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Text of the page (random words):
speak i assumed it came from him her it i accept your proposition awesome he she it said as he she it slowly took the bag off of his her its head when i saw who it was my blood ran cold and i started to have second thoughts about the job the stranger was a dame throughout my years as a private investigator i have learned three things never follow a freakishly large perp into a dark alley don t do work for free no matter how good the clients are at puppy eyes and the most important one of all dames are trouble the trouble was i was in desperate need of cash i hadn t had anything to eat for the past day and i was starving so what did you have in mind dame i inquired here s the deal she proceeded to tell me about dagmar llewellyn an evil villain who was trying to take over the world as all evil villains usually do he had invented a hypno beam that hypnotized cats to actually care about their owners like dogs do this villainous act would confuse every one so much that eventually they would all go crazy thus enabling llewellyn to have complete control over everyone that is a serious problem i explained to her after all she was a dame let s go put a stop to this dastardly plan we hopped into my car or we would have if i had one so in reality we hopped into a vehicle designated for public transportation as the bus sped off i asked the dame so where are we going llewellyn s secret base is north of the park we were currently heading south leave it to a dame to choose the wrong bus and they say that men have a problem with directions we got off at the next bus stop and transferred to a bus that was heading in the right direction it took about ten minutes to reach llewellyn s secret base ironically it was in a cat food factory we paid the bus fee and ran to the front door when we arrived at the door i had a strange feeling that something was wrong as i scrutinized the door i realized that this door was a trap i turned to the dame to tell her not to touch anything but it was too late she had already rang the doorbell and set off the trap the floor gave way and we slid down into the depths of the factory like i said before dames are trouble the slide deposited us into a large steel cage with bars three feet thick you you dame i bellowed that door was a trap any non dame could have easily figured out that that door was a trap it didn t have a kitty door at the bottom certainly a cat factory would have one of those now we will never be able to stop llewellyn yes we will it just so happens that i am an expert lock picker the dame explained as she fiddled with the lock after a couple minutes of this fiddling the lock finally made a loud popping sound and fell off the cage awesome good job dame let s get outta here i rejoiced you aren t going anywhere bub the dame said as she hopped out of the cage and slammed the door shut with me still inside what s the big idea let me out of this cage dame i yelled i m sorry but that is not an option the dame explained in a strangely deep and manly voice and i m not a dame the dame said as she removed her dame mask it can t be dagmar llewellyn i gasped in surprise yes the dame was really llewellyn in drag that s right it is i dagmar llewellyn and you have fallen for the oldest trick in the book the dress up as a dame trick i can t believe that you the great skitch larue fell for that pathetic disguise you are pathetic anyway i m off to take over the world and by the way in case you haven t already realized that while we have been chatting the walls of your prison have been receding thus in about two minutes you will be squished into an ooey gooey pulp toodle oo he walked away whistling a merry tune thinking that he had defeated me boy was he wrong in his joy he had walked away without putting the lock back on the door i swung the door open and stealthily followed him to the heart of his secret base where his hypno beam was located as i approached llewellyn from behind to tackle him he turned around to face me he was holding a rocket launcher and he had it aimed right for me silly skitch did you really think that i would be stupid enough to leave the lock off the cage door resulting in your escape if you said yes to this question then you are absolutely correct i didn t want technology to kill you i wanted to and i do plan on destroying you after i initiate my evil plan he turned and pushed a big red button which i assume fired up his hypno beam that little act of turning to push the button gave me a chance to catch him off guard when he turned i ran away hey he had a rocket launcher what would you do in a situation like that i followed the cord from the control panel to the power outlet i unplugged the cord from the socket and laughed triumphantly wrong again skitch the hypno beam is battery powered i have tricked you again now prepare to meet your doom he fired a rocket at me i ducked just at the right time and the rocket harmlessly hit the wall behind me and knocked it down i sprinted toward the hypno beam as fast as i could i ducked behind a well just as a rocket whizzed over my head you can t run forever shouted llewellyn what makes you say that umm because i will hit you eventually how do you know you will well i just know that s all you got a problem with that of course i had problem with that i didn t want to get blown up but i had better things to do than chat with llewellyn what he hadn t realized was that while he was yakking i had got a bucket full of water from the well and was slowly edging my way toward the hypno beam when i got close enough i stood up the jig is up llewellyn i shouted no it is not shouted llewellyn yes it is i shouted yeah right shouted llewellyn i deftly performed a super special dodging roll move nimbly avoiding the rocket that he shot at me and not spilling a drop of water from my bucket what the heck was that for i shouted i want you to die llewellyn shouted he pulled the trigger to send me into oblivion this is where the story began in case you had forgotten i closed my eyes realizing that i was beat and prepared for my assured doom when i heard an ominous clicking sound i opened my eyes and realized that heaven is like a cat food factory i looked around and then realized that the rocket hadn t fired and that i was still alive i heard llewellyn shouting profanities and determined that he had run out of ammo ha llewellyn this time it is you and not me who is the fool i yelled triumphantly prepare yourself for the destruction of your precious hypno beam i tossed the water onto the hypno beam and there was an explosion of sparks as the electricity pulsing through the device reacted with the water noooo my lifelong work ruined ruined llewellyn wailed after watching llewellyn cry like a dame for ten minutes i called the feds and they came and hauled llewellyn off to jail as he was being taken away he looked at me and sneered i will get you for this skitch larue private investigator just you wait and see as i watched him being dragged off i smirked and muttered to myself what a demented guy i mean who would want to dress up like a dame posted by snackefrass at 10 40 pm no comments so long this is a nanofiction it is exactly 55 words long she loved to swim it was her favorite thing to do she was sensible she never ate too much even when others around her were in a frenzy of greed she was enchanting people who walked by would stop and stare i am going to miss her big beautiful eyes staring back at me flush posted by snackefrass at 10 32 pm no comments rock walls rock walls can be fun until you fall off one and have two surgeries posted by snackefrass at 8 14 pm no comments aston martin bond james bond has one his goes really fast and it can create smoke screens posted by snackefrass at 8 06 pm no comments disc golf disc golf is quite fun it is diff rent than frisbee it is much tougher posted by snackefrass at 8 05 pm no comments alarm clock alarm clock wakes me push snooze nine minutes later alarm clock wakes me posted by snackefrass at 8 05 pm no comments ketchup ketchup in bottles must shake hard to get it out splat on the table posted by snackefrass at 8 04 pm no comments ode to my sweater vest oh sweater vest could any article of clothing be cooler than thee you are so considerate of my arm temperature you realize that my chest and stomach get cold but that my huge muscles keep my arms warm if you were a normal sweater my arms would be burning up right now but that is not the case you have two conveniently placed holes for my arms and i enjoy putting my arms through them and walking around people stare at me whenever i walk by as if to say that guy is cool because he has a sweater vest i just smile at them and nod oh sweater vest could any article of clothing be cooler than thee i think not posted by snackefrass at 8 01 pm no comments tuesday october 28 2008 i played whitley in madden i played whitley in madden 07 he was the eagles i was the titans it was a very close game for the first three quarters when i would score he would score but i dominated in the fourth quarter whitley threw two interceptions i ran one of them back for a touchdown whitley had the ball for the last play of the game i sacked his quarterback he fumbled it my huge defensive lineman picked it up and then chunk ran it back for a touchdown he needed oxygen afterwards whitley was sad he wants a rematch posted by snackefrass at 11 24 pm no comments firm mattresses i like firm mattresses better than soft mattresses posted by snackefrass at 11 24 pm no comments bicycle i brought my bicycle up to utah state i thought that i would ride it i don t i just walk everywhere the tires are flat posted by snackefrass at 11 23 pm no comments the couch we bought a couch at the di it only cost 20 00 what a deal we took it to the soccer games and had the best seat in the house field we had to put a lot of febreze on it it didn t smell very good posted by snackefrass at 11 22 pm no comments randon s goldfish randon got some goldfish at a choir party most of them died really fast as goldfish tend to do but a few of them defied logic they are still alive six months later it is particularly amazing because he forgets to feed them regularly and their bowl is always dirty what plucky fish posted by snackefrass at 11 21 pm no comments banana bread banana bread is tasty especially when it has sat in a bag and gets really moist that is when i enjoy it the most banana bread is weird though it is the best when one of the main ingredients is almost rotten weird tasty but weird posted by snackefrass at 11 19 pm no comments laughter a joke is told laughter is born it stumbles around at first like a baby taking its first steps but quickly starts to run around the room infecting everyone it touches it pauses albeit briefly to catch its breath before racing around again as it wears down it stops running and swims lazily through the air allowing others to briefly indulge in its happiness and joy and then it s gone leaving an eerie silence in its wake you hold your breath hoping it returns only to be disappointed it s truly gone only a distant joyful memory you sigh and let down your guard only to have it sneak up on you still wanting to play posted by snackefrass at 9 32 pm no comments my moustache part the deuce looking at my moustache puts a smile on my face posted by snackefrass at 1 27 am no comments cold feet my feet are getting cold because i don t have socks on posted by snackefrass at 1 26 am no comments the lottery have you ever won the lottery i haven t the only thing that i have ever won was a free haircut when i was in fifth grade that was some prize posted by snackefrass at 1 26 am no comments ramen burrito when you take a package of ramen and crunch up the noodles while the bag is still closed and then open the bag and mix the seasoning in and then fill the bag halfway with water and then microwave it for 1 minute and 32 seconds and then drain the water and then wrap the whole thing tightly in a towel and stick it under a couch cushion or a mattress for about 5 minutes and then unroll the towel and then open the bag you have a ramen burrito posted by snackefrass at 1 25 am no comments fads yo yos pogs tech decks pokémon pet rocks way back in the day tamagotchi studded belts good charlotte hd dvd fads get remembered but moustaches never die posted by snackefrass at 1 25 am no comments listening to radiohead i am listening to radiohead late at night my ears are pleased posted by snackefrass at 12 42 am no comments glasses glasses are far superior to contact lenses here are some reasons why 1 they make you look smarter 2 they give you an excuse to carry glasses cleaner around with you 3 they are easy to remove unlike contact lenses whenever i see people taking out their contacts it makes my eyes hurt posted by snackefrass at 12 39 am no comments metallica not as good as radiohead posted by snackefrass at 12 33 am no comments i am not good at halo i played halo at tj s house i am not good at halo we played for about three hours i am not good at halo i got 8 kills total i am not good at halo that is 2 6 kills an hour i am not good at halo that is 04 kills a minute i am not good at halo tj averaged 9 kills a minute he is good at halo randon did better than me but not by much he is not good at halo cameron did better than me and he is partially blind i am really not good at halo posted by snackefrass at 12 27 am no comments rooster oh to be a rooster strutting round the yard king of all the chickens that i need to guard during the dark of night i d sit atop my keep when the sun starts shining i d wake you from your sleep pecking really hard with 15 pounds of force if i did it long enough i could kill a horse if i wasn t on this farm i would be a model because you see i have a very large and handsome wattle posted by snackefrass at 12 03 am no comments shirts on the wall i have two shirts on my wall one is an mc lars shirt one is an aquabats shirt i put them there for decoration because the plain wall is boring both of them are autographed that is why i don t wear them i used to wear the mc lars one but the autograph started to wear off in the wash so i re traced it with a sharpie and put it on my wall for decoration posted by snackefrass at 12 02 am no comments monday october 27 2008 marcus haslam marcus haslam is a lot like a bath sometimes he is just too hot posted by snackefrass at 11 48 pm no comments gas prices gas used to be really cheap but over the years it has steadily gone up in price it peaked at about 4 01 in the summer of 2008 but then the economy went thbptttt and now gas is at 2 25 hurrah posted by snackefrass at 11 39 pm no comments sometimes randon talks in his sleep sometimes randon talks in his sleep he says some pretty crazy things when he does he just said something about being chased i wonder what is chasing him it could be any number of things really and dreams aren t limited to logical things ...