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d have slept longer to that white noise the bedroom with views to the port the purpose my time to leave was nearing and i had asked my host to sell me one of the jewels she makes i have a pact with my sister regarding presents and it reads we don t look for presents for each other if a present finds me i buy it and it found me and it answered temple of pain s question to why are you coming to the ukraine my sister s birthday is nearing and a present was looking for me and it has a story and it also has an emotion i can t name but one i hope she will also feel the purpose i will miss so much hearing languages i don t understand a diumenge d agost 11 2024 0 comentaris 05 d abril 2021 adopt don t pop happy pandiversary the one that in which no matter the efforts we don t seem to be able to kill the invisible beast the one in which we all have an opinion but nobody has a clue the one that yet again has shown what humans are made of i ve entered this year without sílvia i can t believe she is gone forever like in other occasions she has inspired me to write again when she knew she was going to die she made clear she wanted to have it over with quickly and painlessly she was surprisingly ready in our sittings in the sun close to her last breaths she muttered you live you die and what have you done have a daughter to leave her alone in the world see another reason not to be a mother this time she didn t burst out laughing and lit a cigarette instead she knew i am antinatalist she was a regretful mum i do consider giving birth a selfish act as many others but also an unethical one i often hear women say i feel like it or we are looking for a baby with no remorse because it is socially accepted but i don t understand why yet humans are only entitled to be human to animals we fix them to avoid overpopulation and disease in females that have given birth multiple times we have evolved to see the commercialisation of animals as unethical adopt don t shop shopping for animals is specicist it supports an industry of unnecessary lucrative suffering when despite the efforts to control their population there are enough puppies and kittens being born i am surprised that no more people apply that to our species we still associate the idea of giving birth with joy instead of suffering somebody once told me that birth is more traumatic than death but we forget we are born to die so lana del rey this someone else decides on your life and some people celebrate it and so a new human is created where there is no need for it while there are millions of them without a family or in dire need we consider this more when it comes to pets and we take more responsibility it seems i have always wondered as a woman why is it i can spread my legs and bring a being to the world if i want to with no regulation but it is so arduous hard and expensive to adopt i was ready to adopt at age 28 on a genetical point of view i was aware that with the choices i had i couldn t really give birth to a person to contribute to society in the way i saw appropriate i did have a job my own house and i was in a solid relationship there was a sense of security but i didn t see a positive contribution in reproducing i did have the capacity to love and nurture and give the opportunity to another human with no opportunities i didn t need to create a child as an accessory to my life i thought it was my responsibility to be part of the change i envisioned to turn my contribution into a fairer and more diverse distribution in the world the adoption associacions basically said that as a single fertile woman i could create my own i don t find ethical to put an extra burden on earth and my rationale seems bigger than my reproductive desires to my knowledge i don t think i even qualify as a foster mum because my apartment has only got a room jonathan franzen said in his novel freedom that we should be more ashamed of giving birth i think we should be carbon taxed after the 2nd child and given the opportunity of a tax rebate in the case of adoption fostering already comes with rebates tricky subject we are suffering our first pandemic in the 21st century because of our irresponsible handling with animal meat before that we have had a few animal related epidemics yet we still consume meat into our doom that meat by the way was once a sentient being i am not ging to get into detail on how that milk you make your kid drink for breakfast is the result of insemination forced birth and baby murder we have had enough on subject cognitive dissonance but the elefant in the room is that we are too many too greedy and often too willing to fill a void by creating more humans that just contribute to this vicious circle to throw us deeper in the capitalistic and judeochristian construct people are popping pandemials but we still sterilise our pets to spare them suffering a dilluns d abril 05 2021 1 comentaris 19 de març 2020 messy _ mess no there has been a long silent break since the adventure began until i reached this point of shudding away the lethargy and rearranged the procrastinated items of a to do list of all those things the covid situation has pushed up to the priority list random procrastinated item on the list 1 post before and after pictures of the months you ve been working on your house you ace i find them some on one phone fp2 some on the new one fp3 but i don t put them all together in one file i forgot again to ask rob for his footage so then i can complete the process it s too late today and after all i can t come out of the blue drop him a text and ask for them we all have other prioritites i tried to record him a message referring to a once lived conversatio and some thoughts i wanted to share with him and then i listened to it and i realise i get lost in story telling mode and forget to ask him for the videos he made some of us also have more time i don t have to claim it with stories maybe they are not interesting maybe i am interrupting damn now i am thinking for others and being irrational at the same time let s move to the next item then random procrastinated item of the list 2 review the insurance then i need to review documents and i remember i have to write per request for an exciting job opportunity i should be writing and i freeze 81 2 fellini style because i have to adjust to the format and because they d love to see pictures in the article images my kriptonite i tell myself if i talk to my insecurity it won t help i have all the time in the world i am a passionate writer i am not new to it i give myself strength and then i wish it was like as easy as going on a stage grab the mike and sing and in the mess of papers and writings i find the ongoing book i once started it is called progressive pink or progressive grey or both or greetings from memory lane or down down under but today i am going to call it after family man s dog brian because brian the book has been sitting in my computer folders for a while waiting for a reorganising of chapters a thread and a purpose brian stayed in the books folder because all i needed to get it out of my chest has already been written sudden random addendum to list of to do items crawling up the priority list you won t find a thing if you have so many bags full of papers recycle a bunch of folded papers inside an esky chilly cooler bag like a script it s brian in hard copy but i don t know yet i start reading it with interest quite an interesting piece i hear my mind saying to myself and then i read on and the style is awfully familiar descriptions like that smell of mango the recurring theme of pelargon the somehow grainy softness while sliding my hand and voilà i know who wrote it and i know who inspired it i go back to the place to that moment in time unable to remember any image of that scene but vividly remembering the rigid touch of the fabric with a neon printout in some acrylic paint it smelled a bit like rubber the smell of the human wearing it bare faced soft chest rough legs the taste of the mango juice a breath of toohey s and one nervous cigarrete my lovely sydney in the background smelling like seasalt and frangipani greeting me with its oz oh ne sun steep road and a high building overlooking darling harbour the moon that rises from the water my locus amoenus and i move in time and understand i understand the writer s block the fear at once because the situation re enacts itself and you expect the outcome to follow the usual pattern it is ok if you don t succeed but it is hard to reassure yourself when it happens and then i wish again everything was as easy as going on a stage grab the mike and sing and then i realise i still haven t written the lyrics to the song to be heard to be read to be seen a dijous de març 19 2020 0 comentaris 19 de gener 2020 approaching with somehow french melancholy we departed chez vasil and started packing after some strong melitta coffee a german flashback i could take some of the leftovers in my mug because rob doesn t drink any and yann was anyway still sleepy and had plans to go back to bed good vibes we had had two days of absolute switching off in a charming quiet place and in beautiful company to me it felt like a cultural transition to southern european lifestyle minus the rural ambiance i am talking about the eating habits where meals are a big deal and quality prevails and a warmer personality in general after all we all kiss in france and in catalonia when we see for the very first time temperament starts showing but something happened after crossing the pyrenees where people become generally loud gesticulate a lot and touch a bit more often being hipersensitive to smell and sound i dislike the loud southern european decibels however although i don t participate as much as a regular one i do very appreciate the proxemics next mitfahrer co voiturante sofie picked up in lyon as much as i wanted to avoid the city grrr a north catalan raised in perpignan you could tell we talked for hours about food and cortados machiatto coffee the trip went by really quickly bonzai was well adapted to the van and he also stayed a while in the back to have some leg space i had built a higher floor for him a plattform with his toilet his sleeping basket and a travelling bag i did have to keep him locked in the travelling bag because otherwise he d stay between the things underneath and i was scared that if i had to hit the brakes the bike or boxes there would shift and it could have hurt him he is so awesome that in the one toilet break i let him out at his own leasure in the back of the van to snoop around and he went to the toilet at the same time as i can t be more of a proud crazy cat lady mummy in perpignan we dropped sofie off and picked eric up he had been travelling solo in a camper into the wild and his camper broke down as he had booked a room in a hostel in barcelona right down my street i drove him right to his door in the short trip perpignan barcelona rob and i adopted him because we found his accent a rusty english with french words in a german background mixed with some spanish incursions too adorable i invited him to come live with us and help on my home project he agreed and that s how we added to the itinerant family an old souled teenager with whom i believe i have more in common than with some people double his age that for the journey our days pre renovation works were a slow progression to cold with mornings of yoga and meditation i could sign up to that life in fact it s my place so i can and i will met veel plezier and groot gemak a diumenge de gener 19 2020 0 comentaris 13 de gener 2020 franchute stereotyped second leg bruxelles cuisery bonzai was well rested the one who slept best in brussels and very relaxed on the road we dropped bego at the airport and picked ibrahim up our next trip companion for the following seven hours ibrahim earned brownie points by helping me attach a side mirror we brought ibrahim to dijon and made our way to cuisery looking forward to seeing yann again arrival at cuisery by sunset received by yann with whom i shared house and life episodes many so many years ago in germany i am glad i can still visit him grateful we get to see each other sporadically kiki a friend of yann had made us a soup we ate with baguette cheese avec cordon bleau for the meat eaters when the sun came up we were greeted by a beautiful early spring day the evening before we had decided to stay one more day to get plenty of rest plan of the day some stretchings in the studio next door go take the donkeys and the dogs for a walk and to continue the french stereotype programme by rocking to frank his name should have been rené to play some petanque before the barcelona madrid match petanque jeu de boules dogs and donkeys for a walk bonzai in the meantime wasn t impressed with the campagne environment while the sound of the river outside served us as the perfect white noise to sleep like babies it seemed too foreign for him add dogs donkeys big chickens a lot of people coming in and out and the shouting during the barça madrid game and there s no kitty to be seen we drank wine smoked gauloises tasted the most amazing cheeses and went early to bed after a 0 0 to wake up and be on our 3rd leg on our way to barcelona it was great catching up with yann it is beautiful in cuisery bald mal wieder a dilluns de gener 13 2020 0 comentaris 27 de desembre 2019 cat good alles good happy 2020 we have already crossed the threshold of the longest day of the year and light will come into us from now on i have entered my new year already and all the good change is underway slowly rebuilding good habits adding new ones and working on modifying those that don t contribute before works in the house start i don t want to leave any part out of the journey the road trip was the very beginning of this new stage amsterdam brussels expedition on our van trip from amsterdam to barcelona my main concern has been the cat to the point that i started going on stress mode shortly before departure and he positively surprised me i am so proud of him first leg amsterdam brussels short trip and overnight stay at antonio s who lives in his lovely cuchitril right behind the grand place try finding a parking spot there but i had worried enough rob used his gratefulness and positive energy to manifest a spot so luckily there was street works going on at the corner of antonio s and we could park amply there one fewer worry here we went on to unpack the many cat things toilet food set travel bag and climb the many stairs with furry in the carrier bonzai was relaxed and supportive all through the trip i think i was more stressed than him once at antonio s he explored the space played and climbed on the wooden beams and spent a while giving some attention to each of us he wasn t even taken aback from our coughing bego cat paradise attic lots of climbing and scratching spots they were very enjoyed by bonzi selvie t...