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description=My name is Rachael. I have created this blog to document my journey through a pregnancy after loss. 2 years ago on the 10th August 2012 my world came to a stand still when I found out my beautiful baby had passed away at 38 weeks during labour.  2 hours later I gave birth to…;

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the rainbow journey the struggle the fear the hope the rainbow journey the struggle the fear the hope menu skip to content nine months to my rainbow the first scan when to start telling people going back to work after the sickness at 12 weeks pregnant 18 week scan my first meltdown buying things for the new baby 22 week scan the assessment assessment results baby steps the new community midwife on the verge to another meltdown bad week week 26 driving myself insane reduced movements 29 weeks taking more baby steps 30 week scan another meltdown health visitor and a new midwife 4d scan nursery nightmares have returned seeing the midwife i had throughout my pregnancy with lucas 1 week to go down to lasts my rainbow big fat positive about about my name is rachael i have created this blog to document my journey through a pregnancy after loss 2 years ago on the 10th august 2012 my world came to a stand still when i found out my beautiful baby had passed away at 38 weeks during labour 2 hours later i gave birth to the most beautiful boy i had ever seen in complete silence he looked as though he was just sleeping my sleeping angel i had developed sudden severe pre eclampsia acute fatty liver and possibly hellp syndrome non have been confirmed as i was to ill at the time after birth to be able to have further tests a week later i was discharged from hospital carrying a keepsake box full of photos and keepsakes of my baby instead of leaving with my bundle of joy it felt so surreal like a nightmare i was struggling to wake up from no one can prepare you for it no one expects to come home empty handed and nothing anyone can say gives you the comfort or explanation you crave from then on you never get over the loss of your child but time does make it easier you may want to know how long it takes to be able to smile again or to live some form of a normal life unfortunately the answer is the same as the answer to how long is a piece of string it varies from person to person one thing that runs through all women s minds after a loss is any future pregnancies and when to start trying again i fell pregnant 2 years after losing my angel baby and at that point i felt that i had given myself time to grieve for my son and to mentally prepare myself for the next 9 months ahead i can now say that i don t think any specific time between losing your child and falling pregnant again can prepare you for those 9 months as it all comes flooding back like it was yesterday so here i am hoping that writing about my journey to my rainbow baby not only helps me but i am hoping it can help anybody who is going through what i am and to tell you that you are not alone and everything you are feeling is normal for us angel mums if you have any questions or concerns feel free to contact me and i will reply as soon as i can rachael x x share this share on x opens in new window x share on facebook opens in new window facebook 9 thoughts on about kat says february 21 2015 at 7 44 am wow what a lovely blog i know what you mean about dreaming of the positive test we lost our daughter last october and after the consultant appointment in jan have been ttc it s so hard all round your mind over think things i know i need to find a way of switching off it s just so very hard if you have any tips please let me know the 3d scan pictures look amazing and def something i would like during my next pregnancy hoping the weeks ahead are gentle xxxx like liked by 1 person reply rachaelcooke70 says february 21 2015 at 11 02 am the only advice i can give is to relax it seems to happen when you don t think about it i stopped using ovulation sticks and stopped focusing on my period taking a relaxed approach i booked a nice fancy holiday which helped me focus on other things and it happened whilst we were on holiday so it goes to show when your happy and enjoying yourself things just happen naturally it s easier said than done but as the months go by that urge to conceive starts to fade and you start to enjoy life instead of living in limbo xx like like reply kat says february 22 2015 at 8 01 am thank you for your advice i have just said to my husband things always happen when your not thinking about them i got a bfn this morning so i need to start focusing on other things i am going to go to reflexology to try and help with my stress anxiety as i am struggling at work did you not have any periods for a year xxx like like reply rachaelcooke70 says february 22 2015 at 11 56 am im sorry to hear you had a bfn yes i had no periods for a year and no explanation why i still did ovulaton sticks as i thought that it would pick up when i did eventually ovulate but every month it give me false positives and i would be waiting for that bfp or my period and neither came every month it was torture so i stopped them and decided i couldn t carry on like this don t get me wrong it took me a year to finally take the relaxed approach so it isn t as easy as we would like after experience a loss like we have we all know that a piece of us goes with our child and we feel like a different person the things we use to enjoy we don t anymore and the way we see things changes so i figured getting a new hobby or focusing my mind on something else would be the best option all my passion at that point was to do things to honour lucas so i decided to raise money for sands and i started to make little pink and blue ribbon pins that represent baby loss with a little blue rose in the middle of them to represent my boy i sold a lot and it kept me going and made me happy being able to raise money and find something i enjoy in terms of work by the time i went back off maternity i was looking for another job i knew i couldn t stay there after losing lucas i needed a change of environment somewhere they didn t know what i had been through so the new me can start again in life without all the sad faces and everybody knowing my tragedy xx like like reply kat says february 22 2015 at 1 42 pm wow what a lovely thing to do for sands i have been training for 2 half marathons since the beginning of january to raise money for sands it s the only thing i seem to really be able to focus on i have also want to write an article about returning to work as the company i work for have truly been amazing i am aiming to stay working 4 days a week now in the hope i can keep the tears at bay while at work did you get a job in a different industry or just a different company i have thought about looking else where but i think it would have to be a change of careers job just a bit scared right now the relief you must have felt when you finally got a period must have been incredible thank you for listening to me and giving advice xxx like like reply rachaelcooke70 says february 22 2015 at 4 36 pm it s good that your finding things to focus on in a positive way my previous employer was amazing and supportive but it s just to much of a reminder when i was working during my pregnancy i had a complete career change and it was what i need new people new start and i can tell as much or as little of my life to whom i choose it gave me something else to look forward too x like like reply kat says february 22 2015 at 4 55 pm wow that s amazing what were you doing and what are you doing now i know what you mean about work being that constant reminder it s just so hard i should of been on maternity leave with a work colleague xx like like reply rachaelcooke70 says february 22 2015 at 6 11 pm i was working in a supermarket and now i m working in the control room for the ambulance service i also had that constant remind derived and then somebody fell pregnant with a boy and due around lucas s anniversary so all her milestones were constant reminders of me the year before and it just made it even harder x like like reply kat says february 22 2015 at 8 31 pm wow what a change working in the ambulance control room sounds so interesting and a job with a real purpose i am a graphic designer and am struggling with caring for the adverts brochures etc i am having to work on thank you for chatting to me today xxx like like reply leave a comment cancel reply δ blog at wordpress com subscribe subscribed the rainbow journey sign me up already have a wordpress com account log in now privacy the rainbow journey subscribe subscribed sign up log in copy shortlink report this content view post in reader manage subscriptions collapse this bar design a site like this with wordpress com get started