did you your black hair the night against the clouds of pillows framing your beautiful eyes nose a small spray of freckled roses across its bridge ones that i would count one two three when you closed your eyes and stroked my thighs afterward you lifted your body up off the bed and giant that you were strode into the bathroom to piss legs apart then to the kitchen for a clean ashtray grabbing our warm beers from the living room and finally standing in the doorway lit from behind a crazy ass grin splitting your face until i said what nothing you replied as you sank back into the crook of my outstretched arm and rolled toward me our bodies matched inch for inch or so it seemed at the time nothing you said as you buried your face into my chest do you remember that there s you nervous about me meeting your sister but she and i fall together conspiratorially in the living room while you bang around in the small kitchen a useless apron tied at your waist spatula in one hand the smells and sounds of dinner swirling around you a mystic at delphi reading chicken entrails in the hopes that you ll be able to discern what we are cooking up on our own until your blond headed sister the opposite of you takes my hand and says don t break his heart you hear blue eyed beauty all soft curves but with the same menace on her face that i d seen in yours when you fucked me it hurt did you not know how she scared me how after that evening i started the withdrawal the pulling away from you slippery exhausted limp i worked hard to make you happy did we love each other did you love me i believe i thought i could until i couldn t any longer do you remember now day there s you sitting in a chair at a smudged window looking out onto a dirty chicago winter day that gray sky and gray ground meeting in your eyes the dealer s boyfriend is doing what young men do around you staring at your crotch licking his lips close enough to laugh at nothing sitting cross legged at your feet wanting you to drop your pants he may have asked you to do so did you ask me if i minded perhaps i know it happened while i sat there waiting for his master to cut the drugs and roll a joint he cared so little just a part of doing business you acted like it didn t matter and maybe it didn t after all i had acquiesced not angry perhaps a bit turned on by the young man s craven desire didn t i think then that i had you for myself that no one no one could take you from me regardless of their lips and hunger our passion for each other did not seem to lessen ice melting and pulling away from the shoreline the racket of seagulls outside the frosted window do you remember that there s you sitting in your deuce and a quarter idling on 18th street while i slipped down into the basement apartment to see a pal and score a bag my friend dithering and withering in equal measure he s no good for you bobpatrick his tongue darted out and back in again tempting hissing the radiator rattling under the window i did not respond what could be said that would have been the truth i know a raised eyebrow from both of us but i come back up from that little hell and there you are sloppy grin luxurious black hair falling into your eyes arm across the back of the seat reaching to the window gesturing with your long fingers how i loved the magic of your hands long for them even now to get in let s go home and we did was it later that same day i left you what excuse could i have given do you remember jason coda i called you months later your sister answered unhappy with me but relented and gave the phone to you a little boy sad and hurt still smarting as if i d slapped you it s then i remembered the one night you whispered in my ear as your heart pounded against mine i love you share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on x opens in new window x more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit email a link to a friend opens in new window email like loading 19 jan 24 true confessions of a drama queen by robtpatrick 1 comment categories daily life memory obsessions and the gay life tags confession gay life gay revolution it s a hard lesson to learn the fact that your dreams have no footing in reality or at least in your future reality but what do you know when you re 14 and your inner life is arguing so forcibly with your outer life when how you feel on the inside doesn t jibe with the expectations of the outside world if you even think about it so realistically realistic thought truly the privilege of time and distance from the moment s reality you may have just shrugged your shoulders and thought about something less complex and less frightening it s a more visceral response you re having you may even find if you dig deep enough now that your memory of the time is nose to the ground the scent of what is considered right so conflicted with the actual scents you are smelling the sounds you hear differ dramatically from the sounds you know you are expected to hear the close ones expected the distant ones the truth this knowing of course has been observed and not explicitly explained to you o k perhaps once someone may have said men and boys don t cross their legs at the knee or ankle robert even your vision is affected by this confusion the deafening blur of an unspooling reel of film clacking and shuddering through the projector in a final rush of what your life is or might be the images of the now so clear and those of the future well those are only hinted at a feeling really perhaps occasionally glimpsed in a magazine on the television a boy diving into the swimming pool one summer or your neighbor s father shoveling snow after a blizzard you construct a delicate balance a seesaw weighted on one end with someone else s expectations and on the other with your desires and dreams as ill formed as they may be at this time in your life when you stand back and look at this scene you see yourself seated at either end a stereoscopic postcard from the turn of another century for your story is not new and never will be it is just one of many i would say millions but who could count them all perhaps a neuron physicist in lab coat and thick glasses or a wizened white bearded astronomer how you may envision god had you been me then gazing at the night sky as it blossoms overhead i m sure i could give you a timeline of my short but potent theatrical glory but what would be the point of citing this production and that one this newspaper clipping with a photograph in the living section of the local daily paper and the awards stacking up actual trophies a competition that did not involve a ball a bat a marching band exclusive of your dreams of starring in the music man and cheerleaders although the idea of cheerleaders during the production of a play has some merit and i suppose the greeks had it figured out with a chorus commenting on and encouraging the players from the sidelines hubris in abundance my dreams as it turns out were exactly what they needed to be an escape hatch an ejector seat a lifeline a savior jesus with the long golden hair or the big brawny fireman the leather clad motorcycle daddy or the gray flannel suit wearing banker they leadeth me through the valley of the shadow of death and deliver me to a life that i could call my own share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on x opens in new window x more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit email a link to a friend opens in new window email like loading 26 may 23 the photobox update edits by robtpatrick 3 comments categories memory obsessions photographs with text and the gay life tags gay life loss love memory photographs subscribe to continue reading subscribe to get access to the rest of this post and other subscriber only content type your email subscribe already a subscriber share this share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on x opens in new window x more print opens in new window print share on reddit opens in new window reddit email a link to a friend opens in new window email like loading previous entries subscribe by email subscribe to robert patrick by e mail join me on facebook join me on facebook extraneous pages about contact edward h fickett architect ein mann sucht seine mutter a man searches for his mother blogroll andrea alvin artist career training arts letters daily arts journal artsy shark bill jaynes billy blue eye pottery brewery art walk los angeles chuck jones center for 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