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Text of the page (random words):
underlying ache this longing it has lived inside me for so long that i had completely ceased to notice it this hunger this unease with an undertone of grief and a hint of shame this subtle yearning for something redemption maybe it tastes more like melancholy than depression even if i have definitely been swept into that dark place from time to time do other people also feel it i ve often wondered younger me actually assumed that everyone did as every life phase passes i convince myself that this too shall pass that it will eventually leave me future salvation after i pay my dues peace and happiness just around the next corner that s what everyone keeps telling me one of my initial motivations to ride was to numb this discomfort my best escape attempt giving me much needed temporary relief but eventually always leading me back to what i was running away from yoga is teaching me how to stay put sitting with what is especially the things that make me feel uncomfortable leaning into what i have been trying so hard to avoid for so long slowly but surely making me feel more comfortable in this body mindful movement mindful breath guiding me to feel safe enough to let go of what i have been holding onto that is making me ill turns out that mindfulness added to my riding also has the same healing effect helping me fully feel to finally heal my happy place the place where i feel more present here now am i a cyclist who practices yoga or am i becoming a yogi who practices cycling i guess it doesn t really matter does it either way i always win posted by mike leblanc at 1 50 pm no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday april 25 2023 84 days 84 days the current tally of my ongoing daily yoga streak i may just have to take a day off or stop counting to avoid turning this into some type of personal competition which defeats the purpose of why i committed to a regular practice in the first place i have a habit of overdoing things like that something good doesn t seem like it s enough unless i make it excessive one of the unconscious strategies that i use to distract myself from this underlying torment yoga seems to be the compassionate antidote for my unrestrained striving simply showing up day after day gently flowing from where i am in this moment nothing forced no keeping score no tracking numbers no values to indicate progress or forward movement simply practicing breath coordinated mindful movement to guide me to feeling more deeply in complete harmony with life itself working with what my body can give me on this day which is always enough yoga doesn t end when i get off the mat so much to teach me about myself so much to teach me about this life noticing how my yoga practice gently overflows into my bike practice old habits of setting ride objectives or following a written program replaced by a healthier organic approach asking myself each and every time i swing my leg over my bike what i have to give today what do my body and soul need here and now my brain seems to have a mind of its own especially since hitting my head it calls the shots reminding me over and over again that all i can do is play by its own unpredictable rules there is this bridge inside of me that yoga has started building a connection from doing to being mindfully guiding me towards what we all really need most healing posted by mike leblanc at 11 37 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest thursday march 30 2023 uncanadian in so many ways i m very much an uncanadian canadian i don t really care for hockey i never watch it on tv skating was my favorite part when i used to play but to be honest i mostly only kept signing up because i couldn t ride my bike during the winter in 2010 tired of the indoor trainer i tried x country skiing i loved the being outdoors part of the sport but my skate technique sucked and because of this i never seemed to be able to ski comfortably then in 2016 after my concussion i bought a fat bike i had resisted for years they just seemed too damn slow but at that point in my life slow was exactly what i needed my fat bike saved me during that first winter after hitting my head unhurried easy solo rides were my therapy they still are really growing up i remember spending countless hours ogling over pics in my bmx magazines dreaming of living in california where i could ride my bike year round i have always been and will always be a summer soul but i have come to appreciate that there is something very special about riding a bike in the depths of winter something about the arctic snow cover that slows everything down including my thoughts something about the wintry stillness that enhances the taste of my forest tea in so many ways my fat bike has literally changed my relationship with our canadian winters from something to suffer through and endure to something to cherish and enjoy bikes are simply authentically me an uncanadian canadian madly in love with pedaling outdoors posted by mike leblanc at 10 21 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest thursday february 16 2023 36 days this bike my bolster this horizon my mantel this nature my alter sunday mornings they are for riding it s just how it s been for the longest time now drawing circles with my legs in this ruminative serenity everything slows down that s one thing that i love most about deep winter rides in the woods the unhurried quiet and tranquility cresting a short incline i come face to face with a deer practicing his yoga mountain pose in the center of the trail ahead i too gently halt maybe i should try to get a picture naw that would just ruin this moment i simply relish in our mutual presence after a few minutes another deer joins the party and they both gracefully hop off the trail and disappear into the forest i start pedaling again glancing out into the vast woodland that just swallowed my new friends as i ride by they re long gone i m on a 36 day meditation streak motivated by just finishing a 6 week meditation program at puravidadieppe i have been meditating for about 8 years now off and on mostly off at the end of last year this course gave me the nudge that i needed to set me back on track 15 minutes each day like brushing my teeth i wanted to make sitting in silence compulsory in his book journalist dan harris estimates that daily meditation makes him 10 happier after my 6 week trial i can also confidently agree that sitting on my mediation bench daily improves my solo rides by at least the same margin not faster slower and stronger enhanced presence is one of my favorite meditation presents posted by mike leblanc at 9 22 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday january 24 2023 cry healing part 2 crying into my first breath how we all emerge into this world the most natural thing our innate ability to embody all emotion but what happens when we get older do our eyes dry up why is it so difficult for the adult me to shed tears i have always been an emotional human but growing up i quickly learned that it wasn t safe to express painful emotions in most situations it would get you ridiculed bullied even big boys don t cry so in order to fit in i learned to stiffen my upper lip to push it all back in resourcefully doing what i needed to do in order to gain acceptance the most common survival mechanism the problem is that most of us get so good at concealing and burying these emotions that we completely lose contact with them so very out of touch with how we really feel especially men maybe that s why our life expectancy is less than women all these stuffed stale and toxic emotions eventually making us physically ill i really miss that soothing feeling that i used to experience as a young boy after crying it out the release of this pain through these tears blissful exhaustion alone in this forest i feel safe nature s embrace inviting me to fully embody all that i am feeling no one to judge no one to fool just me and my shit stuck emotions coming up as i pedal amongst these meditating snow covered trees just step out of the way and let them flow maybe that s the whole purpose of my solo rides in the woods at this point in my life to gently teach me how to cry again posted by mike leblanc at 11 21 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest friday january 13 2023 cyclotherapy healing part 1 being alive means facing certain situations or events that cause unpleasant painful feelings to arise inside of us there is no escaping it it is simply part of what it means to be human and alive if we were to touch a burning stove with our bare hand the pain receptors in our skin would very quickly communicate to our brain to remove our hand from the dangerous scorching heat source that s the purpose of pain protection with emotional pain our inclination is similar in that we instinctively want to distance ourselves from what hurts because of this our tendency is most often to push down unpleasant emotions repression our best attempt at protection at that moment it kind of works but only temporarily the pain never gets released it remains inside of us eventually buried under layers and layers of suppressed painful feelings until we reach a certain breaking point for some it s middle age for some it could be much sooner these unbearable accumulated emotional anchors immobilizing us disguised as anxiety and depression can we free ourselves from these shackles how do we begin to heal back into happiness maybe it all starts with locating identifying and releasing these difficult and painful stuck feelings maybe this is why i love my solo rides so much these pedals drawing circles in nature pointing out these emotional anchors lifting them up to the surface giving me the opportunity to allow them to move through me something about the meditative aspect of these rides that just seems to give me the courage that i need something about spinning these legs that makes the pain of the release a bit more bearable long before psychotherapy i was unknowingly working on healing my trauma using what i call cyclotherapy posted by mike leblanc at 8 43 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest sunday january 1 2023 2023 2023 a new year or maybe it s really just another meaningless number humans are the only living beings on this planet who are counting i have come to despise numbers infinite yet irrelevant precise yet deceiving chasing them always ends up weighing me down i much prefer words honest truthful even if we can t really use them to accurately quantify anything focusing onto the infinite potential of these next twelve months no measurable goals to pursue no check lists to go through no set resolutions to follow just a simple list of nine words themes or intentions that i am putting out there seeds that i am planting authenticity compassion forgiveness curiosity presence flow meditation yoga and of course bicycles i really feel like i am at a pivotal point in my life right now much more comfortable with where i ve been both excited and terrified facing what happens next the final act before the epilogue how will the rest of my narrative be written no one knows for sure one thing that i do know for sure is that all nine words in my list lead me to a single word healing as 2022 comes to an end may we all find the courage to finally stop betraying ourselves and either begin or continue our own personal healing journey healing into happiness everything else will fall into place from there happy new year friends posted by mike leblanc at 2 23 pm no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest tuesday december 13 2022 the darkest month december the darkest month a reminder of the darkness inside all of us everyone around me putting up all these decorative shining lights trying to brighten things up i guess so much hustle and bustle so much rushing around so much planning and getting ready this year end sprint society s remedy to this dark season i just find it all so very noisy and loud if i m completely honest i don t really care for the christmas holiday season don t get me wrong i enjoy spending time with family and friends but so much of it just seems forced and insincere all meaning lost ruined by consumerism another capitalist casualty disconnected nature isn t really bothered by it all forests laying low animals cuddled up in their comfortable nests understanding that the dark season is really meant for rest for slowing down for recovery and healing sunday morning steady north wind blowing temps hovering around minus six celsius the wet and muddy ground from a few days ago now frozen solid i roll down my driveway shortly after nine and slowly work my way over to the other side of the river abandoning myself into this crisp tranquility a mid ride snack some warm forestea life is good really good actually in so many ways i feel better this time this year than i have past years maybe it s the daily 8000 iu of vitamin d that i ve been supplementing with or all these years of therapy and working on myself that are finally bearing fruit it isn t about my life finally being perfect i guess it s simply about being less scared of the dark out here in nature reconnected comfortably sitting in the silence of my own darkness posted by mike leblanc at 11 13 am no comments email this blogthis share to x share to facebook share to pinterest thursday november 10 2022 timekeepers timekeepers last weekend was the end of daylight savings clocks turned back one hour the one and only 25 hour day of the year before clocks and calendars foregone human civilizations used the position of the sun to measure days the lunar cycle to measure months and the seasons to measure years when we were babies time as we now know it didn t exist we slept when tired ate when hungry and cried when physically uncomfortable animals also have no concept of time unconcerned by how old they are simply always in the now humans are the only beings on this planet who measure and worry about time by the time we re young adults teenagers even we ve pretty much become slaves to it constantly looking at our clocks and calendars rushing around to meetings and appointments setting alarms to make sure we stay on track deadlines expiry dates such a crazy way to live no wonder so many are exhausted and unhappy if only i had more time it always seems to be the answer to so many questions i m not sure what time i left the house nothing to be done nowhere to be my route decided as i was pedaling a temporary taste of timelessness one of the things that i cherish most as i get older are days without timekeeping even if we need clocks in order to be able to function in this world happiness is definitely enhanced whenever we give ourselves even mini vacation...