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stoppage stoppage thursday july 7 2011 boom ragu posted by king at 11 40 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday june 13 2011 posted by king at 11 02 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest monday december 20 2010 posted by king at 5 37 pm no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest friday december 17 2010 cain velasquez why do you exist cain velasquez is the newly crowned ufc heavyweight champion defeating brock lesnar via tko in the first round of their title match at ufc 121 he possesses light heavyweight speed brilliant wrestling a neanderthal like jaw and tremendous knockout power along with the title of champion cain also holds the title of scariest motherfucker walking the planet today since gaining knowledge of this demon s existence my life has been at a stand still i can t even leave my fortress of a room due to the simple notion that he is somewhere out there molesting giant men into submission with those dual wielded wrecking balls that he calls fists this brown pride having lesnar trampling cholomonster doesn t even realize the fear he s invoked in the deepest of my cockles i cry myself to sleep then i dream about him and cry myself mid dream right the fuck back awake only to think about the behemoth more and cry myself to sleep again i compiled a list of 1000 reasons cain velasquez is the baddest motherfucker on the planet i then ate said list in hopes to gain said badassness or perhaps deplete said badassness from said cholomonster didn t work and sadly consumption of the list took me nowhere but a state of deeper depression and from this state in my anti velasquez d fortress i give you three of my 1000 reasons reason 1 if after viewing the above picture you did not defecate upon yourself and or with your wives and kids and pets then you are cain velasquez and you should stop reading now please i m sorry if however you and your wives and kids and pets are now blanketed in a conglomerate of your fecal matter s feel free to keep reading many of you may be under the assumption that the above picture is cain el vato velasquez no it s not dumbasses the above picture is of a man whom i d rather have throw uppercuts directly into my unprotected sack for eternity than to ever even shake the deathgrip boulderhands of cain velasquez the pictured manbeast is cheick mate nigga kongo now before we go any further with kongo let s look at his name alone kongo if that last name doesn t scream bloodthirstyafricankillingmachinegorillaman then i don t know what does facts aside kongo was the most imposing period inducing giant i had ever seen his ufc record may not indicate much but if you take one look at the man you ll realize why any fighter in their right mind would not want to step into the octagon with him just look at the shine on that skull back then the death by kongo nightmares were regular to me he had more of a deep tribal accent in the nightmares though none of that strange ill fitting french noise that seeps from his gullet in reality but then june 13 2009 happened that is cain velasquez 240 pounds of mexican american frankensteinian mma perfection illustrating how to demolish the scariest thing i had laid eyes upon up until that point seriously take a look at that image one more time cain picks the beast up above his head and attempts to make the beast disappear by throwing him through the mat of the octagon and onto beast hell in seeing that the beast had failed to vanish the image then depicts cain viciously beating upon it s vital organs and skull in an attempt to make enough ground kongo beef for his family s dinner late that evening perhaps extended family as well as mentioned earlier cain is mexican american jesus christ i m crying reason 2 the above picture is of cain velasquez s tattoo brown pride emphatically scribed across his chest for the world to see this tattoo is proof that cain has done one if not all of the following 1 killed somebody via knife blade shank can opener can lid sharpened bone 2 driven a gigantic fucking 1980 oldsmobile cutlass 3 methamphetamine ask me if i d rather lock myself in my room forever or live in a world where there s a possibility that a 240 pound meth d out ufc champion will chase me down in his gigantic fucking cutlass and proceed to cut me to death with the sharpened bones of those he has killed yea exactly don t even ask me anymore stringing those words together is enough to make me wanna end my misery before i even reach reason 3 reason 3 if cain velasquez isn t a scientifically engineered and improved reincarnation of fedor the last kgbadass emelianenko then then nothing he is he is a well oiled and maintained machine which could not have been created through natural means i m talking micro chips plasma and fucking steel people fedor is 32 2 32 wins and 2 losses clearly there was a mishap when creating the russian fighter so the scientists turned to their laboratories in mexico instead the product an undefeated skull crushing chupacabra named cain velasquez it s obvious as they barely changed the physical attributes on the newly modeled mma bot that is cain he is fedor v2 without a doubt take fedor shave his chest do some quick cosmetics on the face then slap on a blatant brown pride tattoo to distract the general public and what do you have l l l l l l l v cain the next gen emperor velasquez thank you posted by king at 9 58 pm 1 comment email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest home subscribe to posts atom followers blog archive 2011 2 july 1 boom ragu june 1 2010 2 december 2 about me king view my complete profile awesome inc theme powered by blogger