Meta tags:
description=Spirituality, Gender, and Epistemology;

Headings (most frequently used words):

faith, the, you, this, your, friend, rya, what, tim, minchin, taught, me, about, bible, as, fandom, chivalry, bet, didn, see, one, coming, why, reason, must, stand, above, scripture, probably, going, to, regret, telling, free, courses, online, losing, lesson, twitter, start, here, currently, reading, recent, comments,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
the (256), that (99), and (92), for (57), you (53), was (48), with (41), but (37), about (34), god (33), what (33), this (32), have (31), had (31), bible (29), faith (28), been (23), not (23), would (22), can (22), didn (18), from (18), like (16), how (16), jesus (16), other (16), just (16), time (15), out (15), one (14), want (14), then (14), all (14), him (14), your (13), life (13), free (12), same (12), people (12), could (12), man (12), were (12), more (12), his (12), think (11), know (11), wrong (11), don (11), because (11), something (11), they (11), get (10), who (10), good (10), real (10), than (10), again (10), believe (10), every (10), started (9), rya (9), now (9), are (9), much (9), did (9), back (9), own (9), our (9), holy (9), community (9), couldn (9), say (9), see (8), follow (8), still (8), where (8), let (8), someone (8), without (8), lot (8), came (8), things (8), their (8), going (8), conscience (8), book (8), world (8), two (8), church (8), well (8), myself (8), has (8), woman (8), theology (7), taught (7), children (7), why (7), here (7), categories (7), there (7), thing (7), through (7), ever (7), jones (7), gender (7), used (7), most (7), years (7), true (7), very (7), any (7), after (7), found (7), right (7), kids (7), comment (6), friend (6), else (6), must (6), best (6), new (6), day (6), some (6), once (6), them (6), limp (6), away (6), into (6), first (6), when (6), seemed (6), find (6), give (6), love (6), never (6), minchin (6), story (6), comments (5), blog (5), books (5), evidence (5), which (5), too (5), class (5), course (5), taking (5), really (5), look (5), end (5), finally (5), gave (5), show (5), feel (5), epistemology (5), few (5), whether (5), does (5), only (5), religious (5), order (5), those (5), way (5), over (5), down (5), left (5), leave (5), moment (5), seminary (5), men (5), buy (5), loved (5), version (5), theological (5), tim (5), saturday (5), judas (5), paul (4), bet (4), reading (4), start (4), coming (4), since (4), logic (4), ago (4), completely (4), ryan (4), uncategorized (4), old (4), friends (4), stuff (4), reasons (4), need (4), dozen (4), come (4), changed (4), issues (4), writing (4), long (4), questions (4), september (4), probably (4), place (4), also (4), said (4), question (4), being (4), instead (4), its (4), system (4), even (4), constitution (4), began (4), words (4), language (4), entire (4), make (4), behind (4), happened (4), put (4), transitioned (4), doubt (4), transitioning (4), living (4), though (4), longer (4), presenting (4), 2015 (4), chivalry (4), actually (4), single (4), ring (4), her (4), room (4), around (4), hit (4), tried (4), interest (4), superstar (4), played (4), wordpress (3), com (3), name (3), write (3), sign (3), already (3), isaac (3), ishmael (3), classes (3), online (3), tags (3), another (3), cool (3), called (3), courses (3), program (3), doesn (3), work (3), far (3), thought (3), between (3), half (3), got (3), beliefs (3), months (3), conservative (3), anonymously (3), tell (3), whole (3), least (3), anything (3), submit (3), always (3), known (3), understanding (3), functions (3), group (3), important (3), experience (3), cultural (3), linguistic (3), lindbeck (3), vast (3), religion (3), may (3), doctrine (3), rules (3), lost (3), reason (3), believing (3), belief (3), alone (3), saw (3), walk (3), christianity (3), take (3), transgender (3), looking (3), decision (3), help (3), enough (3), yes (3), male (3), female (3), maybe (3), mom (3), masons (3), son (3), musical (3), scary (3), having (3), masculinity (3), hurt (3), hard (3), candy (3), won (3), thank (3), scarier (3), greek (3), simply (3), sense (3), desperately (3), loss (3), built (3), spent (3), evangelical (3), knows (3), serve (3), kind (3), spice (3), role (3), song (3), site (2), website (2), required (2), bar (2), view (2), log (2), subscribed (2), subscribe (2), ascension (2), agains (2), married (2), following (2), begins (2), march (2), weeks (2), paid (2), div (2), watching (2), doing (2), guide (2), irrational (2), coursera (2), accredited (2), case (2), sinnot (2), armstrong (2), anyone (2), fun (2), connect (2), forums (2), seem (2), posted (2), late (2), mid (2), until (2), week (2), respect (2), december (2), 2012 (2), ready (2), talking (2), ordination (2), deal (2), feeling (2), pressure (2), getting (2), yeah (2), stopped (2), surprising (2), led (2), couple (2), ethics (2), regards (2), sorting (2), personal (2), anonymous (2), places (2), bring (2), many (2), 2014 (2), difficult (2), homeless (2), healed (2), peace (2), regardless (2), covenant (2), require (2), morally (2), heart (2), fair (2), mormon (2), muslim (2), simple (2), consciences (2), believed (2), opposite (2), off (2), above (2), scripture (2), perfect (2), mean (2), okay (2), themselves (2), before (2), voice (2), knew (2), better (2), apart (2), functioning (2), less (2), grounded (2), anthropological (2), insights (2), body (2), members (2), religions (2), provide (2), encountered (2), saved (2), nearly (2), quickly (2), resurrection (2), historically (2), accurate (2), word (2), lots (2), historical (2), original (2), offer (2), compelling (2), seen (2), miracles (2), anyway (2), ask (2), yield (2), power (2), answered (2), proceeded (2), coffee (2), shop (2), needed (2), immediately (2), able (2), speed (2), commanded (2), sit (2), walked (2), street (2), gay (2), together (2), stand (2), means (2), pretty (2), sure (2), three (2), worst (2), glad (2), took (2), transition (2), realized (2), cost (2), higher (2), fast (2), happen (2), says (2), changes (2), saying (2), point (2), making (2), exactly (2), felt (2), wedding (2), lousy (2), husband (2), raise (2), she (2), event (2), told (2), space (2), lived (2), attacking (2), non (2), eyes (2), given (2), finds (2), perceived (2), try (2), sat (2), bars (2), thanked (2), went (2), stage (2), four (2), parents (2), inside (2), magic (2), row (2), giving (2), hundreds (2), journey (2), biblical (2), waiting (2), lets (2), print (2), volume (2), appreciate (2), academic (2), arguments (2), studying (2), hebrew (2), learned (2), made (2), wonder (2), strip (2), map (2), text (2), fandom (2), pursuing (2), met (2), library (2), volumes (2), night (2), great (2), constantly (2), testament (2), others (2), last (2), atheist (2), faulty (2), founded (2), mcc (2), deeply (2), parts (2), costs (2), pastor (2), continue (2), degree (2), small (2), 100 (2), read (2), health (2), christ (2), grief (2), friday (2), honestly (2), death (2), heard (2), watched (2), whatever (2), comes (2), weren (2), number (2), mordor (2), painful (2), submitted (2), reasoning (2), quoting (2), exist (2), unfaithful (2), correction (2), money (2), person (2), wrecked (2), movement (2), home (2), mary (2), mel (2), girls (2), watch (2), worth (2), spirituality (2), design, email, loading, collapse, manage, subscriptions, reader, report, content, privacy, account, create, top, charhohulin, mang, cin, pau, john, vagabond, edwardtbabinski, brian, smith, clear, bib, shahed, ahmed, ebooks, pious, hoax, idol, link, bokep, steve, ebling, recent, currently, challenging, errors, angry, five, doubts, struggle, secret, spiritual, christians, stay, forever, big, heythisisrya, twitter, inezha, bloglines, newsgator, yahoo, zhua, xia, xian, guo, youdao, google, feed, rss, older, entries, philsosophy, dan, ariely, author, goes, harder, justify, investment, videos, multiple, choice, forms, afterwards, beginner, behavior, predictably, figuring, works, programs, duke, certificate, completion, different, university, mention, join, daunting, introduction, gazillion, plus, catch, internet, amazing, quality, walter, november, completed, cruising, literally, philosopher, whom, blogosphere, restart, missed, done, trying, hide, openly, starting, scratch, random, visitors, hate, talk, wow, posting, conclusions, rethink, voluntarily, rethinking, sexuality, particularly, sexual, orientation, identity, problem, written, eventually, break, barrier, anymore, kinds, proud, writers, meantime, regret, telling, set, crisis, later, ordeal, gone, unchanged, jacob, wrestled, unlike, honors, offers, challenge, occultist, rule, therefore, ought, willing, internal, scriptures, prevent, flying, airplanes, buildings, usually, will, admit, placing, comprehensive, reliable, guides, isn, warning, quieted, submitting, uncritically, interpretation, drowning, acknowledge, evil, hearts, terrorists, flew, planes, trade, center, should, self, evident, trial, terrorism, second, theirs, mine, followers, violate, reasonable, requirement, knowledge, assume, realizations, potentially, placed, par, ran, anton, levey, satanic, occultists, sets, mormons, live, science, philosophy, combined, insight, presented, humanity, appears, honor, struck, proposal, disagree, ignoring, certainly, calls, compares, grammatical, function, within, drawing, modern, anthropologists, clifford, geertz, observes, social, constructs, george, reoriented, nature, almost, strong, table, previous, evaporating, history, accuracy, prophecies, contexts, fulfilled, prophecy, answers, satisfied, prove, truth, none, bother, meet, meets, these, devastated, disagreed, conform, experientially, christian, 20s, received, amazingly, prayers, reveal, foundation, sipped, flavored, coffees, inhaled, aromas, wafted, counter, counseled, homosexuality, feels, exclaimed, jumping, regular, normal, asked, hand, leg, curb, pray, bothered, slowly, keep, irritated, walking, college, roommates, letting, crash, couch, while, apartment, headed, begin, process, working, details, ride, interesting, air, publicly, outweighs, happier, lightly, wake, call, spring, intense, emotion, action, intended, result, suicide, preferred, die, either, family, negative, effects, enormous, quite, whirlwind, joke, picture, legally, hrt, hormones, drivers, license, year, huge, joined, episcopal, withdrew, student, image, edmund, blair, leighton, 1900, yet, necessarily, bad, concerned, present, scared, safety, excuse, strike, conversation, average, soccer, considering, hitting, possible, highly, advice, strangers, thinks, needs, masculine, input, music, ability, might, enrolling, consider, occupy, recently, moreover, according, competency, guess, knee, jerk, reaction, defend, unintentionally, acted, verbally, flash, facial, expression, posture, benefited, rather, crossed, unspoken, boundary, tricked, pride, retaliate, typically, gifts, verbal, implicitly, cannot, offered, weird, dawned, daughter, both, politely, line, seven, side, paused, opportunity, overpriced, wrappers, red, dots, meant, glow, stick, wand, cash, split, near, performer, local, masonic, lodge, organized, pointed, sitting, directly, clapped, tonight, traveling, tickets, adult, ticket, worse, explain, facebook, list, lady, speech, scariest, dealt, fire, along, thus, reentry, studies, unboxing, patiently, shelving, current, office, yesterday, upgraded, logos, software, feature, catalog, searchable, upgrade, package, gives, access, bdag, lexicon, schlep, giant, suddenly, project, brilliance, thinker, needing, predetermine, answer, valuable, studied, klingon, face, fascinating, expectation, relevant, provides, metaphysical, reality, nurture, narrative, creates, approach, confess, nerd, enjoy, fandoms, planet, hoth, star, wars, galaxy, collected, graphic, novel, movie, fall, character, accumulated, wotc, published, forgotten, realms, fifth, edition, mythology, unburdened, demand, provided, covid, tabletop, roleplaying, games, stories, fantasy, worlds, accumulate, imaginary, imagine, inhabiting, sunday, thwarted, dragon, tiamat, tuesday, traveled, layer, hell, rescue, fallen, city, claimed, devils, joy, pain, bookshelves, shouted, forcefully, ripped, act, mourning, boxed, commentaries, ten, dictionary, victory, yielded, somehow, stumbled, onto, youtube, dismay, concluded, conversative, discovered, continuing, lying, price, tag, high, involuntary, endlessly, striving, decades, constructing, intellectual, edifice, resources, robust, remodel, separate, heritage, toxic, vitality, energy, sustained, outrageous, liberal, track, enter, ministry, 60s, pentecostal, kicked, fit, queer, refugee, reenrolled, master, divinity, metropolitan, churches, hang, interacted, pushed, toward, secularism, cling, empowers, minority, privileged, marginalizing, paved, explore, society, makes, gradually, legal, documentation, mess, 2013, reconcile, exegesis, justice, lgbtq, actual, departure, paradigm, compelled, othering, categorizing, terms, unsaved, treating, accordingly, converted, twists, thinking, interests, revolve, especially, study, decade, finding, job, sell, insurance, major, american, company, medicare, beneficiaries, telephone, enrollment, questionnaire, several, related, including, experiencing, sudden, indicate, deeper, mental, addressed, past, month, 2023, deconversion, grieve, dream, supposed, morning, atheists, sings, hear, fixing, cataracts, sam, mum, playing, head, showed, broke, outside, trait, allows, meaning, tomorrow, nobody, preaches, disciples, hopeful, stuck, next, tension, lesson, ordained, middle, initials, muddle, tools, conviction, gospel, news, frodo, save, except, stakes, souls, solution, magical, precise, rebel, against, mad, part, dearly, slower, faculty, honest, conclusion, professors, professor, applied, intellect, moral, obligation, grounds, intellectually, dishonest, sin, soon, promise, fake, cheat, little, bit, describe, gently, correcting, violating, stop, exists, holding, pattern, forward, pretense, gets, quiet, choose, allowed, permission, drove, changers, temple, isaiah, jeremiah, losing, fifty, webber, rice, wrote, accidentally, absolutely, happens, dies, betrayed, beloved, staying, bigger, lie, close, gethsemane, garden, asking, ending, pilate, magdalene, remember, girly, experienced, euphoria, seeing, sporty, brings, feelings, main, worked, sing, play, guitar, production, during, instrumental, wiped, makeup, sex, worker, costume, fell, decide, realizes, characters, directions, pre, afternoon, balling, betray, expect, teach, committed, funniest, vicious, takedown, fairy, tale, adults, refuse, bought, streaming, today, rented, times, arena, tour, extraordinary, performed, full, force, april, 2026,

Text of the page (random words):
that cd over and over again and i experienced gender euphoria every time i played it so let s just say seeing sporty spice in this role brings back feelings her main number is i don t know how to love him a few years ago i worked up that song to be able to sing and play it on guitar but in this production mel c did something i d never seen before with that song during the instrumental she wiped off her stage makeup the sex worker costume just fell away and you watched mary decide in real time to go all in on the jesus movement and right after that moment judas realizes he is all out two characters same story opposite directions losing faith i used to be a pastor in my church you didn t need a seminary degree to be ordained i can read the new testament in greek and those happen to be my middle initials and i can muddle my way through the hebrew bible in its original language with the help of a fair number of tools my entire world was built around the conviction that i had been given the gospel the good news of jesus and i was commanded to bring it to the world i was frodo taking the ring to mordor to save the world except in my version the stakes were higher because the people were real the souls were real the solution was real then i learned there is no mordor and the ring was never magical i want to be precise about that because people get it wrong i didn t rebel against god i didn t get mad at the church i actually loved every church i ve ever been a part of i still love those people dearly what happened was slower and more painful i submitted to the same faculty i had always submitted to my best honest reasoning about what is true and that reasoning led me to the conclusion that much of what i believed was built on faulty epistemology i no longer had any good reason to believe in god one of my seminary professors quoting his own theology professor used to say logic is ethics applied to the intellect that means that following the evidence honestly is a moral obligation to believe something i no longer have grounds for would be intellectually dishonest and whatever god i was taught to serve would never want me to sin in order to serve someone reading this is going to want to ask but what if you re wrong what if god is real and you just gave up too soon i ve thought about that more than you have i promise say god doesn t exist then i didn t give up anything real the grief is for something that was never there and that s its own kind of painful but if god does exist then that same god gave me a conscience that won t let me fake belief i can t continue to believe in god without being unfaithful to that god every time i try to cheat every time i think well maybe i could kind of believe a little bit i feel something i can only describe as that still small voice gently correcting me and the correction is always the same you are violating your conscience stop if god exists i am in a holding pattern right now waiting for a way forward because every pretense i ve tried gets met with that same quiet correction if any of my friends who have faith are reading this i want to say i didn t choose this i desperately want to believe in god but i am not allowed to because the conscience that my faith taught me to follow won t give me permission going back would mean being unfaithful to the very god i want to serve i can t do that i still love the text when jesus drove the money changers out of the temple in superstar i m the person in the room who knows he s quoting isaiah and jeremiah i know because i ve spent half my life studying this stuff the lesson i grieve honestly that is a lot of what i do it s why superstar hit me the way it did it s a show about the death of a dream and what the people left behind are supposed to do with themselves on saturday morning tim minchin was one of the first atheists i ever heard and when he sings his doubt to jesus as judas i can hear thank you god for fixing the cataracts of sam s mum playing in my head at the same time the same man i watched take apart the logic of faith also showed me how faith broke judas s heart i think that s why it hit me so hard he knows what it s like to stand outside the story and that is the very trait that allows him to find that meaning inside the story tomorrow is holy saturday the day between the death and whatever comes after nobody preaches about saturday the disciples weren t hopeful they weren t having theological insights they were just stuck i ve been living in holy saturday for years now i don t know what comes next and for now i sit with that tension categories uncategorized tags bible christianity deconversion faith god good friday grief holy saturday jesus jesus christ superstar tim minchin the bible as fandom december 8 2023 rya n t jones leave a comment have you lost interest in things that used to interest you in the past month for my day job i sell insurance for a major american company to medicare beneficiaries over the telephone at the end of every enrollment i have a questionnaire with several health related questions including this one experiencing a sudden loss of interest can indicate deeper mental health issues that need to be addressed every time i read it i find myself thinking about my own interests my life used to revolve around theology and especially academic study of the bible some time in the last decade i lost that interest here s how i am finding it again surprising life twists i never saw coming in 2013 i de converted from conservative evangelical faith i could not reconcile my exegesis of the bible with issues of justice for lgbtq people but the actual moment of my departure was when i realized just how much my theological paradigm compelled me to be constantly othering people i had been categorizing the entire world in terms of saved and unsaved and then treating people accordingly that paved the way for me to explore my own gender issues in 2015 i transitioned from living as a man to living as a woman in society i have never been someone who makes changes gradually i went from presenting 100 male to 100 female in a single day i had all my legal documentation changed in the space of two months i didn t mess around i tried desperately to hang on to the faith that had once been so important to me but the more i interacted with my community that had been so deeply hurt by conservative faith the more i found myself pushed toward secularism after all it s hard to cling to a system that empowers a small minority of privileged people by marginalizing a great deal of others for a few years i tried to find my place with liberal christianity i was on track to enter ministry with metropolitan community churches mcc was founded in the late 60s by a gay pentecostal pastor after he was kicked out of his church it seemed like a good fit for me as a queer refugee from the church i reenrolled in seminary to continue pursuing my master of divinity degree i love mcc deeply but i found myself still endlessly striving to make sense of faith i had spent two decades constructing an intellectual edifice for evangelical theology i simply could not find resources robust enough to remodel my faith to make sense i couldn t separate the parts i loved about my evangelical heritage from the toxic parts i could no longer connect with the vitality and life giving energy from faith that had once sustained me and of course the outrageous costs of seminary classes didn t exactly help involuntary loss of faith i somehow stumbled onto atheist youtube to my dismay i found their arguments more and more compelling i concluded that much of my conversative faith had been built on faulty epistemology in other words i discovered that many of my beliefs about god were not well founded the cost of continuing to believe was that i would feel i was lying to myself the price tag was too high at long last i yielded my faith immediately i stopped feeling joy at my vast theological library only pain and loss my bookshelves shouted as me constantly that the faith i once loved had been forcefully ripped away from me in an act of mourning i boxed up my jesus and the victory of god my word biblical commentaries all ten volumes of my theological dictionary of the new testament and hundreds of others and finally i found peace but what would take its place once covid hit i found community again in tabletop roleplaying games we met online once a week to tell stories about fantasy worlds together in place of a vast theological library i began to accumulate volumes about imaginary places that my friends and i could imagine inhabiting my sunday night group thwarted the great dragon tiamat from taking over the known world my tuesday night group traveled to the first layer of hell to rescue a fallen city that had been claimed by devils it was a new mythology this time unburdened by the demand to be true it provided the community i desperately needed so okay i confess i am a nerd i enjoy pursuing fandoms i know on the map where the planet hoth is in the star wars galaxy i collected a couple dozen wonder woman graphic novel after the first movie made me fall in love with the character i accumulated nearly every volume wotc has published about the forgotten realms from fifth edition d d so here s a question what if i come back to the bible with that same sense of wonder what if i strip away my expectation that the bible can only be relevant if it provides a metaphysical map of reality what if instead i just come back to the text and appreciate it for what it is what if i nurture my love for the narrative world it creates or in other words if i approach the bible simply as fandom suddenly the whole project is fun again i can appreciate paul simply for his brilliance as a thinker i can follow the academic arguments about the historical jesus without needing to predetermine the answer and my years studying greek and hebrew have to be at least as valuable as if i had studied klingon right lets face it there s something fascinating about anyone who has learned a made up language thus begins my reentry to biblical studies i have started unboxing the books that have been patiently waiting to be loved again i need to find shelving for them all in my current office yesterday i upgraded my logos bible software to version 10 the new version has a cool feature that lets me catalog my print books making them searchable and my upgrade package finally gives me access to the bdag greek lexicon without having to schlep around a giant print volume so it seemed like a good time to fire up this old blog again glad to have you along for the journey leave a comment about your own journey categories uncategorized chivalry september 28 2015 rya n t jones leave a comment so far chivalry has been the scariest thing i have dealt with as a transgender woman it is scarier than coming out to my entire facebook friend list scarier than the first time i used the lady s room scarier than giving a speech as a woman to a room of hundreds of people and all those things were scary but chivalry worse than those things yes let me explain tonight i took two of my children to a traveling magic show my parents had two free children s tickets i only had to buy one adult ticket for myself we sat near the back the performer thanked the local masonic lodge who organized the event he pointed out the row of half a dozen masons sitting in the row directly behind us we all clapped to thank them the show began at one point they paused the show to give parents an opportunity to buy their children an overpriced candy bar some of the wrappers had red dots inside them which meant you won a free glow stick magic wand i didn t have much cash on me but i was going to buy one for the three of us and we could split it one of the masons behind us says do you kids want candy bars i ll get them for you do both of you want one they said yes we politely thanked him and the two kids went up with him to the back of the line at the stage he proceeded to buy seven candy bars two for my kids one i saw him give to someone else on the other side of the room and i don t know about the other four something about it felt weird then it dawned on me there i sat with my son and daughter and no wedding ring now someone could say well that could have happened to you as a married woman or as a single man you don t know that s why no you re right i don t but i ve lived a lot of years as a man and no man ever came up and offered to buy something for my kids no men do not typically offer gifts to other men or to children of other men it would be perceived as what i don t know it s hard to say because it s all non verbal but if i had to try to put it into words it would be perceived as attacking his masculinity you re implicitly saying that he cannot provide for his kids and that s why it s scary for me i just benefited or rather my kids did because i was presenting female instead of male but what if he finds out i m transgender what if he finds out that he just crossed this unspoken man boundary because i tricked him would it hurt his pride would he want to retaliate would he want to hurt me moreover having lived most of my life according to the man rules i actually did feel like he was attacking my well not masculinity but competency i guess i may be a woman but i still have that old knee jerk reaction to defend my masculinity what if i had unintentionally acted non verbally a flash of the eyes a facial expression a body posture would i have given myself away probably not but it s a very scary space for me to occupy as a recently transitioned woman then after the event one of the other masons came up to me and told me how much my son was getting into the music my son has musical ability he said and i might want to look into enrolling him in some musical program i told him i d consider it and we quickly left again i could be reading into it it is possible that he may have said the same thing if i was presenting as a man but i highly doubt it men don t give advice to other men on how to raise their children well not to strangers anyway but to a single mom who s lousy husband left her alone to raise the kids well maybe he thinks she needs that masculine input actually it felt more like maybe he was looking for an excuse to strike up a conversation with the single mom without a wedding ring what would he do if he found out that this average looking soccer mom he was considering hitting on actually used to be the lousy husband i m not saying yet that i think chivalry is necessarily bad though a lot of people i respect would say exactly that at this point though i m more concerned about making sure i present well enough that i m not scared for my safety image god speed by edmund blair leighton 1900 categories uncategorized bet you didn t see this one coming september 10 2015 rya n t jones 2 comments 2015 has been a year of huge changes for me i left my old church and joined the e...