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helicoptering mode i think that beginning with my generation the baby boomers we are so incredibly self absorbed and in parenting that gets translated to developing managing and experiencing childhood through our kids or life through our kids when they are no longer quite children especially when they hit the teenage years it seems to be such a fine line between giving guidance and controlling their choices that s probably why mr baseball dad s behavior had me musing so much it s definitely an area i struggle with daily but as the image of a helicopter was replaced in my mind of one of a remora sucking the life and fun out of our kids as we try to live their childhood with them i also remembered one of my husband s and i s catchphrases we were young once this originated with his grandparents when they were living in pittsburgh during the first years of our marriage we would have opportunities through my job to travel there and we would stay over with them to visit the first time his grandma showed me our bedroom she smiled at some point and said we were young once i believe that they both repeated this phrase at various times when we would stay with them john and i assumed that they were giving us permission to have sex while we were there which was not happening since the mattress was covered in plastic under the sheets yeah crinkle crinkle i don t think so but you know we look at each other sometimes now and laugh and say we were young once now we know that they probably felt like us and couldn t believe how the years had flown and still felt young inside i m going to start repeating we were young once to remind myself that i had the pleasure and agony of flying on my own posted by lami at 8 59 am 1 comment monday february 7 2011 blame on the check out lady when you believe in things that you don t understand then you suffer superstition ain t the way stevie wonder the bad vibes started saturday at wegman s my husband and i had braved the crowds to prepare for our super bowl gathering he was there because he wanted to be helpful and i went with him because it would have been cruel to send him out with a list and his limited management experience of saturday grocery store negotiations and i ll be honest i was frightened that i would buy the wrong brand or color of something and be blamed for bringing bad luck on the black and gold john and his brother and their friend chris have so many rules and superstitions for steelers games i just try to be quiet and follow blindly along and yes i know those of you who know me understand how difficult that is for me to do we have a full cart and there are almost as many checkout lines open as on the weekend before thanksgiving but i m being picky about my checkout teller avoiding the chatty old guy if you go to chili paul i know you know who i m talking about yes he s nice but sometimes i m just not in the mood and finally settling on a competent looking teenager who is moving her line briskly along although you have to be selective about your younger cashiers i found out after i asked one teen how he was and he proceeded to describe in detail how he hadn t had a break all day and really really needed to go to the bathroom i tried to listen patiently because he was kind of cute but wow talk about tmi from someone who is touching your food i have everything on the belt in the order that i want it packed i m a little ocd and my first job was in a grocery store when i notice my husband is frozen in place staring at the cashier i look to see an older woman wearing a packers jersey waiting to replace our cashier maybe she s just counting the money i murmur trying to soothe john no such luck how are you today packerwoman says politely i was fine until you came along i really don t like you touching our groceries i think i ll take these items down to the express checkout john escapes in a miasma of consternation packerwoman keeps going but looks at me eyes wide open you don t understand how seriously superstitious he is about his team i try to tell her this is my husband s jersey she stammers he s been a packers fan his whole life i just like it when we don t have to wear our uniform it s a whole different world with him and his family i swipe my card quickly and try to move her along my son is a steelers fan she offers he goes to the steeler bars in chicago oh he s not as scary as he looks i should have gone to the old guy today then we just would have been talking about how much more snow we were getting i find john on my way out of the store he is talking with another wegman s employee one who is wearing a steelers jersey she kindly touches all our groceries and even drops a gold necklace in our cart offset the evil packerwoman curse well you know how it all worked out despite much irrational clothes wearing and chair swapping by the dicaro diponzio gang during the big game lucky number seven was not in the cards it was great game but the steelers just kept nipping at the packers heels the team who played like champions got to kiss the trophy yes big ben hang your head you haven t totally redeemed yourself yet we did have fun and good food including primanti brothers style sandwiches thanks to google i discovered ken s light olive oil vinagrette which mimics the original cole slaw recipe closely and is only 2 ww pointsplus it was an exciting evening and i d invite you for the next one but i think our house will be crossed off the super bowl party list for the future bad karma you know posted by lami at 9 50 am no comments thursday february 3 2011 dream on here is some craftycrabbylami for you a hanging i embroidered for my niece s birthday i wanted to give her something handmade and when i found the design here feeling stitchy the rest of her gift had a shoe theme also so it was perfect this is the young lady who requested these for christmas the saying is a popular paraphrase of a quote from thoreau s walden pond i learned this at least by my experiment that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours he will put some things behind will pass an invisible boundary new universal and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him or the old laws be expanded and interpreted in his favour in a more liberal sense and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings in proportion as he simplifies his life the laws of the universe will appear less complex and solitude will not be solitude nor poverty poverty nor weakness weakness if you have built castles in the air your work need not be lost that is where they should be now put the foundations under them i have always enjoyed being around children because they are still so connected to their dreams teenagers in particular are passionate about their dreams as adults dealing with boring and tedious adult responsibilities it s easy to lose track of our dreams randy pausch was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer before he was invited to give his last lecture at carnegie mellon the title of his lecture was really achieving your childhood dreams if you read the book that was published from his lecture one of his themes is tenacity being persistent in following your dreams i like the end of thoreau s thoughts now put the foundations under them of course it sounds great in theory right but most of us don t have the luxury of time away to experiment with making our dreams come true when we hear our kids talking about how their dreams will come true it sounds like they think it s just going to happen and much as you don t want to dampen their spirits you know that most dreams just don t happen i was thinking about dreams and remembered my father in law during the holidays my sister in law shared some copies of old pictures with us one was of dad dicaro sitting on the dock of their home on the lake in florida his back was to the camera all you can see is the little skull cap bald spot on the back of his head but i didn t have to see his face to picture the expression pure contentment and a small smile this was the guy who moved his family from pennsylvania to rochester to make a better life after getting laid off from pittsburgh plate glass who left his home in gates every morning at 4 45 to drive the often blustery route 104 to xerox where he wasn t worried about the fulfillment factor of the work he did but was happy to have the work and good benefits and steady salary to raise his family i ve been thinking about him this bitter winter and understanding how much he came to hate the snow and ice he was motivated to keep on going every day by his dream of the fish jumping out of the water on the lake where his future home would be and he did what he had to do to make it down there building a beautiful home to retire to that we all enjoyed visiting during the ten years they lived in cape coral later this month my mother will embark on a 49 day trip which will include tours of the taj mahal and angkor wat cambodia these are a couple of places that she hasn t visited which is saying a lot because she s been almost everywhere we gave her a personalized map for christmas that she could put pins in to show her travels and it didn t come with enough pins mom s turning 78 this week and she just retired last june from full time employment as an elementary school media specialist librarian to you and me she entered the work force while i was in college but that s still a lot of years of putting one foot in front of the other and doing what needed to get done in order to get to the stuff that dreams are made of and if the shoes that you re wearing are zombie shoes well that s another thoreau quote and a topic for another day right posted by lami at 1 27 pm 2 comments monday january 24 2011 they might have been wearing pajama pants to celebrate my mother in law s birthday yesterday we treated her to an early sunday dinner at her favorite restaurant red lobster the henrietta red lobster because that s the best one you know hey it s her birthday to me the clientele there are approaching people of wal mart amusement but i can eat lobster and that s always an occasion to be celebrated we were providing entertainment yesterday with the dicaro clan gathered in full force at a table for nine mostly wearing steeler gear i got slammed for having my son wear a nice plaid shirt and chinos in honor of his grandma there was some green in the plaid of the shirt the birthday girl was feigning embarrassment at the candled dessert causing chuckles at our end of the table this is the woman who takes her teeth out to frighten small children and explains to strangers at the mall how her granddaughters inherited her big boobs seriously our birthday singing and swooping up all the rolls to take home were interrupted by a slight commotion at the next table the wait staff and a manager wore expressions of patient concern during the following conversation reported by the dicaros sitting at that end of the table customer there was some label or tag underneath my shrimp that shouldn t have been there manager that is terrible and i apologize customer s dining companion and this steak tastes like cow manager takes a breath well that s certainly better than if it tasted like fish laughs a little in a good natured way the table stares at him in stony silence manager ok i am very sorry and we can do a couple of different things for you you won t be charged for these meals we could remove this food and bring you something different dining companion oh no manager ok or we could take this dish and re cook it for you dining companion no that wouldn t work at all manager ok we can wrap it up for you to take home dining companion yes please wrap it up where s the dessert menu i have crossed off red lobster manager on my lists of jobs i would ever consider posted by lami at 8 16 am no comments friday january 21 2011 hazy shade of winter so what else are you finding with the new program that s better on the first saturday in january jennifer looks around packed weight watchers meeting hoping for some feedback she is met with blank stares and a few feeble comments although i tend to be an over enthusiastic group participant i hold back a little at weight watchers since november when she asked what our strategies for dealing with thanksgiving dinner stresses are and i blurted out i drink i sensed some disapproval although the little italian lady in front of me turned around and winked on the way out i try to tell her it s like little kids when you go away that particular meeting had not been held for two weeks because of the holidays they will punish you by ignoring you when you come back home she doesn t have children so she didn t think that was funny or i could tell her it could be because it s winter and we are blanketed by snow skies and slush nine hours of daylight if we re lucky sure fruit is now zero points but is fruit what we crave in the dead of winter well i will try to only speak for myself and i can confidently say no i love fruit but that s not what i crave no what i want when i ve been slogging through the icy winter wonderland i call home is to put my face into a panera bread bowl soup the weight watchers points for a bread bowl of black bean soup which i love and i believe is also the best ww choice is 16 to put that in perspective for you non ww people i get to eat 29 points a day which makes the bread bowl soup do able but you have to plan carefully and use some of your 49 weekly points yes it s do able but certainly not for every day and some days i m just so exhausted from taking my boots on and off that it makes my head spin to contemplate that it s only tuesday and i don t have those extra points to use on bread because i polished off the godiva truffles that santa brought me for christmas you don t even want to know the points for one of those ok they are 6 points a scrumptious mouthful see what i mean a grape is just so not going to cut it as i was half asleep in bed this morning sorting through the fellini esque territory of my dreams where does this stuff come from oh from my mind that s pretty scary and feeling like the proverbial addict i ll have a nice big salad for lunch today won t that be great i so realized how much i just wanted to hibernate for me that feels like wanting to turn inward an unusual impulse for the raging extrovert i think of myself as and doesn t that make sense physically and mentally if you accept that everything is cyclical that winter prepares for the spring for the summer for the fall again for the winter that you can t have growth and blossoming without rest and reflection our world is so hooked in and turned on i feel very distanced from natural rhythms and truths being in the present being still and allowing myself to rest and rejuvenate are not natural talents for me mayb...