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Text of the page (random words):
and maybe i m considering myself too important in this equation perhaps things would have worked out just as they did regardless thoughts to ponder regardless thank you lord for mercy and grace it took 2 years to finally walk in obedience but by this time i was fully committed all in and still scared to death i knew for this journey to succeed it had to be a partnership between god and i it s so interesting how god always seems to use our uttermost weaknesses to accomplish his best work my weakness qualifications sticking to a schedule horrifying structure boring organization do piles of clutter count self discipline self what technique nope my strategy to ensure i truly relied on god and not myself or others was to put blinders on to maintain laser focus it s funny the first thing anyone ever asks when they learn we homeschool is are you involved in a co op i knew myself well enough to know if i got involved in a co op i would track down every rabbit trail of every seemingly good idea and end up walking circles accomplishing nothing no i knew i had to feel my way through the dark to find the right path for us and that s exactly what i did seasons of solitude can be a good thing as long as they are only seasons here s the second life changing truth i have recently learned in this journey god has intricately designed us to need each other we are never meant to walk alone there s a team of us that work to ensure maddie is getting the best education and opportunities in life myself kyle maddie s grandparents aunts her therapists tutors the down syndrome organization and friends we all play our part in putting her needs at the top of the list and figuring out this crazy complex puzzle of maddie s education after two years of homeschooling the transformative work of redemption god has done not only in maddie but in me is astounding the best verses that summarize these past two years is psalm 37 23 24 23 the l ord directs the steps of the godly he delights in every detail of their lives 24 though they stumble they will never fall for the l ord holds them by the hand we certainly stumbled but we never fell maddie now exhibits enough self confidence to not only audition for a role in an upcoming play this summer but to bask in it she can now attend birthday parties and science museums without any meltdowns from the noise or sensory stimulation her attention span is such that we can sit for 45 minutes at a time reading books together actually that s about all my voice can handle she sleeps soundly through the night every morning she completes a series of chores before starting the day which include making the bed and feeding watering the dog as for me i can sit much more comfortably in a set schedule without too much sabotage i actually crave organization i have learned self discipline is more about grace than grit it s best if i don t have all the answers and the burden of homeschool was never meant to be carried alone i thought i was supposed to be the teacher in this homeschooling journey i have in fact become the pupil learning more about life each other and myself than i ever thought possible i would summarize the decision to homeschool with one word gratitude posted by sam at 1 56 pm no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest thursday april 13 2017 hope rekindled yesterday was a bad day maddie and i have been struggling lately with what seems to be some setbacks with her learning several potty accidents for days in a row a near meltdown at speech therapy and facing the reality that maybe just maybe she may not have the ability to learn to read amidst the struggle one night i was talking to kyle about it and frustrated i said it s not her fault but it s like her brain just isn t working right and i don t have the right key to unlock it maddie was listening and she pipes up and innocently asks my brain broken sweet girl tensions eased and we kind of laughed well yeah in a way your brain is a little broken i cannot express how frustrating it is to witness so many glimpses for potential to learn but find a roadblock that you just can t seem to get passed this is a brilliant mind in many ways she has memorized the movie trolls if you play the song she will begin acting out every single move to every lyric with amazing precision this mind has discovered ways to compensate for her broken brain when visual stimulation gets to be too much she s resourceful in finding something that covers half the screen on her ipad when the auditory stimulation gets to be too much she s learned to hum or more devastatingly grind her teeth to block out the noise this is a very smart brain it s just a little broken in areas yesterday afternoon i was studying neurodevelopment and neuroplasticity and wondering if hope could be found i decided maybe it was time that i let go of some of my dreams i have been gripping so tightly for maddie i needed to resolve that if she never learns to read it would be ok re organizing expectations would certainly alleviate some of the pain of seeing them unmet but then the most amazing thing happened as we were all winding down the day and getting ready for bed kyle asked maddie if she knew what easter is all about she proceeded to tell him with amazing articulation that it s all about jesus he died on cross but he s alive i don t exactly know what it was about that conversation but it was exactly what i needed to rekindle hope she exhibited comprehension organized thought patterns and recollection all pre cursers for learning to read i was shocked we have so much work ahead of us but the best things in life are always worth fighting for in the words of for king and country to everyone who s hit their limit it s not over yet it s not over yet and even when you think your finished it s not over yet it s not over yet keep on fighting out of the dark into the light it s not over hope is rising never give in never give up it s not over until the kingdom comes until the race is won don t you ever give up no no never give up until the kingdom comes run til the race is won don t you ever give up we will never give up lyrics from it s not over yet this just so happened to be my anthem while training for the marathon and now we are running a different marathon of sorts posted by sam at 10 12 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest thursday march 30 2017 living for the ones we love i hope i outlive my daughter that s probably not what most parents hope and dream nothing is typical when you raise a child with special needs including your hopes and dreams the life expectancy for an individual with down syndrome is 60 years old that means i need to live to be 90 to be around for her entire life kyle and i have a will and know that if something happens to us we have family that will take great care of her but for her sake i want to be there for her every step of the way it s my life s mission and once it complete then i ll be ready she and i we re in this thing together for life i understand what paul meant when he wrote for to me to live is christ and to die is gain if i am to live in the flesh that means fruitful labor for me yet which i shall choose i cannot tell i am hard pressed between the two my desire is to depart and be with christ for that is far better but to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account philippians 1 21 24 i had a near death experience when i was 20 and at the time i didn t realize what i was trading in i just knew i didn t want to die god honored that fight within me and saved me but now almost 20 years later i do have a better idea of what i m asking and like paul i am torn between the two i want maddie to be able to be independent and live on her own but in the reality of her situation she will always need someone looking out for her not only do i need to live in my 90 s but i need to be capable of taking care of myself and another person i know it s a big dream but i also know nothing is impossible with god besides i think this is a god planted dream in my heart so how in the world do i prepare myself now for a life that s long and healthy i have to make good choices every day i have to take care of myself in every way possible i realize there are so many factors of health outside my control and i give those over to god but there are so many things that i do have control over and i have a responsibility to live my best the first thing i ve decided to address is diet this sugar addiction is real i m on day 17 of a 21 day sugar detox and i honestly don t know which is harder fighting sugar cravings or running a marathon seriously wow was i unprepared for this before starting this i knew it was a good idea to do a sugar detox but if you asked me if i had a sugar addiction i would have said no i was wrong the first week was awful and it didn t help that i happened to begin march 13th which meant the 2nd day of my 21 day detox was pi day and my husband kindly requests pie for pi day i ask him what kind he wanted and he said just pick whichever one looks really good you re killing me smalls then i had to look at it for the next week as he ate one piece at a time each night the neat thing about our bodies is even though i had put myself in a bad place with my health it didn t take long to see major improvements after 10 days the cravings really decreased and i had way more energy less brain fog and no more headaches i feel so much better so far i ve lost 3 inches off my waist but more importantly i ve lost my afternoon energy slumps and the overall yucky heavy feeling can i live a productive life into my 90 s i don t know but according to this article about super agers a lot has to do with your attitude and a good dose of genetics helps too it just so happens longevity runs in my family my great grandpa lived to be 103 and my granny is 95 and still going strong love you granny so for now i can stay away from sugar and keep a positive attitude photo credit maddie schasteen and in doing so i ll be loving my girl the best i know how posted by sam at 9 49 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest friday march 10 2017 funny things maddie says finally at 8 years old i finally get to document some of the funny cute interesting things maddie says that reflect who she is it s been a long time coming and i m loving this new milestone maddie has always been able to communicate whether through facial expressions signs or body language but now she s actually sharing her own personal thoughts and expressions unprompted i never realized how intricate the art of conversation was until a few years ago in speech therapy an assessment broke down the various levels of communication at that time maddie was far better at receptive language than expressive meaning she understood more than she could speak in fact her expressive language was mostly non existent language is so complex it s remarkable how a brain that struggles to process visual auditory and oral inputs can make heads or tails of anything in this world but maddie is doing it she s a warrior super hero and now we are enjoying all that she has to offer this world here s a few things that have made me smile recently a few night s ago she wanted to bring a book to bed it was a mickey mouse clubhouse book and not the small pocket version either a big hardback cumbersome book that she wants to sleep with i told her yes but immediately regretted the decision when the corner of the book gouged me in the arm as she prepared to go to sleep i hear in a sweet tiny voice a night cickey a night minnie a night donald a night goopy a night donald no uh a night tuto a night daisy aww another time we were driving on i 40 passing downtown and she says look mommy it s max it s max it took me a while but i finally realized she was talking about max from the movie secret life of pets the movie is set in a big city and the high rise buildings reminded her of max sometimes she still gets things a little wrong but it s so cute like when she repeats back her morning chores first thing in the morning she has to go potty and feed and water belle she ll say ok mommy i go potty eat belle water belle i did it or when she s counting to twenty and she says ten eleben two teen turteen fourteen fiveteen it makes sense and sometimes figuring out what s she s saying is still a puzzle like when she s hugging belle and and she says aw she wubs me translation she loves me or whoo i m surssy translation i m thirsty these kinds of things we have just memorized are her versions of words once you have taken the mental journey to figure the puzzle out you don t soon forget and of course the other side of maddie is her sassy side maybe it does border on disrespect but i secretly love her sassy side most of the time when i tell her to do something she doesn t want to do but she finally gives in she says ok bine i ll do it with brows furrowed of course sometimes i find myself just gazing at her in awe i m so proud of how she approaches life undaunted by her challenges she s learning more and more each day and growing into her own unique person i now have a new appreciation for what is usually simple things i know i have taken for granted like the ability to speak what s on your mind posted by sam at 8 26 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest thursday february 16 2017 valentine s day 2017 we kept things really simple for valentine s day this year it was simple but special for us it was just dinner and a movie at home we had filet mignon with horseradish cream sauce cheesy herbed mashed potatoes spinach strawberry salad and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert to make things a little special we had sparkling cider flowers and balloons maddie made her valentine s for daddy she s been working really hard on writing her m s she helped clean house before daddy got home and she was in charge of making the chocolate covered strawberries for dessert she had to taste the chocolate for quality control of course maddie s valentine s gift was the trolls movie and she was so excited we finished up our evening watching the movie in our pajamas hope you guys had a great valentine s day too posted by sam at 1 23 pm no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest wednesday february 1 2017 unintended consequences change brings on restructuring our homeschool schedule and curriculum has had so many ups and downs each day i m learning more about myself maddie and the two of us together maddie has discovered the thing that just gets under my skin and uses it what feels like 75 of the day whoo this is not for the faint of heart the power struggle is real i think the overall decision to change to more structure has been extremely beneficial but at the same time it s totally cramping her style no more hours droning on and...