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an epidural as a matter of fact i m pretty sure he d prefer me to have one so we could just have a birthday party this is your life off drugs and yes i was throwing up in that trash can to the question would you do it again then i was not hesitant to say whew glad that s over epidural all the way with every future child it s kinda like running a marathon i suppose i never have run one but i am pretty sure this is what it d be like for me when it s over you are so glad you did it but you never want to do it again check that one off the bucket list and move on now only 2 months later i am not so sure i won t ever do it again i think if my labor was progressing quickly i would just do it again with griffin those 7 hours or so of intense pain felt like more than 24 hours when i came to soon after his birth i really couldn t believe we hadn t yet been at the hospital for 24 hours it felt like forever if that forever got shorter i could probably do it again side note i said that birth is like running a marathon or any race for that matter but in one way it is very very different birth is like running a race when you have no idea how far you have to run in a race you can pace yourself and you know exactly how much farther you have to go labor is like running an unknown distance someone keeps moving the finish line on you just when you think you re close you are told you probably have at least another 20 miles to run probably hopefully not more it s a real mental game when your doctor comes in and says well you re still dilated to 4 cm even though you thought you d been covering some ground for the last 8 hours why would i do it again the huge sense of accomplishment it feels incredible to do extremely hard things to know that i could control my mind and body enough to get through something that tough even though i had a way out is sickly satisfying to me the teamwork with my partner is so rewarding i am sure i couldn t do it without him i love how well darin and i work together in the birthing process both times it has been so extremely unifying and pretty spiritual another reason i liked going sans epidural was that i could walk to the recovery room and not be in a wheelchair this time i certainly did not miss the numb legs and dependence of not being able to walk for some time after delivery now i understand that that doesn t always happen with an epidural because i ve had friends who have walked just fine so hopefully that would be my luck next time also they say that with natural birth the babies are much more alert immediately and that was definitely true with griffin compared to kayden but they could have just been different from each other anyway finally i have felt it i know what it s like to deliver a baby and feel the whole thing like the pioneers only i was in a safe clean and comfortable hospital no but really i was visiting with a neighbor who is in her 90 s and had 11 siblings her mother bore twelve children without any drugs ouch and i knew the pain she went through for each one empathy is way better than sympathy note i only endorse saying yes to drugs for childbirth posted by rachel borup johnston at 4 15 pm 7 comments wednesday september 19 2012 griffin s birth story experiencing nonmedicated labor most of this was recorded by darin the day after griff was born his words are in black and my comments additions are in red he did get most of it right only a few minor corrections active labor rachel sang john denver during her contractions we had his albums playing in the background and rachel chimed in every time a contraction came she found it accomplished the same thing as a breathing exercise only it was far more enjoyable and distracting yes looking back a little embarrassing but hey you gotta do what you gotta do the embarrassing part was that if i started having an intense contraction and i didn t know the song i just sang whatever came to me not pretty i m sure and if the song was too slow i d sing the same song but not staying with the music at all i took my own tempo i just was in my own world and did whatever helped me get through each contraction i felt like i came back to earth again between contractions it worked wonders for a few hours and was a great experience while it lasted all of the attending nurses commented on the uniqueness of it all and came in quietly because they felt like it was to special too interrupt as the contractions increased in intensity became super intense it became harder for her to focus and relax eventually singing wasn t cutting it when my singing became forced and tense i realized it wasn t helping my cause i felt like it was slowing my labor because i was battling every contraction with my voice instead of letting the contraction work for me side note later this singing experience became so significant to me as i remembered that my grandfather keith griffin who our son is named after and who died before i could meet him loved john denver and would often sing to his music in the car such a sweet coincidence that he and i have that in common and it played such a roll in little griffin s birth transition stage rachel reached a point about 3 hours away from pushing when she hit a wall singing was no longer helping nor was counter pressure which unfortunately didn t work as well this time as it did during labor with kayden i told her to lock eyes with me and focus on relaxing i am convinced this was pure inspiration darin received i couldn t believe how much this helped me we fell into a groove where she would relax and sleep between contractions and then lock eyes with me during each contraction at times i saw pure terror in her eyes i did all i could to exude confidence and love through my eyes he s right that s exactly what i saw and felt from his eyes we went on like this for a few hours saying very little sometimes when she was being examined for dilation or was otherwise caught off guard by a contraction she would lose her focus and begin to panic i got her to lock eyes with me and we worked together to calm down again if she was relaxed and focused before a contraction started she could breathe through it without a hiccup she told me it was still unbelievably painful but being relaxed kept her from panicking during all of this we tried a variety of positions hands and knees on the bed reclined on the bed standing and slow dancing and bouncing on an exercise ball majority of the time on the birthing ball she had a stretch of about 40 minutes where she didn t move or change her breathing she was like a statue rachel had her hands on my thighs and we both leaned forward and i supported her head with my forehead she fell asleep between each contraction dr honey onstad and our nurse elizabeth came in twice during this in the zone phase and were obviously very impressed but no one was more impressed than i was my mom was in the room at this point and said it was really scary to see me in such extreme pain and then suddenly see me stop moving she did an awesome job staying away though she totally gave us the space we needed and kept to herself through most of this experience very smart mom at about 1 30 she started to feel a lot more pressure at her cervix and could barely remain focused and rationale during her contractions at one point she was considering an epidural we locked eyes again and we relaxed we had to do this a few more times jenny and i teamed up at this point to encourage and convince her that she still had the strength to finish labor and push i was totally convinced she could do it in addition to helping her relax i started to pray that the baby would come now it was time and so it happened all three of us were praying for the same thing i m sure pushing the urge to push put rachel over the top she didn t relax again but one final eye lock brought her back and i think calmed her enough to not be afraid that is what happened over and over she would get scared and then panic the pain didn t change much according to her but the relaxation helped her to move onward back to the pushing she pushed for about ten minutes and then suddenly the baby was out it happened so fast her first push brought the crown of the baby out she wasn t coordinating her pushes with her contractions instead she just maintained a constant push it was incredible honey hardly had to help the baby out until she saw that the cord was wrapped around griffin s neck she didn t tell us that in the moment but just cut the cord and immediately put griffin on rachel s chest he was covered with blood and other lovelies and wasn t responding much no crying or anything the nurse quickly took him over to the table and wiped him off to stimulate him my heart was caught in my throat for a split second worst case scenarios started to flash across my eyes i remember asking everyone why isn t he crying shouldn t he be crying i was confused by the fact that everyone seemed to be so calm even my mom who i was sure would demonstrate some visible concern if she was thought there was something wrong i just watched her with camera in hand quietly and calmly make her way over to the nurse who had the baby it looked like she was just going to take some photos still no one was answering or even acknowledging my questions looking back i am so grateful that everyone was careful to not panic me i already felt a bit delirious from labor and i m sure i would have reacted completely irrationally if i knew there was something to be concerned about fortunately that lasted only a few seconds before he started to cry and they returned the baby to me he had no residual effects of the cord trauma and we were blessed to have a healthy baby boy posted by rachel borup johnston at 5 00 pm 3 comments sunday september 16 2012 finish school or begin a family or both i wanted to record this story in our family blog which will eventually be turned into our family book maybe it will even be helpful if any of you are wondering when to begin your own families or how you can know when the time is right if you are seeking answers on this topic read this talk here s our story darin and i had been married for a couple years and really wanted to begin our family but i really felt like it was god s will that i get my masters degree that in and of itself was a major decision with lots of prayer involved i didn t know how in the world i could do both i also had to work full time for a year after grad school before i d be fully certified as a speech language pathologist once darin and i really felt like we needed to have a child soon we had a new idea come to our minds that we d never before thought of if we got pregnant during my second year of grad school we d have the baby right after graduation and darin could put off dental school just one year so that he could be home with kayden while i worked and got certified we were blessed to get pregnant right when we d hoped to and everything fell into place i even had a great pregnancy so it was no problem to finish grad school a blessing i missed this second pregnancy haha i had a lot more back pain with this one but i honestly kinda expected that my next pregnancies wouldn t be as easy i believed i was being blessed and helped through school a hidden bonus was there was so much that we both learned by having the experience of switching roles darin at home full time and me working i believe that s another reason why god inspire us with that plan we are so grateful we did it the way we did and we ve had this precious time with kayden thank goodness someone sees the bigger picture and can help us know what would be best for us posted by rachel borup johnston at 9 47 pm 1 comment monday september 10 2012 underwear party for the last month we ve been having a big underwear party yes indeed i was stupid enough to dive into potty training while taking care of a newborn but we re getting through it and kayden has been a champ for the most part yesterday we asked him to go get some clean underwear to put on we didn t specify that he only needed to get one pair he came out with a whole pile proudly saying i got underwears when he started to put them on his head we just made a big party out of it we started exposing kayden to the little potty when he was 18 months old the pediatrician recommended it since he was already communicating so well he thought it was fun and exciting at first we had a brilliant idea for a potty training method let s just put him in underwear and that should do it surely he won t like the feeling of being dirty and having an accident so he ll learn to do it in the potty well it worked at first and then stopped working and then it got ugly so we took a break for a few months after griffin joined our family i found myself absolutely disgusted when changing kayden s huge diapers and smelling his definitly not baby poop anymore it was so gross in comparison to the little newborn diaper changes that i committed then and there that we were done with size 4 diapers going back to the wearing underwear technique failed again so i tried letting him go naked that kid definitely responded to not having anything to catch it he s never had an accident when he was wearing nothing so gradually we ve been able to have him wear underwear and he still remembers when he needs to go he s been pretty awesome oh and my favorite part he calls the excrement poop and peep so logical and totally hillarious his nursery leader brought him in to me in the relief society room yesterday and of course during a silent moment in the lesson he loudly exclaimed i have peep meaning i need to pee it got a good chuckle from the women in the room posted by rachel borup johnston at 7 59 am 2 comments tuesday september 4 2012 joy in the journey way back in october 2008 i took special note of president monson s talk titled joy in the journey even then i knew it would be one i needed to reread frequently once i was raising kids i have it bookmarked on my phone now and pull it up occasionally you can read the full talk here this part always always makes me cry if you have children who are grown and gone in all likelihood you have occasionally felt pangs of loss and the recognition that you didn t appreciate that time of life as much as you should have of course there is no going back but only forward rather than dwelling on the past we should make the most of today of the here and now doing all we can to provide pleasant memories for the future if you are still in the process of raising children be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface the toys scattered about the house the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will to your surprise miss them profoundly stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances we must deal with them the best we can but we should not let them get in the way of what is most important and what is most ...