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october 2021 some bad plankton some bad plankton poetry essays photography drawings menu skip to content home about poems photos contact monthly archives october 2021 eleven poems in october leave a reply i had a hard time getting these out have mercy 1 she laughs louder when she s watching friends with you on the couch her teeth stained wine red one of the glasses that means something sentimental to her in her hands thumb out under the bowl i m vaguely suspicious of people who use things every day that are precious to them all sixteen of these mugs are important to you there s something there under the alcohol and the ado annie squeal that makes me squint something a little frantic something a little covering up something suspicious when you don t get my lube jokes a craving for what is that fulfillment recognition love stability she s searching for something over there in that laugh of hers one of those people who haven t been told not to laugh all the time at the end of every sentence even when you re feeling awkward like one of those men who s never been told he s not interesting something scary in the too wide smile that foreigners think of as stereotypical american girl something just a little bit whitewashed that doesn t come off with the makeup remover something 2 smoke alarms only go off when you ve got a migraine and you re already sensitive to noise the battery is only wired in when you re trying for the first time to figure out how it works the bleeping is only at its loudest when you re in the middle of something else the burner only smokes when it knows you ve got somewhere better to be 3 i cannot read the articles you sent me i have stared at the same first sentence for ten minutes now i ve checked my phone twice i have read at this word before nothing is getting through the writing is too bad my anxiety too high i cannot read this wonderful thing you sent me you ve sent me to die 4 i lost two plants this week my pilea mollis and one of my tradescantias it was like a colony collapse i don t know what happened i watch in slow pitiless dread as the leaves turned brown and fell i looked on as i saw the clump of leaves on the ground after it got bumped by the brita filtered water pitcher i bought two new plants a dark green aloe from a lady who said i d know her front yard by the ducks in the fence and from a blonde no nonsense woman who handed me two begonia cuttings for a 3 venmo i don t know why i replaced them so quickly i don t know why i think i ll be able to take care of these guys any better but i bought new plants i don t have room for to plant in dirt i don t have the energy to unbag in pots i can t afford to buy in light that s dying this time of year in a room that s too cold and too dry by a caretaker who s barely hanging on that s me thinking i can keep things alive 5 i ve had a thought new to me if people who do their best don t always succeed that means there s hope for me because the opposite is true people who don t work as hard as they can have the possibility of success that s me who s losing two days a week to depression hope dammit you ve given me hope i could stumble along perfectly fine forever 6 you do not talk to women about their food habits i don t know how you don t know this in the same way you don t ask anyone why they don t drink 7 i ve taken up looking cute since you told me i dress suggestively and goddamn if the fuckers didn t notice god bless them folks who praise you for matching your socks and necklace that took so long to work out you damn well better recognize i read through like fifteen style blogs to find enough clothes i already owned to copy a look 8 i m not quite sure if it s fair but that s what you re getting now you don t get my personality anymore you get the work me which is all you should have seen in the first place you ve lost access to my personal information i can hear my therapist in the back of my head is this a reaction or a response have you thought about all the things your feeling and then decided on how you d like to act from there no knee jerk this response you jerk enjoy this blank façade wall everyone else gets and know that you could have had more all of me 9 fine okay what am i feeling stings it stings that somehow you passed me over without saying anything created confidences with my roommate which don t allow me to share took away my safe space and now my guard has to be up that hurt definitely makes me feel like i m not good enough that you chose someone else and made me guess purposely kept it from me shared your relationship info to my roommate and not me i don t like playing those kind of games i did once apologized and didn t play them again you took my home away from me then you told me what told me that i don t have enough self confidence no that wasn t it insecure yep you called me insecure when i asked for your opinion and i really don t think that s it i think it was plain spoken jealousy disappointment is hanging out there too i wanted something and i didn t get it shame yeah throw that in with the lot i can t believe i felt those things or acted on them and then had the gall to second guess myself about what i did wrong annoyance sadness and anger they can round it out all hanging out there together clipped on pieces of white paper hanging from wooden clothespins now i ve catalogued i guess i should decide how i want to respond 10 i don t know how i want to respond respond is the longer thinking one unless my dyslexia mixed up those terms in which case sorry stressy management therapist guy i m trying my best do i still want to joke with you do i still want to give you the benefits of advice and consolation things i didn t get play ball with you and your dirty innuendos do i want you to know you broke something do i want to hear your worries and frustrations be the kind of friends i thought we were i m not sure how i would like to react is to be invisible coast by and coast through and not have to deal with it and i think you might let me get away with that with the coasting by without talking about it you re gutless enough now that you ve got a serious enough girlfriend what s appropriate see when this has happened to me before my relationship with the guy was already understood but in this gray patch i think i would like to bring it up at some point maybe let him know that i think that was a little rude and that i m not sure i can trust him with personal information and then keep my distance i think that s what i d like i would like to not care or rather i would like to appear to not care be polite but keep my shields on high alert let nothing escape that can be used against me keep that vulnerable heart of mine a bit more protected and i d like to not change my mind not be petty but self contained whole and okay on my own not seeking but sustained 11 today all i ve got is fire fine body if this is the one emotion you re going to let through we ll go for it what battle do you want me to fight today should i yell at the dean s office some more maybe i ll finally get my internet fixed and i ll just keep reminding people that you have to tell people these things whatever these things are otherwise they wont know this entry was posted in poetry writing and tagged elevent poems free verse new poems poetry writing on october 7 2021 by some bad plankton writing poetry taking photographs back from hiatus y all search for recent posts mismash 10 poems on almost love ten poems for my early fall ten poems for a hotter july categories drawings essays photos poetry uncategorized writing recent comments memadtwo on four poems for november some bad plankton on four poems for november some bad plankton on four poems for november archives april 2026 november 2022 october 2022 july 2022 june 2022 march 2022 february 2022 october 2021 september 2021 august 2021 july 2021 june 2021 march 2021 february 2021 november 2020 october 2020 july 2020 june 2020 may 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