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t after he ordered a double shot of don julio tequila with lime juice i caved tequila is my kryptonite over dinner he showed me a bag of edibles he had gotten in california did he fly home with those are edibles easy to smuggle asking for a friend he also presented me with my own little baggie of cocaine he had 10 of them and suggested i go into the bathroom to powder my nose the problem with being a degenerate is that it s impossible to turn down drugs even when you re middle aged and at a five star restaurant no one would just say no to blow while watching the sunset over the beach eating lobsters the size of puppies well maybe some people would but those are people with 401k plans my financial plan is work till i die which brings us current to my phone call from the restaurant bathroom no gentle reader i did not have a heart attack what i did have was a trickle of white snot dribbling out of my nose onto an upper lip i couldn t feel and the ability to drink myself senseless without passing out remember those days we closed down the restaurant at 10pm and he said let s go to atlantic city and because i m me i said sure which is how i wound up hurtling along the new jersey turnpike at 11 pm on a tuesday in a spaceship disguised as a mercedes when we got in his car we face timed with his two teenage sons so i would know he was not a serial killer but don t serial killers have families i would have gone anyway who am i to turn down an opportunity to gamble in atlantic city in the middle of the night with a cokehead tinder date on a random tuesday you don t just walk out of a bret easton ellis novel on the two hour drive down we ate edibles and he was playing grateful dead live concert tapes which if you know the dead contain no songs just long drugged out jams which went perfectly with driving 90 miles an hour on a deserted highway in a posh benz he had taken back from his ex wife after she fucked the pool boy the seats were massaging me did you get that the seats were giving me an ass massage and the instrument panel was flashing and beeping like we were on the deck of the starship enterprise the whole experience reminded me of tripping my ass off at college except in a car that cost more than my education very surreal midnight speeding along the new jersey turnpike at 90mph and i fantasize myself as jackson pollock drunk angry careening down the road in east hampton losing control at a curve car plunging into the woods rolling over and over pollock at the driver s seat decapitated a death like that is cinematic enough to suit me except it s only an artist s death if you re an acknowledged artist when it happens 1 00 am on a tuesday and the casino was packed with debauched gamblers why how for what reason i was filled with questions that i answered by ordering more double shots of tequila i ll only blow a thousand dollars before i call it a night he said and began stuffing fifties into the slot machine and that s how i wound up playing wheel of fortune in an atlantic city casino till the sun rose into a gray milky dawn the morning of my birthday by that time the edibles had kicked in the room was breathing and i was certain i d find the meaning of life in the patterns in the carpet please don t think i have an exciting life i was so bored during lockdown i started teaching my dog to do new tricks only i don t have a dog so what was that about i spent the last six months quarantined with a teenager with a teenager people the most dangerous thing i did was eat a gently expired cantaloupe this was a night reminiscent of the old days before i d moved out of the city and become a mother and a responsible human being it was an attempt to recapture something that i know is long gone if only for a night i m friends with my date who i affectionately refer to as the human snowblower but i haven t continued dating him because i don t want to die we text occasionally and when he mentions getting together i make excuses like i can t because i don t want to die but damn that night was fun and i ll never be that young again it s been a minute and i ve missed all of you talk to me i m listening in happy birthday atlantic city happy birthday human snowblower online dating silence of the lambs tinder my son got suspended for threatening to bring firearms to school but i understand why he did it march 8 2019 55 comments as parents we know the fear of sending our kids off to school every day never sure if they will come home safe that bloodcurdling chill every time we hear about another school shooting but for the first time i got a glimpse of the other side the mind of a kid who makes a threat like that and i know now that gun control is not the answer to this problem it s hate control am i defending kids who make threats like that including my son no am i rationalizing why people commit these heinous crimes no if you think that then stop reading this right now you obviously are here to attack me and i m not interested in what your small mind produces when you read this so leave what i am saying is i understand why some kids might make threats like that if you re interested in my insight please keep reading although i write candidly and without a filter many topics particularly about my family feel as though they are a violation of privacy and i won t expose them it is with my son s full permission that i write that he has been suffering tremendously with a debilitating chronic illness for the last four years this story is not about that just understand that he has been in and out of hospitals for years undergone serious surgeries and has handled it with a grace and a determination that i absolutely know i would not be able to muster until this year at fifteen he is a gnarly teenager with all the unpleasant hormonal changes that come with his age and his illness has left him isolated despondent and many days devoid of hope my son despite all the odds against him gained entry into one of the most competitive high school programs in our county it s in a town half an hour away from where we used to live which in the suburbs might as well be in another country he began high school knowing no one but joined marching band and made a couple of friends and then as it does his illness took a turn for the worse and he has been unable to attend school since december for those of you not familiar with this he is then put on home instruction teachers come to the house weekly i m grateful that this option exists but for a teenage boy at a new school with barely any friends it s a death sentence he s had months of isolation he has no interaction with his peers he sees therapists yes plural to help him navigate his life though chronic illness and although i do my best to supervise him sometimes my best just isn t good enough i have not been monitoring his online activity as diligently as i should have been he mainly plays xbox online and watches youtube but he also participates in group chats via discord and frankly i have no idea what he says in these groups my son has been chatting in one group with his two friends but there are a couple of other kids in the group who harass him about being jewish my son said nothing to me he says nothing because he doesn t view this as bullying to him it s part of life and he shrugs it off just let that sink in a minute in the area of new jersey where i live people have money instead of empathy they have material things instead of intelligence i ve had the head of the pto tell me to watch that woman with the cash box at a bake sale because she was black i ve had people tell me which schools to avoid because my son would be going to school with mexicans his first best friend in elementary school was with him daily until he came to our house for hanukkah after watching my son and his father don yarmulkes to light the menorah he never spoke to my son again after years of listening to christmas stories at his elementary school holiday parties my kid begged me one year to be the class reader i was told that the hanukkah story we picked out was not appropriate and to pick something seasonal so anti semitism just rolls off my kid s back usually a month ago he was in a group chat that one boy started in with the anti semitic garbage posting pictures of auschwitz victims and orthodox jews my son responded by calling him names and it escalated my son wears hoodies to school we all know that people wearing hoodies have been discriminated against this one boy then nicknamed my son school shooter because of his hoodies which led to more taunts and anti semitism he egged several other boys to call my kid school shooter and in a darkly joking manner my son posted a picture of a gun and said when i come back to school i won t be empty handed do you know the difference between a student who makes that threat idly and a student who intends to carry out said threat you don t no one does these incidences cannot be taken lightly the other boy screen shot it interestingly enough he said nothing to his parents the school or the authorities for a month he had no idea when my son would return but still said nothing he waited a month and after my son was back at school for two days reported him i understand the importance of reporting every single threat like this in this instance i question this kid s motives my son was immediately suspended he was not allowed to return to school until he was evaluated by a psychiatrist he told a full and truthful account of what transpired and the school immediately opened an investigation into hate speech and anti semitism they found nothing all evidence of the chat hat been erased the other kids in the chat life long friends with that one boy don t remember seeing anything shocker my son is lucky that criminal charges were not pressed you cannot ever make statements like that he is paying for what he did dearly school suspension is no joke being investigated by the police and school authorities is intense he will likely not be able to return to the program he worked so hard to get in he has not been disallowed but if the hallways are filled with whispers of school shooter jew trouble maker he will be miserable there i have suspended all his online privileges he is blocked from going online except to sites that are required for schoolwork all you parents out there fighting the good fight for gun control gun control will mean nothing if we don t crack down on hate control kids don t just become racist anti semitic homophobic xenophobic in a vacuum they learn it at home watch your words don t complain about your jew boss don t talk about how mexicans milk the system stop telling your kids that if they ever came out as gay you would be mortified and how about taking it a step further your son or daughter who is so popular can you not urge them to befriend the less popular the less attractive the sick kid the misfit can t you spend a little time with them talking about inclusion would it be so goddamn terrible if your popular kid befriended the transgender kid the kid with asperger s the new kid who just moved here i don t have the time or the energy to investigate the psychological profiles of all the teenage kids who shot up their schools but i guarantee you they were made to feel like discarded garbage you can argue for gun control until you are blue in the face and i tell you it won t matter if we don t exercise hate control i am by no means a perfect parent i suck obviously or my son wouldn t be suspended right now but i have always encouraged him to befriend that transgender kid no one speaks to that fat kid everyone made fun of and he has for god s sake can you not do the same teenage brains are not fully developed they are filled with hormonal fluctuations and they are experiencing emotions they cannot process they cannot navigate through baseless hatred as well as we adults have learned to do i m not even that observant of a jew but i am so sick and tired of the anti semitism aimed at us i hope he does leave that program and we can move far far away parents you really want to cut down on school shootings stop the hate i have no more words but you can talk to me i m listening in hate crimes anti semitism hate crime school shootings stop the hate satanists are using common core math to create a new world order february 12 2019 22 comments common core math is a part of a conspiracy which subdues children into drone like states as part of an agenda to destroy the institution of public education although it has not yet been proven as an attempt to actively promote a homosexual lifestyle many people believe it is a communist attempt to dismantle the federal government the common core emphasis is on comprehension not memorization the wrong answer is the correct answer if you use 74 steps to get there getting the question right is so 2014 but you probably didn t know festive beard lights were a thing either here s an example of common core used in multiplication in ye olden days we lined up numbers neatly and carried over let s multiply 26 times 39 common core style 1 round up 39 to 40 which is easier because it s a multiple of 10 2 now multiply 26 times 40 then subtract 26 but wait you can t just multiply 26 by 40 you want to multiply 26 by 10 common core folks are obsessed with the number 10 that s not creepy or anything so 26 times 40 is really 26 times 10 times 4 which is 260 times 4 3 but hang on make it 250 which is far superior to stupid random 260 isn t this easier than the old timey way wheeeee 250 times four is 1000 then add in that 10 you left out when you turned 260 into 250 so that s 10 times 4 equals 40 4 now add that to the product of 250 times 4 which is 40 plus 1000 which equals 1040 5 oh but wait you were supposed to subtract 26 because you multiplied it by 40 instead of 39 common core is part of a conspiracy to ruin our children s minds with strange new ideas it s a 20 minute deep dive into a simple math problem meant to take 30 seconds because we need more excruciatingly long and dragged out projects in today s frivolous insta pot world i have provided for you a sampling of common core math problems judge for yourselves students at a university in china had to solve this for the wifi password in a dining hall did they have to kneel on rice to gain access to the bathroom was that racist because of the rice look i m not the one making students solve math to get a password i like a good hangzhou style duck pickled in soy sauce as much as the next person but i m not going to contribute to the misrepresentation of asian people in the media you can t add cherries and shamrocks cherries are small delectable globules of juicy red sweetness that make delicious pie filling shamrocks are for drunken irish people and what is that thing with the green leaf toupee is that an orange or a drawing of donald trump this picture disgusts me 3 again with the chinese this is racial profiling although if...