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Text of the page (random words):
ender the other circled slowly inside the doorway of the studio we punched in the code and were let inside on the first floor corridor a row of black doors had signs for a fashion house a gp chinese herbalist it consultant and slowside tattoo we buzzed again and entered a crisp white studio with a corner aspect and wide wall length windows overlooking the crossroads with it s chinatown dragon gates soft music was playing water dripped from recently watered ferns and houseplants there were framed prints and flash designs and shelves with books on art and tattooing the contrast was acute we took turns to get tattooed lounging on sofas to wait our turn we debated last minute changes of designs as jessie prepped the thermal tracing paper for the first tattoo i studied the pattern of slick white ceiling tiles being on a different continent seemed to be encouraging global reflections how much are humans influenced by our immediate environment those people that everyone passed by like silent grey street trees how easily we were able to turn away from their predicament the welcome relief of the white studio imprinting art on our skins to carry familial totems with us the chill vibe in vancouver had settled over us infectious as the laid back accent lilting up at the end of sentences with an optimistic eh neighbours at the apartment had informed us there were really no unsafe areas of vancouver even the dodgier streets of downtown were patrolled and monitored to provide medical help and advice to those willing to take it prostitution drugs and illegal activities were coralled into a square zone that received targeted attention from the city we pulled t shirt sleeves over second skin and gathered our belongings snack boxes and drinks cartons wiser to the street layout we skipped streets to emerge in central tourist vancouver full of cosy cafes vinyl stores and museums bordering green parks the bus to kitsilano was packed with end of the day commuters hanging straps to chew the fat with bus neighbours they threw us knowing looks you may be tourists but we re all world travellers here we walked a few blocks of kitsilano at night collecting mental snapshots of ideal homes with gardens strung with fairy lights versus halloween hangouts for doomed kids the scale of construction plots made us feel like hobbits it was as though canadian redwoods set the tone for the size of home building one plot covered several acres of forest bordered by ornamental hedges and gates with barely a glimpse of the monstrously large block sized residence and sweeping driveway beyond it had to be owned by a millionaire rock star property magnate but it was next to another of the same scale and another in fact there were several blocks of immense homes amid tree rich landscapes the ruler straight streets and zoned blocks were still a novelty having grown up amid england s higgledy piggledy medieval villages leaving kits soon to explore the wider landscapes of canada we ll be taking the trails that wind through the rockies en route to kelowna banff jasper and edmonton places almost mythic since i first watched roxanne and northern exposure in the 80 s and gorged on dudes in lumberjack shirts with liberal immigration sentiments and a fondness for maple pancakes okay let s go myth busting tattooparlour vancouver kitsilano canadianconventions travelwriting canada2025 posted by penny lapenna at friday november 21 2025 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest friday august 22 2025 to sleep perchance to dream ay there s the rub one day i was at work at a school sixth form a teenage boy sat at my desk holding his head forward and using tissues to staunch a nose bleed a girl had brought him into my office and i remember thanking her for helping him she was one of the popular gang and he was a social outsider so it was an unusual incident on a monday morning i found out later that it was the girl that had punched him in the nose and she d brought him in from a sense of guilt but i didn t know this at the time my mobile phone rang my teenager was in tears and i couldn t make out what was wrong i ve found out what it is it s not just me other people have it hundreds i m not crazy oh my god it s not just me the boy i ll call him liam was trying to exit my office waving me back to my desk one sec sweetheart take the tissues come back after tutor group to put it in the incident book sorry are you okay where are you my non binary child told me a story that i didn t expect to hear of dreams experienced whilst awake lasting days at a time of assassins and castles where they could fly and jump and kick and daily life had to take a back seat because they were immersed in a vivid story playing out in real time dreams that were hyperreal glowing colours sights and sounds beyond anything they d experienced and how they couldn t tell us anything about it because it would sound insane wait are you talking about a videogame what is making you so upset the bell was ringing and there wasn t time to fully understand this complicated story but that night we sat down together and they showed me the online forum called wild minds network they d stumbled across it and had been up most of last night reading comment after comment a divorced dad in jamaica a teen from arkansas a young girl in yorkshire a nurse with a qualification in psychiatry all described similar obsessions starting in childhood and hidden in shame they explained how they needed space to move around and often used music to lull themselves into an almost hypnotic state at which point they conjured stories with their eyes closed but these went beyond daydreams in these stories sometimes beginning with scenes from films or books or games they met people made friends or had lovers became famous or lived out fantasies but the dream didn t stop there it continued day after day becoming an epic tale where they explored relationships tried out lifestyles and imagined whole interactive worlds it was fascinating and more exciting than their daily existence they might stay up all night pacing in these dreamlike states so as to carry on without interruption they might wait until the family had gone out or they would feign being ill in bed so that they could carry on world building it wasn t written down it was held in their memory and it had layers of complexity and emotional involvement many explained that they neglected family or friends to continue with their solo adventure they called it maladaptive daydreaming my non binary child told me of an israeli professor of clinical psychology who had coined the phrase and that his name was dr eli somer they told me that they understood that people used it to escape their problems but that it wasn t only that it was also a space for joy they told me that they hated being interrupted when they were pacing in their room because they were fully immersed in this world and snapping out of it was jarring it was an immense relief to be able to talk about it with me but they were in tears convinced that it meant they would likely be alone for the rest of their life who would live with someone who was half in the real world but mostly only happy out of it they shared very few details of the landscape and people in their maladaptive world mostly from embarrassment but also because they found it hard to describe a whole world mixed in with their feelings about it sounding childish or ridiculous they also described how they sometimes started from a tv plotline and then explored some aspect of it re enacting scenes replaying them trying multiple outcomes switching characters finding resolutions i realised that they had been doing this for years even as a young child as parents we hadn t comprehended what was going on but we d heard them dancing in their room and we knew they had a sleep disorder and a diagnosis of autism which i d pursued because they found school environments a sensory challenge and i d thought the teachers would help them uncover coping strategies they initially disagreed with the educational psychologist s summary but came to accept that autism is just one way of describing brains that are different from the norm it isn t fair to my child to share more of their story especially as they are now an adult but i wanted to understand how it must have felt to hide this secret for sixteen years so i wrote outlandish the story of a boy living on a remote island collecting sounds from the natural world felix has similarities with that long ago boy with a nose bleed and social anxiety but he is also a maladaptive daydreamer making sense of life in bristol with his single mum as covid hits and the real world turns upside down what purpose does dreaming serve a playground for our overheated brain a chance to explore the subconscious mind full of oddities and half recollections from the days before scientists will tell us dreaming is about problem solving emotional regulation and memory consolidation and i can think of dreams i ve had including recurring ones that hint at fears or buried anxieties i was wrestling with at the time i ve read about jungian archetypes their symbols repeated in dreams which suggest a collective unconscious world mind that we can access in a dreaming state there are examples of people who dream of snakes but have never seen one in real life are they accessing human memories encoded deep in our dna or what if dreaming goes beyond even that what if dreams help us build ourselves as human beings our waking moments give us experiences and reactions that we don t have time to process until we lay down to sleep after two hours we slide into deep unconsciousness to fully relax our tired muscles while our brain ramps up a gear and begins sifting and performing tricks and storing memories in layers building sense from nonsense and while it is doing this it is creating an image of ourselves building an identity storing moments that are rational and irrational that help us to become who we are if this is the case it explains why lack of sleep is so disturbing we don t feel like ourselves our sense of reality is off kilter because our brain hasn t been able to reinforce our stored identity remind us of the sum of our experiences and integrate us back into a whole persona by morning so i ve written other novels but this one feels like a mission if you know a literary agent please share this with them over four million people worldwide are estimated to have this condition hidden from their closest friends and family feeling shame and embarrassment and yet we live in a society obsessed with games stories playgrounds distractions so can t we all relate pennylapenna gmail com posted by penny lapenna at friday august 22 2025 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest labels autism dreaming dreams dreamworld jungian literary agent maladaptive daydreaming neurodivergent neurodiverse neurodiversity novel monday july 07 2025 inside the pain those of us with a neurodivergent tag may be familiar with being told to sit with uncomfortable emotions it is difficult work and essential for healing whatever that means to people who are not therapists of one type or another but it isn t something you should be expected to do daily nor on first waking that would be considered as living in trauma but we are forced to confront some awful realities alive and virulent in the world today the atrocities being committed in palestine sudan ukraine and other regions the floods in texas the living hell of being a person of colour a disenfranchised woman someone who needs an abortion or trans or lgbtqia in countries run by dictators and yes i do mean the united states the climate emergency and those who speak out being imprisoned with inordinately long sentences the mental health crisis among our young people it is so ever present as to be unbearable and yet we have to live inside this pain of knowing for anyone empathetic or humane the daily toll of this weight can be heavy it feels that the least we can do is bear it and maybe this will prompt us to action as an ally to join in with the protests to use our voice however we can taking a step back i realise that we also need to lift this burden from our shoulders sometimes once we have taken action no matter how small we need to put the pain aside lest it consume us akin to putting on our oxygen mask first so take a moment initially sit with the pain and the despair the sadness of our oft times inhumanity think of the pain of those palestinian parents identify that fear inside yourself the daunting world out there that seems so huge and scary where our little attempts to recycle and be good to our neighbours feel not enough sit inside that pain roaring loud enough to drown out everything good and then let it abate let it recede like the floodwaters like the retreating armies let the daylight in water a plant on a windowsill take a coffee outside to a quiet spot only you know curl up on a sofa or under a duvet breathe in your tiny moment of calm and comfort and then on days when we feel sufficiently strong and dynamic and our ability to fight returns we will be able to create solidarity across streets counties regions countries the globe and continue fighting for what s right politicians may not be the solution but communities are we are a big global community if we can but realise it and now that we are all able to talk across distance across difference we can unite and come into our power the power to say no to violence hatred indifference dislike of the other and instead extend a hand across to other communities if we all rise up united they cannot imprison us all globalsolidarity freepalestine stopthewarinukraine supportlgbtqia globalcommunity climatesolutions protestisahumanright posted by penny lapenna at monday july 07 2025 no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest friday february 21 2025 from 1984 to 2024 in my lifetime there has been extraordinary change affecting human life on the planet the speed of technological advances means that the average person has no understanding of how systems operate from ai to satellite systems global weapons to data analysis even how we make ultra processed foods and pandemic medicines we simply use the technology and rely on someone else s knowledge of how it was created we eat food that may not be good for us use mobile phones incessantly and compulsively and yet we have access to vast stores of human knowledge and scientific advancement which we mostly ignore we are the proles at home with a high temperature and possible covid symptoms i reread 1984 this is ridiculously relevant now in 2024 okay 2025 but it wasn t when i was writing this the feeling of the world constantly at war so that we all just get used to living with it the newspeak a language of propaganda and misinformation trump s doublethi...