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the lesser weevil skip to main skip to sidebar the lesser weevil the perfectly batty escape from serious literature poetry good manners and common sense but mind out here be loonies sunday 24 october 2010 pub quiz genius for hours you have blessed us with your learned points of view on everything from head gaskets to who shot fu man chu we now know all there is to know about all three world wars the inca s who shot hitler uht patio doors we were surprised to be informed that bono sings with queen but how could we dispute this after all their gigs you ve seen and what a turn up for the books to find that dido s dead extinct for the last century as i recall you d said and we had simply no idea that elton once wed cher you re right of course a sorry shock for such a well matched pair nor did we know we foolish few that good old jfk made chicken southern fried and finger licking good you say it s been a joy to meet you and i m so glad that i came when i might just have stayed at home and licked a window pane it s clear i m much more stupid than i d ever realised and i soooooo love to spend my evenings being patronised feel free to call me any day and we ll do lunch some time yes please do take my number got a pen it s 9 9 9 oh dear have i offended why i must apologise though now i come to think of it a date might not be wise i ve come to the conclusion though it s rare that i do that that you are genuinely a complete and total prat posted by the lesser weevil at 18 28 8 comments monday 21 june 2010 the perfect find in response to yet another challenge that i couldn t write a peom about navel fluff to all those young and sprightly things seeking that perfect man i sympathise with your demise but criticise your plan you wine and dine ad nauseime and bill and coo all night but how in blazes can you tell if he is mr right you shoop shoop all you want my dear his kiss will tell you nowt you ll need to search much lower if you re ever to find out no house car eyes nor bank account will tell you quite enough pish tush my dear the answer s clear it s in his navel fluff at your first chance disco or dance even if you must shout you must demand here in my hand and make him get it out there is a knack to fluff attack know what you re looking for dead cookies crumbs tortilla chips your outlook s pretty poor cat hairs no way a mummy s boy you ll find no comfort there grass seed the weed retreat at speed been trulling the au pair is it all fluff the man s a puff he grooms his teddy gaily is it all grime will he have time working sixteen hours daily do you smell beer no way my dear he spilt it there last night he ll hock the kids and eat the dog while spoiling for a fight did you find none you d better run he s covered all his tracks a shifty one who ll carry on behind our very backs no no the balance must portray a steady homely chap unmoved by half dressed bimbo s who cavort across his lap ptfe tape superglue show merit of some kind a tea bag or an oven mitt are also good to find whatever tis you re looking for you ll find out for yourself the reason why at 49 i m left here on the shelf posted by the lesser weevil at 16 58 2 comments tuesday 23 march 2010 happy birthday katie i just want to hijack my blog for a moment to wish my little girl a very happy 28th birthday today we re off to salisbury for a girl s day out and to meet a pen friend of hers for coffee so everybody please pray for sunshine and that my knackered old ford galaxy will go the distance posted by the lesser weevil at 17 10 2 comments monday 22 march 2010 the quest for perfection today you are told it s so good to be thin and trendy to look like a stick fad diets appear every week month and year which you follow although you fall sick you re force fed with increasingly perverted ways of shedding that last ounce of health a nation of rabbits allergic to carrots the writers sure fire source of wealth a cheese and egg sandwich just isn t the same without some bat scrotum and chips burnt essence of panda freeze dried salamander did they have two stone round their hips as you crawl cross the floor croaking weakly for more of that wombat pube extract you know if you take it you ll surely grow sick weak and poorly but sod it at least you won t grow toad testis on toast gibbon snibbles cat roast the list is as strange as it s long some things no sane person would feed to a pig and would rather not keep for the pong so why do you do it why punish yourselves this quest for perfection s soooo lame give up just accept it i m simply the best and you ll never turn out quite the same posted by the lesser weevil at 16 56 3 comments monday 22 february 2010 what comes after a bun in the oven a baby in a pot of course posted by the lesser weevil at 15 53 4 comments thursday 4 february 2010 news flash a recent government sponsored report has revealed that cheap alcohol has been responsible for the deaths of over 4 000 football hooligans teenage delinquents and chavs in the last year alone in light of these appalling figures a key spokesperson for tesco stores told journalists that britain s major retailers remained united in their determination to improve this disappointing performance but that every little helps posted by the lesser weevil at 14 16 7 comments friday 1 january 2010 happy easter i d just like to wish all of my friends a very happy easter and to thank the staff at my local alzheimers group who have been a tower of strength to me posted by the lesser weevil at 15 10 9 comments older posts home subscribe to posts atom follow this blog wochoolukinat the lesser weevil maiden under pressure wiltshire united kingdom sad ditsy old fart completely barmy yes i am dumber than a box of dandruff my belt doesn t go through all the loops the cheese slid off my cracker the wheel is spinning but the hamster s dead i am living proof that evolution can work backwards and i have multiplied mwahahaha 3 children 3 grand children pickled bunion moustache and a pickled egg no sorry i ate that one s pose i ll have to lay another now for further details please fax me but don t forget to affix a stamp was female last time i looked but it wasn t nice so i looked away again view my complete profile ramblings of a puerile mind 2010 7 october 1 pub quiz genius june 1 march 2 february 2 january 1 2009 60 december 4 november 7 october 1 september 5 august 11 july 16 june 8 may 8 this yer s me mates winner of the privileged weevil award 2009 i won i won i won i won and i m not even posh thanks to the trebollocks literary council who made this award for my services to education in the subject of dickie car dealers and public health officials fabulous blog award thanks to professor a b yaffle esq who recognised my undoubted achievements not as a poet of any wit but for the widely known fact that i am a fully fledged nutter freakin fabulous blog award with many thanks to clare aka daisy darling for not noticing that my shirt isn t always tucked in i cleaned out my handbag and look what i found and wochulookinat 1 anyone for tennis 1 arse holes 1 b s 1 b r 1 b t 1 bah humbug 1 banks 1 blog invaders 1 bumble bee 1 c p 1 cant be bloody bothered 1 come to good old blighty it s freeee don t forget to tell your mates 1 crabby mother disgruntled housewife pissy old mare pmt 1 crap cars 3 crap rooster 1 crap service 3 crap crappety crap crap 3 crazy person 1 cross dressers 1 deranged 1 deranged verse 1 dinosaur 1 disgusting 1 dogs 1 dreadful mother 1 drivel 1 eejit 1 environmental health 1 f k 1 fabulous blog award 1 ford 3 ford mk ii 1 ford mk iii 1 gawn an never called me muvva 1 graffiti 1 hamsters 1 happy christmas 1 how do i love thee 1 how many beans make five 1 idiot 1 introduction to the lesser weevil 1 just plain crap 1 killer pets 1 love poems 1 lunacy 5 lunatic 2 mad aunt bernard 1 menace to society 1 mentally deficient writings 1 messy critter 1 money 1 neighbours 1 nosey 1 nuisance neighbours 1 oh and finally crap 3 old nuts are the toughest to crack 1 old people and computers don t mix except for my mum cos she s cool 1 over sexed 1 piece of sheet car 1 pillock 1 randy little trollop 1 randy reindeer 1 rather buggered 1 remembrance 1 rhyme 1 rhyme 1 rhyming 1 rubbish 1 rude poems 2 rudolph the red nosed reindeer 1 s t 1 shouldn t be allowed 1 sick poem 1 sicko 1 silly poems 12 silly rhymes 3 star of the week josh from homebase in chippenham 1 stark staring bonkers 1 steve4arseholes4hire 1 string her up by the thumbs 1 struck off castrated discomknockerated totally belthered obliterated gawn 1 the boy stood on the burning deck 2 the truth about jack and the beanstalk 1 wake up you lazy sods 1 weevils 1 weevils 3 will hames 60 today 1 working girl 1 worlds 1st ever relay poetry blog 1