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killing two birds with one stone i reached my gate and a neighbour spotted me complimenting me on my super efficiency his mind well aware as to when our bin was due for collection instead of explaining my rationale i took the compliment two years ago an electrician was doing work for us and he very quickly noted my whiteboard and commented on my nose for strategy mistaking what he took as strategic planning for what i call necessary survival he offered me a job as all of you will know i m in no position to take up a job but it was nice to be considered as for the efficiency versus necessity question what do you think ps a poem of mine was recently longlisted for the mullingar literary festival writing competition finalists mullingar literary festival loading type your email subscribe july 6 2026 when summer sings for many people summer is summed up in one word sun now i know our very existence depends on the sun however when her temperature creeps up beyond 19 degrees i must admit i find her intolerable since getting me i can no longer regulate temperature and when i over heat which i can do very simply by walking to our washing line or to our post box in the heat of the sun i struggle to rebalance my inner thermostat a few years ago during a late heatwave in august i did just this i over heated and standing in my north facing kitchen my brain went to mush as i attempted to figure out what to do sticking my head in the freezer became my best reasoning and even that didn t rebalance my insides because i go to bed at 7pm summer feels as though the sun is taunting me reminding me that healthy people have whole other lives beyond 7pm it s far easier to pretend everyone hibernates during the winter season all that said i do love nesting season and the sight of migratory birds almost every tree and shrub in my garden has a nest hidden amongst its leaves at present and since the house martens returned from africa they ve been busy patching up their summer homes with mud from the damp riverbed beyond my own nest they have serious extension issues as on one gable end of my home they have a cluster of five nests while over my kitchen window three nests gaze down at me they are currently working on two more between 8am and 9am a group of starlings love to congregate on my roof and while i do have one chimney cowl upon which birds can t fall down the second i m afraid to say has had three starlings fall through and into my log burner in my living room they all survived and are happily back outdoors and i have a new chimney cowl ready for my roofer to install in the coming weeks which can t come soon enough as the latest visitor to my living room was only yesterday and left a lovely memento on my couch we don t have swallows nesting here as we don t have a suitable building for them but they are nesting in a barn near me and they travel into my garden to source food our garden shed has become part of their daily routine going out to the bin i have to remember to announce myself before entering the shed or else i ll be decapitated by a high flying swallow there have been a few near misses and in the evenings when i close up the shed door the swallows circle me making clicking sounds chattering in morse code calling me mean names perhaps as i close up their sweet shop loading type your email subscribe june 1 2026 the bath mat it was a sunday having gone to bed at 7pm the night before the birds announced morning and i woke to face another day a day with a plan i always have a plan a task or tasks i want to complete before bedtime and i rarely manage to tick off the list as my body dictates each day that sunday i was going to put on a wash and then later clean and re organise our utensil drawer in the kitchen after absorbing my six differing meds with breakfast i sat and watched some blackbirds robins and finches delight on an aged apple cast off to them then just before 10am i stood and threw on the washing machine a wash which included a bath mat 39 minutes later and after more window watching the machine beeped to tell me the wash was complete opening up the machine i discovered the bath mat was no longer a bath mat having pretty much disintegrated it had de fluffed itself all over the rest of the clothes in the wash standing in my utility room cursing i began the tedious chore of shaking out the fluff it was raining outdoors after five minutes i was done my arms ached and my battery for the day ahead lay depleted the clothes were thrown outdoors where the rain re washed them while i flopped onto my chair that second task of the day to sort out our utensil drawer well that went on the backburner i was done for bath mat 1 me minus 1 happy may 12th to all in advance of international me awareness day loading type your email subscribe may 4 2026 ode to a crow when you live from the one spot for years upon years you learn natures patterns as she dips in and out of the passing seasons the front of my house is where i look for sirius after sunset while the back of my house holds the north star in between the sun rises and sets her span expanding as we move from the winter solstice through to the summer solstice and decreasing between june and december below the sky lie the trees their tops growing upwards and outwards with each passing year while storms remove some entirely from my skyline beneath the trees the fields change colour from bright vibrant greens to dull browns and all kinds of iridescence in between out there beyond my pane of glass exist other living beings mammals birds amphibians and other humans i delight in all living things however it s the birds that catch my eye most often whether their rummaging for food on the grass or forest floor of my garden or singing their hearts out a top a tree one bird remained a frequent visitor to my patch of soil for three years a hooded crow the first time i met him it was pre dawn in april and he was tap a tapping on my window pane it was the fourth or fifth time we met that i realised he had a large gash down his front he d been at war as for who started that war i can t be sure very quickly this crow figured out my pattern breakfast lunch dinner and prior to each dining session he d arrive at my kitchen window sit on the sill and gently tap the window as though oliver singing more please sir being a human i have weaknesses and a begging crow is one such weakness so i began feeding him scraps from my plate which of course meant he knew knocking on the window yielded a positive result once having stepped out my backdoor and leaving it open he tried to walk past the threshold and into my nest of oddities no doubt in search of the fridge perhaps he was suggesting i offer a self service option however he was never that lucky for three years this pattern continued the knocking the feeding the chatting the wondering where he lived and who with as for his age i too wondered that perhaps it was the latter that caught up with him this time last year because late last march was the last time i saw him and now like kavanagh seeing his father in every old man i see i see that crow mr peckedy peck peck in every passing crow and i find myself greeting each with the query i hope mr peckedy peck peck is keeping well loading type your email subscribe april 6 2026 icing forget the cake heat and i have had a love affair since the arrival of me in my life when i say heat i don t mean 20 something degrees outdoors yuck but rather heat packs hot water bottles and heat wraps pre me i didn t have a medicine cupboard i was 30 and my cupboards were filled with food and snacks and treats now i have a designated me press my guesses are most moderate me patients do my press contains deep heat spray voltarol deep heat patches traditional hot water bottles and two electric hot water bottles ice never featured on my go to list but i did always keep an ice pack in our freezer as a just in case on day five after my fall down the stairs i went to the vhi urgent care clinic and was seen by a nurse and a doctor who informed me my tailbone was very very damaged the fact i was in so much trouble regarding leg movement lifting proved their point my elbow was x rayed and while no fracture showed up i was warned elbow fractures are difficult to see in an x ray i was also told i had most likely suffered a brain shake and had internal bruising all down my spine in short my healing wasn t going to occur in weeks but rather months the doctor suggested a few months of physio but that was immediately batted back by me due to my me one round of physio would have placed me into a full blown crash a crash which would have left me bedbound and unable to move for days or weeks meaning my injuries would have become worse instead i demonstrated the stretches i was doing at home and the doctor agreed i could stay on my own version of physio he also told me to invest in a coccyx cushion and to begin icing my elbow and sitting on an ice cube twenty minutes three times a day while i was dubious at first i must admit i ve cheated on heat and become a full blown ice addict these past few weeks who knew sitting on ice could be so numbingly comforting i will see you all on the first monday in april as i take some time out with my ice loading type your email subscribe february 23 2026 the fall and the stairs i hate stairs i avoid them if at all possible when forced to go up or down them i move slowly taking one step in a snail pace of time since me arrived i move slowly in everything i do never having the energy to rush but hey falls happen last year i fell twice in our garden and once almost landed in our pond but i ve never had such a fall as the one five weeks ago our bedroom and bathroom are downstairs but our hot press is upstairs and since covid began and compounded by the many health issues since 2022 i sleep upstairs for 14 days after my husband goes out socially in case he brings home a virus given his age this only occurs three times a year i don t know what happened only that i was exhausted and i missed the first step at the top of the stairs and went bam thankfully i didn t tumble but fell backwards instead hitting my head neck spine back and tailbone and thankfully too the staircase is carpeted but i wasn t fully dressed as it was first thing in the morning and so i ended up with carpet burn on my elbows and all across my back i was also in the house on my own at the time most people have asked me why didn t you call anyone why didn t you ring your husband and ask him to leave work to be honest the thought to contact someone never crossed my mind i think i ve become so accustomed to handling me and its varied symptoms myself that i ve become a self sufficient response team after many a loud swear i stood up and went into full on survival mode i ve been asked if i blacked out and the answer is i don t think so but i ve no way of knowing if i did once standing i assessed myself from head to toe ensuring i could move each limb and when satisfied nothing was broken i began doing neck rolls and head turns worried whiplash would feature as a delayed reaction pre me i was a runner with my local athletics club and i ran with a chartered physio who very kindly took care of my legs and taught me the importance of daily stretching i also took a bad a fall off a horse about a year before i got sick and ended up with severe whiplash for which i was in physio for four months i knew the drill heat rest stretch the sorest part of me was my elbow and when i went to sit i discovered a second pain on par slightly worse than my elbow my ass more specifically my tailbone sitting became a problem very quickly i couldn t sit on a couch or armchair and instead and to sit perched on a stool with my back end out behind me if that makes sense knowing i could not sit for the day as i d seize i set the alarm on my phone on the hour every hour and when it beeped i stood and stretched to most people this is a very simple task but i have me moving and utilising energy are limited tasks in any given day by day three i was wrecked from all the stretching and also worried because putting on socks was an issue i fell over on day two trying to lift my legs to get my sock on and on day three i realised my legs weren t improving the tightness in my neck and my shoulders was getting that bit better with each day but the tailbone the elbow and the leg lifting they remained the same and so i toyed with the idea of being checked over by a doctor most healthy people would probably have gone to their gp by that point but when you have me you become so used to being told whatever symptom you have is just me and you become used to the eye roll and the tutting as the doctor places their unconscious bias on you in short doctors are not the sort of people i run to in an emergency however on day five i decided i had no choice loading type your email subscribe february 16 2026 ying and yang part 2 sometimes life decides you need a new washing machine when ireland is tissue boxes deep in flu season this meant one of the two people who arrived at my home in early january to install my new fancy dancing washing machine arrived with the flu there are strict rules in this household regarding illness don t visit if you re sick and wrap up well as all social visits occur outdoors when it comes to workpeople i try to organise their arrival during summer when i can open all the doors and windows however things breakdown in winter shouting from my doorstep and tucked safely behind a ffp2 mask i threw the washing machine men masks explaining my health situation in as few words as possible unpacking the new machine outdoors they did as much of the work as they could in my driveway before entering my utility briefly aware viruses remain airborne for hours i didn t inspect the new machine until later the next day much later i woke exhausted from the energy expenditure of the install you d swear i d done the work myself and because i was exhausted my eyes were fuzzy the day was going to be tough any day when pem is starting to seep its way through my veins is always tough that morning was no exception however i didn t make it very far into my morning routine brushing my teeth check sun cream applied check dressing on hold there were clothes in our hot press a hot press located upstairs attempting to walk back down the stairs i mis placed my foot on the very first step at the top of the stairs and so my body went bam bam bam as the legs went from under me and i fell down the stairs loading type your email subscribe february 9 2026 ying and yang part 1 when i was eleven or twelve a friend and i overheard our mums excitedly discussing washing machines we listened giggling at the thought of being so innately interested in something so ornate as a washing machine laughing at the high pitched ooh s and aaahs there was even drool as the mystifying details of a newly installed washing machine were dis...