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Text of the page (random words):
lly do not know when will you read this will i still be around then i simply can not predict what happens here s my message your father was a scoundrel my life was a blatant embodiment of the word joyride marked by short thrilling bursts of brilliance but followed by sharp and sickening downward turns hence the consequences that i have to bear afterwards i want you to understand son that i m sorry it happened that way i apologize that i m not the man i can potentially be i beg your forgiveness that i do not have even half of the life that i previously planned for you and the family but am i implying that not for one moment you should live recklessly like that not at all because by now you should have some idea that i am not your unusual next door dad on the contrary i want you to live life to the fullest and inhale its exhilarating draughts the only difference i want you to strive for is victory in the end i want you to overcome the world and whatever life has in store for you oh you may need to bear your battle scars but they will be like some shining badges of courage that are there for you to be proud of it s sickening how grief can break you that s why i want to close this short letter in a positive tone don t be afraid my dear indigo i do not have any plan to leave this world soon i know that i have no idea when will i depart to answer his call but to combine bon jovi and the psalms until i m 6 feet under i m gonna live while i m alive for this is the day that the lord hath made i will rejoice and be glad in it and when finally i m not beside you at whatever point in your life just take a look around and find me in every bright rays of sunlight every unusual forms of cloud every extraordinarily shiny flowers and every summer rain if you look hard enough perhaps i ll even be there in some lousy notes of debbie gibson s songs your mom hates her by the way whatever it is rest assured that i will not abandon you alive or not i ll slay whatever dragons come your way come what may on january 2008 the writer was confirmed to have hiv his son to whom this post is addressed and dedicated is declared to have autism 7 months afterwards june 26 2008 plurk musings of fibonacci social portrayal and deconstructionism posted by anthusiast under miscellaneous musings 2 comments being a writer who spends a lot of his time in front of the computer i make a heavy use of internet for research purpose lately with the genesis of so called web 2 0 i enthusiastically made a plunge into it with networking as a goal in mind one of the newest social network that i joined is plurk this post is not meant to explain what plurk is but rather to elaborate my personal experience in using it and yes my strange incoherent ramblings about it assuming that you as the readers are already familiar with plurk and its concept let me first state that so far i ve been involved in a love hate relationship with it what started out as an ordinary but excellent way to network with people suddenly soured when some buddies made jokes about hiv oh i know that some of them didn t actually meant it because they didn t made jokes directly about hiv itself but rather what the acronym stands for still for me it showed a lack of respect to other people who may have it this is described best by the following arguments of one of the people when i stated my objection note i paraphrased and names are omitted me please respect other people by making a joke of the hiv acronym you are making light of other people s trouble how would you feel if somebody said a joke about what c i n a stands for x cina if i m a javanese should i be offended if somebody said a javanese jokes will i be that retarded sheesh at this point i was really angry but that s all in the past all i said was that no mr x you don t have to be offended but i ll be damned if that means that i can tell javanese jokes as much as i like you may not be angry but i have to think about million other javanese others who may well have finer feelings than you do but i digress it s just an illustration of how plurk made me feel good potential but also comes with considerable shortcomings in the same package i blame it on their karma system while understandably it s an excellent way to induce traffic to their site at some points it may excite some otherwise idle users to gain karma by making meaningless and disturbing plurks the way is now paved following are what i muse about plurk fibonacci numerical sequence never fails to fascinate and frustrate me at the same time fascinating in its beauty but frustrating in its complexity this is also exactly the way plurk makes me feel now it s pretty in the sense of quality contents scattered here and there the neat way of timeline presentation and also the greater intimacy you get in the conversational thread rather than just replying in the generic timeline a la twitter it s also frustrating because all that appealing benefits are sometimes so rare and clouded by the junks in fact from time to time i do feel that searching for good plurks is akin to looking for a needle in the proverbial haystack that being said i think plurk is an excellent portrayal of our society condition when i protested about some aforementioned offensive plurks i couldn t help but think maybe this is just the way our society is maybe just maybe our world read country has indeed grown so selfish and shameless to gain self indulgence read karma at the expense of other people s feelings and if it indeed is a good place where i can stare at the most graphic and descriptive however brutal picture of our culture then i have a really excellent tool for research but the ultimate reason why i still love plurk until now is that for me plurk is a honest and actual manifestation of deconstructionism you see as i man i am not perfect and never will be plurk forces me to consider some issues and values i would not even think to challenge otherwise for instance this question popped out in my mind does it really matter what other people think about your condition does it really matter if for them it s nothing serious and i have to say that in answering them indeed i am pushed to think hard and grope deep inside myself in the end similar to the greatest appeal of deconstructionism as a school of thought plurk holds a potential of making a person a better man so there you go rather incoherent isn t it i told you but i really am till struggling to understand this weird animal all i can say is if you roll fibonacci social portrayal and deconstructionism into one you ll surely end up with a creature that is as mr joe satriani likes to put it strange beautiful i don t know about you but i surely am enjoying myself watching and playing with it june 9 2008 euro 2008 prediction france v posted by anthusiast under 1 leave a comment euro 2008 prediction france v romania this post was mainly made because one of my online friend snydez challenged me to publish my precictions for euro 2008 matches ok fair enough i call your challenge buddy without further ado this is my prediction for france v romania match tonight france will win but romania will score a goal let me elaborate this will mean that france will win at least by 2 1 score now for the reasons i always have a love affair with the french national team as per today i think they re the most complete and balanced team they have high football techniques of france and strong physical stance of germany let s admit it not many football teams manage to achieve such balance for tonight match i think they will utilize what they have in beating romania i am aware that romania is very dangerous particularly in left wing with adrian mutu but as long as sagnol is ready to play in the right side of french defense then life will be hard for him arguably if football is all about techniques romania may win tonight but i think france will simply cancel romania s creativity by uncompromising pressing and physical battle with the likes of makalele and maybe who knows viera which bring us to the interesting point when romania s initiative to attack because they are the underdogs of the group is cancelled what would happen then this is the spot where ribery will capitalize if all happens like i predicted this will serve as a pedestal where he can capitalize fully with his vision and flair when he does no matter who play up front for france be it benzema henry or anelka may actually score for fun hungrily june 2 2008 ramblings strange nation we have posted by anthusiast under musings personal family 2 comments let s see what should i blog today life wasn t so special lately excepting that new pc i got as an early birthday present i can t thank you enough dear wife i was bored actually bored to write bored to do anything in fact if i can concede to you my readers i feel that there s just nothing exciting enough in life anymore no i am not intentionally being morbid it s just that bland taste you got in the tip of your tongue when you just ate something tasteless but last week i was suddenly yanked awake by several strange things happening in indonesia our country with which i am engaged in a love hate relationship one of those things sadly involved a person closely related to me first there s this man joko susilo suprapto from nganjuk a small town in east java apparently he made an outrageous claim to our president that he has the proverbial midas touch necessary to turn water into fuel strangely the president seemed to buy it he sent the man away with an order to report back within an agreed upon period of time this came to the news when the man failed to keep the appointment with the president and reportedly went missing only to be found up lying sick on a hospital bed by here comes the interesting part densus 88 a special counter terrorism squad of indonesian army don t you all agree with me and find it strange no matter how hard i tried i got a big contradiction in my head if this man really can do what he claimed how come nobody in the world ever heard of him why did he got dismissed as a con man when he made a presentation of his invention to a prominent authoritative university in indonesia on the other hand if he s nothing but a complete hoax how could the first man of our country buy it at all what made him so important that the president sent a special counter terrorism squad to guard him for once i really could not guess at this answer by the time i write this he is still in the recovery process of whatever mysterious disease he is suffering now i am waiting in anticipation for the continuation of this story second thing is the rather more stupid blatant lie from a man named achmad zaini from i don t know where this man claimed that he has fund as much as 18 000 trillion of idr i don t even bother to calculate the currency conversion to usd which would mean 35 times of indonesia s country yearly budget he told the media that he gained possession of the fund when he received inheritance from his deceased parents in the form of bulk gold stored abroad complete with collateral advantages and all this second man did not impress me as much as the first one i mentioned above he just disgusted me had what he said is true he will be richer than mr bill gates itself he will be the richest man in the whole damn world are you trying to tell me that you re that rich yet somehow keep yourself off from the attention of international media government and other powerful parties mr az you have to invent better lie than that even just to fool a 10 year old kid but he indeed made me angrier one of the things he planned to convince people is by staging this so called press conference in bandung one of the vendors for the said event is my father in law i honestly didn t know when he told me and my wife that he was going to bandung for some business that he was dealing with this man to cut a long story short az and his cronies just flatly refused to pay his bills due with a lot of excuses i don t care how plausible his excuses may seem to be my father in law told me that it was because there s some technical difficulties if you are that fuckin rich you just don t hold back any payment that you have to make wheew that was the first time i use a swear word in this blog i am so damn angry see another story has it that when the event got dismissed by the police for failing to produce a permit the person in charge one of az s team was put behind the bars for a while now my father in law heard that he could buy his way out by paying idr 10 m 10 juta in hard cash even that was not being taken care of achmad zaini the self proclaimed godfather how could you let your trusted man suffer like that if you have some money hey mister don t let me catch you in the street i am damn indignant thirdly a well known successful motivator threw away some crisp bills of money out of a lightweight airplane in serang last sunday there s really nothing wrong with this but i do protest as a motivator he surely understood that there s nothing motivating in giving people money easily like that if our government s blt program was being asked by so many people because it is not educational to give them fish teach them how to fish instead then how could you do something like that when i heard this story my respect for mr tdw just fell flat on the ground he instantly lost his credibility i personally reckon that s about it this may not be a nice post to read for some people i didn t even try to make it coherent this once just this once please allow me to use this blog as a media to vent my frustrations of what happening in indonesia underline how true is this truth is stranger than fiction may 27 2008 life supercharged posted by anthusiast under favourites passions personal family 1 comment it s been so long indeed since i ve been this happy not even on christmas no not even that not even close this is how it came that i feel this way see my old pc was tired long and numerous have been the discussions between my wife and me to replace it with a new one however the business of living and daily worries have a nasty habit of creeping up and postpone such useful investment in the end she was never replaced by she i mean the old pc not the wife she just sat there tired and slow but ever faithful to help me do whatever i need to do be it working or gaming i even got to the point where i told myself that this pc would only got replaced when she literally just stop working and not before you know after all they say that it ain t over till the fat lady sings and a fat lady she is indeed until last friday until suddenly my wife came home smiling telling me the news that she hit an unexpected jackpot that finally she d like to buy me a new pc and that she wouldn t take no as an answer being pompous i had my pride i made sure that we had some necessary arguments first before agreeing to the recommended solutions from her she had this list ready wh...