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Text of the page (random words):
somewhat lower somewhat lower this is a chronicle of my adventures and misadventures as i ride the short bus to motherhood new and improved with extra infertility thursday march 13 2014 and now for something completely different my stats tell me that i haven t posted in three years three years i have been alive and have done stuff and some of that stuff is post worthy and eggbert has been alive and done stuff all of which is post worthy and mystery has been alive and well you know yet i haven t posted go figure it turns out that i am just an infertility blogger not a mommy blogger with infertility related stuff i feel a compulsion to write about it with everyday life i do think about posting but those thoughts get lost in the shuffle among all of the other things that i think i should do and even want to do but don t actually need to do so if anyone is reading this could there be after three years you might have already guessed that i am here to write about infertility or actually not so much about infertility since what on earth do i have left to say about that rather about fertility treatments category upcoming category scheduled and paid for category exciting we meant to do this years ago we decided to do this years ago we didn t do this years ago one thing happened after another the money wasn t there then the money was there but the time wasn t there then the money went away again taking the time with it then we said screw the money we ll take out a loan then there was a family crisis then another then finally we realized that if we kept waiting for the perfect time we would never do it so we picked a donor she s awesome we paid a deposit for her screening etc we rearranged our schedules to clear just barely enough time for the necessary travel and now we wait for the word go from the doctors one good thing about waiting for so long is that we ve had time to process all of our feelings and i think i m being honest with myself when i say that i feel nothing but excited about the idea of a donor conceived child no grief just excitement and a little fear that it may not work i really hope that it works correction apparently it has only been two years and four months still that s a long time posted by sara at 2 30 pm 5 comments thursday december 15 2011 spot the error s a geography lesson at the pediatrician today i had to fill out a form about eggbert all was fairly routine until i ran into the following question race ethnicity check one box emphasis in original white caucasian___ african american___ native american___ hispanic___ other____ now color me sensitive what me but i think that asking a child to choose to acknowledge only one side of their ethnic heritage is wrong wrong wrong it s like saying who do you love more mommy or daddy also i have to wonder if they teach you about the existence of this place in doctor school i heard it s kind of big and a lot of people live there and the last time i checked it wasn t called other posted by sara at 6 34 pm 12 comments vindicated eggbert had her 4 year checkup today and officially measured in at 37 inches take that you heightist bastards at i kea posted by sara at 6 33 pm no comments sunday december 11 2011 rejected some part of me always knew this was going to happen one day but i thought we had a few more years eggbert is how do i put this kindly freakishly small for her age she was under the 3rd percentile for height well length i guess in a newborn when she was born and around the 10th for weight and she has stayed pretty close to those numbers throughout her life so far floating between the 3rd and 10th percentiles for height but mostly sticking closely to the 3rd good things come in small packages right at age 4 she is just barely over 36 inches 91 5 cm and 30 pounds 13 6 kg so if she were only 3 she d still be on the small side the 41 42nd percentile for height and weight but for a 4 year old she is tiny she doesn t seem to have noticed yet that her classmates at preschool tower over her but i have certainly noticed the other parents and even the teachers sometimes grouping her in with the 3 year olds or even the 2 year olds when they are talking about ages the up side is that this makes her seem wildly precocious people often tell me how well she speaks for example as if being able to communicate effectively at age 4 is an unusual accomplishment but the down side is that she is often babied and not challenged to act her age anyway a few days ago we went to i kea we live in the middle of nowhere so this is an epic journey for us over 2 hours each way but necessary in light of a recent move and the subsequent discovery of how little furniture we actually owned so off we went and i ll tell the truth i was excited it s not that i kea is my design ideal but i just find the bright colors and do it yourself attitude enchanting and the prices are affordable enough that i don t agonize over purchases there like i do over most things our plan was to arrive there around lunchtime have lunch in their cafe one of rare venues that has something that each of the 3 of us really likes then take eggbert to the playroom while mystery and i shopped at first things went off without a hitch the drive was good eggbert was cheery mystery and i were happy and we made good time lunch was reasonably enjoyable and we trotted off to the playroom with eager anticipation eggbert and only mild misgivings me there was a queue so we waited our turn we watched the staff check in child after child and then it was eggbert s turn we got to the front the staff member frowned they have to be potty trained she said of course she s potty trained i said they can t be wearing a pullup she insisted she s not i said beginning to feel annoyed she s too small i took her up to the children below this height cannot enter sign and showed the staff member that eggbert was right at the line take off her shoes she crowed we did she was about 1 4 inch below the line the woman said see we can t take her i whined but she s four the woman just shook her head a lively conversation ensued among the parents behind us she s four there is no way that child is four is she really four how could she be four we skulked off eggbert was crushed about not being able to go to the playroom although she didn t really understand the reason i was furious at myself for putting her through that but also furious at the staff for being so unbending on one level i get it they don t want kids of too many different sizes playing together because someone might get hurt but the upper limit was based on age not height so apparently they will let in 6 footers that are 7 but not 3 footers who are 4 so it s not just a size disparity issue ultimately i m sure they have their reasons but that knowledge doesn t actually make me feel any better about the fact that my child was excluded based on a physical feature that she has no control over sigh it probably won t be the last time posted by sara at 3 59 pm 11 comments thursday december 8 2011 the end of the world as i know it ok fess up who taught eggbert to read i have a bone to pick with that person how on earth am i supposed to be able to talk right in front of her about topics like i c e c r e a m or the p a r k or s e x without her understanding me if she can spell posted by sara at 3 23 pm 2 comments tuesday november 1 2011 a curve ball i went to the re on sunday yes sunday my re works on sundays or rather my re s staff and colleagues work on sunday and they ran some tests including fsh estradiol amh and an ultrasound with antral follicle count since i had to drive 2 5 hours each way for my date with the cooter cam i was just pulling into my driveway when the nurse called with the results she said that the tests of ovarian reserve were all really good and that the doctor thinks that all options should remain on the table including cycling again with my own eggs or even trying injectibles with iui i was not expecting this at 42 i have already grieved the possibility of a genetic connection with my second child and moved on to being pretty enthusiastic about donor eggs i don t really know why i agreed to having tests of ovarian reserve at all given that we were planning on de i guess that either my re is very persuasive true or that i was assuming that the results would be bad thus confirming that de is the best and only option for us also true so i really don t know what to do with this i do not want to do another failed cycle i am tired of bfn s and want something to work we can t afford to continue to throw money away on failed treatments and we don t want too big of a gap between our kids all of this points to using de but it isn t just about what i want the one thing that continues to worry me about using de is that i don t know how any child that may be created will feel about being donor conceived especially given that eggbert is my genetic offspring will 2 feel like 2 having the option of putting the donor out of the picture and still maybe possibly perhaps having another child dangled in front of me has really thrown me and i just don t know what to do meanwhile mystery has come down with a terrible case of whinging cough and has officially declared himself unable to even converse about any topic of seriousness until he feels better or expires whichever comes first so i am counting on you dear internets to help me process this any thoughts all advice sage and otherwise is welcome posted by sara at 7 23 pm 14 comments saturday october 8 2011 still here i don t know why i haven t posted an update in a while it wasn t that i didn t have anything to say in person i very rarely don t have something to say i ve just lacked inspiration i guess or time i don t know where all 24 hours of each day go but they sure do go there quickly wherever it is anyway all is well with me mystery and eggbert we ve been busier with usual with activities dance class swim class and we are in the process of buying a house which is surprisingly to first time homebuyers time consuming but all of it is going well so no complaints there the event that inspired me to post was our return to the re after a one year plus break we had to drive a few hours for the consultation which was kind of annoying but it gave us a chance to go shopping for our house in the big city at the same time which was kind of nice the re visit itself was anticlimactic i told him right off the bat that we were interested in being evaluated as candidates for donor eggs which i had thought would mean a whole slew of testing but as it turned out the only tests that he has ordered so far are tests of my ovarian reserve yes you read that right my ovarian reserve at age 42 he seems to think that i am giving up on my own eggs too easily this is so not what i expected that i don t know how to process it isn t the donor egg speech pretty much standard for infertility patients over 40 honestly it s kind of hard for me to imagine paying for another ivf cycle with my own eggs given the age specific low odds of success but unfortunately mystery picked up on the doctor s optimism so if the test results are good we are going to have to at least discuss the option of trying again with my eggs how weird is it that i find the thought depressing rather than inspiring the big disappointment of the visit was that as it turns out my clinic only has a completely anonymous de program no photos no potential for identifying information to be made available to the child at age 18 nothing that takes away just about any incentive to cycle there since the cost would be about twice that of cycling in any of our other target countries i had been thinking that i was willing to pay substantially more to both cycle closer to home and to have the option of identity release but without the identity release option i really don t see any reason to pay twice as much for what is essentially the same service of course if i could find my own donor open donation would be possible but i really have no idea how to go about finding a donor so i think we re now on the path of an overseas de cycle unless the testing reveals any surprises and probably even then in other news eggbert is 3 9 going on 16 these days she is suddenly competent at a broad variety of tasks that were way beyond her abilities just a few weeks ago putting on the seat belt in her car seat going to the fridge and making her own snacks balancing the checkbook well ok not that last one but she can now count to 100 in both english and mysterious and occasionally gets simple math problems right so i think i will be able to put her to work as my accountant soon she continues to delight me in a million different ways i am very lucky posted by sara at 3 46 pm 5 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom about me sara i m american my husband is an international man of mystery i am overeducated and fertility challenged i have a 4 year old daughter eggbert who we conceived via ivf while living in korea now i m trying to figure out this parenting thing while trying for 2 view my complete profile blog archive 2014 1 march 1 and now for something completely different 2011 12 december 4 november 1 october 1 may 1 april 1 march 3 january 1 2010 11 october 1 august 1 july 3 may 3 april 2 march 1 2009 18 june 1 may 5 april 5 march 2 february 3 january 2 2008 29 november 2 october 4 september 6 august 2 july 2 june 1 may 3 april 1 march 1 february 3 january 4 2007 87 december 3 november 8 october 7 september 5 august 7 july 2 june 7 may 7 april 7 march 12 february 12 january 10 2006 15 december 15 great resources stirrup queens cyclesista books you should check out click here to learn more about the book click here to buy your own copy awesome inc theme powered by blogger