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one critical miss adventures and observations of a geek girl one critical miss adventures and observations of a geek girl menu widgets search skip to content home about search for recent posts nerrrds llama do the thing one girl s opinion serial killers or hoarders master debater recent comments bizarrelovetriangleb on i broke him bobbing along on sorcery bizarrelovetriangleb on sorcery archives august 2017 april 2017 march 2017 january 2017 december 2016 november 2016 october 2016 may 2016 april 2016 categories dating divorce dog friends gaming geek nerd humor pets sex and romance star wars work wtf subscribe to blog via email enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email email address subscribe join 13 other subscribers follow one critical miss on wordpress com search for nerrrds august 20 2017 the critical miss leave a comment i m at the indy airport playing playing civ 6 on my laptop and that s the least nerdy thing happening on the concourse llama do the thing april 28 2017 the critical miss leave a comment so this popped up in my fb newsfeed shared by a friend my question is can i rent llamas or alpacas just you know because without the pesky nuptials i d say i was asking for a friend but we all know that i want to take them to a magic tournament or the farmers market or sonic or something one girl s opinion march 14 2017 the critical miss leave a comment i got a phone call from my parents after the last round of cleaning mom did you label a box in the garage stupid crap they wouldn t let me throw away me that doesn t sound like something i d do mom laura me what you guys labeled a box containing a flip phone with a pull up antenna a something megabyte sd card a coily extension cord for a wall phone a comb a camera that requires flash cubes a modem a portable cassette player and mouse with a ball useful electronics i feel like i have the moral high ground here serial killers or hoarders march 14 2017 the critical miss leave a comment i feel like that should be a reality show you go through a family s house and see what you find you just show the audience and let them vote on whether they think they re serial killers or hoarders because sometimes those are the only two logical options i was helping my parents clean up again more basement garage stuff first i found a lock of hair tied with a faded ribbon in the bottom of an otherwise empty oldey timey briefcase next i found a box labeled doll parts sitting next to a machete a for realsies machete i looked at my dad holding the blade aloft saying for the vast jungles of independence dad laughed and said no i just needed it that was not comforting needed it yeah no what does that mean dude i m about two seconds from calling is that guy still doing unsolved mysteries imma call him my dad said lauraliz it was for a costume i don t think you d lure anyone into your van wearing this you need a better costume and chloroform where is that box master debater march 14 2017 the critical miss leave a comment so i was in high school debate for four years and i cannot tell one male person that without getting the question were you a master debater not one not ever and for the record yes i was really good i earned a triple ruby at the time though i had enough points that when they did the big conversion to a new system i d actually have been a quad ruby so you can you know be impressed or something anyway occasionally i go back and judge tournaments because i can and because they need good judges and because it s kinda fun but but it also means hanging out with other former debaters and let s be clear we are terrible i mean just really really insufferable we were the worst when we were self congratulatory too clever by half teen assholes quoting kant and maslow and nitezsche imagine that but all grown up and in many cases not having become an attorney or whatever in my case well i m not bad i m successful by a certain value of success good job own my home uhm i have a dog you know and relatively well adjusted not everyone gets there so i was sitting in the hospitality suite and i recorded some of the nonsense spouted by my fellow ex debaters i m a writer at the moment i was living in turkey you know how it is now i m trying to join the military but there are some impediments to that i was going to go to law school but you have to take the lsats it s hard to get a career started when you keep getting fired you know sigh i kind of hate us origin story march 14 2017 the critical miss leave a comment dunno if i ve mentioned it before but my dad collects rare books and coins and stamps and gaming materials and just stuff mom collects yarn and needlecraft supplies and look their basement is full of boxes of junk so they had a plumbing problem a month or so ago that led to another plumbing problem created by the plumbers who went out to fix the first problem yet a third plumbing problem which was now a disaster resulted from that attempt at a fix they finally called me almost a week after all the plumbing stuff first i forbade them to ever use that plumber again and no i didn t care that the company was owned by some kid my mom taught once when she worked at the school next i drove out there to assess the damage the water had seeped up through the carpet into boxes that held some of dad s books which had caused those to fall over sending more books into the water you get the idea it was a mess but i vowed to help them clean stuff up and re box everything and set it up so that it would be less likely to happen again i ve been going out there once a week on saturdays for just that i m going to catalog some of the things i find because you ll see basically i think that the experience will help shed light on the dark carnival that spawned the person i am today for example dad do we want this box of vhs tapes and cassettes me no dad they re store bought me no dad bobbie are you going to fight us on this me no she s not covers mom s mouth throw them away chuck mom i want to give them to a woman at work me unless she has a time machine or just got here from 1987 she doesn t want them mom its for in her car me she better drive a delorean a balrog s bargain january 15 2017 the critical miss leave a comment i stopped in at a bakery the other day to get a couple of desserty things as i was paying the girl asked me if i wanted to try the southern pecan bar samples and of course i said yes i had just popped it in my mouth when she pointed at my shirt and said oh is that lord of the rings i nodded and made an affirmative sort of noise holy cow was this pecan bar good then she says yeah i thought so it s that elf guy right i again nodded and smiled and made a nois e both because she was right and because the caramelly nutty yumminess was amazing then she said yeah thorin din legolas brother i stopped chewing my mouth suddenly full of ashy sadness i now had to either keep eating this delightful confection and let her wrongess stand or i took the only real action open to me i swallowed thranduil elvenking ruler of greenwood the great legolas dad uhm thanks i took another sample here s the shirt if you re curious http www teefury com king in the woodland realm some things never change january 14 2017 the critical miss leave a comment i just found a game on steam where the review tagline from kotaku is it s like game of thrones but with animals i don t what is that an endorsement one of the characters is a busty bunny and even in a grim but cute disney esque fantasy world the girl type people don t get to wear pants it s called armello holy shit you guys need to go watch the trailer videos it s the weirdest cute but terrible thing ever since watership down an obviously evil yet still coot as a widdle button weasel with an eyepatch just full on murder faces a toad in front of his rabbit friend because boys january 13 2017 the critical miss leave a comment i stopped by this local boozery called simply the beer cave to buy well beer which for those of you who are puzzled by this i drink some beers boulevard s bourbon barrel quad and lindeman s raspberry lambic and dragon s milk for example anyway so at the checkout counter the two cashier dudes are talking about how two female workers have both left early in tears over the last two days one explanation was bethany because boys i cocked my head and raised a single quizzical brow and decided to join the convo with appropriate matter of fact sass well if you dudes would just stop with being all the confusing nonsense stupid then we d be fine you know and the dudes start trying to explainify dudeness the dudes looked at me for a moment shrugged and nodded but then they started trying to explainify dudeness bless their hearts dude one see my girlfriend hates me but she knows that i m there for here when the chips are donw so it s cool you know i mean i may suck but i suck less than other dudes and i will totally take care of her dude two yeah i feel ya but my girl does not hate me she digs me and she knows i m there for her suddenly worried look i think me yeah see even you don t know for sure does mind blown gesture i broke him december 12 2016 the critical miss 1 comment i had to console a teen grocery clerk over my divorce sorta lemme splain so i was checking out and the kid was way excited about everything the woman in front of me with the cart full of groceries and kids had amassed 160 grocery points and smugly looked at me and said i guess i ll be back to get free stuff he said yeah winning next he picked up my jug of iced tea and sang the unsweetened iced tea song then he made it dance on the counter and asked if i d be drinking it with sugar cookies i laughed and said no it would have to find the tools to survive solo he rang up my total and said you ve got oh 15 points he made a sad face i said yeah i don t shop that much he said oh no shame no shame i was still looking at the receipt and without thinking said well when you don t have a family silence i look up and the kid has tears in his eyes on his face i m so sorry he says no it s okay i m divorced oh that s terrible what no it s fine i promise i just meant that it s not like i lost my family we never had kids no kids but it s christmas at this point i feel iike i broke him yeah i have a super cute dog though i swear massive ears it s okay really uhm have a great night i ran i posted this story on facebook and some of my friends well their responses were fantastic you should have just kept going and destroyed him sweep the leg we do not train to be merciful here mercy is for the weak finish him i love my terrible awesome idiot friends posts navigation create a free website or blog at wordpress com one critical miss blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed one critical miss sign me up already have a wordpress com account log in now privacy one critical miss subscribe subscribed sign up log in report 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