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lly cancer free june 10 2008 filed under diagnosis susanjeide 5 23 pm wow how can you sum up that kind of news we had a pet scan done last thursday and we got the results yesterday it said no evidence of tumor interval resolution of the abnormal activity improvement in density r lung base all areas pet negative i keep thinking it is a dream and i m going to wake up but it seems to be real did you ever think this day would come i m humbled and grateful this day has finally come this kind of trail really changes a person it also makes me realise how long and overwhelming it felt being in the midst of it and now i look back thinking wow in a year i m all done i hope to have many more years of great news like this what a relief lets celebrate comments 26 adam may 15 2008 filed under family susanjeide 11 18 pm our little adam was laying on the couch in our laps sounding out his name he was saying aaaaaaaaaa dummmmmm then he looked up at russ and i and in a very perplexed tone asked why we put dumb in his name i can tell you that adam s name was the hardest name we have ever picked we didn t have the name actually chosen until he was in our arms the night after he was born i remember crying b c i wanted so bad to have a name chosen b 4 he was born but russ and i just couldn t agree we went into the hospital thinking he would be alexander so with that in mind you can imagine that i have never once thought of dumb as part of adam s name it would take a 5 year old to figure that out my little adam has no dumb in him at all he is very bright and so loving and creative we just loving having out little doggy adam comments 1 i hurt myself cancer may 13 2008 filed under diagnosis susanjeide 12 00 pm we were discussing with tyler what a blessing it was that we had luke b c we found out later i had cancer while pregnant with him it was a miracle i was able to carry him so then russ and tyler start talking about if that means luke has cancer also ty says well dad i think he has the cancer that makes him hurt himself we chuckled because luke has had so many tumbles spills running into running overs just too many to count that day luke fell off the chair 3 times you think he would have learned after the first spill but no he did it 3 times and manged to put his tooth through his lip he barley cried then he was playing in our closet and ran his toe over with the sliding door cutting open his toe he had earlier in the week been running at the side of the house and ran smack dab into the bbq making a moon shape on the side of his temple that was another day he didn t cry very hard or long he is just so dang tough you can tell when he is hurt b c he does whisper breathing like he is lamaze breathing the pain away he is a handful of energy tyler and he share the really high pain thresh hold for pain amazing ty was 6 b 4 we had to go to the er for staples unfortunately for luke he watches his older brothers do crazy things and he doesn t realize he is only 2 so he just goes for them as if he too were 7years old if you ever are bored you are welcome to take luke for the day i guarantee it will be a day full of anything but boredom this is luke s moon shaped scab by his temple from the bbq these are pictures of luke s lip he was upset b c he wanted to have the camera you can see the mark outside where the tooth came through and the yucky white inside his lip where it went in poor little guy comments 1 happy mother s day may 11 2008 filed under diagnosis susanjeide 9 22 pm i wanted to write a post about how lucky i am to have such wonderful mother s in my life my mom is the most loving warm fuzzy human being you have ever met if you have ever met her you will agree she has an amazing ability to make you feel at home and loved no matter who you are she is so generous and if you ever need anything she will be the first person to offer you help the past year my mom was instrumental in my fight i could not have done it with out her she took over all my responsibilities and stepped up to the plate and just knew what needed to be done with out me asking that is a hard task b c i have a hard time asking for help so she just did it all with out me having to ask my mom had to watch her child suffer in ways a mother should never have to see but she weathered it like a champ she was there to change bandages take me to appointments watch me throw up and curl up in a ball of pain she always made me feel loved even when i tried to hide from her so she didn t have to see the anguish i was in i love my mom more then any words can express she is an angel and i m lucky to have her in my life you couldn t have picked a better mom to weather a storm with when my mom moved out a part of my heart broke it is hard to let go of your rock it has been a weird transition period trying to figure out how to be strong and independent while still longing for her help my new found trial after cancer is learning to live a totally new life with out my mom living here she was here 3 years and my boys don t remember ever living with out their grammy and papa i guess every child in a way wishes at least if they had my mom they would they could have their mom close just know mom that i love you even if you don t live here my mother in law susan a very nice name is a wonderful mother in law i m lucky to not only have been blessed with one awesome mom but 2 susan is so kind and loving she is the poster women of patience she had 6 boys and one girl i often wonder how she survived i have 3 boys including one that is a clone of her son he alone keeps me on my toes so how she managed 6 boys i still don t know she is always a beacon of faith and strength i know her faith is unwavering in the most trying of times she is very wise and is a wonderful example to me she also loves unconditionally she just accepts and loves us no matter where we are in life she was so wonderful to come out here to help me with the boys i gained and amazing bond with her that i think comes when someone gives so much of themselves when serving another it creates a relationship of great depth i will always cherish the past year b c i was able to draw close to so many through my trial happy mother s day to everyone leave a comment long time no post filed under family susanjeide 8 52 pm you know when you get out of the habit of posting you then just don t make time for it it is just like journaling i know i feel so much better when i write all my feelings and thoughts out i just have been wrapped up in life it has been a very fun and full couple weeks my little brother kyle got married and we had a ton of b days it has been a whirlwind of parties and celebrations as my birthday came around this year i had time to reflect how very different it was last year here was my post from my birthday last year i think they can track me now port a cath then we get to my wonderful mother s day last year my special day it is amazing how blessed i feel to not have been poked or pricked by needles the past 3 weeks just to be out running around and doing anything and everything with my kids on my birthday i was able to go to pump it up with my son and climb in and out of an obstacle course up a big slide and best of all watch his delight to have mommy playing with him it was a day full of fun with friends and family mother s day is perfect b c nothing hurt i feel wonderful and healthy and was able to just enjoy being spoiled by my hubby and boys life is so precious and i m so lucky to be alive i m thankful every day that this year is so different from last year and i m hear to enjoy it we have these amazing trials in life that can almost kill us then we survive and life just seems sweeter i m very lucky to have had the experience i have had i am able to look at life so much differently and appreciate things so much more b c of it there really is something true about not knowing true joy until we have experienced pain so if you are in the midst of a really hard trial just know in the end you will be so much stronger for it think of it as exercising it s hard and not fun well for a lot of us but the results in the end are worth it leave a comment happy birthday luke april 16 2008 filed under diagnosis susanjeide 11 12 pm today is luke s birthday we had a wonderful ball party for him he was so excited and couldn t contain his delight when i started decorating with balls for his party he kept trying so hard to name the different balls like basket ball and baseball he was adorable he had so much fun that when the last person left he ran up to me wrapped his arms around my legs and said tank you mommy my heart just melted he is such a sweetheart each day i m hearing new words something about turning two really is the marker for when my kids decide to make sense out of their language as i watched his sweet little face light up all i could do was think of how lucky i am to be alive to witness this joy i m overwhelmed with gratitude that i get to be a stressed out mommy planning party s and with the stress i also get to have all the joys my boys are the greatest reward in life i m so blessed to be their mommy i love you luke update before luke s party he decided to cover himself with banana and the nice clean counter mommy just washed we had to take another shower and change clothes if you know luke then you know the child never stops eating he really does eat meals but you would never know if you watch him he devours more then i do we then enjoyed making ballon faces and parachute fun followed bu pin the flag on ball poster which luke stuck the sticker to his blind fold then pressed his head to the poster in stead i think this game was aliitle to advanced for 2 year olds it was adorable to watch luke loved his presents and was excited about each one he had 3 different party s which he delighted most in eating the cookie at each one he would say me birthday comments 2 one year mark filed under diagnosis susanjeide 10 07 pm so to celebrate this wonderful occasion my siblings talked me into running with them now let me tell you i havn t run a mile since i was in high school that was only done under protest to get a good grade so i put on my running clothes and we are off ahhhhhhhhhhh they take me on a grueling up hill 5 mile run wow i hurt to breath going up the hill but we finished and i think our miles were around 11 mins each that is very impressive to me finishing was a huge accomplishment can you believe a year ago to the day i found out i had cancer and now i m running 5 miles kind of mind boggling to think how much can happen in a year it was a great way to show how much a body can over come thanks to ryan for jogging with me and pushing me to finish oh and eric for driving the car by me to give me an out if i needed it after our run me ryan cristina amberlyn try and recuperate love you leave a comment feels like summer april 12 2008 filed under diagnosis susanjeide 10 29 pm it has been in the 90 s and so wonderful we heated the pool and enjoyed swimming today it was such a fun day we bbq on our new grill and sat outside until 9pm it was so relaxing and perfect luke is saying more words every day it is weird to hear something that sounds like a sentence he is obsessed with anything that has to do with balls he says football but it sounds like popple i finally figured that out tonight after going through the day trying to figure out what a popple was he can say baseball perfectly he is going to have his birthday next wed i can t believe he is going to be 2 the 16th not only marks his birthday but the day we found out i had cancer it is amazing how much has happened in one year i feel very blessed to be alive and able to throw his 2yr old birthday party what a year comments 1 great super weird news april 10 2008 filed under diagnosis susanjeide 9 30 pm the biopsy came back benign yeay it is a cyst that is filled with saliva that is weird i m good at doing weird things they will watch it and drain it a few times dr jackson wanted to have me come in and talk to him more in depth about it i think i will skip it less doctors the better i m hoping dr shiftan will have the results and can talk about anything i need to know at tomorrows visit i can now sleep with happy dreams last night was a night full of horrible dreams in my dream i had gone to playgroup and told them the cancer came back i watched them all go in the backyard and start screaming and crying it was the the most heart wrenching feeling i woke up feeling so drained and terrible i could just feel the stress of the nightmares heavy on my mind but now i m delighted that we now can check one more thing off the list yeay one more to go and we will be free comments 5 grief april 9 2008 filed under diagnosis susanjeide 12 31 pm i was told heartbreaking news today peggy a women that i met right after i was diagnosed with cancer passed away from hodgin s disease she was diagnosed 3 weeks before me with hodgkins she had the tumors in the same places and was undergoing the abvd chemo that i did it was nice to be able to chat back and forth and get the scoop as to what i should expect she had 4 rounds of abvd 8 treatments and then waited a month for the scans b 4 radiation i remember her and i talking about why she was able to have 8 when i was going to have 12 i was so jealous her scans came back and showed the tumors had grown so she was sent to city of hope where she would undergo ice which is a harder chemo and 2 stem cell rescues it was a rough course last i had talked to her she was going to start radiation today to my utter shock i was talking to her sister in law asking how peggy was she told me peggy had passed away i couldn t wrap my mind around this how could this happen so fast she said it was fast they did a scan on a friday and the cancer had grown and by wed she was gone my heart is broken i can t even begin to tell you how awful this is she was a mom and wife and this horrible disease took her life i can t stop crying and i m overwhelmed by the loss my heart just aches for her poor family left behind this is one of those times you shake your head and can t help wondering why some live and some die from the same thing it just kills me peggy i will miss you and i admire the fight you went through to live i know you are in a wonderful paradise now and will see your family again my love to your family comments 1 next page recent posts i m offically cancer free adam i hurt myself cancer happy mother s day long time no post recent comments nancy helmick chav on nose hair shavi on my meaning of life tina on confused watch the other guys on where oh where katie on my prayers have been answered search for categories chemo diagnosis family hd hodgkins lymphoma radiation uncategorized blog stats 114 374 hits archives june 2008 1 may 2008 4 april 2008 10 march 2008 16 february 2008 11 january 2008 7 december 2007 9 november 2007 17 october 2007 26 september 2007 19 august 2007 18 j...