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on looting and preserving skip to main skip to sidebar on looting and preserving happenings from the mango tree 05 january 2014 lisina reina de reinas elisa nos ha dejado esta noche muy tranquila y con mucho cariño mañana estaremos en el tanatorio de la paz en la salida 20 de la carretera de colmenar sentido madrid colmenar de 11h a 19h gracias elisa has left us this evening very quiet and with much honey tomorrow we will be in the la paz funeral home at exit 20 of the road from colmenar madrid colmenar sense from 11 h to 19 h thank you translated by bing elegy for a queen reina de reinas i can t write for her about her or of her like that like her mother or her brother can or ex lover ilya can or her best friend guille can or her country can but in recent years i took to taking a gander at her facebook page every day i would aggregate what i could from her sophisticated spanish and would keep my eyes peeled for words like ánimo o fuerza and its variations fuerte q seas fuerte tal y tal y tal siempre tal us impotents posting out of love yes and wishing and hoping yes she posting from the hospital with a feeding tube down her nose me thinking shit it s great she s in spain she can stay in the hospital as long as she needs to fuuuuuuuck this shit me obsessing about how she was getting along so bravely as if we have any other choice do we mas flaca que nunca it was another woman that day i remembered parading down the middle of jfk drive in a hawaiian shirt in may her ray bans and red wig were visual markers of the path ahead they partied every fucking night in costumes and gowns and sequins and glitter because this was san francisco motherfuckers i have not one pope to answer to they did not would not could not stop i watched in awe english class was a visa joke they all knew english already once i heard guille say to an argentinian why are you fighting with me we created the language that is coming out of your mouth right now so calláte but she never said anything like that she was the queen of the apartment the only one i could have befriended had i not been in a daze or in a job i hated so deeply or in everything else that felt wrong about those years unf que grey cloud tan horible me once she came into my room to help me feng shui the furniture it was small i had minimal things knowing i would leave again knowing no one would share the twin mattress with me knowing i didn t need a real box spring knowing i was just passing through these shoes this room these clothes these moods all the rest of it too guapa was posted frequently on her page i don t think she knew i was looking but that doesn t matter i cared these things can take any turn at any point no one knows anything really which is why we are so scared this is why we drink too much or settle or run away or check our phones or fear what we love or hold it in or second guess ourselves or doubt our vitality or create roadblocks etc you know all of that while i was still on crutches i read something she wrote the gist of which spoke to being ok with any kind of cold wind or air or temperature blowing on your neck any kind of discomfort on you or in you because that is at least one of life s many signs i took that to heart when i was hobbling around on one crutch down the frustrating staircases of the subway wind wooshing from my back to front because obviously i was the slow one but no mm mm i m not falling down because you got a 10 am no sir i fucking love this speed this is me all day every day you can walk around i m going this pace this pace exactly and this pace alone she said this es increíble como funciona el ser humano a pesar de todo y a día de hoy sigo viendo pisos en idealista and her friends responded with calla calla calla posted by sahara at 10 55 pm no comments 25 december 2013 painted onto painted gold pop took this photo of me when i was 19 and sick visiting him and his now ex wife somewhere in the english countryside we took some photos that visit that were in line with our traditional sitting i recall the roll of film that i got back having not yet declared my own interest in photography in the photo i have of pop he wears a salmon colored shirt and charcoal jeans with wellies he is fiddling with his glasses when i take the photo behind him is a bright green field the sky is grey it is flat and underwhelming as with most years documented after a certain age i recall the size and fit of the jacket i was wearing the pants the buttons etc the general era of the photograph conjures up for me things so mundane that i don t really understand how they had such a profound effect on my day to day with distance i see that i never really looked so much different from myself in any other year and yet in the every day i was so far removed from myself that i was on a daily basis having a somewhat out of body experience meaning anywhere but here here i see a face swollen and sad pained and now painted i know the face to be the sos of a person removed bushwhacked uncertain lost at sea falling under overwhelmed what was it i could not carry i know the face to be sitting against her will i know the face to be trying to put forth but not that cleverly so as to fool a few functioning adults whose responsibility am i at 19 my own i always thought i wasn t seen entirely here and if not seen then life can be avoided the logic is a labyrinth and it is flawed once when i was 4 my mom brought me to a tap dance class we were late i recall the rows of excited young gals lined up in front of me i would not let go of my mother s leg though it was really more of a could not i could not let go i believe now that she relished me holding on to her later much later i moved closer to the mirrors and ignored the rows of excited young women around me later much later i go to most things alone it s on you i will tell you every woman is only looking at herself they ain t lookin at you i said and thank god for that lastima lastima lagrimas lacrimosa la hermosa la niña forever la niña no doubt paused in time that shit remains difficult remains the conversation remains though i can call the art my own and acknowledge the vessel simply with bare feet on studio floors in recent years i have rejected conversation that needs me simply because i apparently have come so full circle that i don t want to be needed if this is what needing is i have always been a judgmental confidante but was painted as a good listener as a child i owned the masters but couldn t make any sense of the content or the edit posted by sahara at 10 18 pm no comments 24 may 2013 this is osquito he lives over a broad broad broader than broadway street in the bronx his subway exit is the size of an underground stadium urban underground sprawl the details of who he lived with was completely unclear and actually still remain unclear just details i guess from his window the intersection seemed full of nothing but you know how when you first see a place if it doesn t dazzle you it sort of just is then later as you traverse back and forth lugging this or that bag at this or that time the place begins to relay its nuances to you in a way you were unable to receive when you first saw the place i bet 245th street in the bronx is like that i bet it opens up a bit after you ve decided to look at it osquito works where i work in the same building at least what strikes me is how much easier it is for me to speak to him or cy or kiko rather than the suits on my floor who do or do not say hello to me i don t really care to be completely honest for in fact those office lines and office isms and office dronery is still very much alive and i would almost rather have a conversation about drill bits than be in another elevator talk about how cold it is on the tenth floor or hear the words circle back ever again yes why don t we talk about drill bits at least its very short but hard assonance is interesting drilllll bitttttz osquito works in a blue shirt and black pants and often has to wear a black hat his smile is broad and he walks with confidence he is going to be an accountant after 6 years of working for this corporation he is off on his own i owe him these pictures and more of course but so far every time i see him downstairs i go ahhh oscarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i have to buy a new hard drive and then i have to scan the negatives but soon i m so sorrrrry and he is still that patient gentleman who walked me to the train station after the shoot and i find myself to be the same hectic motherfucker i always was running around from here to there with a curly pile of beginning sentences and 1 2 phrases comebacks regrets book cover ideas and titles and rooftop fantasies of mine playing out in my head a never ending film spool spooling shit out of my proverbial bag all at the same time everything always everything always at the same time for christ s sake seriously though i will scan those negatives for you soon son i know that the photo of you by the window with the cross on the wall behind you is all i need to know about your history right now and your bed dark thoroughbred brown veneer plastine like one of those fresh from the furniture depots on broadway under the j train next to refrigerator row the furniture depots that look as though they never sell anything to anyone ever and where every piece comes already built but fuck here is one of those beds oscar and kiko and cy are the real stories in this building the stories are not about how to get a flatter tummy in 8 minutes or how to cook a sirloin steak no maam the stories have nothing to do with looping me in about transitions page views acquisitions or users no maam ugh every ugly word lives in this building they interact all day and make fucking ugly phrases boring ass babies irrelevant strings of words aimed at no one coming from no mother ugh every ugly word in the air all day in here rather the stories are on the 3rd floor with kiko and cy and osquito whose very faces imply america in the realest sense it always amazes me who i can or cannot talk to in every town of every year it seems to be the same every few weeks i see a sign in the lobby that says blood drive today and i scoff audibly wishing i could talk to someone about this i sahara borja am going to give you my blood in exchange for ningun pinche health care plan incredible blood drive this is charity for whom by who for why i am going to give you my blood i think this is incredible does anyone else i still scoff and i spread word of this ludicrous suggestion over dinner with friends blood drive i can t get it out of my head my blood ahahahaha mi pura sannnnnnnngre don t think so william randolph regardless we are all embroiled and tangled up inside here we leave and we make b lines for our real lives fine to be expected the usual etc osquito and cy and kiko and i work in the same building i have a camera that they let me use to take their photos it is not just that i am more able to speak to them than the suits on my floor who do or do not say hello to me it is that they actually said hello posted by sahara at 2 22 pm no comments 17 may 2013 máscara posted by sahara at 11 59 pm no comments 22 april 2013 osquito bx posted by sahara at 11 44 am no comments 21 april 2013 d swarthy man posted by sahara at 11 56 pm no comments 18 april 2013 thegall in the hospital i had a cellphone and diego s camara pero sin ningun puto rollo oh well posted by sahara at 5 43 pm no comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom blog archive 2014 1 january 1 lisina reina de reinas 2013 20 december 1 may 2 april 6 february 3 january 8 2012 300 december 7 november 8 october 10 september 22 august 9 july 21 june 12 may 24 april 53 march 54 february 34 january 46 2011 612 december 25 november 20 october 46 september 25 august 61 july 72 june 51 may 78 april 43 march 45 february 69 january 77 2010 378 december 31 november 29 october 23 september 62 august 17 july 50 june 10 may 29 april 42 march 13 february 28 january 44 2009 162 december 1 november 19 october 16 september 10 august 18 july 15 june 6 may 10 april 15 march 15 february 27 january 10 2008 8 september 5 august 1 january 2 fam if daguerre your daddy aliza eliazarov amanda lopez breezy chloe bird ester jové soligue hamby eyez ilana panich linsman iller than theirs joshua la novia leb matty mcdonough miss susan falzone modern shark ms jefferson múrki paccarik shaqpanda llc sunshine the joints about me sahara nu jork new york united states the double truth ruth these photos were taken view my complete profile