Meta tags:
description=Humor, Sarcasm, Screaming and Other Handy Tools for Surviving the Teen Years;

Headings (most frequently used words):

the, share, this, of, to, daughter, diaries, recent, welcome, wheel, disappointment, travel, is, lot, fun, until, somebody, winds, up, dead, in, tsa, line, hopeless, case, mr, cash, why, do, writers, need, write, may, bird, force, not, be, with, us, survival, guide, last, minute, christmas, shopping, for, working, moms, life, lessons, great, laundry, fiasco, 2015, follow, via, email, posts, comments, archives, categories,

Text of the page (most frequently used words):
the (370), and (231), you (143), that (121), for (88), with (63), this (61), new (56), all (52), was (52), share (51), his (48), have (47), your (46), opens (44), window (44), not (43), but (38), out (37), like (35), life (34), she (32), will (32), are (30), they (30), one (28), get (27), even (27), what (26), then (26), had (25), bird (24), there (24), now (23), from (23), going (23), her (23), when (23), about (23), can (23), laundry (22), cash (22), him (22), moms (21), don (21), time (20), just (20), room (20), because (19), right (18), #christmas (18), were (18), who (17), their (17), them (17), never (17), other (16), teens (16), teenagers (16), into (16), know (16), teen (15), writing (15), more (15), facebook (15), very (15), down (15), any (15), want (15), write (14), daughter (14), humor (14), years (14), posted (14), pinterest (14), linkedin (14), tumblr (14), reddit (14), could (14), too (13), money (13), would (13), gift (13), our (13), shopping (12), things (12), exercise (12), why (12), writers (12), tsa (12), after (12), clothes (12), away (12), way (12), last (12), mall (12), how (11), college (11), amanda (11), has (11), need (11), little (11), didn (11), might (11), pay (11), story (11), sure (11), box (11), man (11), travel (10), much (10), house (10), day (10), mom (10), back (10), until (10), home (10), being (10), machine (10), got (10), some (10), here (10), make (10), while (10), long (10), should (10), person (10), airport (10), diaries (9), first (9), 2013 (9), 2014 (9), 2015 (9), say (9), every (9), take (9), love (9), hours (9), paid (9), year (9), many (9), well (9), good (9), give (9), probably (9), been (9), which (9), screaming (9), door (9), comment (8), loading (8), blog (8), stories (8), girls (8), job (8), old (8), lessons (8), over (8), sweet (8), next (8), put (8), took (8), everything (8), again (8), where (8), around (8), most (8), everyone (8), people (8), suddenly (8), family (8), loved (8), free (7), high (7), hell (7), off (7), may (7), tagged (7), start (7), decided (7), since (7), thought (7), world (7), superhero (7), thedaughterdiaries (7), thing (7), children (7), seen (7), husband (7), ever (7), only (7), before (7), live (7), think (7), started (6), email (6), summer (6), always (6), dinner (6), fun (6), 2016 (6), wheel (6), young (6), wash (6), finally (6), once (6), found (6), words (6), let (6), knew (6), friends (6), fact (6), left (6), mean (6), than (6), through (6), instead (6), open (6), personal (6), real (6), place (6), chain (6), kind (6), leave (6), night (6), came (6), enough (6), debt (6), phase (6), wordpress (5), already (5), dating (5), vacation (5), stupid (5), did (5), making (5), really (5), animal (5), bad (5), december (5), cindy (5), haney (5), force (5), posts (5), doing (5), least (5), bet (5), minutes (5), these (5), hope (5), experience (5), three (5), few (5), used (5), having (5), longer (5), those (5), running (5), forget (5), anyway (5), keep (5), god (5), great (5), buy (5), worst (5), gifts (5), called (5), hey (5), plan (5), same (5), stay (5), holiday (5), under (5), program (5), myself (5), said (5), emily (5), feel (5), front (5), tools (5), fill (5), grace (5), jesus (5), black (5), full (5), though (5), stranger (5), face (5), soon (5), com (4), comments (4), crap (4), homework (4), parents (4), school (4), low (4), skills (4), letter (4), lady (4), date (4), attack (4), fighting (4), kingdom (4), guys (4), august (4), september (4), february (4), lot (4), line (4), disappointment (4), follow (4), stop (4), told (4), two (4), hour (4), waited (4), stuff (4), went (4), sit (4), dryer (4), working (4), wrong (4), washing (4), side (4), basket (4), order (4), looks (4), use (4), better (4), couldn (4), own (4), means (4), tried (4), see (4), months (4), busy (4), part (4), cold (4), turn (4), began (4), call (4), deserve (4), done (4), week (4), kids (4), body (4), believe (4), saw (4), actually (4), wife (4), without (4), handy (4), anything (4), trying (4), behind (4), made (4), happy (4), small (4), cookies (4), die (4), hear (4), still (4), inside (4), find (4), difference (4), punishment (4), airline (4), fred (4), foot (4), p90 (4), tips (3), prom (3), show (3), hate (3), blogs (3), fast (3), funny (3), financial (3), failures (3), sounds (3), shoppin (3), airplane (3), january (3), march (3), welcome (3), case (3), somebody (3), dead (3), address (3), older (3), hilarious (3), anyways (3), ask (3), worry (3), coming (3), miss (3), missing (3), another (3), entire (3), realized (3), turned (3), blue (3), guess (3), wasn (3), either (3), floor (3), later (3), yes (3), wait (3), second (3), received (3), must (3), wish (3), hot (3), handle (3), golden (3), trip (3), vitamin (3), ago (3), expensive (3), woman (3), age (3), straight (3), tell (3), spend (3), thinks (3), ass (3), help (3), men (3), doesn (3), shirts (3), several (3), deep (3), something (3), cry (3), phone (3), plus (3), public (3), damn (3), avoid (3), eye (3), contact (3), involved (3), tells (3), malls (3), minute (3), stores (3), food (3), pulled (3), celebrate (3), begin (3), special (3), alfred (3), hitchcock (3), birds (3), best (3), birthday (3), paul (3), truly (3), wide (3), lights (3), dark (3), flying (3), fear (3), big (3), ridiculous (3), scene (3), curtain (3), tiny (3), mind (3), maybe (3), also (3), imagine (3), ceiling (3), daughters (3), readers (3), does (3), heard (3), end (3), mostly (3), understand (3), notice (3), chance (3), word (3), teacher (3), sarcasm (3), cannot (3), work (3), heart (3), often (3), number (3), company (3), answer (3), recently (3), easter (3), sin (3), each (3), hole (3), hearts (3), earn (3), accept (3), try (3), debts (3), nothing (3), thousands (3), jail (3), look (3), owed (3), lied (3), dangerous (3), traveling (3), agent (3), flight (3), uncle (3), extra (3), office (3), pat (3), terrorist (3), bomb (3), ticket (3), couch (3), stab (3), pain (3), design (2), site (2), website (2), collapse (2), manage (2), report (2), content (2), log (2), sign (2), subscribed (2), subscribe (2), join (2), create (2), vacationing (2), teenage (2), hair (2), kid (2), boyfriends (2), rules (2), learning (2), lazy (2), dads (2), survive (2), act (2), halloween (2), panic (2), faith (2), christianity (2), etiquette (2), dieting (2), diet (2), cooking (2), celebrities (2), hotels (2), june (2), july (2), october (2), november (2), 2017 (2), sarah (2), recent (2), hopeless (2), winds (2), non (2), comes (2), reward (2), days (2), tired (2), joy (2), able (2), especially (2), bed (2), except (2), sat (2), along (2), set (2), yet (2), kept (2), saying (2), available (2), moved (2), across (2), thanks (2), empty (2), water (2), overflowing (2), cycle (2), floodwater (2), today (2), dragged (2), heavy (2), makes (2), four (2), whole (2), alone (2), dirty (2), finer (2), points (2), departure (2), boy (2), worthy (2), dress (2), times (2), consequences (2), warm (2), listen (2), difficult (2), expect (2), statue (2), yeah (2), thankless (2), secretly (2), hoping (2), someday (2), check (2), star (2), amazing (2), fiasco (2), bottle (2), luck (2), screen (2), completely (2), video (2), shoot (2), repeat (2), attempt (2), pick (2), instagram (2), easy (2), exactly (2), wants (2), encourage (2), rebellious (2), tendencies (2), almost (2), electric (2), gadget (2), example (2), wears (2), learned (2), humiliating (2), laugh (2), shirt (2), vow (2), winter (2), season (2), ready (2), list (2), goal (2), quickly (2), possible (2), amount (2), problem (2), written (2), permanent (2), shoppers (2), lines (2), shut (2), killed (2), parking (2), surely (2), direction (2), space (2), matter (2), smug (2), idea (2), five (2), miles (2), everybody (2), government (2), nation (2), appreciate (2), humble (2), realize (2), during (2), deeply (2), gets (2), flew (2), evil (2), universe (2), tribal (2), dancing (2), lost (2), minds (2), brilliant (2), himself (2), imagined (2), meanwhile (2), wanted (2), laughing (2), dining (2), light (2), saber (2), turns (2), pretty (2), calm (2), figure (2), brother (2), dad (2), boyfriend (2), needed (2), lose (2), its (2), walls (2), noise (2), crazy (2), wall (2), wisdom (2), hawk (2), noises (2), thinking (2), living (2), losing (2), question (2), choice (2), corner (2), head (2), threatening (2), getting (2), both (2), expression (2), starting (2), afraid (2), creative (2), someone (2), page (2), smart (2), bigger (2), social (2), mark (2), twain (2), between (2), lightning (2), form (2), paint (2), paper (2), fine (2), fortune (2), essay (2), type (2), red (2), isn (2), angry (2), self (2), teachers (2), tear (2), pleasurable (2), friend (2), asked (2), sylvia (2), plath (2), led (2), romans (2), short (2), treated (2), christ (2), mercy (2), possibly (2), thankful (2), compassion (2), opened (2), dime (2), cried (2), step (2), refused (2), given (2), handed (2), soft (2), police (2), chair (2), cars (2), mansion (2), cheated (2), endless (2), stole (2), come (2), stopped (2), searched (2), holes (2), named (2), smell (2), vowed (2), concept (2), enjoy (2), seven (2), advice (2), plane (2), price (2), doctor (2), blurry (2), pictures (2), genitals (2), youtube (2), baggage (2), molestation (2), overly (2), bag (2), business (2), legal (2), alert (2), questions (2), hopefully (2), air (2), photo (2), afford (2), certainly (2), waiting (2), attention (2), result (2), p90x (2), gym (2), sweat (2), punch (2), promptly (2), injury (2), feels (2), cut (2), cookie (2), walking (2), important (2), dvds (2), fat (2), goals (2), surviving (2), name, bar, subscriptions, view, reader, privacy, account, subscribers, toddlers, vactioning, thanksgiving, impressiveness, texting, swimsuits, independence, athletes, technology, swimsuit, camp, freshmen, roaches, recitals, pop, resolutions, aiming, fixit, mother, problems, mechanical, retardation, team, cat, disabilities, judgmental, judging, idleness, secret, trick, treating, obsession, growing, mistakes, advisor, cubicle, prison, financing, admissions, decorating, influence, cats, budget, beach, bathing, suits, awesome, apps, application, grown, add, feeling, 80s, movies, offer, categories, april, archives, patsy, suire, anonymous, search, enter, receive, notifications, via, shall, privately, gloat, revenge, visit, lesson, change, outfits, amirite, loud, stressed, pleasure, sucky, hahaha, magical, washer, hangs, leaves, folded, fold, hang, thirty, dedicate, dry, pressed, wasted, relax, socks, lighter, colors, dye, jeans, hadn, different, paying, anyone, needs, area, fifty, washers, dryers, realizing, flooded, inch, bottom, prematurely, soaked, inches, move, dropping, class, figured, ten, ton, detergent, carry, curious, elevator, building, tower, inconveniently, located, humorous, brighten, unfortunate, seem, comparison, dear, sept, weeks, dorm, braved, group, below, printed, admit, laughed, hard, peed, sensible, cotton, briefs, quite, strategically, issue, slide, eventually, run, underwear, besides, bother, heck, magic, works, puts, magically, appears, clean, hung, neatly, closet, wow, teach, management, leading, swear, senior, falling, oscar, sleeping, noon, warned, separating, darks, whites, preached, choosing, nagged, fabric, softener, bit, exaggeration, month, facing, tough, challenges, prepare, coursework, feed, herself, runs, tampons, bam, happens, waaayyy, slave, perks, trudging, trenches, academy, arts, sciences, bestow, upon, honor, richly, bonus, expense, tahiti, sticket, refrigerator, feats, stinkin, enjoys, gotta, outta, healthy, merry, biggest, mysteries, deaf, decibel, levels, ear, pod, headphones, whatever, electronic, attached, useless, piece, garbage, boys, latest, game, guaranteed, fire, hit, cute, outfit, automatically, goodwill, trust, crowded, spotify, snap, chat, researching, ideas, mainly, watching, disney, channel, disapprove, choices, niece, tramp, stamp, barbie, colorful, butterfly, tattoo, complete, piercings, worried, child, mesmerized, cork, popper, nervous, average, trial, error, wear, narrowed, safe, managed, ridiculed, pretend, plot, kill, practical, weed, whacker, effective, method, per, store, delight, dandy, guidelines, boom, actual, wandering, aimlessly, jungle, plop, item, 237, classics, system, studies, prolonged, exposure, poorly, beatles, songs, cause, brain, damage, safely, direct, costs, whipped, psychotic, frenzy, advertisements, wrap, tree, major, injuries, whining, crowds, threaten, santa, lap, ought, remember, christmastime, evening, news, knifed, exit, car, renegade, pickup, truck, driving, handicapped, legally, lots, drive, shooting, finger, pedestrians, risks, organized, finished, lists, basic, convenient, bunch, random, city, shops, ways, unless, sahara, desert, within, federal, law, bookstores, clothing, shoe, restrooms, mystery, meat, chinese, sucka, subversive, stunt, economy, overnight, whether, secure, large, sum, longs, less, consumer, ized, pull, plug, overpriced, fashioned, stringing, cranberries, popcorn, fireplace, singing, carols, exchanging, handmade, together, shop, early, weekend, sitting, traffic, entrance, gates, solemn, crunch, wonderful, overworked, underpaid, beautiful, religious, observe, meaningful, originally, published, edited, survival, guide, superheros, emerged, victorious, defeated, forces, feathered, enjoyed, hero, status, saved, weirdo, threat, hans, solo, prowess, somehow, waved, upstairs, bedroom, lured, trapped, darkside, wildly, tense, moments, suspense, terror, fate, brave, flinch, tall, whimpering, closed, kitchen, eating, leftover, sugar, console, complaining, cowering, suggest, therapy, collective, irrational, garden, wrens, fluttering, taylor, silent, grabs, wars, weapon, climbs, top, stairs, determine, stunned, alive, kamikaze, hiding, massive, pterodactyl, strategy, google, insane, causing, smack, erratically, approach, silently, stops, circling, smacks, slides, silence, theorize, sick, looking, near, flies, dies, sudden, cardiac, arrest, contributes, pot, decides, blast, bluetooth, speaker, neighbors, drove, african, pouring, yelling, weird, interpretive, dance, moves, super, extended, period, hysteria, tap, brakes, grabbing, catching, net, unusually, main, credit, hanging, mass, delirium, humans, downstairs, wise, scream, documentary, filmmaking, crisis, hindsight, slightly, overdramatic, snapchat, midst, photojournalist, filming, freakin, hyena, flown, tizzy, amok, throughout, smacking, ceilings, attacking, human, race, duck, corners, wrath, wren, became, pants, retarded, although, typical, testosterone, fueled, manly, girly, girl, bugs, beasts, ahhhh, dressed, 50th, screeching, artists, writer, encouragement, artistic, message, majoring, journalism, reading, avid, fiction, notoriety, else, care, itself, level, spark, wrongly, root, grow, desire, understood, universal, reasons, connect, elude, overlook, emotions, feelings, state, directly, unveil, digital, entertain, reflections, trival, anonymously, imprint, remembered, compelled, forcefully, driven, unremarkable, invisible, cursed, shyness, introverted, crowd, gives, sizable, noticed, impact, manifestation, others, whom, record, hood, collection, lasting, wit, bug, artist, artistry, canvas, photoshop, illustrator, jewelry, process, express, sense, accomplishment, satisfaction, compels, fame, painfully, labored, callused, wrote, strong, suit, southern, dripping, pen, disappointed, sticks, believes, notebooks, musings, takes, spirited, crush, confidence, students, bless, described, painful, classroom, fiving, whenever, assigned, wonder, become, adults, acknowledge, brag, followers, gone, viral, 500, publishing, promote, aggressively, media, likes, clicks, intensely, universally, shared, anaïs, nin, taste, twice, moment, retrospect, unabridged, journals, writable, outgoing, guts, imagination, improvise, enemy, creativity, doubt, bible, judgment, verdict, acquittal, sinned, fall, glory, righteous, freely, ransom, faithfulness, displayed, sacrifice, blood, illustration, gave, died, cross, 000, lives, lifetime, owe, eternal, substitute, offers, filled, brim, mysterious, giant, deserved, greatest, forgiveness, redemption, receipts, stamped, cancellation, sentence, humbled, fell, knees, wailed, gently, hugged, simply, walked, wondering, liar, cheater, eyes, highly, suspicious, mister, truthfully, horrible, mess, awful, enormous, colorfully, wrapped, kindest, vaguely, familiar, met, voice, tied, rope, climbed, prepared, persistent, knocking, patient, wearily, fully, expecting, haul, utterly, broke, stealing, thrown, rest, remaining, possessions, absolutely, collectors, calling, fancy, jets, taken, bank, foreclosed, majestic, forced, shack, woods, dared, hide, demanding, lying, cheating, tend, ate, slowly, empire, crumble, limousine, white, pet, tiger, silver, private, jet, honest, riches, employees, members, millions, taxes, greedy, worked, clock, mrs, seeing, awhile, loneliness, father, absence, sadly, desperate, pour, lived, color, hungry, bellies, lavish, lifestyle, happily, flaunting, mansions, read, bedtime, sometimes, books, aside, original, fantastical, usually, princesses, distant, lands, entirely, candy, course, layers, telling, security, america, unforgettable, usual, wine, yeti, cooler, pilot, cockpit, worth, speaking, fees, table, screeners, luxurious, shiatsu, massage, breast, exam, anal, probe, cheaper, annual, physical, bargain, basement, obamacare, required, scan, diva, ish, demands, above, gonna, alright, thoroughly, violated, unfortunately, cheap, airlines, charging, fee, sexy, costume, skirt, visible, bra, warrant, trained, sex, worker, slogan, touch, yours, wearing, turban, carrying, bloodied, machete, dragging, stiff, yourself, overhears, investigation, racist, bath, interrogate, watch, pause, remind, erase, smiles, standing, wraps, six, meet, officer, description, stares, relaxes, strangling, furry, animals, smells, cigarettes, decisions, grins, hairy, smugstache, says, serious, violation, begins, encounter, judgy, judy, counter, stare, amber, proceed, mentally, waterboard, such, bombing, spoiler, answers, asks, send, destination, station, closely, relaxing, stress, environment, happened, 2001, steps, considered, armed, otherwise, proven, regular, wielding, deal, pacific, northwest, eagerly, anticipating, opportunities, bring, suck, facts, tens, flights, steaming, pile, dumb, assery, book, sell, vital, organ, market, longest, meltdown, wanna, circumstances, morning, radio, airports, purposely, delaying, travelers, screening, draw, workers, passengers, arrive, allowed, journey, bake, supportive, torture, barely, break, pre, menopausal, perky, boob, dvd, eat, settle, uncomfortable, forever, friendship, omigahhhh, amputation, immediately, limb, prosthetic, wheelchair, hospice, death, overtake, hurts, tylenol, heal, ignore, brings, phases, bastard, saggy, gut, deserves, dangerously, enthusiastic, turning, muscle, rose, holy, protest, mention, previous, sidenote, incredibly, late, holidays, baking, chocolate, chip, stoneware, pan, oven, dropped, broken, glass, neglected, attacked, total, inactivity, surprise, learn, injured, shocked, shit, workout, dusted, cobwebby, treadmill, thousand, buckets, bell, personality, naw, borrowed, ancient, copy, circa, 2000, fit, smirk, series, pansy, whiney, butt, sedentary, lovers, overdo, somewhere, dough, lasted, decade, proud, owner, variety, related, pharmaceutically, conditions, thus, decision, entered, passionate, vigor, goes, rusty, hamster, chasing, elusive, weight, loss, dream, embarrassing, rolled, hasn, setting, insurmountable, blasting, gate, speed, emotionally, pummeling, achieving, exercising, headed, gallery, fan, skip,

Text of the page (random words):
aggressively in social media for me it s not about the number of likes on facebook or the number of clicks in wordpress for me it s much more than that the answer is both intensely personal and universally shared the act of writing is often described as painful and difficult not many people find writing pleasurable but i do in school writing an essay was used as a form of punishment by my teachers i was the kid in the back of the classroom that was secretly high fiving myself whenever one was assigned it s no wonder most of us stay away from writing when we become adults just the other day my daughter emily 16 turned in an essay that she had painfully labored over the night before her teacher who is the cold and callused type wrote in red on her paper writing isn t really your strong suit is it i could just hear the bless your little heart southern sarcasm dripping from her red pen i was angry and disappointed this is the kind of comment that sticks with you because a teacher said it she now believes she cannot write a good story what the teacher didn t know is that emily once loved to write and she would fill notebooks with her musings she was great at it but it only takes one mean spirited comment to crush your self confidence good teachers work to encourage their students not tear them down so what then compels writers to write if not for fame and fortune what then for me i am an artist and writing is a form of artistry i can paint on canvas i can design in photoshop and illustrator i can create with jewelry tools and i can paint with words on paper to me there is no difference in the process only a difference in the tools i use words are like fine tools when i find just the right words to express what i want to say i feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction the difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug mark twain the wit and wisdom of mark twain i write because i am compelled or forcefully driven to leave something behind that is bigger and more lasting than my small unremarkable life in my real life i am mostly invisible cursed with social shyness mostly introverted and probably the last person you would notice in a crowd but writing gives me a sizable chance to be seen to be noticed to be heard to make an impact writing is a manifestation of a bigger need for others to truly know me especially my daughters to whom my blog is written my blog is a love letter to them a record of their teenage hood and a collection of life lessons that s the personal side of writing for the more universal side i write for the same reasons all writers write we want to connect with the world even when the real world and the people in it elude us and mostly overlook us we want someone to hear us and to understand us and to feel the same emotions that we do i want to make my readers laugh cry to feel good or to think deeply i want to share feelings that maybe i can t state directly but find easy to unveil on the digital page i want to entertain readers with my smart ass reflections on the trival world around me and finally i don t want to die anonymously i want to leave an imprint big enough to be seen and remembered all of us on some level have that little creative spark inside of us even my daughter emily who has been told wrongly that she does not you can be sure that i m not going to let that idea take root and grow i think every one of us desire to be heard and understood and learning to write well is a creative means to that end so here s my message to emily and to amanda who is majoring in journalism in college and to all of their young friends who are just starting out as young writers never give up keep writing and keep reading the most avid readers are the best writers there s a whole universe of stories real or imagined inside your head share them don t be afraid to make stuff up it s called good fiction don t write for the notoriety write for the love of writing and everything else will take care of itself share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on reddit opens in new window reddit more share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading posted in moms of teenagers on writing tagged artistic expression encouragement for writers moms of teenagers on writing why do writers writer writers are artists 3 comments may the bird force not be with us posted on december 31 2015 by thedaughterdiaries by cindy haney the other night my family and i were getting dressed to go to dinner to celebrate my husband s 50th birthday just as we were about to leave paul opens the front door and suddenly i hear screeching from both my daughters and my husband ahhhh bird in the house bird in the house oh my god there s a bird in the house you have to realize that my husband although we love him is not your typical testosterone fueled manly man he s more like a girly girl when it comes to bugs and other life threatening animal beasts ok this was just a tiny bird but still a bird had flown in through the front door and was flying around in a crazy tizzy running amok throughout the house and smacking into walls and ceilings we were suddenly in a scene from alfred hitchcock s the birds where the all of the birds of the world start attacking the human race you should have seen us screaming and losing our minds and trying to duck into corners to avoid the wrath of the evil wren we suddenly became pants on head retarded it was truly ridiculous in the midst of it all out of the corner of my eye i see amanda ever the photojournalist filming the entire scene with her freakin i phone and laughing like a hyena oh god this is so going on snapchat and instagram what the hell i scream this is no time for documentary filmmaking we re having a crisis in hindsight that might have been slightly overdramatic so after a long super extended period of mind losing hysteria we had to tap the brakes a little and calm down so we could figure out what to do we needed a plan man grabbing the bird or catching him with a net was out of the question since we have an unusually high 2 story ceiling in our main room and to the bird s credit he was hanging out on the ceiling and the second story in order to avoid the mass delirium of screaming humans going on downstairs wise choice paul s first brilliant plan is turn on all the lights and make as much noise as possible open the front door and a hope the bird flies out or b dies of sudden cardiac arrest this is where it really gets funny so amanda contributes to the family wisdom pot and decides to blast screaming hawk noises from her i phone to my new bluetooth house wide speaker i can only imagine what my neighbors were thinking as they drove by here we are with the front door open african hawk sounds pouring out into the night and all four of us are yelling weird noises and dancing what looks like tribal interpretive dance moves in our living room i m not even making this up after a long while of this we decided we needed a new strategy turns out that thanks to google insane screaming is what s causing the bird to lose its mind and smack into walls erratically so our new approach is to turn off all the lights and noise keep the door open and sit silently suddenly the bird stops its crazy circling smacks into the wall in the dining room slides down the wall behind the curtain and silence amanda and emily theorize that maybe the bird was sick to begin with and came into the warm house on a cold winter night looking for a place to die great now we feel bad and also what do we do now there was no way any of us were going near that curtain and we couldn t leave for dinner with a bird in the house we sat there in the dark for a while trying to figure out who we should call my brother is 30 minutes away and so is my dad that s too long so we called amanda s boyfriend who came right over he thought we were fighting a massive flying pterodactyl guys calm down he said it s a tiny bird when he saw the ridiculous scene of all us cowering in the dark with the door wide open he must have wanted to die laughing either that or suggest therapy for our collective irrational fear of garden wrens suddenly we hear fluttering behind the dining room curtain the girls and i start screaming again and that s when taylor the superhero took over he tells everybody to be silent grabs his star wars light saber that he got for christmas as a weapon and climbs to the top of the 2 story stairs to determine if the bird is in fact dead or not turns out the bird was just stunned but very much alive which we found out pretty quickly when when he flew like a kamikaze out of his hiding place straight at the superhero with the light saber but the superhero didn t even flinch meanwhile my big 6 ft tall husband is whimpering with fear in the closed off kitchen and eating leftover christmas sugar cookies to console himself all the while complaining that he s going to miss his birthday dinner but the superhero had a brilliant plan with hans solo like prowess he somehow waved the bird into the upstairs bedroom that has a window that opens wide without a screen he turned off all the lights except a small one in that room which lured the bird in there once in the room he trapped himself alone in the dark you know the darkside with the bird flying wildly about the room after several tense moments of alfred hitchcock like suspense and imagined terror we begin to fear the fate of the brave superhero suddenly he emerged victorious the bird finally flew out the window having defeated the evil forces of the feathered universe the superhero enjoyed his hero status because he had saved the screaming weirdo tribal dancing family from yet another threat from the animal kingdom the force was truly with us that night em er actually it was a college boy who now thinks we ve all lost our minds and the best part was we made it to the birthday dinner on time happy bird day paul share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook share on reddit opens in new window reddit more share on tumblr opens in new window tumblr share on linkedin opens in new window linkedin share on pinterest opens in new window pinterest like loading posted in fighting the animal kingdom moms of teenagers tagged alfred hitchcock s the birds fighting the animal kingdom how to get a bird out of your house moms of teenagers superheros in real life teen humor when a bird gets in your house leave a comment survival guide to last minute christmas shopping for working moms posted on december 7 2015 by thedaughterdiaries originally published december 18 2013 edited it s that time of year again christmas crunch time the most wonderful time of year where overworked and underpaid moms begin to panic at the fact that christmas is just a few shopping days away during this beautiful holiday season a deeply religious time of year moms like me like to observe this special time in a very meaningful way by going to the mall last weekend as i m sitting in 22 miles of traffic at the mall entrance or the gates of hell as i like to think of it i realize that i waited until the last minute again this year so i made a solemn vow to myself i am going to get it together and shop early next year like august yeah probably not i believe that deep down everyone longs for a less consumer ized christmas one of these years i am going to pull the plug on overpriced gifts that my teenagers only appreciate for about two hours and celebrate christmas the old fashioned way how about a year where we sit around stringing cranberries and popcorn by the fireplace singing christmas carols and exchanging humble handmade christmas gifts instead if that sounds good to you well you can just forget it sucka if everybody pulled that kind of subversive stunt the economy would collapse overnight and the government would have to get involved so too bad you are going along with the holiday program whether you like it or not it s for the good of the nation damn it this means you need to go secure a very large sum of money any way you can and go to the mall unless you live in the sahara desert there should be several malls within five miles of your home it doesn t matter which one because they are all the same so just pick one under federal law all malls in the u s must have the same 32 chain stores you have your chain bookstores your chain clothing stores your chain shoe stores your chain restrooms and your chain mystery meat chinese food the basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than shopping at a bunch of random city shops you can get all your shopping done is one place right well that s what i m hoping for since i waited until the last minute and now i m going pay for it in more ways than one the first thing to remember about shopping at the mall at christmastime is that you will probably get killed in the parking lot at least that s what the evening news tells us if you don t get knifed as you exit your car then surely a renegade pickup truck driving the wrong direction while trying to get to that last handicapped space will take you down why because legally there are no rules in mall parking lots you can drive as fast as you want in any direction while shooting the finger at pedestrians and it doesn t matter well this is just one of the risks you are going to have to take since you were busy working 8 hours a day while all those smug and well organized stay at moms finished their kids christmas shopping lists way before halloween so once you re safely in the mall you should avoid direct eye contact with the other holiday shoppers at all costs these shoppers have been whipped into a psychotic frenzy by months of holiday advertisements and they will buy anything they can wrap and put under their tree if you get in their way there could be major injuries involved if your teenagers are with you at the mall and they are whining about the crowds and long lines then threaten to force them to go sit on santa s lap that ought to shut them up real fast now you re ready for the actual shopping only you don t have a list because again you ve been busy damn it but instead of wandering aimlessly through the jungle your goal should be to get it over with as quickly as possible the longer you stay in the mall the longer you will plop down just about any amount for any item oh you want 1 237 for this i phone case hey no problem plus the longer you stay in the mall the longer you will have to listen to those holiday classics on the mall public address system studies show that prolonged exposure to poorly written beatles christmas songs can cause permanent brain damage so you need a plan woman here s an effective shopping method if you have let s say 16 people to buy for vow to only spend ...