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f anyone knew i was there she was telling me i d need to go sit down again to wait but i needed attention i said i know rash doesn t sound like much of a problem but i think i need help right away i showed her my stomach she took one look and sent me back to the woman doing the input screening and told me to tell her my story i showed the screening woman my stomach and that was it i was out of the admissions area at high speed in a small room they asked me a few questions i was already in the medical system as doctor jones i knew i now had to mention that i d been doing some work in the viroscience laboratory at the erasmus medical centre emc in rotterdam a few weeks earlier as i wrote to my father later that night in email if you ever want to get expedited at top speed through hospital admissions being called doctor jones having spent recent time in one of the world s top viral labs and having an unexplained full on bright scarlet 90 coverage body rash ain t a bad combo they took me straight to a small isolation room when they left me there i heard them hang something on the door on the outside it sounded like they were barring it nurses and doctors began to come by to ask questions take blood samples and nasal oral swabs i had a canula line put into the back of my left hand my heart rate was 120 on admission resting it is 60 or less a scottish nurse asked to see my back and exclaimed oh you poor poor gentleman i had no idea what my back looked like bad i guess the questions were about recent travel what i had been doing in rotterdam medication health history chickenpox excema other illnesses allergies the diet change sexual practices drugs medication travel animal exposure etc about 5 hours after arriving i was admitted and told i wouldn t be going home that night after a chest x ray i was transferred to an isolation room in ward l4 it was a ward full of older post surgery patients not one used for infectious disease patients but they needed an isolation room and that s what was available the room was huge with a window and en suite bathroom just as i arrived i ran into ana and derek in the ward looking for me i was happy to be in hospital being looked after instead at home looking at my body with mounting dread derek took some photos and emailed them to medical and virology friends at emc to get their opinions and to ask if anyone else at emc had come down with a similar condition the prevailing thinking at least at addenbrookes was that i had chickenpox the blisters on my palms seemed the strongest indicator rather few diseases cause blisters apparently my parents had mailed me back to say they couldn t be sure whether i d had them tuesday may 14 the night was long and uncomfortable i wont go into details of the discomfort see below for some of that it finally got light around 4 15am i spent hours standing around in the room naked sometimes with a blanket around my shoulders but held off my body i d lean against the wall to stretch my back and listen to the clock tick at some point i realized the rash had gotten into my scalp i hope my face will continue to remain free from it i don t remember much about the day blood samples swabs antibiotics going into my arm more doctors and more questions ana and derek visited again ana brought fruit and other supplies including my nexus 7 i had almost no comfortable positions that i could maintain for more than a handful of minutes but lying on my back was fine the nexus 7 would become my point of contact with the outside world the small screen a case allowing it to stand propped up on my chest some of my music on it and connected via a wifi hotspot made by my phone perfect i couldn t have used a laptop i met dr sterling head of dermatology that day and was very impressed i also had a swarm of 5 female dermatologists staring intently at my skin as i stood naked in front of them i told them i wished i had a camera an old woman named margaret has moved into the room next door she s confused and disoriented every 5 or 10 minutes she walks out of her room and announces i m going home the nurses tell her she needs to go back to her room that she s in hospital that she can t go home i m not a child you know i m going home wednesday may 15 margaret wanders silently into my room as i m eating breakfast i don t turn around thinking it is a nurse her voice comes from behind me wrong house i don t say anything and she leaves later in the day i am taking a pee and the door to my bathroom is open i hear someone come in and call out to tell them i m in the loo there s no response then i hear a voice call margaret you re in the wrong room margaret calls back to them my sister is here she s in the toilet by the time i come out of the bathroom margaret is gone later i hear them telling her that she s going home today i certainly am not she replies telling the staff that her friends are coming here to visit her and that she has to leave the ward to find them no no they reassure her your friends are coming here they ll come here to where you are but why would they come here i feel sorry for them all poor margaret and the nurses who have to look after her constantly coming out to declare she s leaving and needing to be shepherded around the ward the coalesced parts of rash have gone a dark purple color meanwhile the rash has again spread and gotten denser everywhere blisters at least 50 of them are spreading on my palms and fingers the vzv chickenpox result came back negative as did hsv herpes simplex virus with the negative chickenpox result the case is suddenly more interesting and pressing i met dr moore head of infectious diseases who comes to see me with doctor sterling dr moore stared at me like a hawk listened to everything very carefully and then began asking questions i liked her immediately she seemed extremely smart and thorough she suggested they move me to her ward tomorrow so i could be closer to the infectious disease people tomorrow they ll start throwing every test at me they can think of although the rash might be treatable with a steroid cream the steroids suppress the immune system so we need to figure out whether my body is busy fighting an actual disease before using steroids to try to settle what could otherwise be some kind of allergic reaction the doctors here and at emc start thinking of possibilities while the rest of us are digging for possible leads in wikipedia aided by google images what the hell have i got thursday may 16 skin pain like on that holiday trip to mercury the canula in my left hand has been hurting a lot when they pump in the antibiotics so they ve changed it and put it into my right forearm unfortunately the plastic dongle attachments hang down to the middle of my forearm where it is unbearably sensitive shit from a mail i sent to ana derek later this night skin pain like on that holiday trip to mercury the one where you forget to take any sunscreen during the day dr sterling takes two skin biopsies taken from left forearm five stitches in them in total one of the samples will go into her 80c freezer and we ll send it to emc if necessary that night i have a pain in my trunk back right as i get up out of a chair derek is still there and i tell him after 15 minutes of waiting for it to go away we alert the staff i m almost unable to raise myself in bed to a sitting position so as to get up one problem they re watching out for is any kind of internal infection so a pain in my right kidney region is a bit of a worry i m sent for a chest x ray in wheelchair and i have to wear a mask more blood is taken and sent off for septic analysis ahead of the transfer to infectious diseases i have a shower i have a 500ml container of anti bacterial soap like liquid and i m supposed to wash my whole body on my left forearm i have the two bandages covering the stitches from the biopsies that are not supposed to get wet and sticking out the middle of my right forearm are two dangling plastic dongles attached to a canula with a tube going into my arm so i ve got one arm that can t get wet and one that i can t bend properly and i m supposed to have a shower and wash myself after somehow managing that i begin putting liquid paraffin all over the rash i e over my entire body you know you have a real rash when they provide you with soothing ointments by the liter once i m done the rash feels better but i am totally covered in shiny paraffin i hang out naked for as long as i can and then put on the hospital pyjamas for the ward transfer i m transferred at 8pm to infectious disease ward d10 and placed in isolation there s an air lock to get into the ward and a barrier nursing sign on my door the room is about half the size of the one i d just left and cold derek goes to ask them if they can turn off the blower but it s part of the airflow set up of the isolation ward he gets me a small radiator to counter the cold and soon after that around 9pm they ask him to leave i now have about 9 hours to get through before i ll see the morning staff i lay in the dark with the nexus 7 on my chest and sent a short mail to russell this is utterly hellish the last ward was a paradise i half expect derren to walk in i should be tweeting it it s only 2am i have to look at it as a survival course i wish i could write more easily this is left hand only for various reasons i should make a list i didn t want to expand on how horrible i felt because it seemed extra words could only make it seem less horrible than it was but i had nothing better to do i was certainly not going to fall asleep so i might as well write up a list of things that were collectively making this all so unpleasant so from 2 3 20am typing with the index finger of my left hand and lying on my back i got it all down big and small the main problem of course was that my skin was ridiculously sensitive and painful to ease this i was covered in paraffin from toes to neck the paraffin is all over the inside of the synthetic hospital pyjamas it soaks somewhat into the rasping synthetic sheets of the bed and synthetic pillowcase the bed blankets are heavy and synthetic and they too don t mix well with paraffin everything is saturated with paraffin none of it dries out at all or becomes any less slippery or welcoming under the paraffin concreted to my skin are thousands of small golden crystals of solidified rash pus see image for may 13 they are very hard and scratchy and are difficult to dissolve in the shower it is like having large grains of sand in the paraffin between me and the bed the air conditioner is constantly on blowing cool air onto me and making the sheets cold and dead to the touch the skin pain is complimented by lots of things about my arms and hands that make it hard to do anything or be comfortable apart from lying flat on my back i have two cuts with stitches in them on my left forearm from the skin biopsies today one of them has lost its dressing i have a hospital name tag on my left wrist that is too loose it will sound trivial but it was extremely annoying hundreds of times often using my mouth i move it up and try to wedge it around my wrist trying to keep it away from my forearm the back of my left palm is bruised and sore from having a line in it for 3 days the back of my right palm has been used about 10 times to draw blood my right elbow crease area has the canula line in it the tube going up into my vein above my elbow making it uncomfortable to bend the arm two plastic dongle connectors hang from the line right to the exact middle of my ultra sensitive forearm see the image below i need to find ways to position my arm so the plastic connectors are not resting on my forearm each time i move the arm i try to avoid letting them touch me the line hurts a little when the connectors dangle backwards out into the air which happen if i raise the arm much i am lying on my back so raising the arm is a frequent need the plastic bandage holding the line to my arm is half off due to the paraffin which makes it swing around more than it should there are about 60 blisters on my palms between my fingers and on the tops bottoms of my fingers some are large all are pressure sensitive closing my hands is awkward sensitive due to this picking things up or much harder supporting my weight as i get up hurts the hands for the same reason i find it hard to bend down let alone to reach the ground skin pain to pick anything up lying on my back is fine if i keep my arms angled out and clear of anything that could touch them or my underarms but i have been lying down so much this past week my back is very tired lying on my side is very uncomfortable due to arms underarms dongles skin etc i do it from time to time to relieve the back i find a way to have both arms sticking out from my body bent at the elbows nothing touching anything and i more or less hold the position and hope to drift off a little one thing i had been saving up and looking forward to as a midnight snack was a bowl of cereal with cold milk after a couple of hours of lying in the bed i decided it was time i got up feeling cold i prepared the cereal and went to take the first delicious mouthful unbelievably the milk had gone sour i had to get warm again and the only place was the bed but in the few minutes of preparing the cereal i had left the sheets folded down and the air conditioner had blown on them they were cold and saturated with paraffin i forced myself back into the bed pulled a blanket over myself and tried to get warm at some point i thought to myself this is a survival course that everything that was going wrong finishing with finding the milk sour and having to force myself into the wet sheets despite being freezing was all part of a deliberate plan to break me all part of a set of challenges i was being thrown and which i had to deal with i mailed russell telling him i expected derren brown to walk into the room at any moment with a tv crew the survival course perspective helped and i began to smile a little inwardly there was no way i was going to let this get the better of me from then on things have gotten better it was a horrible night probably the most uncomfortable of my life friday may 17 my feet are now greatly swollen getting up from the bed is beginning to be painful negative test results come in on hiv and syphilis during the day additional tests begin to come in yesterday they weighed me 81 6kg i ve somehow added 3 5kg in under 4 days wtf ana is worried i may have leukemia it turns out she hasn t slept for 3 days the emc guys have sent some worrying links e g to things like stevens johnson disease she brings me a ton of bedding pillow cases sheet comforter cover and a bunch of soft warm travel towels that will make a huge difference saturday may 18 it s hard to see that i used to have ankles my lower legs have turned dark purple with the rash and are very swollen large ugly blisters have appeared on inside of my heels around my ankles...