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s so excited we almost forgot his appointment and i remembered and ran him down there just in time we were both surprised when the dentist said they are coming off it was a nice surprise though he did great and has faithfully been wearing his retainer he looks so handsome and grown up posted by nikki at 9 17 pm 3 comments monday april 23 2012 crazy times bear with me there s gonna be a lot in this post just want to bring everyone up to speed on our crazy life alex has been doing great i have been able to stay home and we are using routine encouragement consistency diet and anything that helps him to keep on the moving forward path we do not want to medicate him this is working and we are going to keep doing what works here is one of alex s projects that he worked so hard on we are so proud of him and the hard work he puts in daily at school we know it s a struggle for him but he s persevering and doing well luke is loosing teeth by the handful he s lost 3 teeth in the last month he is a busy kid he s doing well in kindergarten and was the king in his nursery rhyme time rhythm program he had to recite a poem they sang and he was the king in the ol king cole poem he was excited that kevin and i were both able to attend his program they also made their own refreshments he loves school he does well we are so proud of the progress he s made this year here s a picture of us at his program b is also doing well she loves school and has all a s and b s she is in the school band and loves playing the drums she has played in a few concerts this year and we love to see the progress she makes at each show she has been babysitting a lot and earning money she loves going to the mall with her friends and buying all sorts of stuff she helps us all the time watching the boys and is a great big sister she is loving kind brave and beautiful we are so proud of her and the good choices she is making daily in her life she is gorgeous kevin well he s busy as ever at work he is always busy with work but he loves working up at bluffdale he is a great leader and we are excited to see what changes will be coming this year he works hard for our family and we all appreciate all that he does for us he works even harder so i can be home with the kiddos i will always be grateful for that we have had a lot of fun over the past few weeks he has been a huge support system for me and i love him for that we got to take the kids to camp williams to watch the soldiers do some target shooting with some big guns the kids had a blast and kev was right there having fun with them too here s a picture from the shooting range as for me well we went to arizona for a week so i could get my crossfit instructor certification i am way excited i have been doing cf for almost 2 years and i really wanted to do the training eventually i d like to do some of my own training and do a gym for now it was great to just add to my skills and knowledge i m so glad i did it i got to train with some awesome people learn a lot and even get some good workouts in 2 full days of information training and a test i was pooped i thought we would get our scores right then and there we didn t i had to wait for almost a week i passed it was a great training and i m so glad i had the support from kev and the kids and was able to go for it here s a pic with the awesome trainers i got to work with after my training we spent the next few days relaxing at my parents house and enjoying family time and the kids spring break all in all we are busy but having a blast posted by nikki at 2 20 pm 1 comment sunday february 19 2012 my oldest is a teenager i can t believe how time has flown b had her birthday yesterday we talked a lot yesterday about the time she came into the world she is our first and our only girl she was the first grandchild on kevin s side she was a miracle and blessing i am lucky to be her mom she is so many things she is not only beautiful but kind responsible brave amazing loving gentle happy helpful and my friend we decided to let her have a friend party last night she cleaned the basement and we decorated it ready for her party she was pleased with the decorations the set up the movie and the guest list she had 13 friends over we heard music laughing teasing and a lot more laughing sounds i love to hear at home i did go down at one point to check on things and everyone was on some sort of electronic mostly cell phones such a different time full of cell phones tablets iphones ipads etc i am glad that they were taking pictures and documenting their night because i just realized i didn t take 1 picture not even a picture of the chocolate yellow cake b requested it turned out good too i am glad that b had a great party and fun 13th birthday she is an amazing girl i am so honored to have her in our lives ps to up her amazing ness she got up this morning and went down stairs and re cleaned the basement vacuumed as well i am one lucky mom i love you b you are my sunshine my love my life i hope you ve had an amazing day xoxox mom posted by nikki at 10 38 am 1 comment thursday february 2 2012 not the what but the how to feel the feelings have been the hardest i m fine with a s diagnosis it didn t come as a huge shock we have seen his behavior and struggles and have been dealing with it for awhile now i assumed that once we knew what we were dealing with it would be easier what i m finding is that being educated means my awareness is heightened i feel like i finally have my eyes open and i can really see the struggles he is dealing with i see it in his face when he is really concentrating and i see it in his eyes when he is struggling i see in him as he rages that he doesn t know what he s doing doesn t know why he s doing it and doesn t know how to stop it i don t know why i didn t see it before a is a strong big heart ed empathetic the best laugh ever boy when he breaks down he really breaks down we are seeing it more and more our doctor did warn us that it would get worse before it got better while we are implementing some new tactics i hope the harder part goes fast it breaks my heart every time he breaks down i wish i could take the rage furry and confusion for him i hope that we can keep learning more tactics to help him get through his meltdown faster and easier i know once he s done he s exhausted i feel like every time he does meltdown he changes a little bit i don t want his personality to change or for him to be any different that he always has been he has the best laugh it s contagious once he starts we all start it is such a highlight when he gets giggling and then it turns into a full belly laugh laughing so hard our bellies hurt and one of us ends up running to the bathroom before we pee our pants it s a moment of clarity he is strong some days i am too some days i m not i am grateful that he only has add anxiety and ocd i know there are so many other things that could affect any of us i am grateful for the knowledge that is out there to help i am grateful that he is happy most of the time i m grateful he is otherwise very healthy i wish he didn t have to experience any of this i hope that i can be the mom he needs me to be to help him cope with all the changes he is experiencing i hope that i can continue to expand my patience bank some days i need it way more than others the diagnosis is one we can live with the feelings i m learning to cope with as well this will be a positive thing for all of us who couldn t stand to be more organized trying to be super positive even if some days i cry in the car on my own posted by nikki at 11 19 am 4 comments monday january 30 2012 pity party for 1 today has been rough not sure if it was harder on me my dear son or anyone else that came in contact with me i haven t blogged in a really long time i guess life gets busy and time gets away from me but i ve had a nagging feeling that the best way to cope with this new trial is to write about it it s been a crazy couple of months and weeks but we finally had some answers on friday our sweet boy alex has been diagnosed with add he is also showing strong signs of ocd and anxiety this diagnosis has been a blessing because we ve had a hunch with his behavior and his struggles at school for the last few months we are also able to get some resources to assist him he s been struggling in school and having a hard time with a lot of changes that have been happening at our home that s another post he was having more meltdowns that ended up with him and or me in tears and feeling completely deflated and exhausted we knew it was time to look into some testing and additional resources with our new information we started working more closely with his teacher the principle and we ve started organizing our home to help him with routine and consistency today i am not even sure what happened he started saying last night that his stomach hurt kevin spent some time with him and talked with him a lot about having a nervous stomach and that school is great and we re here to help him however we can there had been some talk about moving him to another teacher because he has been struggling so much with his current teacher i guess this was on his mind more than we picked up on when he woke up this morning he immediatly started with the tears and stomach ache i wasn t sure if he was faking or not he really is good at convincing me that he s sick so i gave in and told him he could stay home he crawled into bed with me and we cuddled for a few minutes luke got up and he was out of bed and wanting to play i kep telling him that if he wants to play he is well enough for school after a while he did come to me and said that he wasn t sick and he was faking it and should probably go to schoole we talked about the rules of him going to school what is bothering him his teacher kids in his class i felt like we really covered all the bases and then the meltdown came and it came with the thunder after going back and forth lots of screaming him not me and talking he finally broke down in tears on the stairs at some point something clicked in him and he came running into my bathroom and threw his arms around me he looked up at me and said mom what s wrong with me why do i do this i m so sorry for yelling at you and i love you very much i will never forget the moment i felt so completely helpless as a mother my heart broke i held him and we both cried i told him that there is nothing wrong with him he just needs some extra help in processing his thoughts and emotions we talked for a while longer and then headed over to the school we were there for almost 2 hours putting a plan together and getting us the teacher and the principle all on the same page if things aren t going the way i think they should you d better watch out the mama bear has been poked i was anxious when he came home from school i was watching the clock when he came bounding in and telling me what a great day he had i knew he was ok i know i m taking the diagnosis much harder than he is but like i said i feel so helpless i don t know what his triggers are i don t know how he s processing information in his sweet head i don t know how to calm him as he rages and has no idea why he is feeling so out of control i fiercly want him to know that he is ok that we are only wanting him to be happy healthy and at peace i want him to know that he is so loved and that he is not so different from anyone else i know we will receive more answers and information as we are more educated but i also know there will be more days like today days that have left me with buring eyes from crying all day and simply defeated and feeling like i ve failed him so this is my pity party and believe me i ve been crying i love my alex with all of my being i am widly protective of him even more so now he is my boy with the biggest heart he loves everyone and is so empathetic to others and their needs he will be ok he will be stronger and he will still be the light of my life we ll just take it one day at a time posted by nikki at 10 25 pm 2 comments thursday july 7 2011 the up and the down it s been awhile but feeling like tonight s a good time to write lots has changed in my world and i m getting a headache just thinking about everything that s different even from a few weeks ago i started the summer off on a high i ran with one of best friends sister from another mister a half marathon yep i said that right i still can t even believe it myself but i did it we did it i couldn t have made it across the finish line without her so thank you karalee for not only keeping me going but pushing me to do something different and challenging yet again i also have her to thank for my crazy obsession with crossfit in fact a little side plug the only training i really did before the 1 2 marathon was crossfit the farthest i had run total was 3 miles it works and i am a total addict and now it s one thing i get to cross off my bucket list anyway the most awesome thing about the day besides finishing the race was the fact that it was on my brother aaron s birthday june 11th a day that i never forget and will have a wonderful feeling each year now there were a few distinct times i felt him with me that day i felt his hand on my back pushing me on several occasions i dedicated my run to him i know he was right there with me every step of the way i am grateful i got to be a part of aarons life for the short time he was on the earth i love and miss him every day so the next day i got up and drove to arizona with the kids i was a little stiff but was able to make the journey just fine the kids were fantastic in the car and only had to say if i have to pull this car over a few times along the way my b girl was a huge help and was my co pilot for the trip she even stayed awake the whole time to make sure i had someone to talk to and keep me going she was also my extra set of eyes in the disgusting gas stations we stopped at to make sure the boys weren t being watched we had planned on kevin coming down for a few days and driving back with us however the airlines decided to jack up the prices that weekend so we opted to save our money so i made the dreaded drive home on my own i really missed him this trip road trips just aren t the same once we made it to arizona the trip was a great one we got in a lot of family time swimming time cousin playing friend visiting thanks linds beth skye christa more swimming walks with my dad shopping with mom swimming swimming and more swimming my kids are fish alex is a pro at cannonballs and diving luke mastered swimming without the use of floaties this year b would have stayed in the water all day and all night if i would have let her in fact they all would have we rolled in at about 8 pm az time 9 pm ut time and the kids said hi to my parents got their swimsuits on and they were straight in the pool and it started again at 7 am the next morning needless to say we spent a lot of ti...