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Text of the page (random words):
and a good story teller she d be happy to know that being alone isn t overwhelmingly scary anymore but a calming retreat calm would be a new experience for her in general she d love to learn of all the places i ve visited she would flat out refuse to believe that running was something i enjoyed but she d think yoga was cool she d love feminism i imagine she d be pretty shocked that i am married that i ve been with the same person for 11 years and she d probably have to pinch herself just like i do at how lucky and fun and beautiful the whole thing is 15 year old me wasn t that worried about her body so she would be heartbroken to learn that negative body image stuff has taken up so much space in my life over the past few years she d have a hard time accepting that i am not a full time novelist or radical professor or bookstore and coffee shop owner she d think my job had its perks but when she found out i wasn t writing or pursuing creative projects well she d think i really let myself down she d want me to own more clothes and would be very pleased with my asymmetrical haircut and recent interest in bright lipstick overall she d probably tell me things were pretty great that i should worry less and write a lot more how about you what would 15 year old you say about your life travel bringing home with you february 3 2015 february 3 2015 2 comments i travel a lot for work for the most part i enjoy this i get to see new cities eat different foods and meet new people last year i visited florida georgia dc las vegas west virginia north and south carolina and tennessee the rolling hills in tennessee took my breath away and i ate like a king in charleston which i think is one of the greatest food cities in america it only took about three days in the south before i was saying y all a phrase i would desperately like to import to boston and thinking of the pelicans at the beach in miami still make me smile but it can also be hard to spend so much time on the road hotel rooms and restaurants can start to feel impersonal after a while and i find myself craving the comforts of home mornings are the hardest when i miss eating breakfast and drinking tea with crazy bed head and in my oversized flannel pants breakfast in the hotel restaurant often feels like another moment where you have to be on or at least presentable and they never have good tea as you may have noticed from the pictures i ve posted to the blog so far i drink a lot of tea and i m picky about it it s obviously not popular like coffee in america so it s usually not made correctly too many people have been subjected to my mini lecture about the proper ways to make a cup of tea and i ll spare you but the essentials are this put the tea leaves in before pouring the boiling not just hot water in the mug i think it is our irish heritage but my family always drank a lot of tea my nana used to make a cup before dinner each night and let it cool down throughout the meal to drink when she was done eating it was part of the ritual of dinner just like my grandfather s mile a minute delivery of grace many an afternoon my aunts and uncles would sit around the kitchen table drinking tea and having long conversations i was often more comfortable with adults than anyone my own age at the time and i loved lingering at the table with my own cup of tea which was then more sugar and milk than tea when i would visit my great aunt who lived in a beautiful condo outside harvard square and always seemed to me the most sophisticated and kind woman she served her tea in china cups and a real tea pot in college that beautiful crazy time when all your best friends live just down the hall i played host by offering everyone a hot cup of tea made with my contraband electric kettle and spent many nights reading novels or writing bad poetry and sipping tea and when my family moved to semi rural maine and our favorite brand of tea was hard to come by i would buy it in boston and bring it home for visits to much applause and of course a quickly made fresh cup in short a good cup of tea always reminds me of home and it s no surprise that it s one of the things i miss the most when i travel so you can only imagine how pleased i was when a dear friend gave me a cheery mug for my birthday last year and i found a way to bring this piece of home with me the mug in question is hard plastic so i can squeeze it into my suitcase which i am almost always sitting on to zip shut without fear of it breaking remembering the trusty kettle from college i bought a smaller version online and packed it together with a tin of my favorite teas and now i have an ever ready kit for having tea on the road these days my hotel rooms feel a lot more cozy and i savor my mornings full of bad hair and a quiet cup of tea when you travel do you bring a piece of home with you or do you like the adventure of experiencing something totally new small moments flying february 2 2015 february 2 2015 leave a comment i never get tired of staring out the window in planes when i was a little girl on the way to california to see family i famously looked out the window at a sky full of the tops of clouds and said mom i didn t bring my boots and look at all the snow i m in chicago now where there s plenty of snow and i still don t have my boots i think i prefer the cloud top snow photo somewhere above pennsylvania good reads from the week january 30 2015 january 29 2015 leave a comment for a longtime was i only reading the same handful of websites and the internet was starting to feel like a small somewhat dull place lately i ve been shaking myself up and searching out great content that i may have been missing here are a few of my favorite things from this week a round up of advice about success and generally tearing it up from a bunch of different women i especially like the idea of the slow burn success takes a long time and it builds gradually it s easy to feel impatient and from that impatience start to believe you are a failure when really we need to chill out and just keep chipping away this examination of why some people are always late rang very true a little uncomfortably true this tiny house of my dreams is a thing of beauty i want to move into that tiny sun filled loft and never leave mark strand on creativity we re only here for a short while and i think it s such a lucky accident having been born that we re almost obliged to pay attention we re combined in such a way that we can describe what it s like to be alive to be witnesses most of our experience is that of being a witness we see and hear and smell other things i think being alive is responding a moving essay about anxiety and taking risks and trying to figure out if you want to be a parent there are a seemingly infinite number of resources and opinions for parents and there s a great community online for people who don t want children but i m hungry for more conversation about how and when to decide the dainty squid s new dye job is making me crave some neon locks for reading material you can hold in your hand i just started charles blow s fire shut up in my bones which is sharp and bright and raw i highly recommend it what did i miss please share the favorite thing you read this week how to get a beach body january 29 2015 february 2 2015 2 comments as i mentioned yesterday i spent last week at the beach i grew up in a tiny beach town and nothing could be more beautiful or perfect for me than the ocean sun sand salty air an entirely unstructured day there is of course one dark shadow looming over the beach for most adult women bathing suits i largely stopped wearing two piece bathing suits late in elementary school the site of my shame has shifted over the years my thighs in pre teen years because of the confusing stretch mark my breasts large and victim to gravity in middle school i was almost 30 before i discovered bathing suits with underwire and bra sizing get on that shit people and later of course my belly when i got married i wanted to take the upper hand on the cruel narratives playing on loop in my head my family calls these old tapes an adorably out dated turn of phrase sure to confuse the young millennials wearing a bikini at our pre wedding cookout and the honeymoon events centered around people loving me seemed like the ultimate safe spaces to tackle on these shitty narratives so i rocked and mostly loved being plump in a bikini eighteen months later heavier those two piece suits felt more like a taunt wearing my bikinis felt impossible gross and wearing my one piece felt like acknowledging my own failure like a scarlet letter of gluttony and laziness but some small part of myself knew that was bullshit an old tape fuck it i thought i m wearing the bikini and so i did those first few days were fraught with insecurities and over thinking and a few misplaced tears when my husband compliment my one piece you mean you hate my bikini and so i started writing a post in my head about the pressures of having a bikini body the double standards for men and women the pervasiveness of perfectionism and the messed up ways that perfectionism prevents us from experiencing things like a care free day at the beach but an interesting thing happened day after day i lathered on sunscreen and pulled on my bathing suit sometimes a one piece and sometimes bikini and gradually the post in my head started to grow stale i still felt vulnerable with an exposed belly nervous as a plus size woman in a bathing suit who was i to jiggle and take up so much space at the beach but the fierce narrative about the bullshit surrounding women s bodies and bathing suits bit by bit it somehow felt less raw i was still trying to find a way to speak to my experience throughout the week when i stumbled on a quiet passage in yoga and body image that tore me open in this book kate mcintyre clere writes a moving essay about navigating the baggage we all carry about our bodies and the desire to carve out a healthy and happy space for her young daughter contemplating a beach day with her daughter miro she summarizes a possible conversation i am not feeling great about my body this morning i don t feel so great about wearing a bikini today you know miro sometimes my mind really believes these thoughts and it makes me feel really bad so then i have to say to myself it s okay bodies change shape all the time i ve got a choice and i m not going to let these thoughts ruin my day at the beach let s go and enjoy ourselves upon reading this passage i started scribbling in the margins frantically what if you could acknowledge the pain of living in an body a body that may never be officially good enough but still go on to love your day at the beach sometimes in an effort to confront negative body image messaging it can easily feel like we re left with two options love your body or hate your body and so we tell ourselves we will love our bodies once they are perfect and we no longer hate them but what if there was a middle way what would happen if we acknowledge the moments or the days that we struggled to love our bodies what if we said to ourselves i know this is hard right now but there s a whole world out there to enjoy and fuck it i m going to enjoy it wearing bathing suits for eight days straight was at times intense it started off raw sometimes painful but gradually somewhat unconsciously i found my way to a truce i know i don t want to hate this body but i don t know if i can yet love it the way i want to but what if i embrace this in between to neither love nor hate this body but let both co exist and to let myself be in the midst of this messy soup of feelings and fears and joy this new kind of vulnerability didn t necessarily come easily in mexico but gradually the allure of a pleasant day at the beach overpowered the old tapes playing in my head and the scales tipped in my favor on stealing time january 28 2015 january 29 2015 2 comments as those of us in the northeaster dig our way out from snowmaggeddon 2015 i have to admit i m missing the sunshine from last week s vacation my husband and i took each other to mexico for a christmas present and it really felt magical we spent the week sitting in the sun reading books swimming in the ocean and eating tacos i might have cried a little bit when it was time to leave we were lucky enough to be staying right on the beach and i declared before we even boarded the plane that i would be waking up early one day to watch the sunrise my husband smiled a little doubtful that this would happen but mostly relieved that i wasn t asking him to wake up at 5 45 in the morning on vacation too each evening i would diligently set my alarm before bed and each morning i would hit snooze for 30 minutes before shutting it off entirely this is not a pattern unique to vacation i cannot count the number of times i ve signed up for an early morning yoga class or planned on writing reading or going for a walk before the work day begins only to spend the morning hitting snooze and reveling in just how soft and warm my bed can be i don t think there s something inherently bad about this i don t think that morning people are better or more moral than night owls but on those mornings that i do manage to sneak out of bed early and start my day with yoga or writing or just a quiet cup of tea before the maddens begins it always feels like i m unwrapping a treasure so i continue to set my alarm ambitiously early and occasionally google how to be a morning person while dreaming of a lifetime or quiet productive peaceful mornings and my bed continues to be it s softest and most alluring between 6 and 8am this was my predicament on the second to last day of vacation hitting snooze trying to convince myself to stay in bed to get out of bed telling myself just five more minutes and i ll be ready five more minutes has become a bit of a joke in our house because of my consistently slurred sleep drunk delivery of the request to my husband when it s time to go to work and then i thought in a that striking way that only happens when you re half dreaming if you really want something you have to be willing to get a little uncomfortable in the process and the sharpness of it pushed me out of bed if i m sitting on my couch comfortable the likelihood that i ll get up to make a cup of tea is directly tied to how badly i want that cup of tea i mean this is obvious when we think of it in regards to the mundane but what about other desires the wants we carry around in our heart that whisper to us in odd moments when we re in the shower when we re feeling brave after a glass of wine or two when we re setting our alarm clock full of the promise of a tomorrow i hear them and i keep waiting for the convenient times to respond i ll go to yoga tomorrow when i don t have as much work to do i ll write later when i feel more inspired i ll meditate when i don t feel so stressed and frantic i ll see the sunrise when i ...