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wings menu skip to content home about poems photos contact monthly archives july 2021 10 poems on traveling back leave a reply talk to me 1 the city smells the same you know that really distinct smell of hot trash and smelling like it needs to rain but hasn t the highways move in the same swirls the buildings seem to be newer and there might to be more of them now i forgot that the heat stays around all day and doesn t take the hint to leave when the rest of the days guests are departing i forgot what it was to walk outside and have the shirt stick to your back instantly i forgot the colors people wear here the pinks and blues that you don t see near seattle mostly i forgot how lonely this city is when you re poor and cannot afford to go anywhere 2 he picked me up from the airport even though i had to change my flight time i wasn t expecting to land i wasn t expecting to make it on the plane i d heard people say before it all feels like a dream but never felt it myself before are these really my hands back in this city are those really my shoes did he really give me a hug and then leave me on my own 3 watching someone buckle or unbuckle their belt clicks my brain into what if ing even buttoning or unbuttoning their pants in the living room on the couch checking the loops before walking out the door draws my eye and my body so i stare every time 4 we re getting drinks on friday with people i haven t seen since was it christmas before covid hit dinner on wednesday i ve got a tour scheduled of one of those homes an architect owned and mosaic d himself there s concert tickets i d like to buy and a trail i d like to walk again and oh that one restaurant that survived the pandemic has their patio open 5 i haven t been able to work i tell myself this i tell myself that i calm myself down trying every trick my therapist knows and here i sit in front of my computer or book or phone unable to do anything thinking through mud moving through molasses 6 eavesdrop and people watch those are your goals in the terminal you can try to read or get something done but it never works you can t even watch out the plane window learn about what semi conductor job the person in front of you does be a nosy old lady for a few hours 7 i didn t feel anything when i saw you but confused and trying to figure out how to act what was i supposed to do can i put my feet up on your seat wait i have to call my mom and you haven t even looked at me yet except to knock my glasses off was i supposed to respond to that and you telling me you had to go back to work 8 you won t still like me by the time i get back you ll have been on date three with the ice cream shop girl who elbowed her coworkers about you and your huckleberry flavor i m sure the girl who liked to hear about the history of the idaho star garnet will have decided you re the one for her and i ll think about your curls from over here forever 9 i take the 803 to get to your apartment the northbound it s a five minute walk then i know how to get to you from there i ve got the pass on my phone it s planned in my head it s just whether or not i can do it get myself up from sitting when the time comes to start moving 10 she talked to me the whole way there at 4 30 am on the winding path from our town to the airport so nice of her to drive me and it was going to be her first time driving my car when she went back she talked to me about odds and bobs her family and how smoky it was because of the fires i m not sure if people don t take her seriously or if she flies under their radar or what she works so hard i m just not sure if the sense the common sense the practical nature whatever is there to back her up this entry was posted in poetry writing and tagged free verse love new poems poetry ten poems travel writing on july 19 2021 by some bad plankton ten poems for july leave a reply forgive me 1 he got married the boy the one who said i don t want to be with just one woman i don t do well with those kinds of commitments why are those the hardest to take i should be happy for my now friend my former lover who i know still is attracted to me i don t even want to be with him he didn t tell me warn me even though we made plans together on our birthday did he propose i would have given them a gift goddamit were his kids there did he tell her he loved her is this envy sadness judgement of myself contempt i can t even name it all the feelings go by so quickly why was he in a blue suit what do i do now when he dirty texts me will she look into his phone 2 i asked my friend how he deals with that kind of thing when an ex gets married after telling you something different realizing it was you all along that they didn t feel that way about just you he said he categorizes not compartmentalized categorizes he said there are buckets he sorts things into hurts or not hurts i asked him which one i was in he didn t give me an answer 3 and she looks just like me he liked me because i was his type that feels so degrading to be liked for your body type so inhuman the person inside doesn t really count no not really it s just those thighs to see someone who looks just like me right there in the white on facebook when he wouldn t even tell his friends about us were we an us why did she have to look just like me how rude 4 what if all that time ago i d given him the other reading the other tarot reading the one he made the decision based on the one he used to get back with her what if i had told him instead the cards said to get back with me would i have been enough or would we not be together because i wouldn t have pushed him pushed him for commitment 5 you don t have to hear about my day naw it s alright i remember you said that you just don t have the energy to listen to me or deal with my problems you re too busy i m sold for an extra 50 cents on the side you don t have to tell your parents about us i don t need to meet them you don t take us that seriously anyway and besides you re so far away that concession is definitely worth what a dollar and it s money you care about at the end of the day right you can only take care of your people if you have your money right how much am i worth to you hmm not even a concession of an evening what bottom scraping scraps do you have for me that i can thank you for a birthday card a pizza you ordered me sure that s good enough to live on if i asked nothing of you and said please for each dropped piece of popcorn i don t think you d love me anymore i m not your it 6 there is something beautiful about switching on an old computer hey this thing isn t worthless i m not worthless i haven t seen this off gray color on a monitor in a while i have to push in a turbo button to get out of dos mode i haven t heard those sounds in a while it still reads the 3 ½ inch floppy disks maybe it s half curiosity have exploration half archelogy and half proving to ourselves that even if we re as old as the clanky keyboards someone will still save us 7 i m playing a game with him yes i know that s a bad idea i even know it s a bad sign to see if he remembers to celebrate my birthday to see if he cares enough i don t know what i m proving to myself or him i m just not going to remind him i m not going to bring it up just to see what happens to try maybe i want the attention and guilt he ll feel when he forgets maybe i want a sign he cares he ll figure it out quickly after what the third call i get that day maybe he ll say i assume you didn t want to celebrate it maybe i want the moral high ground clear and fair and square why am i testing him i don t know looking for an excuse to leave and be with the curly haired boy i m not sure i want that power over him of knowing he s forgotten one more thing and maybe this one more thing will be the thing he ll finally start organizing himself for my missed birthday for the second year in a row will be why he finally starts to schedule 8 i m a bad plant keeper i don t check the water or nitrite levels enough i m never sure when to fertilize but you care and that s what matters no it s not keeping the damn things alive probably matters more to them than how i feel i killed my friend s cactus once i ve never gotten over it me responsible for all that death even plucking the leaves to help it keep its shape i turned that brown me and my deadly fingers 9 all i want to do is research says the woman who can t even do the research she s paid to do instead she pretends she s working and hides in her room so that the days blur together before the big report is due and it s just like it used to be when i couldn t move for feeling guilty will there be anything i can do without all this muck dragging behind me even brush my teeth 10 your sister is having a hard time she called me to say her husband isn t doing what she knows will help him he s not listening to her not listening to her unsolicited advice coming from a place of comparison not love he is a little like me in that we d prefer to fail in anonymity quietly on our own otherwise leave him alone or wait is it me i m putting in that slot me who she wouldn t leave alone to make her own failures let me fall on my own please i too would like to live this entry was posted in poetry writing and tagged for july new poem poems poetry relationships ten poems writing on july 8 2021 by some bad plankton spokane summer leave a reply cup lines bridge lines railing lines water lines this entry was posted in photos and tagged new photo photography photos riverfront spokane on july 5 2021 by some bad plankton ten poems for summer leave a reply i don t know what to make of it either 1 safe i told you after you said that you have trouble to talking to pretty girls i said you wouldn t have that problem with me you said don t you remember the first couples sentences i said to you i said i just remember you were safe 2 i found myself uncaring about promises that had meant so much so much when i was alone wanting that stability to know i had a place and a title with a boy i found someone i liked do you know how hard it is to find someone i like who automatically understood i didn t have to explain things to didn t have to burden them with the knowledge of all my trauma they got it i ve never liked someone else while i was with someone else before this is a new one on me decisions to make i guess assuming fate stays on my side chance it for nothing or stay with the angry one 3 what am i doing calling this late at night for talk through the phone i would never say if i weren t sleepy playing with the edges of the knife please just help me feel 4 my professor uses jumps scares to test your biometric response he says boo really loudly they don t think about ptsd responses to these sorts of things or these fireworks going off tonight i get teased for jumping if i m deep in thought or pushy relatives who want a hug when i don t like to be touched the loud clapping to call your dog i m constantly vigilant for what will set me off one more filter to add to the pile 5 what will it be like to be with you are you a kind lover am i making a mistake will we instead have no química will you not like to kiss or think i should shave more than i do will that one spot on your neck taste like what i think it will will my thighs turn out to be too big will your dog stare too much will your meds let it go through what if you re the perfect height what if your hair curls exactly the way i want it to what if you look at me like that forever what if i hurt you what if i snap and yell i have to get myself sorted first i should have gotten myself sorted out first before i sent those texts am i really thinking about leaving him for a chance a chance at touch 6 what will it be like to see you again will your mouth attack me again will i be put up in one of your houses will you drive me up north to see my friends will you let grace eat pizza on your couch will i be able to sleep again or will i walk your paver stones in the backyard until i can rest where will i talk too loud who will i love do you even remember how i feel to touch will you call me fat again well not fat exactly tell me again how i m not your type meaning chubby or un makeuped will you just be drunk again and order food all the time fight with me again that women shouldn t be believed straight off tell me i m not worth your time with deed and action what if what i will makes it true what if all i do is cook for you what then is a month too long what if the summer isn t enough will you let me drive 7 i can t get it out of my head you said you d think about me every day you knew how powerful that was i hope i hope i m nice in your memory or your new created fantasies 8 there s a check i can t cash from my father for money for a hotel room to escape the heat bubble because we don t have air conditioning in this part of the world i can t cash it it s too much i didn t buy the air conditioner either too scary 9 i can t brush my teeth today i couldn t water my plants yesterday you can t see the floor of my room this evening i can t eat properly anymore i want to be a magical pretty number that means i m healthy i have a pile of work i haven t started a boy i haven t called money i haven t organized and love i haven t spent 10 say you ll like me until august please just put a pin it in for me i can t ask but it s all i want to do love me just a little little enough to wait this entry was posted in poetry writing and tagged covid free verse love new poem poems poetry summer ten poems writing on july 5 2021 by some bad plankton writing poetry taking photographs back from hiatus y all search for recent posts mismash 10 poems on almost love ten poems for my early fall ten poems for a hotter july categories drawings essays photos poetry uncategorized writing recent comments memadtwo on four poems for november some bad plankton on four poems for november some bad plankton on four poems for november archives 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