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my hcg level today 10dp5dt was 29 so big surprise i m having my fourth chemical pregnancy fet 4 1dp5dt may 12 2018 singlegeneme 3 comments yesterday was my fourth embryo transfer i worked in the morning and then had my transfer at 2 00 i took both valiums that were prescribed and was feeling pretty great by the time of the transfer my clinic always offers warm blankets for procedures so i got to cozy up under those while being drugged up for the first time i didn t overfill my bladder i drank about half of what they suggest and my bladder was full i asked the technician that was checking my bladder if she would measure my uterine lining which i ve never had checked on transfer day she said that it might be a slightly inflated number because my bladder was full and then told me that it was 10mm when she left the room my husband said the number on the screen was actually 10 9mm so i am quite pleased that is surely much higher than it s ever been during a natural transfer cycle the technician nurse and embryologist were all no nonsense in delivering their spiels to me which i was very happy about because i m sick of the peppy positive attitudes of the clinicians i ve had in the past at my clinic the photo of my embryo showed it partially hatching but i don t know how much of a difference that makes the embryology camera wasn t working so we couldn t see the close up of our embryo being sucked up the tube i ve already seen the process three times before and i didn t even care about not seeing it the doctor stuck it in me and then i got to go home in my valium induced state we stopped and picked up a fried vegetarian chicken sandwich and sweet potato fries on the way home i went home and chowed those down while watching some frivolous teen movie on netflix after that i passed out for 4 hours i woke up and ate a small dinner of roasted brussels sprouts and blueberry kefir then went back to bed all in all it was an ideal transfer day i m having a fairly quiet weekend i went on an easy flat 3 mile walk today but i don t plan to do any other exercise this weekend i ll be back to biking on monday i haven t felt any cramping or twitching so of course i already think it didn t work i ve already got embryo failure plans if it doesn t work go to an expensive restaurant for a 3 course meal with wine pairing for my birthday at the end of the month and go to san francisco during pride weekend to party it up with a bunch of my gay friends at the end of june it s nice to have things to look forward to in case the transfer doesn t work out fet 4 lining check 2 may 2 2018 singlegeneme 4 comments i had my second lining check today my lining was 8 4mm which is exactly what it s always been during my natural cycles i assume it would get thicker if we left it another week but my doctor said if it s 8mm or thicker then it s good to go however with my natural cycles i had my lining checked right at ovulation so it was peaking with this medicated cycle i ll stay on my high dose of estrogen 4 patches until monday when i drop down to two patches a day my doctor only does medicated transfers on friday so i won t start the progesterone in oil shots until sunday this means that the lining has a few more days to thicken i m know that i m really fixated on the lining but it seems so important my transfer is scheduled for friday may 11 moving kept me very busy over the last weekend i can get really ocd about cleaning and spent most of two whole days cleaning my old apartment i m still worn out from it but fortunately we hired movers to move everything to our new place i have some more unpacking organizing setting up to do so that should keep me busy for a while our new apartment is such an incredible upgrade but without our art and rugs and stuff set up it feels pretty sterile i have my own bathroom now with a nice deep tub and i m getting in as many baths as possible before the transfer also it s fun cooking in a big beautiful kitchen hopefully the novelty of the new apartment will carry me through at least may 21 aka doomsday aka the pregnancy blood test fet 4 lining check 1 april 25 2018 singlegeneme 2 comments i had a lining check this morning unfortunately my lining was only 6 5mm so i have to add at least another week to my cycle calendar this means that my transfer is tentatively scheduled for may 11 rather than may 4 i don t mind the added time so much as the disappointment that a medicated cycle didn t magically make my lining thicker than usual i guess that the nice thing is that unlike the natural cycle we can wait it out and see if it gets thicker my doctor was concerned that maybe i wasn t absorbing enough estrogen from the patches and said that i might need to add in an oral estradiol pill or vaginal suppository she said that my estrogen would like to see my level to be over 300 i mulled this over today and i started to wonder if the hot baths i ve been taking every night were leeching the estrogen out of the patches when i first started the patches c asked if i was allowed to take baths no one had told me that i couldn t take baths but when i googled whether baths were allowed the internet came back to me with conflicting information so i emailed my nurse and she said that baths don t effect the patches still i d been wondering and wondering well i got my estrogen results back so now i feel confident that baths do not effect the absorption rate my estrogen was 637 well what the heck when i did natural cycles my lining always peaked around 8mm and my estrogen peaked around 350 500 so if my estrogen is even higher than usual why isn t my lining thicker or at least the same i ve emailed my nurse about this and am awaiting her reply back to the transfer date may 11 is better for me i have a work event that i was going to have to miss on may 5 if i did the transfer on may 4 and it makes me look good at work if i show up to this event also it will only be the second weekend after moving so i will probably still be unpacking and setting things up and lastly if i did a may 4 transfer i would definitely start testing around may 13 which is mother s day seeing a negative test on mother s day would be way too emotional for me it s already hard enough to be both motherless and childless on that day no need to add an hpt to the mix fet 4 cd 14 april 22 2018 april 22 2018 singlegeneme leave a comment i feel like i have so little to blog about during this medicated cycle everything is going great i guess in my natural cycle i was going in every 1 2 days for checks so i knew the status it s strange to just be hoping that the medication and my body is doing what it s supposed to be doing despite the ambiguity it s actually been easier to not dwell on the ivf stuff i still haven t had any side effects from the lupron and i ve continued to administer my own shots daily i m up to 4 estrogen patches now and the main side effects have been sleeping great and feeling frisky my skin is also looking fabulous so i m actually rather enjoying the hormone regime so far my next appointment is on tuesday and i m a little nervous but hoping that my lining looks extra thick and that i haven t somehow ovulated through the medication this cycle in other news c and i are moving into a new apartment on saturday all the packing and preparations have been great for keeping my mind off of the transfer i love moving really and i m definitely more excited to move than to do another transfer when i actually think about the transfer i feel a bit of dread because after the transfer time will pass soooooooo slowly i will obsess over symptoms and lack of symptoms and hpts i will not be able to focus on anything else and then it s a lot of anticipation and disappointment but i d still rather take the chance than not try at all fet 4 suppression check april 11 2018 singlegeneme leave a comment today was my suppression check to make sure lupron has zapped away all of my hormones everything looked good estrogen is low i ve been on a 5mg does of lupron for 8 days honestly best ivf drug i ve been on so far no side effects that i ve noticed at all except lack of sex drive shrug i was a little scared to go on lupron because someone on a message board told me to google lupron deaths and for some reason i actually did that so death but it s ivf you know of course i would risk death for the chance to have a child i ve also been giving myself the shots since day 3 i can t believe how easy and painless it is with ice to give the shots to myself tomorrow i start applying estrogen patches i have to go visit my husband s family this weekend and i m hoping they will not ask me when i m going to get pregnant we re all staying in a vacation house and i guess i m going to try to hide the lupron in the fridge i have no desire to tell anyone when i m doing a transfer cycle anymore since it always just ends in disappointment fet 4 the medicated protocol march 23 2018 singlegeneme 5 comments well i m finally doing it after 3 failed natural transfer protocols i m going to try a medicated protocol and the calendar of meds o m g it s crazy the meds just go on for weeks and weeks and weeks i know this is what almost everyone else does but it just seems like so much effort and sacrifice compared to a natural cycle but i can t see how a natural transfer will ever work for me i responded really well to the egg retrieval protocols so i m hoping that this new protocol will give me an amazingly thick lining here s my protocol birth control march 19 april 6 lupron april 3 april 28 maybe a little longer estrogen patches april 11 progesterone in oil april 30 estimated transfer may 4 coincidentally may 4 was the due date for my naturally conceived baby so i imagine i will be getting a little emotional about that i have a goal to learn how to give myself the lupron shots to myself in case my husband has to go out of town for work also i think it will be a self esteem booster to learn a new skill i told him that he absolutely can t go out of town when i m doing the pio shots because there s no way i m learning to give myself an intramuscular injection into my own back if any of you are giving yourselves the pio shots then holy cow i m so so impressed also this will be my first time ordering a bunch of meds with fertility meds coverage through my insurance so i m pretty excited to see what is covered fet 3 beta results march 14 2018 april 22 2018 singlegeneme 5 comments my hcg level today was 10 so i m having another chemical pregnancy i m 3 for 3 now i took a half day from work so i could be at home to cry when i got the results i can t even cry because this is what i thought would happen this is what always happens fet 3 10p5dt stephen hawking march 14 2018 singlegeneme 2 comments i have my beta today i did not do an hpt yesterday or today my beta blood draw is in an hour i started getting bad menstrual cramps last night and this morning as this is when my period would be due if i wasn t on progesterone i can t remember if i had this bad of cramping during either of my other transfers or my natural pregnancy so i was googling up a storm in bed this morning i decided to check in on the news instead and that was when i found out stephen hawking died today at age 76 i immediately started crying because it reminded me of my own impending death it reminded me why i am doing ivf it reminded me that one day i will also get als lou gehrig s disease and i doubt that i will be so lucky to live to be 76 my mom died at age 60 her sister died at age 61 i have an aunt with the gene who has made it to 69 with no symptoms i ve read that in familiar cases it generally comes a little earlier for the next generation stephen hawking died and i am reminded that there is no cure for als even if you are a brilliant rich white man it will still take you today i am reminded of death can i please be reminded of life fet 3 8dp5dt march 13 2018 singlegeneme 1 comment let me rehash the last 5 days 4dp5dt thur i woke up feeling a bit lighter emotionally than the night before i started to think that things are different this time i had a polyp removed and my uterus was in great shape i also chose an embryo from a different retrieval 1 than i did with the other two fets taken from retrieval 2 and my embryo was almost fully hatched when they put it in the picture was beautiful my last two embryos didn t really looked hatched even though the clinic did assisted hatching i also had some light cramping and thought things were looking up 5dp5dt fri more light cramping all day i kept saying i am not going to test until tomorrow morning it s too early nope no testing today it s not fmu but i couldn t help myself i stopped drinking liquids after 1 and then when i got home at 5 i thought well i ve done the 4 hour hold and i have internet cheapies so why not so i tested and nothing about 10 minutes after the test i had what could truly be called a squinter it was there but was it really there 6dp5dt sat i had insomnia and couldn t fall asleep until 2am i woke up at 6am and did another hpt again still negative until around 10 minutes when it was incredibly faint but actually visible unlike yesterday s squinter i started googling evap lines and after finding an article that convinced me that colored evap lines aren t a real thing i started to get a little hopeful side note i used internet cheapie hpts a lot when i tried to get pregnant naturally and when i wasn t pregnant there wasn t even a trace of a line hours later i pulled many out of the trash can to check after it dried i compared it to the day before and it was definitely more visible than the day before i also woke up with a terrible red bumpy rash on the outside of my lady bits presumably from the progesterone suppositories i ve been using i don t know why this happened this time but never before i guess it s important to keep it very clean dry down there i don t think that biking the day before helped i learned that a frozen amy s burrito makes an amazing ice pack for this sort of thing 7dp5dt sun i took 2 benadryl before bed to help with the rash and insomnia i slept for a whopping 7 hours my norm is 8 5 9 i got up and did another hpt this time it still took 10 minutes to show up and was very very faint but not quite as faint as the day before i was getting a little excited i spent basically all day googling pictures of wondfo progression lines and i decided that it was fine that my lines were so light wondfos are notoriously light so long as it was darker the next day everything was fine 8dp5dt mon just call me the queen of chemicals my line was almost identical to the day before if not lighter and the line still took 10 minutes i am hopeless again i googled chemical pregnancy wondfo and yes the pictures of the tests look just like mine i cried a little because why isn t this working i had been hiding my poas addiction from my husband but i told him this morning that i ll likely have a chemical ...