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Text of the page (random words):
they are all good plant medicine i am just experimenting at this point trying the flavors together trying to drink more liquids that are not coffee or beer flavored soda but they all are about calm energy i was about to write quiet but i am anything but quiet as i walked on the beach yesterday i realized i am the loudest thing ever stumbling muttering and exclaiming oh a bleached white snail shell oh a milky white stone oh a glob of usnea currently stuffed into my hatband the wind buffets my body and i stumble backwards unsteady for some reason the whole walk maybe even shaky at the end but for now i stand and face it watching the water flatten over the rock edges and pull up some distance out and roll in crawling across the water until the waves crash and pull back again the sky is tints of wayne s grey and the water a tone of seafoam and moss green the rocks are wet and black the ocean water runs like a fast river between the peninsula where i stand and the island with the abandoned fish shack i stumble back to my car over mountains of soggy seaweed and low tide scented mud flats and slippery rocks lamenting my lack of traction stability and grace wild radish bounces lemon yellow in the powerful wind uncategorized speaking of october 31 2022 meg leave a comment the crisp cool mornings and the sailors take warning skies the birds and trees i greet each day as i fly across the old farmlands and the river mist sometimes always colors yellows and greens of late summer with asters purple against the goldenrod and soy herons gathered like introverts at a party hoping for fish when you blow your dandelions and your milkweed seeds do you ever wish just for the universe to suddenly be magic to have rainbows appear as promises when you beg you plead you curse you thank you wonder you strive a wish seems like a silken seed floating the fog along the river lays heavy sometimes and the darkness lingers or the light shines so brightly it s all shadows and squinting eyes here is where wishes fall leaden haven t wishes brought me right here where i am like a trout flopping on a riverbank do you know how quadriplegics sometimes need the machine to breathe for them hesitating as their lungs fill with air so they can expel their thoughts or how steven hawkins had to prepare all his thoughts in advance so that he could communicate later when he was done putting in one letter at a time or the interminable time it takes someone to stutter until they sing this moment is just so the space between breathing the space between typing and speaking the place where the name that tune notes are playing but the strangled voice hasn t released in case you haven t guessed it yet the tune you are about to hear is a ballad sung by a troubadour on an archaic contraption a mournful note a mouth that smells of whisky there was an earthquake here one that dumped a town into the sea the ruins lay beneath the salty depths a ship against the rocks a raft torn to logs and sisal a tsunami there was a flood here the river flowed backwards tore and twisted the iron and steal a house became a boat as it set off on its tragic adventure cheerfully waving goodbye as if houses can but boats do a face at the porthole furiously banging to get out or is it in either way i park my car and go in uncategorized lantern in the dark march 21 2022 meg leave a comment i have suffered from chronic depression for many decades i have been to therapy numerous times and have been medicated for many years but it never really leaves me i also realize that i have a particular level of anxiety as a constant in my life but i also have a deep and abiding intellect and a desire truly to just make art more or less constantly there is as i have said before a certain joy in staying in and creating to walking the same paths over and over again it has a calmness to it a steady beat like a heart i realized that part of the wanting to stay in wanting to stick to a known path is a type of anxiety i have to think about this more i am like the toll keeper at the creek side bridge holding my lantern aloft in the night who goes there my imposter self is laughing and calling me the troll under the bridge i ask myself which is more accurate and i am unsure really unsure if i am either but what i am not is a wayfaring stranger maybe a jackass crossing the bridge to get to the clover on the other side uncategorized full moon setting march 18 2022 meg leave a comment it is hard for me to believe how long ago i started this blog and how much i have neglected it pursuing other things my business though is doing really well i went through my venmo accounts and realized i have made more sales this year than in the previous full years i am super happy that it continues to grow i however am a mess for some reason my immune system is not working well its likely because i was not sick from march of 2020 until kids came back to school full time this year but the last month has been horrible hopefully its all done now crossing my fingers and dotting my eyes on that one the other night as i was recovering from a stomach virus i sat by my window and watched and listened as multiple flocks of geese flew north i have been too sick to walk around the yard and look at all my budding spring flowers i will tonight with my granddaughter it will make her whole week to be outside and looking at plants the kid was born to be in fresh air she wants to study fungi when she grows up the full moon was setting this morning beautiful in the fog by the river and in the pink and purple sky all life is a blessing even in troubled times there are moments of beauty music that sings in the voices of the birds and the love of family uncategorized december 1 2021 meg leave a comment i have more or less cut off contact with my mom it is too painful to be at the receiving end not only from her but from others who are laying blame on my shoulders as though i set out to prove her diagnosis prove being the operative word i did set out to figure out what was wrong with her and it was the doctors who diagnosed i am a weak person i do not fair well under pressure people mocking me people undermining me people who are dishonest people who make false accusations and since i decided to remove myself my blood pressure has dropped from 150 94 to 130 78 so i guess there is some good in this decision i wonder sometimes if my mom had post partum depression when i was born it would explain so much about the fraught quality of our lifelong interactions i always said she hates me but maybe its not that so much as she just never bonded with me she tells this story about how i was in my crib crying for my da and my ba and how my dad smacked my butt when he got home and said there is your da and put a bottle in my mouth and said here is your ba its always been a story about what a pain in the ass i was but really its a story about how she didn t pick me up and cuddle me when i needed someone i am though feeling a certain complacency about it the serenity this decision has created in me is an unusual feeling i have never had peace in my heart in regards to my mom too many overheard conversations calling me a bitch a fucking bitch too many triangulations where i was the weak link too many things in my life damaged from my own mental healthy in regards to this lifelong struggle it could just be the cymbalta uncategorized dreams of autumn november 18 2021 meg leave a comment i dreamed last night of my dad he wanted to get the wood in for winter and i wanted to wait until closer to christmas then the unusual warm fall turned to winter in one day as it does some years i dreamed of my friendand artist adriana meiss who passed a few years ago she was having a big party and all there was to eat was chocolate chip bisquets and she was living in a big old whi8te victorian house not the half hoarded one she actually lived in in the country i was stuffing the bisquets in my mouth and they were so fluffy in the morning i wake and i am as always barely on time but along the way the sky was first on fire then painted in hues of peach and blue and that grey lavender of the clouds the sun was a fluorescent red on the horizon and nearing work a paintbrush slash of a rainbow then a double am i doing are we doing the right thing by my mom always a refrain in my mind these days she insists we are not and garners allies against us well meaning relatives who aren t here and suspicious cousins who are here for nefarious reasons like a plot in a bad lifetime movie and friends who are likely being friends and saying oh honey you are fine i hearby grant my friends the right and courtesy of honesty if my child is indicating that i have dementia please listen to her i trust her implicitly but we have seen things heard things and are concerned about some very serious changes more on this later also rainbow image is on fb go check it out meg gregory mgregoryyartist on insta or breezydayhanmades on etsy andbreezydaybymgregory i think on the tok links to follow uncategorized transition october 26 2021 meg leave a comment you know when a woman person is in labor and goes through transition that place between pains and and birth action this transition period is a time when the woman is done with everyone s shit kind of like the crone period of a woman s life this is where we are in the world of dementia a year ago my mom was diagnosed with some kind of cognitive impairment the stories began to repeat not every visit but throughout the visit a loop of 15 20 minutes there were other changes too when the alarm was sounded it became our mission to manage this disease to get everything in place and make sure my mom could stay independent as long as possible the steps we take to make this decision are not done lightly it involves hours on the phone reading research doctors appointments tests and modifications and there is nothing simple about getting someone who has no short term memory to understand and to remember to understand why we are doing these things add in a heaping portion of stubbornness some mild narcissism and whatever other personality issues a person has next you add in your own power and control issues your own trauma and your own personality issues and now you have utter chaos chaos intermixed with fear lack of knowledge comprehension and love and anger and whatever other natural emotions a person feels and you have a cup of vinegar and some baking soda ready to go i feel lucky that i have my brother sister and daughter my cousin is a free radical and although he is physically helping my mom he is making things so much harder because he is not on the same page nor is he in the same book the reasons why are up for debate is it love desire for an inheritance stupidity drug and alcohol addled brain who knows but its a mess there is so much grace in handling this alone i cannot fathom how it feels to deal with these things without someone to help you to listen and on this front i am so lucky too that the social worker at geriatric doctor is not only dealing with this in her own family but is super helpful with resources advice and just being a sounding board i need a space for this and if anyone else is dealing with this issue of dementia feel free to reach out if you are on your own or fighting a free radical lone electron please comment if you are not ready to talk like and subscribe maybe we can find some common ground change the pebbles of our puddly thought to orient pearls dementia uncategorized october 16 2021 meg leave a comment green morning long hours sleeping dog whining wakeful stumbling to the door face rubbing sleepy all the world aglow in green uncategorized love and loss october 10 2021 meg leave a comment i have this neighbor our friendship began when i moved here to this country home laughter nights by the fire alcohol jokes and pranks played on each other admonished gently by my giant but when i check with the hunter he tells me you are all good honey and hsi lady laughs and says don t worry about it at all the small gifts of jars of jelly and permission to walk his land to forage wild strawberries and pine needles the occasional venison a painting i did on his wall surely they give more than i i am terrible at such things and then at his mom s funeral i suddenly understand and i also find a deeper way to accept myself not that i spend alot of time thinking about it as much anymore his lady tells me about his mom how she never held anything back she cussed and she spoke her truth and as the lady describes her she is looking at me and grinning suddenly it hits me why i get along so well with the hunter he reminds me of my dad quiet loving a man of few words a presence without artifice and i remind him of his mom i say this and the lady says affirms my assessment and as the hunter s family speaks of who she was i see myself lying on a blanket in the grass looking at clouds and finding the shapes with my grands and at once i feel like all that i am should not be left to criticism but that i should fall more wholly into myself uncategorized dig deep october 7 2021 october 7 2021 meg leave a comment deep in the woods and not just any woods but ones that are old and moss covered and spongey you may find that all the earth beneath the roots is gone and the lattice of roots and earth are all that remain when this happens the winds can rock the tree and all that lattice work and whatever stands upon it but the intertwining of all the roots keeps it intact and if not then life continues does it not it may or may not continue as what we would call a living tree but it does continue in some form or another a home for a skunk homes for mushrooms and toadstools home for other life that lives in the richness of the tree s remains this new life is different no better no worse just different roots latch on and roots release life continues older wiser less prone to the resentments and more aware of areas where pain is triggered areas where pain is released areas where pain remains pain though is there and its real one wonders if its the bite of a tick the liver detoxify the heart re stitching itself old age but it is there the breath moves in and out and like the tree the body sways and moves to the changing days the wind it carries on it words whispers spoors and pollens and the trees receive the messages via the stillness and the fury and all that exists in the inbetween the branches and bean pods fall to the ground and fire is lit smoke rises up and magic is made a prayer a wish a spell a breath red jasper bloodstone and garnet t toadstools in my neighbors yard under a pine hedge may my words harm none may my negative actions be forgiven may you find peace posts navigation older posts recent posts begin again speaking of lantern in the dark full moon setting no title archives october 2025 october 2022 march 2022 december 2021 november 2021 october 2021 december 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